3. Hawk
3
HAWK
I ’d never been a guy who sang. I didn’t even really sing along with the radio while I drove. My voice was shit, and nobody needed to hear it.
Except Hayley Jade.
I sang that fucking song over and over while I stood guard at her door, and Chaos took care of the piece of shit who’d dared to open his mouth and admit the truth of who he really was. It was all I could do to comfort her.
These were the men Josiah and his bullshit attracted. Barely closeted pedophiles and rapists who were drawn in by promises of power and position. Something they’d never found in the outside world. Damaged men who couldn’t function within normal society. The bottom feeders, those too weak to do anything but follow a liar who promised them the world.
Whatever Chaos was doing to that prick in the bathroom was deserved.
When he emerged, his face was clean of blood spatter, his hands washed too. His workpants were black and didn’t show the blood.
But his plain white tee was a mess of red, and he grimaced at it.
I got onto my feet and stopped singing mid-verse. “You gotta get rid of that shirt. The cops are going to be in here any minute now.”
“And what? Walk out of here shirtless?”
I screwed up my face. That was just as likely to draw attention. I shrugged out of my jacket and tossed it at him. “Put that on.”
He caught it but just stared at it.
“What?” I asked, irritation creeping into my tone.
“It’s your club jacket.”
I was well aware of the Slayers’ logo on the back. It was pretty fucking hard to miss. “Don’t make it into something it ain’t. You need something to cover up the blood. I have a jacket. Just put it on.”
“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He rolled his eyes as he shrugged into it.
I tried real fucking hard not to notice how well it fit him.
Or how I felt looking at him in it.
I turned away while he zipped it up so he wouldn’t notice the effect it was having on me.
“That guy in the bathroom gonna die?” I asked. “We gonna have a body to deal with?”
“Nah. Not if the cops get here soon. He won’t be using his dick properly ever again though.”
“Good. He gonna rat?”
“Not if he wants to keep the one ball I left him with.”
Running footsteps from the other end of the hall had us both whirling around, and my upper lip curled in a snarl when it was Ice and the new prospect we’d brought on after losing Ratchet. Couldn’t remember what the kid’s name was. No point until he’d been here long enough to be sure he wasn’t going to run home to his mommy the moment things got dicey.
So many of them did. Thought they wanted this life, only to realize they only knew some sort of TV, glamorized version of it and that it actually wasn’t all that fucking great a lot of the time.
The smart ones left.
The dumb ones, like me and Ice, stayed and just let it make us fucking miserable.
The thought was weird. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about getting out. But it was maybe the first time I’d thought about how much I didn’t want this life anymore.
Seeing the way Chaos had turned his life around might have had something to do with it.
“Where the fuck have you been?” I growled at Ice. “You were supposed to be on the gates!
He stared down at his feet. “I know. Colin’s bike broke down on his way here. I just went to help him.”
“Colin? Who the fuck is Colin?”
Chaos rolled his eyes and pointed at the other prospect. “He’s been living at the clubhouse for two weeks now.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. “Seriously? You’ve been at the club two weeks and you’re still running with the name Colin?” That was fucking embarrassing. “Get a road name already. Quit being so lame.”
But that was beside the point. I didn’t give a fuck about where Ice had gone. Only that I hadn’t been able to rely on him to do one simple fucking task.
And this was why he was still a goddamn prospect. Everyone liked him, sure. Everyone gave me a hard time because I kept refusing to patch him in.
But liking someone didn’t mean they were right for the club. I doubted either of these idiots were. I refused to make the same mistakes Riot had, patching in prospects before they’d truly proved themselves.
Look where it had gotten Riot. In an alliance with a cult and dead members on his hands.
Ice, to his credit, clearly knew he’d fucked up. He was also smart enough to know not to apologize to me, because fuck knows I didn’t want to hear it. Instead, he offered up information.
“Cops have a bunch of guys in custody. We had to slip in the side entrance. They don’t have enough men out there to cover that yet. We can get Hayley Jade out that way. I think.”
I glared at him. “You think? Or you know? You’ve already put my kid in danger once today, so trust me when I say you do not want to make that mistake again.”
It was weird how “my kid” was starting to roll off my tongue so effortlessly.
Ice nodded. “It’s clear.”
“Then let’s get the fuck out of here. Go get the van and meet Chaos and me at the side exit.”
Ice and Colin, whose name was so fucking ridiculous I couldn’t even think it without wanting to roll my eyes, ran off, boots thumping on the linoleum floor.
Chaos stalked to the other end of the corridor, checking it was clear, and when he nodded at me, I tapped on the classroom door again.
“Miss Winters? It’s clear. Can you open the door?”
There was a moment of hesitation, and then the locks disengaged. The handle turned, and the woman’s huge, terrified eyes peeped around the door. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “But stay in here until the cops come to get you. Get the kids to pull their hats over their eyes as they walk out, okay? It’s a bit of a mess out here.” I cleared my throat. “And nobody goes into the bathroom. I don’t care if someone pisses their pants. No one goes in there, okay?”
She agreed shakily. “Okay.”
“I need to take Hayley Jade.”
She bit her lip, then nodded, opening the door wider.
From a huddle of kids, Hayley Jade flew to her feet, sprinting across the room and launching herself at my legs.
In a heartbeat, I had her up in my arms, closing my eyes and inhaling the familiar scent of her hair. I let the smell calm my nervous system and crushed her to my chest. “Hey, shortie.”
She didn’t even squirm, hugging me right back, just as hard.
Miss Winters grabbed my arm before I left. “Please don’t let this stop her from coming back to school. She’s been doing so well.”
I wanted to tape the kid up in bubble wrap and never let her leave my sight again. But I knew I couldn’t. She needed to be here. It wasn’t school that was the problem.
It was fucking Josiah.
I nodded at the teacher and then closed the door, reminding her to lock it again.
Hayley Jade spotted Chaos a step behind me and reached her arms to him, signing something with her fingers.
“What did she say?” I gave her to him and moved my hand back toward my gun. I didn’t trust Ice and Colin as far as I could throw them, but we did need to get out of here before someone found our dickless friend.
I had a feeling Miss Winters wouldn’t run her mouth to the cops. At least I hoped not. But I couldn’t worry about that right now.
Chaos cradled the back of Hayley Jade’s head, holding her close and jogging beside me. She laid her head down on his shoulder, her big dark eyes watching me quietly, red-rimmed from crying. “She said she was scared.”
I fucking hated that these men had come into her school and tarnished something she loved.
“We’ll get you back here,” I promised her. “Back with your friends, and with your teacher. Just as soon as it’s safe.”
She didn’t sign anything, and I cursed fucking Josiah to Hell beneath my breath. I’d had hope we might have her talking again soon. She’d been loving learning signs with Chaos and Kara every night, and then teaching them to me. This felt like a huge step back.
At the side entrance to the school, the Slayers’ van waited with the prospects in the front seats. I covered Chaos while he made the short run to the back door with Hayley Jade and then I followed them in, slamming the sliding door shut behind me.
I banged my fist against the window. “Drive, prospect. Take them home.”
I’d make sure they were safe. Then I was going after Kara. I had no fucking idea where she was but I would find her, even if I had to scour the entire town street by street.
Chaos, wearing my jacket, sat with Hayley Jade on his lap, his fingers stroking through the soft strands of her hair.
Something inside my chest tightened. Swelled to a point where I couldn’t breathe.
I could have lost her today.
I could have lost him.
The feeling only intensified just thinking about the fact Kara was still out there somewhere.
I put the gun down on the seat beside me and dropped my elbows to my knees, leaning forward and sucking in great gulping breaths that didn’t feel like enough.
The panic attack swamped me hard, a vise around my chest, suffocating me with its strength.
Hayden’s hand fell to the back of my head, his fingers stroking over my short, spiky buzz cut. He didn’t say anything. Didn’t try to fucking hug me. Just comforted me the same way he was with Hayley Jade.
If anyone else had tried, I would have thrown them out of the fucking van.
But because it was him, I let him soothe some of my ragged edges, knowing the second this van stopped, so would the connection between us.
A smaller hand rasped over my hair, and I glanced up, battling to keep it together.
Hayley Jade smiled at me and trailed her fingers down my cheek.
“I love you,” I told her quietly, not knowing I was going to say the words until they fell out of my mouth.
Hayley Jade made signs with her fingers. I looked to Hayden for interpretation. He was the best out of all of us at signing.
A small smile flickered at the corner of his mouth. “She said she loves you too.”
I pulled her little head in and kissed the top of it. “You’re my girl now, you know that, right?”
She made more signs.
Chaos interpreted without me asking. “She said forever.”
This fucking kid was going to be the death of me. A lump lodged itself in my throat, and like Chaos knew I couldn’t talk, he repeated the sign so I could copy it.
She might have been named for him, and he might love her just as much as I did, but she was my kid. And fucked if I was letting anyone take her from me.
We approached the compound with emotion getting to me. Fang stepped out from behind the wrought-iron gates and opened them for us.
“See, Ice?” I called to the man driving. “That’s what guarding a gate looks like.”
Ice nodded once, looking suitably abashed. And so he fucking should. He could have gotten Hayley Jade killed today. Taking some shit from me was the least he deserved.
We rolled our way down the hill to where the compound sat nestled between the trees. Grayson’s car sat in front of the club, and I frowned at it. “What’s Gray doing here?”
“No idea.” Chaos followed me out, turning to help Hayley Jade climb out behind him.
The door to the clubhouse flew open so hard it slammed back against the brick wall.
Kara stumbled out the door, running at us. “Do you have her? Where is she?”
I caught her as she stumbled again, tears streaming down her face, my heart cracking open with both pain for the fear in her face and relief for the fact she was here and unhurt.
I wanted to wrap her in my arms. Hold her all night. Remind myself over and over again that she was okay.
But she needed her daughter more.
Chaos stepped aside. “Hey. It’s okay. She’s here. She’s safe.”
Kara stared down at her daughter, like she was a mirage she couldn’t quite believe. Then she dropped to her knees in the gravel lot, kneeling at Hayley Jade’s feet and wrapping her arms around the little girl’s middle.
Kara sobbed against Hayley Jade’s tummy, pressing her ear to her chest, listening as if she needed to hear the beat of her heart to assure herself her daughter was still alive.
It broke my fucking heart. Smashed it into pieces.
Chaos seemed equally destroyed, turning away with a shuddering breath he tried to hide.
“You’re okay?” Kara asked, pulling away to run her gaze all over her daughter. She checked her head to toe and then looked to me and Hayden. “She’s okay?”
“Not a scratch on her,” Chaos murmured.
Kara squeezed Hayley Jade again, relief slowly replacing the trembling fear racking her body.
Hayley Jade stroked Kara’s hair, the same way she and Chaos had done to me in the car.
I crouched at Kara’s side, rubbing a slow hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her. “Let’s go inside.”
It took a few more minutes of convincing before Kara would let Hayley Jade go, but eventually she got back up on her feet and guided her inside.
Chaos and I followed.
Grayson sat on the couch, his head tipped back, his eyes closed. A gigantic red mark marred his neck, and I stopped, staring at it.
“What the fuck happened to you?”
He hadn’t even been at the hospital when the mob had formed. He’d left earlier to take care of something personal.
Apparently, that personal thing was getting himself half choked to death. There was no other way I knew of to get that sort of damage to your throat. What the fuck?
Gray opened one eye but just shook his head, waving his hand toward his throat, indicating he wasn’t speaking.
I winced at the fresh mark. Within hours it would probably be purple with bruises. The side of my brain that couldn’t get enough of medicine was intrigued. I leaned over him, peering at the injury. “I’m not fucking surprised you don’t want to talk. That’s nasty.”
Kara glanced over at him worriedly, but then down at Hayley Jade and gave a small shake of her head. “Long story. But he’s okay.” She stopped at the doorway to Hayley Jade’s bedroom and glanced back at us. “Thank you. All of you.”
All three of us shook our heads in unison. That was probably about all Gray could do with his throat all messed up the way it was.
But Chaos took the words out of my mouth. “No need.” He brushed the back of his fingers down the side of her face. “You look exhausted.”
She covered her mouth politely to hide a yawn. Her face was lined with worry and weariness. “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Multiple times.”
I studied her carefully for signs of injury. I had no idea what had happened with her and Grayson, but it seemed like he was the one who was worse for wear. “Shock will do that to you.”
Hayley Jade wandered into her room and made a beeline for her bed, tucking herself into it, despite the fact it was the middle of the day, and she was really too old for naps.
“I think I’m going to lie down with her for a little while,” Kara said quietly. “Some sleep will do us all some good.” She cupped my cheek and then pressed her soft lips to it. “We’ll share war stories later, okay?”
As much as I wanted to know every detail, so I knew who the hell to go hunt down, I nodded, seeing the weariness in her eyes and knowing she needed some time alone with Hayley Jade to assure herself she was okay.
Kara sank down onto the bed with her and wrapped her in her arms.
They’d both be asleep within minutes.
And I’d spend the next few hours watching them on the baby monitor, making sure they were okay.
Grayson looked like he needed a nap of his own.
I offered him my hand and hauled him up off the couch. “Come on. I don’t know what the hell happened, but you’ve clearly got some resting to do, and this thing is shit to sleep on.”
“He can have my room,” Chaos offered.
The two of us helped him in there, even though Grayson gave us silent death stares like he was perfectly capable of moving himself around.
I ignored him, checked his vitals before I left while he rolled his eyes at me, but I knew I wouldn’t get any rest if I was worried about his fucking throat swelling closed or something.
When I was done with my poking and prodding, he flipped over and was asleep before we left the room.
Chaos let out a long, slow breath on the other side of the door. “He looks like shit.”
I nodded. “So do you. You can use the shower in my room.” I headed for it, moving past the spot I’d sucked Chaos’s dick quickly, and then past the bed where he’d gone down on me. My cheeks heated at the memory while I rifled through the bathroom cupboard, searching for a fresh towel for him to use.
When I stood, we were face-to-face, both of us in the one small space.
Him still wearing my motherfucking jacket and looking way too good in it.
I couldn’t stop staring at him. Couldn’t help the way my dick sprang to life.
Something sparked in the air between us. That fucking attraction I couldn’t deny. The one I’d tried to bury, so many fucking times, but it just kept coming back, forcing its way between us, determined to make itself known.
His gaze flickered over my face, his breaths a little too quick, like his body was still reacting to the last of the lingering adrenaline we’d both been running on for hours.
Kara and Hayley Jade and Grayson had all come down from their adrenaline highs with a jarring and exhausting crash.
Mine only made me desperate. Wild. Fucking needy for someone to touch me so I didn’t feel like I was spinning out of control.
The look on Hayden’s face said he felt the same.
The now dickless prick’s gay slurs rang in my head, and yet I still found myself fingering the zipper on my jacket and drawing it down Chaos’s body.
His gaze burned across my skin as I shoved it off his shoulders, letting it fall to the bathroom floor at our feet.
The blood-soaked T-shirt did nothing to quell the rising desire inside me, that adrenaline swirling into need and an all-consuming idea of getting my hands on him. Grounding myself in touching someone else.
Forgetting this whole fucking day had ever happened. Forgetting Kara and Hayley Jade were in danger. Forgetting Josiah even existed.
I fisted his shirt, dried blood making the fabric crunch, but I didn’t give a fuck. I dragged it over his head, leaving his chest bare.
I didn’t question what I felt. Didn’t want to think about what it meant if I let myself do what my body was begging for.
I didn’t fucking care.
I just wanted him.
I dipped my head, pressing my lips to the hollow where his throat met his collarbone. I trailed my fingers over his abs, tracing the ridges of his muscles and the swirls of his tattoos until I got to the button on his pants.
I only paused for a second, and he was on me, dipping his head so his lips could capture mine.
He kissed me hard, the touch branding, rough, exactly what I needed. I couldn’t do soft or tender right now. My heart had already been splayed open once today, I needed time for it to mend itself, so it didn’t feel so raw. So fucking vulnerable.
I kissed him back with just as much demand, running my hands up into his hair, pulling out the tie at the nape of his neck so his hair fell around his shoulders.
His fingers went for his pants, undoing the button, drawing down the zipper.
I reached for the shower, flicking the handle upward so the water rained down. We toed off our shoes, him diving for the fly on my jeans while I yanked down his pants.
I released his dick from his boxer briefs, stroking it fast and groaning when he did the same to mine. I pulled my T-shirt off with my free hand, hating that I had to stop kissing him to get it over my head. But then his lips were back, trailing off my mouth and down my neck, sucking and kissing and biting me there while he walked me backward into the shower.
I hissed at the too-hot water, and he flicked the handle to the right.
We both cussed when the water turned ice cold, drenching us both.
But neither of us stopped. His body crowded me up against the solid shower wall. Water splashed all over the bathroom, the two of us too big to close the curtain around us, but I didn’t give a fuck if we flooded the place.
All that mattered was the feel of his fingers wrapped around my cock and an aching desire for more than just a fucking hand job.
“Your soap good for jacking off?” he asked between rough kisses I shouldn’t have liked but couldn’t get enough of.
“What do you think?”
Every man had a soap that didn’t sting while jacking off in the shower. Jesus fuck, if you found one that did, you got rid of it pretty damn quick.
He slicked his hands until they were slippery, coating his cock before sliding his fingers around mine.
I hissed at his touch, groaned at the grip and rhythm he set.
Wrapped my fingers around his dick and copied what he was doing.
We groaned, jerking each other, kissing in between hard, labored breaths, and fighting to get the other to the finish line, both of us desperate to reach it ourselves.
This wasn’t enough. The feeling inside me was too fucking big. The dickless prick’s words kept ringing in my head, calling me a faggot. But it didn’t cripple me the way it would have in the past.
It only made me realize I didn’t care. Not when it came to Chaos. There was no denying what this was. What I wanted. No denying his body turned me on just as much as Kara’s.
No denying I wanted so much more than just his fist wrapped around my cock.
“Want to fuck you,” I groaned out, water getting in my mouth as I licked it off his skin.
He moaned, not hesitating, switching our positions, taking up the spot by the wall and then turning around. His face twisted to one side, leaning on one arm, and he reached between his legs, fisting his cock and pumping it.
My dick immediately took up residence between his legs, sliding between his thighs, rubbing at his taint and his balls. My abs melded against his back, my hips connecting with the tight, rounded globes of his ass.
My head spun, desire and need and a rush of pleasure filling my brain, getting off on him letting me have this, feeding on him wanting me as much as I wanted him.
“You done this before?” I asked, reaching around him for the soap, even though my dick was already slick with it.
“Once or twice.”
I groaned. That was so fucking hot. I pressed my fingers between his ass cheeks, skating over his rear hole.
He groaned, driving back at my touch, taking the tip of two slicked-up digits.
I forced him to still, pinning him to the wall with my body, slowing the pace. He and I might have fought like cats and dogs, but I wasn’t into hurting him. I liked it rough. Liked finding other people who liked it the same way. But I wanted him to enjoy it.
Wanted him to come.
To scream my fucking name when I filled his ass.
He panted, heavy breaths, taking my fingers inch by inch, letting me warm him up so he could take my cock.
He groaned, closing his eyes, pausing the assault on his cock so he wouldn’t come. Instead, he reached behind, grabbed my dick, and guided it where he wanted it.
Between his cheeks. Pressing against the star of his asshole while he moaned, returning his hand back to his cock. “Jesus, Hawk. What the fuck are you waiting for? A personal invitation?”
I paused, then told the truth. “I don’t want to fucking hurt you, okay?”
Chaos laughed. “Wouldn’t have picked you to be a gentleman.”
“Wouldn’t have picked you to be a bottom.”
He glanced back at me. “Just ’cause I let you fuck me once doesn’t mean this is how it’s always going to be.” His gaze connected with mine. “Fuck me and make it good. ’Cause when I fuck you, I’m not going to hold back.”
My dick ached at the thought of our positions reversed, his thick cock sliding inside me, filling me the way I filled Kara. My balls drew up, aching, desperate to come just thinking about it.
I wanted it. Wanted him to have me like that.
I gave him an inch of my cock, fighting to keep still while he adjusted, but losing the battle all too quickly because he felt so fucking good. So tight. His ass clenched around my cock as I slid all the way inside.
He muffled his moan of pleasure with his arm, his ass rocking back on my hips, encouraging me to keep going.
I pulled out, then drove in again, fucking him slow, sinking my top teeth into the back of his shoulder while my hips worked.
“Don’t stop. That feels so good.” Chaos reached a hand back, his fingers digging into my thigh.
“Guess I’ll find out when you fuck me.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You want that?”
“You’re moaning like a bitch in heat, so yeah, I fucking want that.” It was the truth. But it was also fucking terrifying.
He sniggered, like he could read my mind. “Just come, Hawk. I’ll fuck you another day, when you’re balls-deep in Kara and so blissed out from me rimming you, you beg me for it.”
Jesus fuck. I envied his confidence. I talked a lot of shit, I knew that. But Chaos had a quiet confidence that was admirable. A deep-rooted knowledge of who he was and zero need to prove himself to anyone.
I had no doubt he would take me in the middle of the Slayers’ clubhouse or at Psychos or at Sinners and not give a flying fuck if anyone saw.
While I was still hiding in closets.
I fucked him harder, all gentleness gone, and his body responding to every thrust so I knew he was taking as much as I was. I groaned into the muscles of his back. Reached around him and took control of his cock, working him hard and fast, building him up until he was leaking over my hand.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “Gonna come.”
It was barely a warning, his dick squirting hot, thick liquid over my fist. His ass clenched around my cock, his entire body spasming with the force of his orgasm, sending me barreling into my own.
Inside him, I came with a shout, my legs shaking, fighting to hold my weight, an orgasm ripping its way through my body.
I rode us out, my dick in his ass until I went soft. My fingers sliding over his cock until he was brushing my hand away, telling me to fuck off and quit torturing him.
We stood there in the shower, the water falling over us, my chest pressed to his back, the two of us breathing in time.
“You okay?” he asked eventually.
“Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“’Cause you just fucked a man for the first time and maybe you have feelings about that?”
I shoved off him and rolled my eyes, grabbing the bar of soap to start cleaning up. “If you’re hoping for an ‘I love you,’ you ain’t getting one.”
“Do I look like I need that from you?”
I grinned. “You look like you need my dick in your mouth, actually.”
He snorted. “Do I?”
“After I wash it. Of course.”
He shook his head, but his dick was already getting hard again. “You fucking wish. Get on your knees, Hawk.”
And fucked if I didn’t find myself down there in a heartbeat, his cock in my mouth, not knowing what this thing was between us but suddenly wanting to find out.