6. Kara
6
KARA
F or a few days, we laid low at the clubhouse. Hawk hovered like the bird he was named after, never far from me or Hayley Jade. Hayden fell into the habit of calling from Sinners multiple times a day, apparently just to talk, but we all knew it was because he was stressed out over what had happened. Grayson took time off work to hang around until the lure of the Friday free clinic drew him back. They needed him there, but even he found his way back to the clubhouse each night, crashing on the couch or crawling into bed with me if one of the other guys didn’t beat him to it.
I was never alone. Not even for a minute, and while some might have found it claustrophobic, I enjoyed every second of having the people I cared about close to me.
It meant I couldn’t do anything about leaving.
And that was a quiet relief.
I didn’t want to go. But we couldn’t live in this little bubble forever either. As the days wore on, things settled down, and I knew it was time to put my foot down about the coddling and get Hayley Jade back to school.
Hawk and War both went to talk to the principal, and she allowed them to bring in a new team of security specialists. Only after they’d installed cameras and sensors, and the hype from Josiah’s podcast faded, did they decide that it was safe for Hayley Jade to return.
My heart overspilled with gratefulness that so many people loved my daughter enough to make sure she was safe.
She would be happy here. Loved by these people, even if they weren’t her blood. Tears dripped down my face every time I thought about it.
I let myself bask in my last few days in Saint View, knowing the bubble needed to burst. Sucking up every ounce of determination inside me, I snuck down to Kyle’s cabin and knocked on his door.
He opened it, blinking in surprise when he saw it was me. “Kara. Hi. Um, what are you doing down here? Does Hawk know?” He stuck his head out the door and glanced both ways, like Hawk might jump out of the trees and shout boo at any moment.
I squinted at him. “He doesn’t bite, you know.”
Kyle didn’t seem convinced of that. “I promised to lie low down here, so that’s what I’m doing.”
I sighed, realizing what I was about to ask wasn’t going to work. I’d planned for him to take me to the bus station tomorrow morning after Hawk took Hayley Jade to school. The Slayers’ compound was in the middle of nowhere; the access road that led to the main intersection where the buses ran would take me hours to walk. I needed a lift, and Kyle and his truck were my only options. “Could you take me for a driving lesson tomorrow?”
Kyle hesitated. “I thought Chaos was teaching you?”
“He is, but I want to get all the practice I can, and he’s busy with the restaurant. Plus, I thought you might like some company. You’ve been down here by yourself pretty much twenty-four seven since you arrived.”
“I don’t mind,” he said politely. “I’m just grateful to not be living out of my truck.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know if I ever actually said thank you for bringing me here. People have been nicer to me than I probably deserve.”
I sighed, knowing he hadn’t even seen the tip of the iceberg when it came to how good these people’s hearts were. They were keeping their distance from him, as instructed by Hawk who clearly had trust issues. But I knew from watching him with Hayden that people had to earn his trust and respect. I couldn’t begrudge him for just trying to keep his family safe. “You deserve their kindness, Kyle. They’ll see that. And when they do, they’ll welcome you in. If you want it.”
He ducked his head, not meeting my eyes. “I do. I have no one else.”
I knew how that felt. And knowing Kyle was taken care of felt like another thing I’d crossed off my mental to-do list. The one I needed to complete before I could get on that bus and go back to Ethereal Eden tomorrow.
Guilt swamped me at tricking Kyle into taking me to the bus station, but I didn’t have much other choice. “So that driving lesson tomorrow. Please?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
I breathed out a sigh that wasn’t really one filled with relief. It should have been. My plans were coming together, and I needed to go back. Find proof that Josiah had killed Alice. But I knew the cost. Knew that after months of living here, I was walking myself back to a man who would hurt me. Rape me. Starve me. Abuse me in every way he knew how.
Fear trickled down my spine, but I straightened it, knowing I was no longer wife number one. I wouldn’t be able to stop him physically abusing me, but he couldn’t touch my mind. Not when in my head I’d be here in this compound, with the people I loved.
I thanked Kyle, told him I’d see him in the morning, and mentally planned how I’d need to pack, and then somehow get my backpack into his truck without him noticing. I had no idea how I’d get him to leave me at the bus station. It might have to be something I figured out in the moment.
I was so in my head I practically ran smack into Bliss coming out of the clubhouse. I grabbed her arm, steadying her so she didn’t topple over with baby Ridge in her arms. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t even see you there.”
Bliss smiled brightly. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear us. He’s been making quite the racket. I’m just taking him out for some fresh air and crossing my fingers a change of scenery helps his colic.”
I remembered all too well what having a colicky baby was like. “I’ll leave you to it then. The stars are pretty tonight. Hopefully they lull him to sleep.”
I went to continue on inside, but Bliss tapped my shoulder. “Actually, Kara, wait, I was wanting to talk to you about something.” She shifted the baby to her other arm. “I was wondering if you’d planned anything for Hawk’s birthday?”
I blinked. “His birthday? When is it?”
“Next week. War’s is tomorrow, and Hawk’s is not long after. They’re only about ten days apart.”
“Oh. I didn’t know. Gosh, that’s really terrible of me.” It dawned on me I had no idea when Hayden’s or Grayson’s birthdays were either. I really only had the faintest recollection of birthday celebrations back when I was a kid, before Josiah had come into our lives and convinced everyone that birthdays were vain and drawing attention to oneself in that way for simply existing was a sin. But I remembered a day when I was about Hayley Jade’s age, where friends from my kindergarten had come to my house, and there’d been balloons and games and gifts. It was a fuzzy image, more an emotion than a true, clear picture. But it was one of the few nice memories I had, and so I’d held on to it all these years.
I hoped Hawk and Grayson and Hayden would throw her parties when I was gone.
Bliss smiled at me sympathetically. “No one expected you to know. So I actually thought that maybe we could throw them a joint party? This weekend. Something big. I think we should go all out.”
My stomach sank, knowing I wouldn’t be here for it. But I couldn’t admit that to Bliss. So I nodded. “That sounds great. What did you have in mind?”
Bliss’s smile widened. “Something a bit nice, maybe? A chance for everyone to get out of their jeans and jackets. Selfishly, I want to wear something other than a nursing bra and a puke-stained T-shirt, though the little vomit king here will probably ruin anything I wear. Won’t you, Ridge?”
The baby gurgled at her in agreement.
Bliss glanced back up at me. “I know it’s late notice but I was wondering if Hayden might consider hosting it at Sinners? And do the food?”
I gaped at her. “You want to have War’s party at a rival club to your own?” Bliss’ club, Psychos, was Saint View’s version of Hayden’s Providence-based Sinners. But the two towns were too close together for Psychos and Sinners to not be competition for each other.
Bliss shrugged. “I don’t want to have it here at the clubhouse. We have parties here all the time, and I want this to be something different. Something special. Our house is currently overrun with baby bottles, toddler toys, and Lexa’s art and craft supplies. I don’t want people sitting on a chair and ending up with Play-Doh stuck to their behinds. Which only leaves Psychos, and I’m not too proud to admit that we are not a perfect venue. Our food sucks. We throw a good sex party, and if you just want somewhere to have a beer and play pool, we have that covered. But if I have it at Psychos, then we’re eating fries and burned sliders unless I get caterers in. And Nash, Vincent, Rebel, and I will all have to work it.”
“Doesn’t sound like much fun for War if his entire family is working instead of having fun.”
“Exactly. I just want one nice night with my men. I just want to feel like someone other than a mom for a little bit. I want to eat a nice dinner. Do some dancing. Have more than one glass of wine.” Her cheeks went pink. “This is starting to sound more like a party for me than a party for War, isn’t it?”
I chuckled. “Any night that makes you happy is going to be what War wants for his birthday. I can ask Hayden.”
“Ask Hayden what?” Hawk asked from behind us.
We both glanced over to find both him and Hayden emerging from the trees. Hayden had a leaf in his hair, and both their clothes were rumpled.
I hid a smile, and Bliss’s gaze bounced between them, eventually turning on me. “Are they…?” she mouthed silently.
I wasn’t about to give away their secrets. But the thought of them out there in the darkness, doing whatever they’d been doing, had me tingling from head to toe. I wasn’t too sure on where Hawk stood with publicly coming out of the closet, though, so I pressed my lips together, and Bliss, never one to pry, quickly got the message.
She glanced at Hawk. “I was just asking if Hayden could host your birthday party at Sinners on the weekend.”
They both paused, Hayden looking over at Hawk warily. “Uh, I mean, I can, if that’s what Hawk wants…” He cocked his head to one side. “Are you a birthday party kinda guy? I can’t really imagine you wearing a paper hat and standing there proudly while people sing to you.”
Hawk scowled at him.
But Hayden had a point. I couldn’t really imagine it either. Hawk liked a Slayers party when it was just beers and pool and sex. I couldn’t imagine him at any other sort of party, even if I squinted really hard.
Bliss jumped in before Hawk could put a pin in the idea. “Please just say yes. All you have to do is wear something nice and turn up. If you don’t want birthday songs or cake, we can play AC/DC and eat Jell-O.”
Hayden crinkled his nose. “Please don’t make me serve Jell-O. I’m trying to run a nice place.”
Bliss ignored Hayden and pinned all her hopes on Hawk. “War is way more likely to be on board with this if you are. He probably won’t want a cake or a fuss either.”
“But you want to make one anyway?” Hawk cracked his neck as he eyed her.
She shrugged. “I love you both. You both deserve to be celebrated.”
He groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Jesus Christ, Bliss. How am I supposed to say no to that?”
She grinned and pressed up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “You aren’t. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to you too, Hayden.” She let out a girly squeal. “I’m so excited. I’m going to go tell the others.”
She trotted back inside, calling over Queenie and Rebel, the three of them chattering excitedly about decorations.
I turned back to my men and plucked the leaf out of Hayden’s hair. “How was the sex?”
Hawk’s grin was wide, but it was Hayden who drew me in and kissed my neck. “Would have been better with you in the middle of it.”
Hawk closed in from behind me. “Agreed.” He kissed my neck and ground against my behind, his fingers gripping my hips. “We could go a second round, all three of us right now if you want?”
Hayden groaned and leaned back. “As much as I would love that, apparently, I now have only three days to sort out the food for your party. That takes a little more effort than just pulling some frozen spring rolls out of the freezer. I need to go talk to Bliss about the menu.” His gaze turned hot as it ran all over my body. “But later, when I come to your room, be naked. Both of you.”
Hawk rolled his eyes. “And what are you going to do if I’m not?”
Hayden glanced around, making sure there was no one else watching, then gripped Hawk’s chin, drawing him in, kissing his mouth. “Undress you myself.”
Hawk shoved him off, and Hayden grinned at me while he walked away.
I eyed Hawk, who might have actually been blushing just a tiny bit beneath his stubble. “You can just admit you’re into him, you know?”
Hawk shrugged, dragging me into his arms. “I like arguing with him. I can’t even explain why. I just do.”
I laid my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat in the quiet night. “Are you mad about the party? I can try to talk Bliss into something more casual if you really hate the whole idea.”
But Hawk shook his head over the top of mine. “I don’t hate it. I’ve never had a birthday party before.”
I pulled back to stare up at him. “Never?”
“Never. Nobody gave a shit about my birthdays when I was a kid. My mom tried giving me a party once, but my dad was a jealous fuck, never wanted her thinking about anything but him. And that even included me. If I got too much of her attention, he’d get jealous. The one time she planned a party, he packed her bags and whisked her off to some shitty hotel by the beach for the weekend to remind her why all her attention should stay on him.”
I gasped. “He hurt her?”
“Nah. He probably just made her come until she saw stars. He did it regularly, reminding her she was never going to get it better anywhere else, even if he was a jealous prick. At least he treated her right. Shame he didn’t give a fuck about me, but then he was an ass, so I didn’t really want any more of his attention. Never cared much about birthdays after that. It was just another day.”
“That makes me sad for you. Bliss is right. You should be celebrated.”
“Don’t be sad. What happened in the past doesn’t matter. Only that this birthday will be different, because I’m with you.” He buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply. “All I want is you and Hayley Jade by my side. I don’t need fancy food or a cake or gifts. Just you being there. That’s the only thing I want.”
He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, whispering how much he loved me.
And in that moment, I stupidly, selfishly convinced myself I could stay another week. That being there for him was important and everyone I loved would be safe, even though a monster stalked the streets, hunting us down, just waiting for his chance to ruin any happiness I’d found.