Chapter 30 Tell Me This Isn’t Goodbye
Tell Me This Isn’t Goodbye
Emilia had been sitting at her desk, staring at the same page in her book for the past hour. She should go home but she found herself unable to leave the palace, because tomorrow, everything would change.
She wasn’t expecting anyone in the archives this late but suddenly, there he was—Alexander, standing in the dim light of the hallway, looking at her like she was the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth.
She started in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
He hesitated. “I couldn’t—” He exhaled sharply, eyes burning. “I couldn’t let this be it.”
She wanted to say something sharp. Wanted to tell him how selfish it was to come here, to make this harder than it already was.
But instead, she just stepped aside, letting him in.
Because she was selfish too.
The room was dimly lit, the glow of the desk lamp casting long shadows. He was too close, but not close enough.
“You shouldn’t be here,” she whispered.
His throat worked, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “Genevieve arrives tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want her,” he said, the words almost a growl, full of frustration and something else—something raw.
“I know,” she repeated.
His eyes searched hers, desperate, pleading. “Then don’t walk away from me.”
Emilia swallowed hard, her fingers curling against the fabric of her sleeve, trying to anchor herself. “Alexander—”
“I mean it,” he said, stepping closer. “I need you.”
Her heart shattered.
Because she needed him too.
She had spent weeks pretending she could live without him, trying to force herself to forget the way it felt when he touched her, when he looked at her like she was something precious.
But she couldn’t.
So this—this was her only chance.
She reached up, framed his face between her hands, her thumbs brushing along his cheekbones. He sucked in a breath, eyes wide with something close to wonder.
“I love you,” she whispered.
The words hung between them, devastating and real.
Alexander stilled, his hands coming up to grip her wrists, holding her there like he couldn’t believe she was real.
“Say it again,” he breathed.
She closed her eyes, her forehead resting against his.
“I love you,” she whispered again, softer this time, like saying it too loud would break her.
“I love you too,” he murmured and then his lips found hers, and it wasn’t like the other kisses—this one was different. It wasn’t desperate, wasn’t stolen between corridors or hidden behind doors.
This kiss was slow, aching, filled with everything they couldn’t have.
It was a goodbye.
And she hated it.
When they finally broke apart, she felt the sting of tears behind her eyes.
He rested his forehead against hers, breathing hard.
“Stay,” he murmured. “We’ll find a way. I swear to you, Emilia, I’ll fix this. I’ll fight for you.”
She swallowed the sob that wanted to break free.
“Not until we have a plan,” she whispered. “Not until there’s a way this ends with something other than us being torn apart.”
His grip on her tightened. “I can’t lose you.”
She let out a weak, broken laugh, stepping back—forcing herself to put space between them.
“Alexander,” she whispered, “you never really had me.”
The pain in his eyes nearly brought her to her knees.
And still, she had to finish it.
“I can’t take a risk on something that may never happen,” she said, voice trembling. “So until you have a way to change this… we can’t do this anymore.”
His entire body tensed, like he was fighting something inside himself.
Then, slowly, he gave her a single nod.
His eyes burned into hers one last time. “I’ll find a way,” he promised.
Then—he was gone.
The door shut softly behind him.
And Emilia finally let herself break.