Chapter Forty-Five Rhea
We are leaving for Vitour today. Those weren’t just nightmares. I’m finally returning to a place where Nox can find me. Were they all real? Perhaps I can find a way to break free of the king there. How many times did Simon heal me only to torture me again?
My thoughts volley back and forth as I stand beneath the warm water of the shower, my heart racing in my chest. I look down over my body, fingers tracing lightly over the scabbed brand, its tenderness beneath the water mild.
My gaze drops lower, to my thighs and then my knees, staring at the smooth skin as my chest tightens.
For weeks, nightmares had haunted me. Ones that were anchored around Simon and my torture, but also ones where it was the king. Had those been real too?
I bring my fingers to my temples, squinting my eyes shut against the ache that throbs between them.
I hadn’t slept at all, enduring hours of Simon’s questions and subsequent inflictions of pain.
And I had no evidence to show for it. Nothing that I could take to the king to prove that his advisor was lying to him. That he was torturing me.
I turn my head to look out the small window in the bathroom, its angle showing only the clear blue sky.
Maybe King Dolian might have helped me without proof, but I had likely sunken that ship after what I told him on the carriage ride from the beach.
Now I can’t imagine he will believe anything I say.
I should have been smarter in my approach, playing someone more pliant to get the king to let his guard down instead of openly defying him when I could.
But how could I suddenly be expected to heel when every part of me wanted to lash out like a rabid animal?
When I could feel so acutely the weight of the invisible chains that bound me?
Then again, so much of myself had already been sacrificed to the king on behalf of others.
In spite of my wants and desires. What was another piece added to the pile?
With a reluctant sigh, I turn the water off and exit the shower, wrapping a towel around myself before heading to the door.
Eve is laying out a dress for me on the freshly made bed, her mouth is pinched into a forced smile as she turns to face me.
I didn’t know exactly how long Simon had been gone before she arrived in my room, only that I had been laying unmoving for so long that I didn’t realize the paralytic he had given me had worn off.
“How are you feeling?”
I shrug, walking to the armoire to grab a chemise and some undergarments before rounding the bed to stand in front of the dress.
I stare down at the comforter, at how it fits perfectly over the bed, hiding what occurred the night before.
Not that there would be evidence of how I bled.
Before Simon left, he had used his magic to move me, revealing a plastic lining that prevented any blood from seeping through to the sheets.
It had hidden what he was doing just as easily as his magic did.
Then he removed the dress I was wearing and the garments beneath, hardly sparing me a glance before putting a new chemise on me and laying me back on the bed.
Truly as if I had merely dreamed the events. “I’m fine.”
“Lady Rhea, are you injured?” I look over my shoulder to where Eve has moved to a bundle of fabric on the floor.
My bedsheets, I realize. She sifts through them, grabbing one and lifting it up as she looks at me.
It takes me a moment to answer her, a quick shake of my head all I’m able to give.
But I can tell she doesn’t believe me, and when she holds the sheet up, her brows pinched in concentration, I see why.
Crimson dots the cream fabric. Eve asks again if I’m alright, but all I can do is stare at those red stains, that hollow feeling inside of me yawning wider.
Leaning against the railing that edges the deck, I look out over the ocean, its calmer waters gleaming beneath a layer of the Spell that Xander told me goes down several feet past the surface.
The sun is warm above me, countering the cold air that grazes my skin.
Eve had accompanied me on the ship, showing me to my room which was unfortunately near King Dolian’s.
The latter had not so much as looked at me while we boarded, instead going right into a private meeting with Xander and Simon.
It was all fine by me, the less attention he gave me, the better.
But eventually, he had summoned Eve, the handmaiden’s fingers curling in on her apron as she offered me a small smile before leaving.
I wondered what the king might need from her for a few moments before I collapsed onto the soft bed that smelled of lavender and clean linens and finally drifted off into sleep.
To my relief, it had been completely dreamless, and when I woke, I wandered back up to the deck, intent to spend as much time as possible outside of my own head.
Bootsteps sound behind me, and I tense, looking over my shoulder only to see Xander walking in my direction.
He’s armorless, though a golden sword shines at his hip and a small dagger is strapped to his thigh.
He stops a few feet away from me, turning so that his back is to the ocean as he leans against the railing and folds his arms over his chest. “How are you holding up?” He doesn’t look at me when he asks the question, instead studying the deck around us.
I move to get closer to him so we can engage in a normal conversation, but Xander shakes his head subtly.
“Better it appears we aren’t talking to each other in case someone reports it. ”
“Would it be odd for the king’s commander to engage in conversation with his supposed fiancée?”
Xander arches a dark brow. “Have you met said king?”
I force a grin at that, though it dwindles in the wind as I look back out over the water.
“So,” Xander says, breaking the silence, “how are you doing? Really?”
“Fine,” I answer, swallowing down the other words that attempt to follow in opposition. “Everything is fine.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re a shit liar?”
I scoff, tightening my fingers over the cold metal railing. “That’s rude.”
Xander offers a barely perceptible shrug of one shoulder. “Doesn’t make it any less true,” he teases, his lips just briefly quirking before his voice grows serious again. “Eve is… concerned about you. Because of what’s happened.”
My chin drops to my chest, an invisible noose tightening around my throat. “The beach?”
“Amongst other things. I am limited in how I can help you, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t or won’t. I know you don’t trust me fully—and I’d honestly be disappointed if you did—but I can promise you that I mean it when I say I want you away from the king and back with the mage prince.”
“You can say his name,” I assert, though my voice comes out haggard.
I turn my head to see Xander’s gaze already on me, a question lingering there.
“No one ever says it, and I just—” My words choke off under a stilted breath.
It’s a silly thing, really, to care that they always refer to him like some mysterious entity.
One shrouded by the lies and secrets he wore to keep himself safe as he tried to find the source of the magic.
As he tried to find me. But when was the last time I heard his name spoken outside of the confines of my own mind? “He is real,” I say, more to myself.
“He is,” Xander affirms, leaning in a little closer. “I’m hoping that once I can check in with my men in Vitour, I’ll have some more information to give you regarding him.”
“Is Stephan the one giving you that information?”
“Some of it,” he answers honestly. “The rest is from a collection of small towns that border the Mage Kingdom. I’ve found that having multiple sources produces the most accurate information.”
I nod right as a wave crashes into the ship, momentarily knocking me off balance. I hit my hip against the railing as the ship evens out and grunt at the bite of pain that licks around the brand. “Gods,” I hiss, squeezing my eyes shut while I breathe through the lingering soreness.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I bite out as I lay my hand gently over my hip as if that alone will soothe the ache there. “It’s nothing.”
Xander looks unconvinced but thankfully doesn’t press the issue. He does, unfortunately, bring up a different one. “We need to talk about what happened yesterday.”
“Which part?”
His brows furrow again as he looks out over the deck. “You healed sirens,” he says with a hint of incredulity. “What else could have happened that was more noteworthy than that?”
Right. Because Xander doesn’t know about Simon and the torture and the way I told King Dolian I would always hate him. All of those things had inexplicably happened in a single day, yet it feels as if a part of me has been stuck in each of those moments simultaneously for weeks.
“I didn’t know my magic could do that. I truly thought they were going to die.”
“I gathered as much,” he says gently, and that knot in my throat grows bigger. “But I do think you need to be aware that now that the king knows what you can do, he’s going to figure out a way to use it to his own advantage, especially if it means regaining the upper hand from Queen Amari.”
I flex my fingers over my hip. I hadn’t even considered how I might be used in this way. “If I can heal the sirens…”
“Then it stands to reason that your magic will work on any being,” Xander finishes for me as he pushes up from the railing. “You’ve just become Olymazi’s greatest weapon.”
Or its downfall.
“I have a system back in Vitour. More men I trust, more ways to gather information securely. Our options will be greater. We just need to survive whatever His Majesty has planned next until we can get you free of his hold.” His use of the word “we” makes my heart thump strangely.
Does he truly think of us as a team? At my nod, he takes a step, making to walk away before pausing.
“Eve is a good one,” he blurts, almost as if he hadn’t quite planned on those words spilling out.
“What?”
“Person. She’s a good person. If you need someone to… talk to about things, you can trust her.”
“Says the male with the same scar on his palm that she has.”
His eyes meet mine then, both of us looking over our shoulders at the other.
There’s no judgement in his, and I watch as he deliberately unmasks his expression layer by layer, letting me see his sincerity.
“Our imprisonment may not have been as literal as yours was and is, Lady Rhea, but it doesn’t make it any less real.
It doesn’t mean we are not still unwilling participants in all of this. ”
Xander doesn’t linger, walking to the other side of the ship where a staircase leads below deck.
I stay for a moment longer, letting his words seep into me as guilt roars within, before I decide to explore the ship to pass the time.
As I make my way across the deck, following the same path Xander took, my gaze snags on a few of the posted guards.
One looks at me with outright curiosity, his eyes roaming over me like doing so will show him the inner workings of my body.
Of my magic. Another’s stare is more condemning, his light blue eyes narrowing harshly as I pass.
The farther that I go, the more looks I receive, some so sharp they prick right between my ribs.
I abandon the idea of exploring and head back to my room, collapsing on the bed once more and forcing my eyes to close.
But sleep eludes me, and instead, the faces of the guards play on repeat behind my lids.
They have a myriad of reasons to be wary of me, none greater than that I had killed so many of them not long ago.
And now? Now I had made it so an enemy that they cannot defend against is able to walk unharmed through the Spell.
Of all the things I have done, forced or not, I can’t help but feel like those moments on the beach will be the ones that haunt me most of all.