Chapter Ninety-Two Rhea
My knees hit dew-covered grass as I collapse to the ground, cold moisture seeping in through the thick wool of my skirt and biting into my skin.
My head swims in the wake of the severed tether to my magic, leaving my ears ringing as my heart beats slowly in my chest. A battalion.
That’s what I’ve been commanded to heal daily, and though I knew in theory just how many men that could include, the concept was lost on me until I came to their training grounds and stood before them for the first time.
Up to a thousand men fill each battalion, and the Mortal Kingdom’s army has dozens of battalions. I’ve lost count of both the days that have passed and the number of battalions I’ve healed since King Dolian’s demand that I do so.
“That’s enough,” Xander says, kneeling at my side.
I can’t help the raw, crazed laugh that scrapes up my throat. “You don’t get to decide that.” Only the magic does, once it feels I have hit the quota decided for me by my uncle.
Xander sighs, his hand reaching out as if to help me up but stopping short.
His care has been constant through all of this, his presence always quiet and steady even if the tension between us is still tender and rough.
Though, if I am being honest with myself, a lot of the anger that brewed within me when I thought of the commander has become dulled beneath the repetitive schedule the king keeps me on.
Everything feels that way, as if I myself have become muted.
“Rhea.” The concern in his voice washes over me, his breath wasted on it.
Pushing myself up to stand, and I wonder what sort of expression I’d meet if I lifted my gaze to his.
If it’d match the worry in his voice or if he’d be exasperated with me.
If he’d ask me again what he can do to help or if he’d try to get me to come with him to a meeting with his resistance.
But I don’t contemplate long on those thoughts before they dissipate, the urge to speak with him lost to the way I just wish I could lie down.
Then again, sleeping sounds wonderful in the way that all things that once brought me comfort do.
Maybe that’s why my body tenses when I close my eyes.
Or attempt to lift the corners of my mouth.
Or when Nox pops into my mind without warning.
It isn’t that I don’t want those things; it’s just that they serve as bitter reminders of how everything has changed.
Still, sleep is an escape. Even if it’s only moving me from one nightmare to another.
“We need to get you back inside,” Xander says, silently guiding me with a gentle hand on my elbow. My steps are shaky as I force myself forward, the allure of crawling into bed strong enough to move my feet.
Moving these sessions from the garden alcove to the heart of the training grounds had meant abandoning any modicum of privacy in favor of reaching King Dolian’s goal faster.
A goal that I have no idea how close I am to accomplishing.
But to combat the open display of my magic, the king had ordered the castle wing facing the training grounds off limits under the guise that it was now mine.
This had apparently stirred some discontent with the noblemen and noblewomen, and instead of directing their anger to the man who had put the rule in place, they turned it on me.
Though I hardly went anywhere besides my chambers, the dining hall, and the training yard, snide whispers and hard glares followed me regardless.
The realization that there were also women in this castle angry over the fact that the king wanted me as his wife over them or their daughters left me torn between wanting to laugh at the absurdity and wanting to cry because of the same.
I don’t want him. I don’t want to be queen.
If you only knew who I was. If you only knew what I’ve been through…
But what I think and feel doesn’t matter. Not to them and not to the king.
“Wait.” Xander slows his steps to a stop as we walk beneath a large tree, its branches arching over the walkway and providing a semblance of seclusion. “We need to talk.”
An unbidden groan slips from me, and I prop a shoulder against the tree, my head swimming. “Xander, I just want to go—”
“It’s about Nox.”
My protest dies on my tongue as warring emotions fight to surface within me. How long had it been since the last update? “What is it? Is he alright?”
“We received a new missive from Stephan this morning,” he starts, his voice low as his eyes survey our surroundings. “King Sadryn has stepped down.”
A breath catches in my throat. What? Of course, Nox had told me that his father would abdicate the throne eventually, but that wasn’t until one of his children was ready to ascend in his place. Nox was the one assumed for that role, but… “Who is the king now?”
Xander’s gaze meets mine, and the look requires no verbal confirmation.
“His coronation ceremony was recent,” he says instead, remorse balanced on his tongue.
But I know Nox, and I’m sure that whatever events led to this were unavoidable.
That this was the best he could do with the choices.
Right? “There is something else, and before I tell you, I want you to know that I haven’t yet heard from my other sources on any of this.
While I don’t believe Stephan has ever lied in a letter before, that doesn’t mean that he’s being completely—”
“Tell me.” Pushing away from the tree, I ignore the way my balance falters as I watch Xander’s expression.
He clears his throat, his face settling into a mask of indifference, but his eyes…
They tell a different story, and whatever glimmer of hope might have surfaced within me immediately fizzles out.
“Stephan wrote that, in addition to the announcement that Nox has become king, it was also shared that he is betrothed to someone new. Someone familiar and approved by the council.”
“No. No, that isn’t—” I gasp, drawing in a shaky breath as I stumble back a step. Xander is there, his hand gently pressing against my shoulder to keep me steady.
“Rhea—”
“He wouldn’t do that.” My eyes lift to his. At the pity I see in them, I say it again. “He wouldn’t do that.” But even to my own ears, my voice lacks conviction. Xander’s gaze darts behind me, his face hardening before he juts his chin out.
“We have to go.”
I follow his attention to where a few guards are now heading our way. But my feet are rooted in place, the weight of what he’s just told me rendering me incapable of moving forward. Of thinking straight.
“Rhea…” His posture stiffens as he takes a few steps ahead of me and intercepts the guards.
Though he engages in conversation, I don’t hear it, my mind somewhere else completely.
He is betrothed to someone new.
There is only one woman the council has ever approved for Nox, and didn’t I say I could picture them together?
He and I had always been some strange anomaly that shouldn’t work: princess and guard.
Prince and common woman. Incredible person worthy of every good and perfect thing and someone comprised of broken pieces trying to pretend she is anything but.
Yet Nox and Haylee? They embody every bit of the regal image the council wanted for the future king and queen.
And, gods, this would explain why no one was answering the summons through the Mirror.
Both the king’s and mine. King Dolian had posed the idea that their lack of communication was intentional, and I had brushed it off as one of his tools of manipulation, but what if he was right?
Perhaps, when it came down to it and Nox was actually faced with that impossible choice, he had chosen his kingdom over me.
Maybe he saw that overvaluing the life of one person truly wasn’t worth the risk to many.
And could I blame him for that? For ensuring that his home was safe?
Especially knowing that every single day, I make it a little more unsafe when I heal mortals and sirens alike?
Haylee’s voice plays in my ear. Her offer to marry Nox for show. Her sincerity tugging at my chest. Had she been sincere?
“Lady Nele, are you ready to return to your rooms?” I jolt when Xander steps into view, keeping a few feet between us as he stares down at me, calling me by my fake name.
“What?” I rasp, the word hardly audible.
“Your rooms,” he repeats, gaze imploring. “You must return to them.”
Only by pure muscle memory do I react, moving my body forward and following him through the newly fallen darkness. The chill of the damp fabric at my knees and the cold evening air fades as I retreat into myself, hiding behind a numbness that has once more become familiar. Once more become welcome.
He is betrothed to someone new.
My memories run rampant—images of Nox’s hands on my body, in my hair, touching me in a way no one else ever has. Would he do that with Haylee? Had they already? I swallow back the nausea that rises at the thought.
“Lady R— Lady Nele,” a soft, feminine voice calls. Eve.
He is betrothed to someone new.
“What’s wrong?”
“We need to get her out of the main halls,” Xander says from in front of me. “She needs some time to herself, and I’d rather the king not be reminded that he hasn’t seen her in a few days.”
“I’ll help her.” She wraps her arm around my waist to draw me in close. “I’ll make sure she gets to her room.”
I don’t notice Xander leave.
He is betrothed to someone new.
My hand flies to my chest, my nails digging into the flesh as if I can claw it open and free my heart from where it’s trapped in this jagged cage.
“We have to climb the stairs now.” Eve speaks gently, her fingers flexing at my side as we begin our ascent. “It’s going to be okay.”
I want to tell her that nothing has been okay for a long, long while. That I doubt it will be ever again. Instead, the words die before they even make it up my throat.
“Lady Nele, what are you doing?”
It takes me a moment to find the source of the question, but when my eyes clash with his dark gray ones, everything snaps back into place.
Reminding me who and what I am now. Betrothed to the king.
Cut off from my magic. Nothing but a vessel to be filled and emptied whenever it is deemed appropriate by someone else.
Nothing without him. Rhea Maxwell is gone, and has been for a while now.
Simon’s attention rests solely on me, his hands clasped behind his back. “What, dare I ask, is the meaning of this?”
I look down over myself, noting the grass stains on my lavender gown and the dirt lining the hem.
Eve’s pale fingers drape over my side, right above the brand on my hip—as if she’s remembered it’s there and is trying to avoid it.
Leaning into her body, I force my head back up, sorting through my thoughts until I’m able to verbalize something coherent. “I just finished healing a battalion.”
The king’s advisor cocks his head to the side, gaze then sliding to Eve. “And you think it’s appropriate to be seen in such a way with the castle help?”
“The lady was having trouble walking,” she responds, a slight tremble to her voice. “I am merely ensuring—”
“I don’t need assurances from a rat, nor do I prefer it. I will make sure Lady Nele makes it to her room safely, perhaps with a bit more of her dignity intact.”
“No.” The word is out before I can stop it, as if someone else has spoken it for me. And when Simon’s gaze narrows on Eve, I realize that it’s because she did. Eve urges me forward, but Simon steps directly into our path.
“A warning, handmaiden, that the king punishes those who step out of line without remorse,” he snarls.
“I know,” she responds, her grip on my waist tightening as we move forward again. A white door with a golden rose creaks open and then we are in my sitting room, walking towards my bedroom. Air stirs and my body moves and all the while imagined scenarios of Nox flash through my mind.
He is betrothed to someone new.
I’m a bystander to it all, removed from everything but the desperate feeling of despair that rattles in my chest.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Eve asks tentatively from where she sits next to me on the bed.
I blink, looking down at the silk pink fabric of my chemise, unaware I had even changed.
I run my fingers over the fabric, the weight of my exhaustion heavy enough to round my shoulders.
“You do not have to say a word, but, I have found, that sometimes holding our worries and fears in is far worse than speaking them out loud.”
She nudges my shoulder gently, and I lift my eyes to meet hers. “Do you believe in fate?”
Eve looks taken aback by the question for all of a few seconds before answering.
“Yes and no. Do I believe that our life is laid out before us without choice? No. But do I think that there are outside forces that might guide us in a certain direction?” I turn to look at her, her shoulder lifting with a small shrug.
“Sometimes. I’ve seen the magic of that happen—both when I followed that intuition and when I didn’t.
” Her eyes fall to her lap, her brow creased in thought. “What do you believe?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “But I do not think it is my fate to make it out of here alive.”
Her intake of breath is sharp before her hand wraps around both of mine.
“Xander is working hard to figure out a way to release you. If anyone can do it, it’s him and his people.
You are Rhea Maxwell. You have a home. You have friends who have become family, ones that love you.
You have people waiting for your return. ”
Every word she spoke is true, yet it does nothing to that aching pit inside of me. And how selfish is that? To know that even though there are people wanting me to return, if Nox isn’t one of them—if he truly has moved on—then I don’t care.
Ashamed, I turn my gaze back to the night sky. The moon may have the stars, but at least I have you. What a fool I had been to think that phrase could ever be true.