Chapter 27 - Andie #2
His hand slides down to grab my hand, as I slowly sink back into my chair. He’s continually giving me the encouragement I desperately need to keep this line of communication open.
“Easy? No one’s saying it’ll be easy. But honestly, things are a hell of a lot harder if you stop talking to me.
” He lets go of my hand to cup my face. I involuntarily snuggle my face into his touch, my eyes closing trying to memorize this moment before I lose him forever.
“Andie, don’t get close to me and then push me away, because frankly, I can’t handle it.
And if you had told me, I would have understood. ”
I can tell that pushing him away really destroyed him, but I still have conflicting emotions about letting another man in after the last one shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces.
“Spencer, I want to be with you, but . . .”
“Then do it, Andie. I’m sure it’s hard to move on but give me a chance. Give us a chance.”
Spencer’s here, begging for a chance. Fighting for us. And he’s right—it won’t be easy, but I do want to be with him. I want the possibility of being happy again.
“You can’t be serious,” I whisper, searching his eyes for any sign he’s having second thoughts.
“Why would you want to be with someone who’s a straight up mess?
I change my mind every other day. What’s to say you won’t get tired of waiting for me to make up my mind?
” He straightens in his seat, waiting for me to finish my personal sabotage.
“You deserve so much more, someone who’s one hundred percent ready to give you the things you want.
I’m just not her.” The words hurt leaving my mouth.
I want to be her, but all my doubts have me wondering if I will be able to be the woman he needs.
“Andie, stop,” he says firmly. His thumb brushes away a tear I didn’t realize started falling.
“You think I don’t know what I’m getting into?
You think I haven’t seen you at your worst and still choose to be here?
” His voice steady, and certain, causing a lump in my throat as I fight back more tears.
“I don’t want someone who is a hundred percent ready. I don’t want just anyone. I want you—my sweet, messy, complicated, beautiful Andie.” He stares into my eyes emphasizing his last words confirming what I already know in my heart. “And I’m not going anywhere while you figure things out.”
It’s time to try facing my worries and fears and allow Spencer to be the man he wants to be for me.
My head bobs up and down like one of those bobble head dashboard dogs. “Okay,” I say as he looks at me, still holding my face and refusing to let go.
“Okay?” he asks, unsure if he heard my agreement.
“Yes, but I can’t promise no more freak-outs. You need to be patient while I figure everything out.”
He lets go, pulling his chair next to mine.
“I will be here for every moment, good and bad.” Drawing my face close to his, he seals his promise with a gentle kiss.
The waitress sets down his coffee with perhaps a bit more force than necessary.
I catch her shooting me a look that could melt steel before stalking away again.
This time the warmth spreading through me isn’t from hot coffee, but from his kisses and his promises.
This time more than just desire stains the kiss. There is something deeper, something that feels dangerously like the optimism of regaining my vision for my future. Pulling away, he leaves his forehead touching mine. “Now can we please get out of here?” he asks.
Feeling better and more confident than ever about regaining love in my heart, I oblige his offer as he grabs my hand. He leaves the payment on the table before leading me out of the café and stops dead in his tracks just outside the door.
“What? Why are you staring at me like that?
He pulls me in, kissing me like it will be the last time he feels our lips together.
Taking a mental photograph of each feature of my face, staring at me like he just found his forever.
Our lips part, but I want to force them back together again.
I want to feel this sense of happiness and connection for a bit longer.
“It’s hard not to stare at someone so beautiful.”
I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as wonderful as him.
I’m going to try not to question this anymore. It’s time to embrace my feelings and enjoy my time with him. Whether this works or not, I owe it to myself to give us a real chance.
His phone rings, separating us for a moment.
“I’m sorry, I need to take this.”
It was a brief conversation, but I could tell our time was going to be cut short. “I’m so sorry, Sweetheart. I need to get back to work, but I want to see you. Let me pick you up at your place, tomorrow, say around six o’clock for dinner?”
I love the way he calls me sweetheart. If I could, I would listen to him call me that all day.
“Sure, sounds great. Just text me what I need to wear?”
“Don’t worry about the outfit. Just don’t forget like our last date.”
I smile thinking about what forgetting led to the last time, but it morphed into a gut-wrenching reminder from later that night.
“Spencer, I’m so sorry about—”
“Hey,” he cuts me off gently. “We’re good. I promise.”
I’m puzzled about what to think, especially when he tells me not to worry about what to wear—either he’s planning something super casual or something where clothes are entirely optional. Both have their appeal.