29. Bishop
bishop
. . .
The next two weeks were pure bliss.
Since she stormed in like a goddamn hurricane, Lennox had spent nearly every night sleeping in my bed. On the rare occasion she couldn’t, we were typically up too late on the phone—which gave her far too much ammunition to tease me about my age.
“Why won’t you FaceTime?” she’d asked me one night. I just shrugged and told her I didn’t know how or what the difference was. It wasn’t like I was missing out on anything, and the thought of us just staring at one another seemed strange.
At least, that was what I thought until Lennox called me the next day while I was eating lunch, and I’d opened the screen to her spreading her legs and playing with her pussy on my fucking desk. It’d taken me all of twenty minutes to ride back to the barn as fast as I could to sit down for dessert.
Lennox and I had fallen into this weird sense of domesticity, and it actually felt nice .
All my life, I’d been quick to shut that shit down before it had a chance to grow into anything, but now I felt like a goddamn teenager again, smiling and laughing and feeling like I was walking on air.
I really needed to turn it down because I was starting to get weird looks when someone asked a question, and I responded without barking orders or scowling in their direction.
Neither of us had mentioned our relationship to her family because we were trying to sort it out first. Was this just a fling?
It sure as hell wasn’t for me. I honestly didn’t think it was for Lennox either.
Her concern lay in my penchant for shutting down and walking away, while mine was undeniably selfish.
If the worst-case scenario happened, if Doug fired me and kicked me off his land, where the hell would I go?
I didn’t know anything outside of this life.
And again, if that happened, would Lennox and I survive it?
Or would the emotional wound left behind fester and ruin the last good thing I’d have?
We promised to give ourselves one month of whatever this was, and then we would decide.
While I wanted nothing more than to climb up to the highest point on Black Springs and tell the world that Lennox Hayes was mine, I was also pathetically terrified of stepping outside this little paradise we were living in.
Even now, as we lay in the middle of a field staring up at the sky, I worried about the noise from the outside world.
Lennox had her whole life ahead of her. I’d listened to her talk about getting back out on the circuit and winning titles she’d always dreamed of, seen the animated joy in her face when she spoke.
If we decided to give this a go, it meant we’d be apart more than we’d be together, and I wasn’t too sure I liked that.
I knew what happened in the rodeo circuit.
I had plenty of experience with ranch hands telling stories about it around the campfire.
The partying, the sex, the loneliness. It could get wild as hell.
While I trusted her explicitly, I didn’t trust all the fuckboys who’d take any chance they could to shoot their shot while I was stuck here running the ranch.
They’d whisper pretty words in her ear, telling her how she could do better.
I just hoped she never realized it herself .
“Have you ever traveled outside the country?” she asked, reaching for the bag of grapes between us. She threw one in the air, catching it in her mouth with a juicy pop.
It was a Friday afternoon, and we’d both snuck away under the pretense of scouting the trail for any cows that had strayed from the herd during our round-up.
Instead of heading back, Lennox had packed a little picnic basket for us to enjoy.
We’d laid out under the sun for a good hour now, chatting about everything and nothing.
The sun was slowly going down, and we would have to get back soon for family dinner, but I wasn’t ready yet.
I shook my head, laughing. “Sweetheart, the only times I’ve even been out of the state were because your dad needed help while doing the traveling clinics.”
“I think I want to go to Europe one day. There’s so much history there, you know? I loved learning about it in school. And it’s crazy to think that some buildings have been around since the medieval ages.”
“I didn’t pay much attention in history class,” I admitted. “Didn’t pay much attention to most of my classes, honestly.”
She rolled onto her side, propping her head on her hand. “Really?”
I nodded. “I focused more on working after school, trying to help care for my mom and save up a little for me.”
“What were you saving for?” she asked, running her fingers along my arm.
Something I’d learned over the past two weeks was how physical Lennox was. It wasn’t always a sexual thing, although we spent a lot of our free time tangled in the sheets. But it didn’t matter what we were doing; she always had to touch me somehow.
I was surprised at how much I loved it.
“A truck. We only had one vehicle, and my mom worked out of town. If I wanted to go somewhere, I had to find a ride or walk. Mostly, it was the latter. I didn’t like anyone knowing where I lived.”
“Why?”
I hesitated for a beat, old insecurities rearing their ugly heads like they did when I was a kid.
Lennox knew the kind of life I came from and how it made this place look like one of the fancy European castles she was talking about.
“Oak Point Trailer Park,” I said, focusing on the clouds above.
“We lived on the back lot, kinda hidden behind the trees. I tried to take care of it the best I could, but it was a lot for a scrawny teenager that didn’t know his ass from his elbow.
And Mom, well, she didn’t do much when she was home.
She just kinda sat in the recliner and smoked her cowboy killers while watching reruns of some old soap opera. ”
I reached for the pack I often stuffed in my pocket without thinking about it.
I didn’t smoke, not anymore, but I kept them out of habit.
Maybe as a reminder of my old life and what it could’ve been like if my mom hadn’t kicked me out.
It was something I thought about a lot, and honestly, it made me a little sick to my stomach.
“Where is she now?” Lennox asked softly, stealing the breath from my lungs.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
She hummed. “When’s the last time you saw her?”
I’d never spoken about my mom to anyone other than Doug, which only happened once. But if I had any chance of making this work, of maybe understanding why I was the way I was a little bit better, I had to share that part of me. “About twenty years ago.”
Her hand stilled on my arm, but she didn’t take it away or recoil at my touch, so I took it as a good start.
“I know that probably seems crazy to you, seeing how close you are with your family, but not everyone has that. I sure as hell didn’t.
My childhood wasn’t filled with happy, loving memories but the stinging knowledge of being a disappointment,” I said, blowing out a breath and sitting up.
I leaned forward, resting my elbow on my knee and playing with a broken blade of grass.
“I think it was about one year after coming to work on the ranch. Your dad brought me to the feed store to pick up a delivery. We stopped at a diner before heading back and were halfway through our meal when a woman walked by, reeking of cigarettes and cheap perfume. I recognized her by the scent. Had given it to her as a present for Christmas one year.” I shook my head, forcing my voice to remain steady.
“I’d heard her talking about it on the phone one day after school.
How she thought it smelled fancy and that maybe if she wore it, people would think she had money.
So, I emptied my savings and bought it for her.
She was so mad. Told me I was a wasteful little shit for spending our money on this when we had debt collectors breathing down our backs. ”
Lennox’s nails dug into my arm, but I didn’t look at her. I couldn’t. Not without losing everything I’d held in for so long. Because her heart would break for what was left of mine, and I couldn’t let that happen. That was something I realized she and I had in common.
She put on this front for the world, making those who knew her on a superficial level believe she was this reckless, wild child, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I was beginning to realize that Lennox loved fiercely, far more than anyone else I knew.
There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for those in her inner circle.
I cleared my throat, pushing forward. “She was at the bar, chatting with the cook behind the counter. Things hadn’t changed that much.
There were stains on her baggy clothes, holes in the fabric from years of wear and tear.
The T-shirt was another gift I’d given her years before.
Her hair had more grey than I remembered.
It was pulled out of her face, and I could see black smudges under her eyes .
“When she dug into the pocket of her jeans, pulled out a handful of loose change, and began counting it out on the table, I felt so goddamn sick. I couldn’t see much, but I knew she barely had enough for a cup of coffee, let alone a full meal.
She was so much skinnier than she was before I left.
I felt guilty, you know, for not checking in sooner.
Here I was, never having to worry about where my next meal would come from or if the electricity would cut off in the middle of the night because I hadn’t paid a bill. ”
I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, lining my eyes and burning as I tried to will them away.
“She’d kicked me out, and I hadn’t tried fighting back.
And I never thought to check in after I got settled here.
She told me she didn’t want me, that I was a burden, a disappointment.
That I’d ruined her life. I figured maybe having one less mouth to feed or worry about would make it better, but I think I damned her instead. ”
I wiped my nose. “I don’t know how long I watched her, but my food had gone cold when the check arrived.
I didn’t have the appetite to finish it anyway, which only made me feel worse after seeing how she’d struggled.
When our waitress came over to take our ticket, Doug pulled a fifty-dollar bill from his wallet and told her to make sure the woman at the bar left here with a full belly. ”
This time, I couldn’t stop myself. I looked over, noticing that Lennox’s eyes were just as red-rimmed as I was sure mine felt. There were tear tracks down her cheeks, and I hated myself for putting them there.
“When we got in the truck, I lost it. I cried the entire way home. Or so I thought. Instead of pulling to the barn like I thought, he kept driving until we pulled up here.” I gestured to the open pasture.
Most of the ranch was flat land with a few trees here and there, but this was one of the few natural ponds left on the property.
A small creek flowed into it, keeping the water from going stagnant .
“I really thought he was going to fire me. I thought he’d tell me I wasn’t the man he hoped I’d be and send me packing, but he didn’t do any of that.
Instead, he hopped out, lowered the tailgate, and sat on the bench.
He patted the space next to me, and we spent the next hour talking about what I wanted in life. ”
Lennox chewed on the inside of her cheek. “What’d you want?”
I took her hand, bringing it to my lips for a chaste kiss. “I wanted the things I never had. Stability. Comfort. Peace of mind…” I trailed off, meeting her eyes because she needed to understand this next part. “Love. And god willing, a family to call my own.”
She gave me a watery smile. “You deserve all of that. You deserve more, and?—”
A shrill ring sounded through the otherwise quiet and peaceful spot, jerking us out of whatever faraway trance we’d been lost to. I looked down, noticing Doug’s name flash across my screen. Lennox’s brows furrowed as I lifted my phone to my ear.
“This is Bishop,” I said, shifting my weight.
“Where the hell are ya, son?”
“Sir?” I asked, looking at my watch. It was only half past five. Dinner wasn’t until seven.
“Well, I went looking for ya in the barn, but Titan is gone. I was gonna ask you to help me with dinner. Ruby wants steak, and it’d be cruel to make a man who can’t eat one make them by himself,” he said. It sounded like he was still annoyed about the strict diet restrictions the doctor had him on.
“Oh. Well, that makes sense. I’m out in the side field checking for stragglers, but I was getting ready to head in. I can be there in about thirty minutes.”
I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but I could hear Ruby yelling at him for something in the background. “You sure you can’t do twenty? These women are driving me crazy. It’s all ‘Doug, don’t do this,’ and ‘Dad, you can’t do that.’”
Lennox covered her mouth as I laughed. “Where’s Lincoln? Can’t he save you?”
Doug let out a long exhale. “I’d very much like to keep my thoughts away from what he’s doing right now if it's all the same to you.”
That sent Lennox rolling. She kicked her feet in the air, trying and failing to keep quiet. Lincoln had just gotten back from a clinic, which meant he and Josie were probably locked away in their little cabin right now, fucking like bunnies. “Uh, yeah. Got it. I’ll go as fast as Titan’ll let me.”
“Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll try to hold on a little longer then.”
When the line went dead, I looked over at Lennox whose face was beet red from laughing so hard.
“Duty calls,” I said, pushing to my feet and holding out my hand for her to take.
The moment she was standing on two feet, I pulled her into me for a deep, long kiss.
“Thank you for listening.” I bent down and pressed my forehead to hers. “It means a lot.”
Her hand came up, swiping beneath my eyes. “I’ll always be here to listen to you.”
I wasn’t sure how long always would last, but for right now, it was pretty damn perfect.