Chapter 5
I was excited to inhale the scent of lavender. With Shy Shy’s hand in mine, I pulled open the door to A Little More Shea. The store was nearly packed with customers. My eyes perused the crowd until I found her in the corner helping someone. She looked so beautiful dressed in some distressed jeans with earth-toned flowers painted all over them, a fitted white cropped sweater, and a cute olive crochet hat she had tilted to the side. Even from across the room, I could tell she was in her element.
One of her associates walked up to me. “Hi, I’m Becca. Welcome to A Little More Shea. Can I help you find something?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I want her to help me.”
I pointed at Island in the corner.
Becca smiled and nodded. “Okay, cool.”
Once she walked away, I guided Shyla over to the oddly shaped, pink velvet couch Island had set up on one side of the store. The little nook was super cozy and chic with a splash of pink that complemented the earthy tones she seemed to love.
Shyla hopped on my lap with her iPad in hand. She already had a YouTube video up and loading. I pulled out my phone and scrolled on my Facebook to distract myself. After a few minutes, I stretched and yawned. I felt a wave of heat wash over me. When I looked up, I saw Island at the counter looking at me.
She waved with a blank expression. I waved back unable to hide my smile. It was always a pleasure seeing her. Today was my first time catching her in her element, and I fucked with it. She floated around the room like a butterfly. I was more entertained watching her help customer after customer than I was on social media.
At some point, my body started to feel heavy. Shyla had moved to sit beside me, so I slid down getting more comfortable. My head rested on the back of the couch. I allowed my eyes to drift close while inhaling lavender that relaxed every muscle in my body. Before I knew it, darkness took over.
* * *
Slowly, I started to come back to reality. I sat up realizing I’d dozed off to sleep. One by one, my senses started to reawaken. I twisted my head from side to side, trying to release the cramp I’d gotten from sleeping on Island’s weird ass sofa. I was too tall for anything about this dollhouse furniture to be comfortable.
I glanced to the right to see I was alone now. My head popped up, searching for my baby but she wasn’t hard to find. Her and Island were the only ones inside the shop besides me. She was happily helping her restock shelves. My weight crashed into the back of the sofa as I watched them.
Something Shyla said had Island’s head cocked back as she laughed. Seeing the two of them together like that shifted some shit around inside of me and held my breath captive. I didn’t want to entertain it, but a beam of hope started to unravel in my heart. Images of what it would be like to be with a woman like Island started flooding my mind like a movie. Tingling raced through my limbs from the peace it forced on me.
Izzy bent down, opening a jar then taking a seat on a mini footstool. I watched as she scooped out some and applied it to Shy Shy’s elbow. She was nothing like Kianni. From her personality to the way she handled Shyla, my baby was at ease around Island just like me. I loved to see her share the goofy little girl underneath the trauma of being raised with toxic parents. I knew my baby had a hole in her heart where her mother’s love should’ve been. A pang ripped through my heart knowing how deserving she was of that love. My daughter was perfect in every way.
I ran a hand through my hair, trying to shake the images. A feeling I knew all too well began to creep in finally dousing the spark of hope trying to spotlight itself. It was selfish as hell to be thinking about myself when Shy Shy needed to be my priority.
Scooping up her iPad from the couch, I stood up and headed toward where the two of them were dancing around the shop as Island swept up the day’s dirt tracked inside. She hadn’t realized I was up, so she jumped when I walked up on them.
“Oh, you’re up.”
Her chest heaved up and down as a hand covered her heart. I nodded and dropped my eyes to the floor.
“You looked exhausted, so that’s why I didn’t wake you.”
“It’s cool.” I tucked my hands in my pocket then turned to Shyla. “You ready, baby girl?”
Surprise washed across Island’s features before her usual poker face appeared. Shyla whined about not wanting to leave, but we had to go. The guilt was about to eat me alive.
“Well, I packed some things up for you to try out. Let me grab it before you go.”
She walked off without giving me a chance to respond. I stood awkwardly in place fighting an internal battle my mind was currently winning. When she returned it, was with a lime green paper bag.
“These are on the house. Let me know what you think.”
I nodded and backed away slowly. “I surely will. Shy, let’s go, baby.”
She rushed over to Island and tossed her arms around her waist. It saddened me when the gesture made Island laugh.
She cupped Shy Shy’s cheek lovingly. “I’ll see you soon, pretty girl.”
I sighed in relief when she finally walked over to me. I avoided Island’s eyes as I took Shy Shy’s hand once she was close enough. Without another word, I turned and left A Little More Shea like it was the last place I wanted to be on earth, even though the opposite was true. Despite my attraction to Island and admiration of her care for my daughter, I couldn’t shake the feeling that letting myself get closer to her would lead to another emotional disaster.
Island
I stood anxiously in the walkway as my last customer of the day walked out of the shop. My body deflated as the adrenaline of the day started to drain out of me. There was a nonstop flow of shoppers today, and while I was thankful, I was also thankful for it to be over. My feet were aching so bad. My Tiffany Malone slides were not made for standing for long periods of time.
I limped to the front door and locked up for the night. Doubling back, I headed to the front counter to take a seat. I picked up my phone to see I’d missed a call from Shyheim. Seeing his contact’s name sent me into a flurry of emotions. We talked every day since the day we exchanged numbers. I didn’t want to admit it, but I had a soft spot for Shyheim and his daughter.
He had a way of making me feel seen even when all I wanted to do was disappear. His words were always so gentle and kind. I noticed that he loved to go out of his way to make me laugh too. I was doing it so often now it was becoming harder to put my guard up around him. He made me want to melt the ice around my heart. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was standing right there with the ice pick ready to chip away every piece until he got to the real me.
I debated on whether or not I was going to call him back and decided against it at the last second. Guilt sunk to the bottom of my stomach, because I knew it would be wrong to encourage him. His attraction was clear, and loving me would be bad for him. To love me was to welcome death. He couldn’t ask the last two men to give me their hearts because that’s exactly what happened to them.
I tried to fight the memories from coming, but it was no use. Tears welled in my eyes as I was sucked into my heartbreaking past.
“You’re the only girl I love, Island,” Blain whispered in my ear.
Even though he’d consumed way too much alcohol tonight, I knew he was telling the truth. Blain’s world revolved around me, and anyone with eyes would be able to see that.
The feeling was mutual, though. I would give anything for that boy... do anything for that boy. My parents hated it but gave up fighting against me long ago. My plans to go to college were on the backburner as I made plans to travel with Blain after he got his commercial driver’s license. We were going to see the states together.
My baby was from the streets, but he was turning his life around… for me. He was willing to go to war with his own set… for me. He was going to step out of his comfort zone and do something he never thought he could… for me. I wouldn’t trade the love I’d found with him for the world’s greatest treasure.
“Oh shit,” he cursed in my ear seconds before I heard the gun go off.
Pow!
I was pushed to the floor and toppled over without my consent. I don’t know how much time passed of me laying there under his crushing weight as the world around me erupted into chaos.
When it started to calm down, Blain lifted his head to look at me. There was a dazed look in his watery eyes.
“I love you, Island.”
He dropped his lips to mine and kissed me softly. I was about to tell him I loved him too when his body went limp.
All I remember after that was the sound of my hollow screams, flashing lights, and blood… lots and lots of blood. Nothing could erase those last moments from my mind. They were tattooed on my heart for life.
I wiped my eyes, returning to the present. My body felt heavy and weighed down. Little beads of sweat began popping up across my forehead. I wiped them away with the back of my hand as I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down, but it was no use. Before I could fully recover, I was thrust into another memory that gutted me like a fish.
It was years later, and I’d allowed myself to be stupid enough to love again. This time I thought I was safe because I’d steered clear of the bad boy type. Fate had other plans for me…
“Bae, do you have to go?”
My lips poked out, hoping I would get my way. For some reason, I didn’t want Rydell to leave, but he was adamant that he had a class to get to.
Being in medical school came with its own responsibility, which I respected, but it was going to storm really bad. Why couldn’t he get the day off? I needed his hands on my body as I watched That’s So Raven on Hulu with a bed full of snacks.
His arms snaked around my waist. “I’ll be back before the weather gets bad.”
His lips went to my forehead. My eyes watered, knowing he was leaving.
“You sure my son isn’t in there making you so emotional these days,” he teased, placing a hand on my bloated belly. “Remember, I’m setting us up for the future. I never want you to worry about money or shit like that. I want your life as my wife to be easier than breathing. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
I nodded despite the sadness grasping at my heartstrings. He gave me a kiss then walked out the door. Something sent me standing on the porch to watch him go. His motorcycle roared to life as I glanced up at the dark clouds swirling in the sky. He’d better make it back before the sky opened up.
A few hours later, I was lying in bed doing exactly what I wanted to be when I got that call that stopped my heart. His bike had slid off the road and hit a tree. He was gone by the time the paramedics arrived.
I was sure my cries could be heard around the world. I didn’t think I’d ever have to feel this pain again. Yet, there I was standing over his grave unable to move or look away. I was never going to hear his voice again or feel his hands grazing over my skin ever so softly… I held the engagement ring they’d found on him the night of the accident. It broke my heart even more knowing planning his proposal was the reason he’d left the house that day.
I felt the coolness of the engagement ring hanging from the chain I bought for it. My life looked nothing like I thought it would, and the pain I was carrying hurt so bad. I couldn’t understand why God would place this burden on me. Now, I was too afraid to let Shyheim in because I was certain if I loved him, I would lose him too.
My phone chimed on the counter distracting me. As if he’d heard me think of his name, it appeared on my screen.
Lieutenant Troy: Look up
I read the message again before my head shot up. He stood on the opposite side of the doorway, holding up a box of pizza from Pizza Palace. For a minute, I was frozen in place. It was like the harder I pushed him away, the harder fate pushed him right back to my literal doorstep.
Finally, placing the phone down, I stood slowly. My fingers began tap dancing against each other as I walked to the door. I was already in an emotional place, and here he came being sweet for absolutely no reason. I unlocked the door then stepped back to let him in.
“Heim… what are you doing here?” I asked despite the fact I was sure I knew the answer.
He lifted the box of pizza. “I couldn’t get you off my mind. I know you miss lunch when it gets too busy here. Since it’s your cheat day, I wanted your pizza to be on me.”
His thoughtfulness pulled at my heartstrings.
“I appreciate it because you’re absolutely right. I did not get to eat today and I’m starving.”
I avoided his eyes because I wasn’t sure what I’d see in them. I was at war with myself. Part of me knew I had to save him from the inevitable while another part of me wanted exactly what he was dishing out. Heim followed behind me to take a seat next to me on the sofa. He set the pizza and paper plates down on the table.
“Mm… That smells so good,” I cooed.
My mouth was practically watering from the aroma of melted cheese and marinara sauce. I rubbed my hands together right before the bell chimed as the front door flew open.
A woman stood there with fire in her eyes. I got ready to let her know we were closed when I saw Shy Shy at her side. Shyheim shot to his feet as she marched toward us dragging Shy Shy behind her. The way she was handling her made my heart hurt. That tiny, sweet girl didn’t deserve that. I felt myself going into mama bear mode ready to protect her from this deranged lady.
“Kianni, what are you doing here?”
“I tracked your phone with Shy Shy’s iPad. Instead of being in this bitch’s face, you should’ve been coming to get your daughter.”
Shyheim’s head jerked back. “You got me fucked up. Don’t be tracking my shit, Kianni. I just got off, but whatever I do with my time, isn’t your business. Shy is supposed to stay with you tonight.”
“Well, I got shit to do. Here take her.” She pushed Shyla roughly toward us. Immediately, she went to wrap herself around her father’s leg.
“Push my fucking daughter again, and I’ma forget you’re her mother.”
Kianni shrugged her shoulders. I took the time to study her. She wasn’t an ugly girl physically, but her behavior placed her in the category. She was dressed in an Ed Hardy sweatsuit and white block walkers. Her neck, wrists, and fingers were covered in gold. It wasn’t hard to tell what type of woman she was when she shouldered her Chanel bag.
When I motioned for Shy Shy to come to me and she did, her mother’s eyes turned to me. She studied me then smirked.
“He ain’t shit, girl. Don’t let him trick you into thinking otherwise.”
With those parting words, she turned and marched out of the shop. Shyheim followed behind her fuming.
I bent down with my attention on Shyla. “Are you okay sweet girl?”
Her chin was resting on her chest, but she glanced at me and nodded. The tears in her eyes had me pulling her into me for a hug.
“It’s going to be okay.”
I consoled her to distract her from her parents’ loud voices arguing outside the shop. Eventually, Shyheim marched back inside. I swore the walls shook from how hard he slammed the door. He leaned with his hands against the wall. His chest heaved up and down as he attempted to calm himself down. His body became deathly still, and I could only imagine what was going through his mind. Once he was calmer, he locked the door then walked over to us.
In between watching him, I was busy wiping away Shy Shy’s tears.
“Come here, Smiley.”
She rushed over to him. He scooped her up with ease and held her close to him.
“It’s okay. Don’t cry, baby.”
The change in his voice made that irritating orb of warmth expand even wider. It wouldn’t be long before it encompassed my entire heart. He turned his attention to me.
“I am so sorry about that, Island. That bit—” he paused looking down at his daughter and changed it to, “ woman is crazy and triflin’. I never meant to disrespect your place of business.”
I shook my head as I stood. Going to stand by him, I placed a gentle hand on Shyla’s back.
“I know. It’s okay.” I motioned to the abandoned food hoping the distraction would help. “Let’s eat this pizza.”
He offered me a sad smile then walked over. My heart went out to them both. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to deal with that. While the smart thing to do would be to run, I found myself desiring to be there for them even more.
Shyheim was lost in his thoughts and kept quiet while we ate. I kept busy talking with Shy Shy about school and the new things she was learning. I loved how intelligent she was, even if she had a mother who was quick to abandon her.
“You are perfect and so smart,” I affirmed her while rubbing her cheek. Lifting my eyes to her father, I placed a hand on top of his to get his attention. “And you’re doing a great job.”
He seemed far away from the moment with us, and I allowed him to be, but he needed to know that. I surprised myself when I did something I normally wouldn’t do and opened my arms for him. He was hesitant at first, but eventually, he opened his too. That hug between us silenced all the chatter in my mind. All that mattered right now was letting him know I was there for him and Shyla.
When we parted ways, I should’ve placed distance between us, but the broken look in his hazel eyes froze me in place. Against my better judgment, I allowed gravity to pull us together until our lips met for a soft kiss that set my soul on fire. When he pulled away, he dropped his forehead on top of mine.
“Your lips are even softer than I imagined they’d be.”
His confession had me blushing. I laughed then pushed him away. For the first time since Shy Shy’s mother disrupted the balance with her bad energy, I saw him genuinely smile. That was enough for me to ignore the throbbing of my scars as it became overpowered by the warmth in my heart.