Chapter 15
MOLLY
The sun has just barely set by the time we’re on our way back home. With the familiarity of his home and his family disappearing in the rearview, it’s just us again, the headlights laying out the road before us.
“You okay?” I ask.
He nods firmly, the green glow of the dash lights showing the set of his eyes and the press of his jaw. Several moments pass us by with nothing but the din of road noise for company before he speaks. “Do you want babies?”
I jolt slightly, not just at the sudden break of silence but the question he broke it with. I’m slowly starting to learn that when Wolf chooses to converse he’s incredibly direct.
“Um, uh… I don’t know,” I say honestly when I find my words. “I seriously don’t know yet. Why? Do you?”
He stares straight ahead for a moment, and it’s hard to read him with the cab’s meager lighting. “I don’t know,” he finally answers, his voice barely audible over the road noise. “Guess that’s another thing to figure out down the road.”
An aftershock of the first jolt shakes my foundation again. Whether we start a family or not, just the fact he’s referring to a future has my limbs tingling and my stomach swooping. “Yeah.” My voice quavers, and I hope he doesn’t notice.
Another quarter mile or so disappears behind us before he speaks again. “Should we… Are you…?” The right words seem to elude him as he listlessly shakes his head. He lifts his hand from where it was resting on the seat beside him, a gesture for me to help him out.
I ponder for a moment what he might be trying to say. “Um…”
“Are we safe?”
It clicks. “Yes,” I affirm clearly. “I take the pill.”
Another nod from him—seemingly he’s satisfied—but my stomach is on a fucking rollercoaster the rest of the drive.
I once again reflect on what he said the day I accepted this proposal.
He’s “more than okay with it.” The part of me that wants to protect my feelings still firmly believes he said that to smooth the whole thing over.
But those words also planted a small seed of hope, and I’ve been doing my best to believe it would not grow into anything.
But the events of just a few hours ago have me so confused.
Turning the lock, I let us into the dark and silent house. Wolf closes the door and locks it as I flip on the light that illuminates the foyer, and then neither of us moves.
I hold Mima’s borrowed clutch in my hands while Wolf shoves his hands in his pockets, as if we’ve arrived and intend on venturing no further into the house.
So… Here we are. The awkwardness could be cut with a machete.
Finally, Wolf utters one life-saving word. “Drink?”
“Yep.” I swiftly turn and head for the kitchen, faintly aware of Wolf roving behind me. “I’ve got white wine, beer, and I think there’s an old bottle of my granddad’s whiskey somewhere.”
“Whiskey’s perfect.”
“Great.” I open one of the walnut cupboards.
“I think it’s up here somewhere.” I stretch as high on my toes as I can and reach up to the top shelf, where my fingers barely graze the old bottle.
My feet flatten beneath me, and I go for another attempt when suddenly my back is warm, and I’m immersed in clean, rustic man smell.
Wolf’s impressively imposing form crowds me as he reaches up, retrieving the bottle of Old Forester with ease.
The closeness of his body makes endorphins buzz to life beneath my skin, and a warm glow lights up low in my core.
“Thanks,” I say airily then fish out a tumbler for him before grabbing a bottle of the strongest local lager for me from the fridge.
After popping off the bottle cap, I wait as Wolf pours the amber liquid into his tumbler.
I know enough about him and don’t expect much out of him verbally, but this situation we’re in?
It’s going to drive me batshit crazy if every day is awkward like this.
When I can’t take the silence any longer, I say, “Think I’ll change.
” Taking my beer, I pad up the carpeted stairs and toward the loft.
In my bedroom, I open a drawer, grab an extra-large T-shirt, and toss it on my bed, but while looping my thumbs under the straps of my dress, my attention is drawn to the clunk of Wolf’s glass connecting with the stone counter top in the kitchen.
Shit… He’s right there. He can’t see up in the loft, but he’s still right there. We’re virtually in the same room. I don’t know why I’m getting so twisted up about changing out of my clothes when I’m safely out of view, but I need a closed door.
Grabbing my T-shirt and my beer I shuffle into the conjoined bathroom and close the door behind me.
Taking a hearty gulp, I slip out of the dress, remove my bra, and slide the tent of heavenly cotton over my body.
The simple change already has me feeling less like I need to stand on ceremony, and removing my makeup while draining what’s left in my beer has me feeling more relaxed and ready to face the broody scarecrow in the next room.
Whipping the door open, I quickly realize that I’m one hundred percent wrong.
Because there stands Wolf, clad in plaid pajama bottoms and nothing else.
He turns, straightening up from one of his duffel bags and giving me a side view of how lean his physique is. He gestures a nervous hand at his bags on the floor by the wall. “I figured, you wouldn’t want my stuff all over the place downstairs… Plus, I wanted to change too…”
I take momentary comfort in the fact that he seems as nervous and unsure of what to do as I am and shake out of my personal man-candy trance. “Oh, of course. Yeah, this is good,” I try to say casually. It’s his house too now, after all.
And now, we stand awkwardly again across the room from one another.
Both of us half dressed with a bed between us.
The silence is so thick, it’s penetrating my bones, and I’m starting to squirm.
Unable to take another moment, I decide to break it.
“Um, I’m just going to go ahead and address the big elephant in the room. What do we do now?”
Wolf nods thoughtfully at the carpeted floor a moment, rubbing at the back of his neck.
The ridges and ravines of his bicep ripple with the movement before he lets his arm fall slack at his side and finally meets my gaze.
“Look, I know we kissed a couple times at the wedding, but we don’t have to have sex. ”
That last word rings straight through to my marrow, triggering thoughts of being intimate with this man. And the way he said don’t have to, like he’s insinuating that we could. Does he want to? Because if he did, I don’t think I’d necessarily be opposed, which is fucking insane.
“We can take things slow,” he speaks again, a subtle implication in the low gravel. It reminds me of his intent to make this marriage actual and authentic.
“Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. So many thoughts are rushing through my mind, like my limited experience with intimacy, my surprising desire to want that with Wolf, and my stress over what I should be feeling in this very anomalous situation I’m in.
“Take things slow,” I repeat on a shaky whisper, mostly addressing myself.
He nods, and the shadow in his eyes looks like it’s attempting to mirror an understanding.
My heart flips over in my chest, and my brain has become Grand Central Station with all the trains of thought racing around on their tracks at one time. I look to the bed, feeling like I should lie down but also that I couldn’t possibly sleep at a moment like this.
“Molly?” Wolf’s voice calls to me from the here and now, and I’m thankful for that.
I blink and look at his face, silently urging him to say more.
He must see me inwardly spiraling because he says, “Look, we don’t have to figure it all out right this moment.
Why don’t we just go back downstairs for a bit? ”
The trains of relief and disappointment crash into each other, but I think it’s for the better, because I find myself nodding in agreement. “Actually, I think I need food.” Brilliant sentiment. Just brilliant.
“Yeah, I didn’t eat much either at uh… Whatever that was,” he says, referring to his family’s impromptu reception, and his dubious eyeroll sends a few welcome endorphins of humor throughout my body, enough to make me relax just a little.
After a couple more beers and a frozen pizza, I relax into the cushions at the end of the couch. “So how does a man and his three brothers end up working together as game wardens?” I ask, leaning my head on my fist.
Wolf rolls up his napkin and tosses it on his plate before shrugging. “Just the family business.” He lifts a shoulder and avoids eye contact as he sits back in the arm chair near me.
“What does that mean? Did your parents and grandparents go into law enforcement too? And I didn’t see your parents anywhere today. Do they live far away?”
“Wow,” he exhales, “that’s a lot of questions.”
“It was only two, actually,” I correct him, yet he shakes his head again. “Okay, three. Don’t you want to tell me?”
“I don’t like talking about myself.” He props his elbow on the chair arm and rests his head against his knuckles. “Don’t you have a deck of cards laying around or something?” he grumbles.
The suggestion sets a light bulb off in my head as I sit up and turn toward the side table. “I do,” I respond, opening the drawer. “And that gives me an idea.”
“And what is that?” Wolf finally leans forward with a look of interest as I retrieve the trusty deck of cards.
“My granddad taught me a little bit of poker, which I’m okay at.
” I empty the cards into my hand. “And my Mima taught me Gin Rummy, which I can absolutely wipe the floor with you at.” I feel a smirk tug at the corner of my mouth when his brow rises in amusement.
“You choose the game, but every hand that I win, you have to answer a question.”
“Pass.”