Chapter 37
WOLF
Molly has some things to share with me, and I know she won’t take too long getting around to them.
But after everything she’s been through the last few days, I’m happy for her to pace herself.
In the meantime, I’ve been telling her anything and everything I can think of about who I am, what I like, what I want, and how she plays a role in all of it.
In hindsight, I can see that when she took off into the woods, she just needed a breather, a little time to herself to process.
But still, it gave me a taste of what life might be like if she decided she didn’t want to do this anymore, and I knew I couldn’t just give her scraps of the man she married. She deserves to know me.
As soon as the chaos of all the bullshit with Riley was behind us, I went on some kind of word-vomit tirade.
I told her all about how special both my parents were to me and how their loss affected me on a different level than my siblings.
My dad, in particular, was my best friend and always seemed to know how to read me.
He spent a lot of one-on-one time with me, deliberately to get to know me.
Sometimes we’d go on a hike or even just a drive.
Sometimes I didn’t feel like talking and so neither would he, and sometimes I’d feel comfortable enough to tell him ideas I had to build a fort or traps we could set for poachers.
She now knows that because I was quiet and preferred my own company, I got labeled a freak in school, and it bothered my brothers more than it did me, which was even more peculiar to them.
I divulged all this over the course of two days before Molly finally took my face in her hands and told me that it was okay. That I didn’t have to make up for anything all at once. She was probably trying to sort through her own issues without having me dump all my hidden secrets on her.
It’s been several days since her fall, and she’s doing much better, although Karla dropped quite a bomb on her. As far as I can tell, she’s handling it okay.
I’ve kept my eye on her since we had sex, earlier.
She actually fell asleep pretty deeply after the second time, and I’ve stayed close.
I packed a few pillows and blankets from the couch around her to keep her warm before pulling on some sweatpants and venturing to the laundry room where one of my duffle bags has been living.
Rifling along the bottom, my fingers wrap around the simple wood frame.
I’ve been yearning to revisit the old photo of me and dad and for once, that doesn’t feel daunting.
Holding it in both hands, I gaze down at it as I wander outside.
Molly’s let me make an addition to the back deck in the form of a fire pit like the one at the family compound. A great extension of the deck was perfect for putting up a solid canopy, and I splurged on some rocks at the home improvement store a couple towns over.
The easiest part was the firewood. The storm left us with a couple of downed trees that I went to town on, splitting into logs.
Despite that fucking sleaze Riley learning his lesson ten times over, my pent-up rage needed an outlet.
Not to mention the piece of shit who tried to kill Molly.
Their actions left me with some powerful emotions I’m not used to allowing into my life.
This particular home improvement project has been healthy, to say the least.
Outside, the air is chilly and damp, but the coziest fire crackles, and my seat isn’t far from the back slider door so I can easily get up and check on Molly.
The forecast promises another storm, and the smell of the air confirms it’s not far away.
Storms are such a hardship on Molly, but I still have a fondness for them and figure it can’t hurt to sit out here and enjoy as much of one as I can before she wakes up.
The second she does though, I’ll be inside and at her side.
For now, I’m enjoying the skin on my bare shoulders tingling with goosebumps from the cool breeze. It makes me feel alive, along with the smell of the coming rain and the contrasting heat of the fire.
When that first signal of the storm sounds, that very first roll of thunder, I stand, intent on padding over to the window to peek in on Molly, but she surprises me, by opening the slider door.
I hurry over to her as she emerges, one of the living room blankets wrapped around her body. She hasn’t gotten dressed, and she holds it tightly around her bare arms as she steps out.
My mouth falls open: she’s coming out and not retreating inside.
Maybe she didn’t hear the thunder, or maybe she did and was trying to get my attention.
My hands move to her arms, and the first flash of lightning has her looking up in the sky, her hazel eyes wide with wonder.
It’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.
“Baby what are you doing?” I ask softly. “Are you okay?”
When the flash fades, Molly looks around, taking in the soft rain that’s beginning to fall, breathing in the dense air. She’s taking it all in, yet steps in close to me, huddling for warmth or comfort, I’m not sure.
“I want to sit with you.” She finally brings her eyes to mine.
“Out here?” I ask and she nods. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah…” She nods again. “It can’t be worse than sitting at the bottom of a ravine while a storm does its worst…right?” She scrunches the side of her face as if she’s not sure if she sounds insane or not.
I honestly wasn’t sure what that experience would do for her phobia, but I’ve been armed and ready for it to make things worse.
So I take a moment to believe what I’m seeing before speaking again.
“Right…” I tell her. “You’re absolutely right.
Are you trying to tell me you’re not scared of them anymore? ”
The next clap of thunder comes out of nowhere, making her jump and bury her face in my bare chest. “No,” she answers, her breath warm on my skin. “But I like when you keep me safe from them.”
“I like doing that for you too, baby,” I tell her, wrapping my arms fully around her. “Let’s go by the fire.” I bend down to scoop her up in my arms and walk back to the fire pit. I settle her across my lap and make sure the blanket is cozily tucked around her.
“Tell me what you like about them so much,” Molly says, her eyes searching the horizon of tree tops like she’s looking for the next rumble and flash. As if on cue, the rain starts coming down harder in a steady curtain around us.
“Well for one thing, there’s that,” I tell her, tipping my chin at the downpour. “Just listen to it.”
She closes her eyes as if she wants to block out all her other senses to fully get what I’m talking about. “It’s loud but quiet,” she says. “It’s sort of…peaceful? Relaxing?”
“Yeah. And if you relax just enough you can hear it on every roof tile; every leaf, every flower petal.” I rub her leg, and she opens her eyes just as the thunder booms. It’s a cacophonous and sudden two-part crackle and pound that shakes the earth, and Molly goes stiff in my lap.
She shakes out of it quickly though, like she’s determined not to react.
I go along, deciding to talk as if nothing happened.
“That part always makes me feel alive,” I explain.
She laughs lightly. “Let’s just say that part is not my favorite,” she replies and nestles her head in the nook where my shoulder meets my neck.
“It’s unpredictable,” I state. “And a little scary in the sense it startles me. It’s almost like a thrill and then the lightning strike? It’s like nature is putting on a show for you, on its own terms. And your job is just to cozy up and take it in.”
“I never thought about it that way, but…I like it.” And when the next pound of thunder cracks through the sky, she jumps but lets out a small chuckle against my chest. And she doesn’t even flinch at the next lightning flash, just marvels at it like she did when she first walked out on the porch.
I bring my lips down to the top of her head and speak into her hair. “How did you get through it in the woods?”
She’s quiet a moment before I finally feel the breath of her words on my collarbone. “I had no other choice. I had to survive or succumb to the storm and whatever else happened.”
“You have a choice right now,” I point out and she nods. “You’re safe at home, and I’ll fight any storm that comes for you.
“I know,” she responds, lifting her head back up to look at me in the flash of lightning. “And I want to sit through it with you.”
I brush a lock of her honey brown hair away from her face. “Even though you hate it?”
She blinks slowly. “I don’t hate it. I hate the hold it has had over me, but now, I’m ready to overcome it by making new memories with you. Someday, I want to love it like you do.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you,” she says.
The words, though she’s said them before, hit me straight in my heart. I stare at her a moment before simply saying, “And I love you, Molly.”
She closes in, laying a kiss on my lips, staying that way for a moment. When I return the kiss, she releases my face and snuggles back against my chest. Another clap of thunder booms, and we both jump but otherwise don’t acknowledge it.
It’s crazy how I thought I’d never get married, and here I am sitting with a wife in my lap who is stronger and smarter than I could ever aspire to be.
I thought I knew how beautiful and peaceful silence was. But it’s never compared to this kind we’re sitting in. I drift on a few moments longer until she raises her head from my chest.
“Someone tried to hurt me.” The words feel like they come out of nowhere, tumbling from Molly’s lips as soft as the distant thunder and I stiffen; the inside of my chest going cold as I absorb what she said.
Before I can ask what she means, she adds, “When I was little. It was during a thunderstorm.” That last word comes out of her mouth shaky and a shroud of darkness falls over my mind and I tell myself to stay calm.
I can’t stop myself, however, from folding my arms closer around Molly; completely encasing her as I drop my chin to her head.
I use the act to ground me and keep the sparked rage inside me to a flicker.
“Is it… are they still out there?”
“No,” she answers against my chest and her tone is as calm as I’ve ever heard it.
She goes quiet; letting out a long exhale and I feel her body depress in my arms. I want to know more, but I reel that in; assuring myself she’ll tell me more when she’s ready.
For now, a lot more makes sense and I’m surprised to feel it do my heart good.
We sit through a couple more bouts of thunder before Molly speaks again.
“What’s that?” Her chin tilts to the framed photo resting on the stone ledge.
I lean us both forward as I reach for it, and hold it in her lap for her to see as I settle back. I don’t say anything right away, and instead just let her take it in. Then finally, in a voice that shakes with raw emotion, answer, “My dad.”
Molly wriggles under the blanket, freeing one of her bare arms. Taking hold of the frame, she practically guts me by cradling it to her chest. “You miss him.” The way it coasts out of her as she nestles her head back against my chest has me unable to tell if it’s a question or a statement. But it doesn’t matter.
“I want to make new memories with you too,” I tell her, locking my arms around her and gazing into the fire. “I want to be able to drive down Skyview Road.”
She’s quiet, and I let her sit with that thought for a moment.
“Do you want to try?” she asks. “Do you want me to go with you?”
“Yeah.” I nod, realizing she didn’t ask me to fill in what happened, and I love her for it. But it’s time.
So I tell her.
One of her arms sneaks out of the blanket to wrap around my neck, and I bring my hand up and rub along her skin, trying to keep it warm.
Molly’s hand caresses my cheek, and I move to kiss her.
And this time the kiss goes on and on, through several crashes of thunder, through countless flickers of lightning.
The warmth of the fire and the chill of the rain envelope us in nature’s embrace as we linger in the moment.
“Wolf,” Molly says between kisses.
I reluctantly pull away just enough so she can speak. “Hmm?”
“It feels like we’re married,” she says, her eyes blinking up at mine.
The widest smile that’s probably ever graced my face pulls at the corners of my mouth. “Good…because if we weren’t already married, now’s about the time I’d ask you.”
“Well, I’ll say yes anyway,” she whispers, locking her lips against mine again.