Chapter Five #3
Some of his own pain morphed into anger, too, and he wasn’t so good at hiding it. “Is it just me or is that’s what all humans are in the eyes of lions?” he asked. “Helpless little whores?”
Ryland gasped Arslan tightened his grip on his shoulder and spun him around. A moment later, his back was against the wall to one side of the fireplace. Arslan held him there with one hand in the middle of his chest.
He’d never seen the professor truly angry before. A minute earlier, Ryland would have sworn that he’d seen Arslan furious in a dozen different lectures. But he knew, in that moment, he’d been wrong. He’d never seen Arslan even close to losing his temper before.
With so much pain and desperation swirling inside him, Ryland didn’t have any room left for any thought toward self-preservation. “If I’d been a lion, would you have forgiven me so easily, sir?”
“No,” Arslan snapped, and apparently, he was angry enough to tell the truth, as well, because he didn’t try to soften the word in the slightest.
“Because you’d expect better from a lion,” Ryland pushed.
Arslan’s lips began to frame an affirmative, but he stopped himself short with a snarl. “Our traditions exist for a reason. Do not dismiss them as if they were designed as an insult to you.”
Part of Ryland immediately wanted to apologise, but it was a very small part. A much larger part of him wanted to scream that he had no interest in any tradition that meant he had to lose everything he’d thought he’d been working toward over the last two weeks.
Arslan’s apparent acceptance of him had been such a beautiful mirage. Ryland hadn’t even known how much he wanted it until he’d seen it there waiting for him, shining and shimmering just out of his reach. And now… Ryland swallowed rapidly and stayed silent.
“Lions are stronger than humans,” Arslan bit out. “We remember that, because if we forget, we’re not the ones who get hurt.”
“Fine, I get that. But that wasn’t the sort of allowance you were talking about making for me, was it, sir?” Ryland pushed.
Arslan stared down at him in silence for several long seconds. “If you’d been born with a lion’s instincts, raised within a pride that could teach you how to follow those instincts, you’d have had to be a fool to make the decisions you made over the last few weeks. Is that what you want to me say?”
“Yes! And, if it’s the truth, then punish me for acting like a fool,” Ryland pleaded.
“I’d rather that than have you think the idea I could ever be good enough for you was so laughable there’s no point in me even trying.
” His tone was only one step above begging.
It was possible that Arslan’s hand pinning him against the wall was actually the only thing that stopped him lowering himself to his knees in earnest.
“Not acceptable.”
Ryland closed his eyes as he let his head fall back against the wall behind him, sick to his stomach with defeat.
And the worst thing of all was knowing that he’d stay.
Even if all he could get were scraps and pity, he’d stay, because even that would be better than the pressure that had built up in his mind when they’d been separated.
“Open your eyes. Look at me,” Arslan ordered.
Ryland bowed his head, turning away from Arslan as best he could while he was still pinned against the wall.
“Now, not whenever you feel like it,” Arslan snapped.
Ryland blinked his eyes open, more in shock at the sudden change in tone than because his brain was in any condition to process an order and obey it accurately right then.
“You said you wanted to be treated like a lion—held to the same standards as a lion?” Arslan demanded.
Ryland nodded, mutely.
“Not acceptable,” Arslan repeated, his eyes searching Ryland’s face, as if looking for a clue to some ancient mystery Ryland wasn’t even aware of. “If you were a lion, nothing you’ve done in the last few weeks would be considered acceptable.”
Very slowly, scared to take a breath in case it would somehow cause everything to crumble around him, Ryland nodded his understanding. “Yes, sir.”
As if moving in slow motion, Arslan took his hand off Ryland’s chest and stepped back. He turned and took more several paces away from Ryland before he faced him again.
“A lion would be expected to explain his actions to the leader of his pride, to answer for them,” he said. His tone was more cautious than Ryland had ever heard it, as if Arslan was feeling his way forward in unfamiliar territory and wasn’t sure if he’d be required to change tactic at any moment.
Ryland nodded quickly, not sure he trusted his voice while everything still rested on what the professor might say next.
“That’s what you want?” Arslan pushed.
Ryland nodded again.
“When you agreed to be thrown to the lions, you had no idea you would be safe with us. You actually believed that you wouldn’t be safe with us, yet you agreed to it anyway.”
They weren’t facts Ryland could argue with. He managed another nod.
“Unacceptable.” Suddenly, Arslan was back across the room, looming over Ryland with barely an inch of air between them.
Ryland gasped, tilting his head back to stare up at him. Instinct tried to take over, and the cuffs were the only things that stopped him from reaching out to Arslan.
“For all you seem to have known, you could have been killed… You could have been…” Arslan shook his head as the same possibilities that had filled Ryland’s head before he recognised the professor that night obviously occurred to him.
“You really believed that, and you agreed to it regardless. Unacceptable.”
Ryland couldn’t make the words much more than a whisper, but he forced them out regardless. “If I were to be held to the same standard as a lion, what would the punishment be, sir?”
“That’s not the way things work between lions.” Arslan turned away from him and strode back into the middle of the room once more. For several long moments, he kept his back to Ryland as if deep in thought.
As Ryland stepped forward, he saw Arslan’s shoulders tense, and he knew that Arslan had sensed his approach. He forced himself to take another step forward. “Tell me how things are between lions, sir?”
The professor turned back to him. “A lion would wait until after his leader has finished with his questions before asking his own.”
Ryland nodded his acceptance and fell silent. If there was any chance of being properly accepted by Arslan, he knew he’d happily stay silent for however long it took.
Arslan reached out, he settled his palm on Ryland’s cheek. Not sure what the appropriate feline response should be, he stayed still and took what reassurance he could from the gentle touch.
“Lions aren’t permitted to disappear whenever the mood strikes them. They aren’t permitted to hide their location from the rest of the pride either,” Arslan informed him, only slightly less cautiously.
Ryland swallowed several times in quick succession. “Graddage Street,” he finally said. “I was in Jason Burrows’s house. I borrowed money from him to pay back the money I took from Kershaw.”
“Lions are expected to learn from their mistakes,” Arslan snapped, but he kept his hand where it was as Ryland felt the heat rush to his cheeks.
It was the same tone of voice the professor used in his lectures when a student wasn’t only failing to learn, but failing to make what Arslan considered to be a reasonable effort to do so.
“If there’s an explanation, now is the time to give it. ”
“Being away from you hurt too much, sir,” Ryland rushed out, his toes curling into the hearth rug as he fought to hold his ground in the face of Arslan’s displeasure.
Arslan didn’t speak, but he stroked his thumb over the line of Ryland’s cheekbone, silently encouraging him to go on.
Ryland’s hands clenched into fists behind his back as he held onto the desperate hope that the truth would help.
“I couldn’t come back and tell you I wasn’t some kind of whore while I still had Kershaw’s money.
And I wanted to come back to you so badly, sir.
Borrowing the money off Jason was the only way to do that this fast, and I needed to do it quickly. ”
“And what price did you pay for that decision, pet?” Arslan asked him, his voice rough with emotion, even as he made an obvious effort to speak gently to him.
“It wasn’t like that.” He closed his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to tell the truth.
“I knew when I took money from him that things could go really wrong, that I might be putting myself in danger. I can’t deny that.
” He took a deep breath. “But that wasn’t how he wanted me to repay the debt.
It was Mark. Mark Jefferies—Jason’s boyfriend.
Jason found out Mark was so busy fussing over him he was flunking out, so he decided I was going to be his new tutor.
I… I agreed to work with him every hour there was until his exam.
Neither of us left Mark’s room very often after that.
We crammed for ten days straight. His exam was late this afternoon. He thinks he’s going to pass.”
“Neither he nor Jason laid a hand on you?” Arslan asked.
Ryland shook his head. “It was fine. Intense…but fine.”
Arslan studied Ryland for a while longer before he seemed willing to believe him. Ryland didn’t miss the relief that flooded into his eyes just before he looked away.
“Very well. Is that debt settled now?”
Ryland wanted to lie so badly, but he knew it wouldn’t help in the long run. “No. I still need to keep tutoring Mark a couple of hours a week until it is, but I can easily fit that in around—”
Arslan shook his head, completely dismissing that idea. “I’ll pay off the remainder of the debt tomorrow.”
It took Ryland a few seconds to realise what Arslan meant. “No.”
Surprise flashed across Arslan’s face.