16
Farlen
T he feeling I had when we left Healer Daniel is slowly starting to disappear. People look at me funny here at the mall. Some people point at me and a few girls look like they fell asleep standing up. One place we went to get my clothes told Connor that I wasn’t welcome there. No matter where we go in this place, I feel like there is always someone watching me. We finally found a store where they didn’t stop me from getting clothes.
When we walked in the door, there was a small lady with purple hair standing behind a table. She made a noise like she was having trouble getting air into her. Quickly, she comes over to us.
“Hi! I am Holly. What are you guys looking for today?”
I look at Connor because he knows what I need and I don’t.
“We need a full wardrobe for Farlen here. I mean everything, hopefully, a week’s worth to start. I am hoping we will be getting her more clothes as she puts on some weight.”
The lady nods to Connor. “Okay, that I can do. What is your size so I can show you where they are?”
“Let’s just say that she doesn’t know her size because of circumstances beyond her control. Will that be an issue?”
“Nope, no problem. Let’s start off with a size two and see how it fits her, and we can work from there.”
I have tried on so many clothes that I really wish they would just start on fire and leave me alone. I never had to wear them before. Why do I have to do it now? I think the worst part was when Holly brought me what she called a bra. It looked like something HE used to torture me with. It felt pretty close to it once I had it on, too. Connor told me that it was something that all women wore. I don’t understand why they would torture themselves with it.
After we got a lot of clothes and some shoes for me, Connor hands Holly a rectangle when she tells him the total. I don’t understand what any of it means, and I am glad that Connor is here with me to help me. I don’t think I could have done this without him, though I still don’t want to wear the bra. It takes Connor a minute once he puts the rectangle back in his pocket to gather all the things that we got.
“I’m not able to hold your hand with all this stuff, so please stay close. Now, since you did such an amazing job, let’s go get you that food I promised.”
I’m not really hungry, but I don’t know if he’ll be mad at me if I tell him that. So I just nod my head at him. I stay right behind him as he walks, trying to stay behind him so not so many people will see me. It works a bit. Once we pass people and they see me, the pointing starts again. I don’t see them pointing at anyone else here. Just me. I don’t understand why, and it makes me feel sad. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
I don’t know how long I was absorbed in my thoughts, but it must have been a while, because Connor is standing in front of me, holding out a small cup.
“I figured we’d try out a small one first to see how you like it. Don’t want to get you a big one and you do not like it.”
I take the cup from him. Inside it is a round, ball-looking thing. There is also a spoon. I use the spoon and poke the ball, and it goes into easily. I get a bit on the spoon and take a small bite. It is so cold and so sweet. It also tastes like peanut butter. I take another small bite of it. I don’t know what it is called, but I like it a lot, maybe even more than bacon. Connor laughs.
“Good, I am glad you like it. I was hoping you would. So it looks like I need to add peanut butter ice cream to the list of foods you like. ”
I look up from the cup to Connor and nod at him. I look back down at my cup to take another bite and don’t know where it all went. Did someone eat it? I thought there was more in it. Connor is laughing a lot now and holding his stomach.
“You ate it all Farlen, before you looked up at me, you put the last bite in your mouth. I will make sure the house has a lot of peanut butter ice cream. Let’s take it slow on it. We don’t know how your stomach is going to handle it. Come on, let’s head back to the academy and get your stuff put away.”
Connor leads us outside. The sun is much lower than it was when we went in there. I am already tired thinking about how long it is going to take us to get back. My legs feel shaky, but I don’t want to stop this close to where everyone keeps pointing at me. Connor keeps getting farther and farther away from me. He stops and looks around and sees me. He walks back to me.
“It’s been a long day, huh? Are you getting tired?” I nod to him. “Alright, I’m going to get down low, I want you to put your arms around my neck like you’re giving me a hug from behind, then I’m going to stand up when your arms are there, then I want you to use your legs to give me a hug as well, and I will hold you up that way.”
I do as he tells me to, and when he stands up, I use my legs to give him a hug like he said. I rest my head against him. This feels nice. He is so warm. I push my head closer to him. I could fall asleep like this, but I don’t. I just close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of Connor’s warmth against my body.
With his long legs, he gets us back in a lot less time. When we get to the door, there is a piece of paper on it.
“Farlen, can you grab that with one of your hands? Let me know what it says?”
I reach forward slowly, afraid that I’m going to fall. I grab the paper and look at it. I don’t see a mouth on it, but I hold it up to my ear. It isn’t saying anything. I still hold it up to my ear, not sure how long I need to wait for it to say something. Connor walks us inside, and back to the room where I woke up. He sits down on the bed and lets go of my legs .
“Alright sweet girl, you can let go of my neck now. I’m going to put your clothes in your closet. What does the paper say?”
“Hasn’t said anything.”
“What do you mean it hasn’t said anything?” He looks over at me and laughs.
“I’m sorry, but it isn’t going to speak to you. What does the writing on it say?”
“I don’t know.”
He stopped midway as he was standing up. His mouth opened.
“Wait, sweetheart, can you read?”
“What is read?”
He falls to his knees in front of me. He quickly grabs my hands and gives them a hand hug.
“I am so sorry Farlen, I just assumed you knew how to read. Can you write?”
I don’t know what that is, so I shake my head at him.
“Okay sweet girl, let me see the paper.”
I hand it to him and he looks at it, then sits down next to me.
“Alright, it says, Dear Farlen No Last Name, you are hereby requested to meet with Dean Augustus as soon as possible. Any matches you have found are welcome at the meeting as well. Secretary Thaddeus.”
He uses his finger to point to each word as he says them. He rubs the back of his neck and looks at me.
“Are you feeling up to going to this meeting? I don’t know much about Dean Augustus or his secretary. It says as soon as possible, but I am sure we can put it off until tomorrow if you are too tired.”
I don’t want to go outside again tomorrow. I also just want to lay down on this bed and sleep.
“I don’t know.”
He looks at me and nods his head. Then bends down and picks me up. He has one of his arms behind my neck and another behind my legs. A little scream escapes my mouth and I try to hide my head in his arm so I don’t have to see how mad he is at me for it. I can feel my entire body start to shake. He lifts me up so I can see his face.
“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was actually really cute.” His cheeks get red when he says that. “Sorry, I should have warned you I was going to do that. I figured this would be easier to get this over with faster. And if you fell asleep on the way there or back, at least you wouldn’t have to worry about falling.”
As he begins walking he says, “I know it is going to take some time for you to get over your fears. I want you to know that no noises you make will ever make me want to hurt you. If you need to stand and scream till your voice hurts just to get out some of your pain, I will hold your hand while you do it and then order you some hot tea with honey in it to help soothe your throat when you are done. If you just want to sit and talk for hours about nothing, I will sit there with you and talk to you. Maybe rub your feet while you tell me what is on your mind. I am never going to hurt you. I will do none of the things that were done to you.”
I put my head against his chest as he is talking. I really hope what he is saying is true. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. With my head against his chest, I can hear his heart. It is steady. His heart doesn’t feel like it is trying to escape his chest like mine does. It is a pleasant sound. I don’t remember closing my eyes.