19
Connor
T his is the last day I get Farlen to myself. She has been coming out of her shell more and more. She’s been more talkative and has been working hard at getting her letters down. Her writing has improved in the last few days. It still borders on the line of illegibility, but it’s getting more defined each time she practices. At her current rate, it should be legible in a few weeks.
Her words of the day, I swear, are a work of the Gods. Each day has been more and more of a push towards what we are. I know she knows we are a match, but I don’t think she understands what it is. I am not sure if I am the right person to describe it to her, though. I am equally hoping and dreading she finds another match soon once school starts. Hoping because it would give her someone else to look out for her, and if it is someone who is in the academy with her, would give someone to look after her while I can’t be there. Dreading it because it means she will be spreading her time between us, and I’ve gotten used to being the only one she spends time with. Even as I think about it, I feel selfish. She has six other matches out there, six other pieces of her soul waiting to connect with her, to help complete her in ways I can’t. I should want that for her. It’s just hard to see how far she has come with me, to see how trusting of me she is becoming, to let her get into a position where she could be hurt. Not all males are happy with their match and can reject them. It isn’t often done, because it causes immeasurable pain to each of them. But some guys are so superficial, only seeing the beauty that is skin deep and not the beauty that radiates from Farlen.
When she walked out of my room naked, I almost had a heart attack. I know I was told the scars cover all of her body, but I figured some places were untouched. From everything I saw of her because I couldn’t look away, there isn’t a single inch of skin that isn’t marred by scars. There are even parts of her that have scars on top of more scars. She is so fucking strong for having endured all of that, and to come out the other side.
We have gotten into a nice little routine these last few days; she wakes up and goes and soaks in her tub, while I order some food for us. I always include bacon for breakfast. She makes the softest little moans when she eats it. It has become my favorite sound in the world. After her bath, and she gets dressed, I put on her deodorant for her. I can’t stand the thought of her doing it to herself. The first time she did it, I could have sworn I saw some of her skin start to come loose. Once that’s done, we come out and eat breakfast. All the while, I am fighting my growing need for her. Then she tells me about her word for the day and how she decided to use it in a sentence. Her first was about gravitate, and her sentence was “I gravitate to my bed.” The second word was love, and she says, “I love bacon.” Which I had already figured out by now, but to hear her be able to state it so proudly made me happy for her. Today her word is soulmate. Like I said, I swear the Gods have a role in helping her choose her words, because this shit feels cosmic.
This morning, she seems like she is deep in her thoughts. She has kept her head down all morning, and not many sexy little moans emerge from her while she eats her bacon. It’s a task of self-control not to open myself up to her thoughts. She needs to have some privacy from me, even though it drives me insane not to know what she is thinking all the time. A look of determination crosses her face, and she stands up and grabs the dictionary. She hands it to me and says, “Read soulmate.” Not sure where this is going, I open to the page we have bookmarked and quickly find the definition of soulmate again.
“The definition of soulmate is a person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond, or someone who shares a part of one’s being, a person designed by the Gods to fill up a part, the other didn’t know was missing.”
She nods her head to me, and for the first time since she woke up, looks up at me. Her big white eyes have what looks like the beginning of tears in them, and say the four words that rock my fucking world.
“Are you my soulmate?”