22
Farlen
I don’t like sitting up here, where everyone’s eyes are on my back. It makes me feel so much more itchy. When the Instructor handed me the paper and pencil, I knew he wanted me to write things down like everyone else was. It takes me a few minutes to get the pencil right in my hand and begin trying to copy down the letters that are on the wall. I hear people whispering behind me, saying things about me. Some of them laugh at my voice, others talk about my scars.
My entire face and neck feel hot, like they are on fire again. I don’t like this feeling. I just want to go back to my sleep room and be under my blankets. And I want Connor here with me. I don’t know why the Instructor keeps yelling at people. He has a nice laugh, though. Maybe he should try laughing more like Connor says I should do? He is talking again to the people behind me, but I can’t focus on what he is saying. There is still so much more on the wall that isn’t on my paper.
The room begins to quiet around me, and I look up, and Connor is here. Where did he come from? I look around the room and it’s just Connor, the Instructor and I. Connor walks over and shuts the door to the room then walks behind me and I feel pressure on my shoulders. I look up and he has his hands on my shoulders. He looks angry, but all he is doing is staring at the Instructor. He asked me when he first came in if this was where I picked to sit. I shook my head at him.
“Listen sir, you don’t know me, and you don’t know Farlen, I am not sure what is all in her file, but I would appreciate it if what I tell you can stay between us, and maybe you can find a way to help her, like you are supposed to do. She cannot read, and she cannot write, I am working with her on teaching her how to do them, and she is coming along quickly with it, but if I was to compare her level of it to anyone I would say she is close to maybe a first year of schooling in understanding. She has been through a lot in life, as you can see just by a single glance at her, and all your bulling to her is just going to fucking hurt her more than help toughen her up or whatever bullshit you tell yourself.”
Connor sounds more and more mad as he speaks. I need to tell him about the phone. He said he was my match, and the voice on it said there was another match. He said he hopes we could find more of them. Maybe this will make him happy. I reach up and grab one of his hands with mine and try to pull on it to get his attention. I didn’t like the way the Instructor talked about my voice, so I don’t want to talk again. He doesn’t seem to notice me yet, and I keep pulling on his hand. His stupid big muscles are so much stronger than me. How can I get him to look at me? I look over at the Instructor, and he is staring at Connor.
Connor won’t let him hurt me. I trust Connor.
“Connor.” He still doesn’t look at me. “Connor.” I try again. This time he looks down at me, not looking angry anymore.
“What is it, sweetness?”
“Fone.”
“What about your phone?”
“Her phone went off during class, notifying her of a found match. She needs to have it on silent when in classes, and I would recommend not opening messages where everyone in attendance can hear them.” He blurts.
Connor looks down at me and my phone on the table. He reaches over and grabs it. The Instructor makes a funny noise but stops when Connor looks at him. He opens up the phone, and the message plays again. Connor looks to me, and then to the Instructor, then back to me.
“We are in match house 46. Come over when you get a chance and we can talk. My name is Connor Fitzgerald. I am one of her other matches.” He puts his hand out to the Instructor and the Instructor hugs his hand and they move it up and down again in that strange way.
“I have classes until three, here is her class schedule, I will make a note in her file that she is having a hard time seeing the boards, and would be beneficial to have notes read out loud while the Instructor is writing them, and she has a recording device, so if anything sensitive comes up and doesn’t need to be recorded she can be asked to pause it. This shit should have been in her file to begin with. If I would have known, I wouldn’t have given her the fucking paper.” He rubs a hand over his face and looks down at me. He has that same sad look on his face that Connor gets sometimes. I look up at Connor and he is looking at me the same way. With both of them looking at me like that, my stomach feels funny again. I wonder if it’s something I should talk to Healer Daniel about. Maybe something else is wrong and he’ll know about it.
Connor rubs the back of his neck. “Alright then, I guess we will be seeing you around three.” Connor grabs my bag and puts away my things. He hands the papers back to the Instructor, but keeps the one I was working on. He looks down at the paper and back at me.
“You did such a good job sweetheart, look at how much you managed to do today!” He smiles at me, and it’s easy for my face to smile back at him. When he looks at me that way, it’s easy for my face to smile at him. He helps me stand up and we walk out of the classroom. I don’t know how to say all the words with my mouth that I want to ask him. I touch my head in the way he told me to when I need to talk to him with my brain. He nods at me. So I ask him the questions that I have.
If you are my match, and that means you are my soulmate, does that mean that the person the message said is also my soulmate?
He nods his head to me.
I always dreamed of your eyes, and the eyes of six others. I never saw anything but their eyes. But now that I’ve seen you, you are all there, not just your eyes. Does that mean when I see my other soulmate, he will be there too?
Connor stops walking. And pulls me close to him.
“I didn’t know you dreamed about our eyes before, sweet girl. If your dreams have changed since you’ve known me, and I have now taken a physical form in your dreams and not just my eyes, then it is safe to say that yes, your new match will replace the eyes you have always known.” He pulls out the paper the Instructor gave him. “Looks like you have some time before your next class. Why don’t we go get you some food? Your next class looks like it is going to be physical training. So we are going to keep the food light. I am not sure how much they are going to try to put you through to test your physical endurance, but I don’t want anything too heavy in there that might come back up.”
I don’t know what that means, but I nod my head at him. He takes my hand and we walk around the academy. There are little carts parked all over the pathway. Some of them have lines of people standing there, others there is just a person standing behind them. Connor looks around for a few minutes, then begins walking us over to one without anyone in line.
The male behind it is smaller than Connor and looks between the two of us and just stares at Connor. He didn’t stare at me! Maybe it had something to do with the funny rumbling noise Connor made.
“A small peach pineapple smoothie. And a small strawberry passion fruit.” A few minutes later, Connor has two small cups, and he hands me the yellow one. His is a strange color of red, like it’s red but not red. He grabs my hand that isn’t holding the cold cup. I don’t like how cold it’s making my hand. He leads us over to one of the flat chairs and sits down, and pulls me down next to him.
“Alright, this is going to be cold, so take small sips, like the ice cream kind of cold.” I take a small sip of it, and it does taste like the pineapple I tried, but it also tastes like something new. I like it. I look at his cup. I wonder what it will taste like. I haven’t heard the words he used when he got his cup. He holds his cup out to me, the straw next to my lips. “Do you want to try mine?” I nod my head at him and he laughs and puts the straw closer to my lips. I take a small sip of his. Oh. It is very different from mine, but I like it too.
He chuckles and takes a sip of his drink next.
“Well, I think we found out two more things you like.” I smile up at him. We sit here in the sun for a while drinking our cold drinks, and mine starts to taste funny. The taste isn’t as strong as it once was. And I look at it, trying to figure out what is wrong with it.
“What’s wrong, sweet girl?”
“Not taste the same.”
“Here, let me see it.” I hand him the cup and he looks at it. “The reason it doesn’t taste the same is because all that is left now is ice. You’ve drunk it all. So let’s find a place to dispose of them and we can walk to your next class. We’ve got a little of time to get there, so no need to rush.” He stands up and walks over to one of the metal things I’ve seen all over the path and throws them in it. I see a small puff of something come from the metal. I stop moving, and Connor looks over at me.
“Hey it’s okay. There is magic on the trash bins that magically destroy the items, but it only works on nonliving things.” He sticks his arm in the metal thing and I hurry over to him and pull his arm out. It looks fine. “See, I’m fine. It won’t hurt us.” He takes my hand and we begin walking in a different direction. I don’t think I’ve been to this part before. There are less and less trees as we make our way out to a big grass area. We cross over a strange path in the ground, and Connor leads me over to a building.
“Alright, this is the changing room. For this class, you’re going to have to change into the clothes they provide for you. Sometimes magic can escape during the first year of class, especially if someone gets stressed out. So they provide some clothes that help protect against some type of magic. There should be showers in there. Don’t take a shower here. After this class, you have no more classes for the day, at least until we know your magic. So when you’re done here for the day, we will go back to the house and you can get cleaned up there. But I want you to go into the shower and close the curtain to get changed, okay? See this symbol on the door? This is the symbol for females. It means this is for females only. No men are allowed inside, the same can be said for all the restrooms across the academy.”
I look at the strange thing. It’s round, but squiggly too. Like there are arms extending from it trying to grab something. I look around and see people walking our way. Quietly I say, “Toilet?” hoping Connor will hear me. That cold drink is making me really have to go.
He nods. “There should be one in there. Go on in sweet girl, this is one class I can stay around for. Though I’m not allowed to be involved, I can at least stay close by.”
I go inside. There are lots of metal things in the room. The metal things look like small metal doors. Each of them has letters on them. I look at all the letters as I walk around the room. There is one that has the same letters as my name. I open it up and there are clothes in there. I grab them out and look around. I don’t see the showers Connor talked about. I walk around the room more, holding the clothes close to me so I don’t drop them. I see blue curtains that go all the way to the ground. I peek past one and it looks like a shower, so I walk into it and close the curtain. I put on the clothes, the short pants feel so big on me, I have to hold them so they stay on. The shirt is really hard to get on, and once I do get it on, my stomach shows. I can’t pull it down to cover up my stomach. It is super hard to breathe with it on. I look at the shoes that were there. They are really different from my shoes. They have strange strings on them. My shoes don’t have them. I don’t know what to do with the strings. I take off my shoes and put them on. They feel okay. Maybe Connor can tell me what I’m supposed to do with them and my clothes. I open the curtain and don’t see anyone around, so I go back to the door I came in. One hand holding my clothes, the other holding onto my short pants so they don’t fall off. I open the door and look around. Connor sees me and walks over to me. I touch my head and he nods .
I don’t know where my clothes go. These short pants won’t stay on. And I don’t know what to do about the strings on my shoes.
Connor looks around and leans close to my ear. “Your clothes go in the locker with your name on it, where you found your gym clothes. When you change back, get your clothes out of your locker and put your gym clothes back in there, the academy will take care of keeping them clean. When you’re done with that, come back here and I will help you with your shorts and your shoes.”
I shut the door and walk around till I find the letters of my name again. I put my clothes and shoes in there. I wish I could wear my shirt, so it covers my stomach. As I turn around, there is a girl standing there looking at me. She isn’t much bigger than me, and her hair is blue like my phone. She has weird metal things on her face.
“OH, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be here. Sorry for staring. I’ve heard about you around campus, but I didn’t think we’d have the same class together! Oh, I’m sorry! My name is Faith. I am a wraith!” She holds her hand out to me like I’ve seen Connor do to a few of the males. I take her hand and give it a hug with my own. She moves my hand up and down with hers. Her hand doesn’t feel as nice as Connors does, so when she lets the hand hug go, I pull my hand back to myself.
“And you are?” she says.
Connor? Help. Connor, I don’t know what to do.
The door flies open and the Faith girl screams and hides behind me. Connor comes running into the room. “Farlen, what’s wrong?” Why is the Faith girl hiding behind me? Connor is nice. I look to the Faith girl and then to Connor, then back to the Faith girl. I touch my head.
The Faith girl gave my hand a hug and moved it up and down like you do with some males. She said she was sorry for staring at me. I don’t know what to do. Connor looks strange for a second and then looks at the Faith girl.
“Faith is it? Sorry for scaring you. My name is Connor. This is my match, Farlen. She is still pretty new to most social interactions, so she didn’t know how to handle someone introducing themselves to her. Uh, if you don’t mind since I am in here, I am going to help her with her clothes and shoes. I will be out of your hair in just a second so you can get dressed.”
I look back at the Faith girl and she is just staring at me again. Why does everyone stare at me? At least she isn’t doing it with the look like some of the other people do, like they just ate a lima bean. She is looking at me sadly, like Connor and the Instructor did. Connor bends down and makes loops with the strings on my shoes. I can feel his hot breath on my leg and my stomach make that weird feeling again, this time a lot lower. He stands up and pulls some strings on my shorts, and makes loops with them too. I look at him and smile, and he comes close and puts his lips on my forehead. I feel his hot breath there. Is that what he has been doing every time I feel his hot breath?
“Alright ladies, I will leave you guys now. Farlen, if you need me, you know how to get a hold of me.” He touches his head in the way I’m supposed to and I think I understand. He leaves and the Faith girl stops hiding behind me.
“Wow, I am so sorry. I didn’t know. So your locker is right next to mine. We will be locker besties! I’m going to get changed now. Do you know much about this class or what we are supposed to be doing in it?”
She talks a lot. How can she hold so many words in her without taking air? My head tilts to the side to look at her as she continues to talk.
“No? That’s okay neither do I. Well I mean, I kind of get the idea that it is a physical type of class just based on the name, but outside of that I have no clue what we are going to be doing, Gods I hope it isn’t running, I suck at running. Have you seen how little my legs are, it takes me twice as long to move as far as some of the other people I mean geeze.”
Her legs are longer than mine. I look down at my legs.
“Oh man, again, I am sorry. My Momma always told me that one day my mouth was going to run away with itself and get me in trouble. Your legs are even smaller than mine. Which I think is a first for me! I’ve never met someone smaller than me before though my brother is a complete freak of nature, you’d think being related to me and coming from my Momma he’d be short, but no, he took all the tall genes and didn’t leave any for me.”
She takes off her clothes and puts on her new clothes, too. Her shirt is just as small as mine.
“Oh, come on, how are these supposed to protect us if any magic gets loose? There’s hardly any clothing to it at all!” Her skin is so smooth. It’s like Connor’s. There are no scars anywhere on her. There are little brown dots all over her back. It doesn’t look like it’s something someone did to her. I reach out and touch one, and it feels just like the rest of her skin.
“Oh um. So that Connor guy said you don’t know much about social things, uh it isn’t really nice to touch someone other than their hand, without asking them first. Have you never seen freckles before?”
I shake my head at her. I did something bad. I need to remember not to touch people unless it’s their hand.
“Hey, why do you look so sad suddenly? Did my big mouth say something bad? Ohhhhhh, uh it’s okay that you touched me. I don’t mind, it just kinda took me by surprise. I just wouldn’t touch other people without asking them first.”
I nod my head at her and keep my eyes on my feet. Why do I always do bad things? I am not a nice person. I am mean and bad. I open the door and my eyes begin to leak. I walk through the door, my eyes still leaking and I can feel the coolness of the water on my skin as I walk outside. Connor grabs my hand and uses his other hand to make my face look up towards him. He looks sad and angry at the same time.
“Why are you crying, sweet girl? What happened?” I just shake my head at him. I don’t want to say he will be mad at me.
“Hey, hey, now, nothing you could say would make me mad at you. Why don’t you use your head to tell me what is wrong with you?”
I touched the brown spot on the Faith girl’s back. She told me I’m not supposed to touch people without asking them first. It made me feel bad.
“Ah, I see. How about I talk to Faith when she comes out for you? I know you weren’t trying to be disrespectful to her. You were just curious about her freckles. Why don’t you go line up with the guys in front of the Instructor?”
I nod my head at him, look back at my feet, and walk over to where all the other people are. I hear people talking about me again. They are talking about my scars. I give myself a hug. I don’t like all these eyes on me. I look back to Connor, who is standing there talking to the Faith girl. She doesn’t look mad; she looks kind of sad. Connor doesn’t look angry. I turn a bit so I can hear what they are saying.
“Listen, she doesn’t understand a lot of things, and I’m not just going to spill her secrets to someone she just met. Maybe try to earn her trust. She will open up eventually if she feels like she can trust you. Try to talk to her and treat her like a youngling. It will make interacting with her a little easier for now.”
The Faith girl doesn’t say anything, just walks away from Connor and comes and stands next to me. I look back at Connor and he is walking over to where a bunch of other males and a few girls are standing. Connor looks over his shoulder and smiles at me. He turns back around and continues walking towards those people. The Instructor walks out onto the grass area. He has to be the biggest male I’ve ever seen. I take a step back and try to make myself smaller.
“I am Instructor Payne, yes the Gods had a sick sense of humor when they bestowed my gift upon me. This is a mixed class. There are those of you here who show signs of being some of the best in the class for physical endurance and stamina, and on the other end, we have those with the lowest. I know some of you have physical restrictions in place, and we will follow those in the next class. In this class, I want you all to give everything you’ve got. I need to see where we are starting, and how to improve. I know some of you hotshots think you don’t have any room for improvement, but one thing I have learned over the years is the best way to improve when you are at the top is to teach others. Now, ten laps around the field, I don’t care how you do it, or if you end up crawling across it at the end. You will get the ten laps in.”
Everyone begins walking over to the strange path around the grass. I follow behind them, not sure what we are doing. He is still talking, though.
“MATCHES! I don’t care if you’re here to offer support to your match, you will stay near the bleachers, I don’t care if your loved one loses a fucking limb, if you interfere it will be the last time you are allowed to be here.”
I look at Connor. I could lose a limb? It hurts to have one grow back. I look around for any knives or anything that could pull one of my arms off. Someone pushes me. “Move, freak, you’re in the way.”
I look around and don’t notice that everyone has started moving. The Faith girl keeps looking back at me. People are coming at me fast and I duck down and cover my head. I don’t hear the footsteps getting closer anymore and hear them getting farther away. I look around and everyone is staying on the strange path. I follow the path, trying to make sure I stay out of everyone’s way. Everyone is moving so much faster than me. I hear footsteps coming to me from the grass area. The Instructor is coming my way and fast.
“Alright, I’m just going to assume your name is Farlen based on the sunglasses and scars. This class is going to be very hard for you, as will your defense classes. I am the Instructor for them, so at least I will be a friendly face for you. I want to see how fast you can move. Healer Daniel has been very adamant that I take you slowly because of your condition. But I can’t get an accurate baseline unless I see what you can really do. You are not going to do the ten laps, but I want to see you move as fast as you can for the rest of this one.”
I nod. I try to move faster. It feels strange to move my legs this fast. The muscles in my legs don’t like it. I keep trying to get them to move faster. As I start going faster, I can feel my hair blowing behind me, kind of like when Connor carries me and moves fast. Everyone is still far ahead of me and people are getting closer to me. But I feel like I am moving faster.
I see where the Instructor is standing, and he is watching me. I can do this, I think I can go faster. I try to make my legs go faster, and it feels like my lung is being stabbed with a knife. It starts getting harder for me to breathe. I have a funny feeling in my throat and make a strange barking noise. I cover my mouth with my hand. When I look back down at it, there is blood all over my hand. I feel something in my stomach, much higher up than the funny feeling I get from Connor, feel like it’s moving.
I feel like I can’t breathe. Like something is pressing onto my chest and squishing me.