Chapter 31
31
Ruth and Gunnar both stayed in the boarding house that night, but in different rooms. She barely slept, keeping her ears open for signs of bad dreams from the other end of the corridor. Around one in the morning, Mercy crept into her room, crying, needing to be soothed. Ruth sang lullabies to her until she was fast asleep, then carried her back to her own room.
An hour later, Lilith cried out in her sleep, and Ruth went rushing to her room, which she was sharing with Betsy. The little girl didn’t wake up, just tossed and turned, whimpering something Ruth couldn’t make out. It sounded as if she was saying something in another language. Maybe she should see if Gunnar’s app could identify it.
She smoothed little circles on her back until she calmed down and fell into a deeper sleep. When she looked up, she saw a large figure silhouetted in the doorway. Her heart jumped in fear, until she realized that of course it was Gunnar.
Finger to her lips, she tiptoed out of the girls’ bedroom. “What’s going on?” she whispered when they were out in the corridor. The wooden planks of the floor were smooth from decades of guests, but bare of whatever paint had once covered it. The only light fixture was a bulb hanging from the ceiling; Gunnar had to dodge it every time he passed.
“Are you getting any sleep?” he asked her.
“Off and on. I knew the kids might not sleep well, and I was right.”
He cupped a hand around her neck. “I can take over if you want. You need your sleep.”
“They don’t know you. They like you, though.” She smiled at him and rubbed her head against his arm. “I think they see you as a big teddy bear with muscles.”
“That’s about right.” His chuckle was a deep rumble in his chest. A shiver went through her, his physical presence overwhelming her with desire. Or maybe it was comfort. Or some magical mixture of both. “Would they be shocked if they found us in the same bedroom together?”
“Probably.” But did she care? She was living by her rules now, not the Chilkoots’. She wasn’t a nun, and she wasn’t their mother. Even if she was, she had a right to choose what man she wanted to be with, when and how.
As long as they didn’t walk in on anything of a sexual nature…another wave of desire hit her as images flashed through her mind of all the “sexual nature” stuff she longed to do with Gunnar.
She took him by the hand and led him back to her bedroom. “We have to keep our clothes on,” she murmured as she closed the door behind them.
“Not a problem. All I want to do is this, anyway.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and tugged her onto his lap. Strong muscles under her thighs, warmth radiating at her back. The next thing she knew, his big hands were on her shoulders and his thumbs were tracing a path along her tight neck muscles. Those hands, accustomed to working rusty bolts with wrenches and maneuvering studded tires onto plow trucks, were just as capable when it came to the knots and tension in her muscles.
She let out a low moan. “Oh my sweet heaven, Gunnar, that feels so…don’t stop. Oh yes, up there too. Oh lord.” Tears stung her eyes as the stress stored in those tendons at the back of her neck eased.
Everything’s going to be okay , his hands were telling her. I got you. We got you. You’re not alone. It’ll be all right.
“ I love you,” she whispered into the dusty stillness of the bedroom.
“Hm?”
She bit her lip to keep from saying it again. She loved him. It was true. She loved Gunnar with her whole heart. But she couldn’t tell him that. She shouldn’t tell him that. He had his whole life ahead of him, and she was currently burdened with the care of seven—no eight, including Sarah—children under the age of sixteen. What attractive young man, not even thirty yet, would want to take that on?
“I love that,” she said, more loudly. “What you’re doing with your hands.”
“It’s called a neck rub.”
“Oh. Well, it feels really good. Ohhh.” His hands were moving lower now, to the muscles alongside her spine. She arched and flexed to accommodate his movements. She imagined what it would feel like without her clothes on, and shivered.
“Cold?”
“No.” Then, when he sheltered her deeper in his arms, “Maybe.” She should get cold more often, she thought dreamily as she cuddled against him. Step outside, get cold, run into Gunnar’s arms. She could just repeat that pattern for the rest of her days.
His hand came around her front, then found its way under her skirt and between her legs. Her throat closed up, so tight with excitement that she could barely breathe.
“The kids,” she managed.
“I’m listening for them. Don’t you worry about it. Just focus on my hand. Does this feel good?”
She nodded, speechless with pleasure. He stroked lightly, found moisture, then used it to give her more friction, more speed, until she couldn’t track it anymore and all she could do was twist against him and bite down against a moan that threatened to become a shriek.
She came hard into his hand, so hard that she felt emptied out of anything except the savoring of those incredible sensations. She drifted for long moments, freed from all space and time and fear and responsibility.
When she came out of that trance, she felt him working on getting his pants open, she shifted her position to give him more space. His erection pressed hot against her lower back. Did he have a condom?
Even as she formed the thought, she heard the crackle of the foil packet he must have put in his pocket. A moment later, he was lifting her up and moving her underclothes aside to position her over that thick spear of flesh.
It came inside her slowly, like inescapable destiny. There you are , she thought in a daze. You. Only you.
She abandoned herself to the rhythm he set, moving her hips to meet his. It was strange, having him at her back instead of her front, and it allowed more of her inhibitions to melt away. She ground into him, chasing sensation wherever it occurred. Her legs quaked and her belly quivered and she felt another orgasm gather deep inside her.
His breath was coming faster against her neck, and the pace of his thrusts quickened. She felt his want for her, as well as his tenderness, in the way he held her hips—aware of his strength, unwilling to bruise her bones the way he probably could. Her heart swelled with affection for him. Not just love—affection. Another dimension of this swirl of emotions she felt for Gunnar.
She bit her lip with joy when she felt him reach his moment of bliss. As he gasped against her back, muffling the harsh sounds against her clothing, she felt a clench of sensation deep inside her. It made her inner channel close around him like a fist, which drew another convulsion from him.
“Sex is amazing,” she whispered to him when they were both safely under the covers, his condom tucked away in the trash, breathing deeply together, arms and legs intertwined.
“Mmmm.” He was already half asleep, and adorably so, his blond hair a disheveled mess and his face flushed.
“Can we do it again and again?”
“Any time, any place,” he said sleepily. “Know what else is good?”
“Sleep?”
“Mmmm.”
And so they slept. Her last thought was that never in her life had she been this happy. But it wasn’t because of the sex. It was because she’d never truly opened herself up to someone until now.
When she woke up, Gunnar was gone. She vaguely remembered him murmuring something about WiFi, and needing to check something, and came to the conclusion that he’d gone to the general store. She stretched her arms over her head, her entire body feeling relaxed and satisfied.
The moment of calm didn’t last long, as Lilith came bounding through the door a moment later and climbed onto the bed with her. “Auntie Ruth, are we going to Heaven?” the little girl asked as she curled her body next to Ruth’s.
“What are you talking about?”
The Chilkoots never discussed things like Heaven and Hell. She’d only become familiar with those concepts after she’d left the compound. That was when she’d realized that they hadn’t wanted anything competing with their authority.
“Is Heaven nice?”
“Well, I imagine so. It’s so nice that you can call almost anything you like ‘heaven.’”
“Oh. I guess that’s okay, then.” Lilith put her thumb in her mouth, then snatched it out and gazed at it. “Sucking my thumb is heaven,” she said seriously.
Ruth laughed and snuggled her close. She’d missed the little ones more than she’d realized. It felt so good to see Lilith’s impish little face and feel her warm body curled next to her. The thought of them running away on their own made her shiver. “Lilith, why didn’t any of the older kids come with you?”
“Noah’s older.”
“Yes, but he’s only ten. What about Miller?”
“I don’t know. He got into trouble. All of us got into trouble at the creek.” Lilith popped her thumb back into her mouth.
“What happened at the creek? Were you fishing?”
“Yes. I caught a trout. Then we found the gold.”
The gold ? There was no gold in their creek. Ruth had fished it a thousand times and had never seen any gold particles. She even knew where to look—the inside bends of the creek where the current slowed, confluence zones where two creeks met.
“How did you know it was gold?”
Lilith’s eyes went wide and she clapped her hand over her mouth. She shook her head wildly.
“You aren’t supposed to say?” Ruth asked gently.
Lilith nodded. Then she opened her fingers and whispered, “They said we’d have to stay in the potato cellar if we told anyone. And then Uncle Dmitri said we’d have to work in the mines until our fingers fell off.”
“The mines? What mines?”
Lilith shrugged. There were obviously no mines. That wouldn’t be something Luke could keep hidden. It was just a threat to silence the children.
Who’s Uncle Dmitri?”
“He’s Papa’s friend.”
“What does he look like?“
“Like a frog, his lips do this.” She pushed her lips outwards so she looked like a fish. Ruth bit her lip to stop from laughing, even though she was now sure she’d recognize this Uncle Dmitri anywhere.
“Is he just visiting? What’s he doing there?”
“He takes all the men somewhere and when they come back everyone’s dirty and tired. We’re supposed to stay out of their way. Auntie Magda said they’re learning how to keep us safe.”
Training the militia.
To protect the gold they’d discovered? If there was gold, that could explain why Luke was bringing in reinforcements. Maybe a vein had been found upstream, and the kids happened to stumble across a bit that had broken off and flowed down the creek.
Follow the money , Naomi had said. Had she meant gold?
Her pulse pounded. A bona fide gold discovery would be a big deal, depending on the size of it. Luke wouldn’t want word getting out. That would explain why he hadn’t tried to get her or Sarah to come back. He didn’t trust them.
“Come on, Lilith, let’s go make some breakfast.” She swung her legs out of bed, wondering how much it would cost to take six little kids to the Magic Breakfast Bus for pancakes.
The universe must have read her mind. When she got downstairs, she saw the rest of the kids, already dressed, gathered around Ani Devi. She wore a thick cable-knit red sweater with a hood and deep pockets that Ruth instantly envied. “I’m here with an official invitation to the Magic Breakfast Bus on its last day,” she announced. “Sourdough pancakes for all, on the house! That means free,” she added when the kids looked confused.
Their faces cleared and they jumped up and down, cheering. “Thank you,” Ruth mouthed over their heads.
Ani nodded, but then her kind smile dropped and she stepped closer to Ruth. “I just came from The Fang. Martha was there looking for Sarah. She says she’s missing. Have you seen her?”