Chapter 11
“So, what’s this emergency?” Jordan asked as they settled into one of the corner booths at Vault.
It was already the third time Jordan had asked him today, and Trevor just laughed at him.
“I’m serious,” Jordan insisted, “you’ve been seriously fucking cagey and it’s freaking me out.”
Cam rolled his eyes affectionately. “Do you think if something was actually wrong, Trev would wait to call a meeting with drinks about it?”
“Yeah, we’re not you,” Trevor teased, but Jordan just made a face.
“See if I help you out again,” Jordan argued, but it was a weak argument. Everyone knew, especially if there was something to be curious about, that Jordan wasn’t just going to pass up on the opportunity to hear something juicy.
“The question is, what is it?” Cam leaned in after taking a sip of his gin and tonic. “Did you need sex advice or—”
“Please tell me you need sex advice,” Jordan interrupted.
Both Trevor’s and Cam’s eyes swiveled in his direction. “What?” he asked, a little self-consciously. “I’m not having sex, so I gotta get my rocks off thinking about someone else having sex.”
“It’s not about sex,” Trevor said, before Jordan could derail them too far down the path of his apparently unfulfilled desires.
“So that’s going well, then?” Cam asked slyly.
No matter how well Trevor told them it was going, he was going to be understating it. A lot. So maybe better to not even go down that route.
“Really well,” Trevor said. “But the issue is . . . well, I don’t do a lot of relationships—just the one, actually, and the more that I think about how that one went, the more I think I didn’t know what I was doing. Or that I really even wanted it.”
Cam raised an eyebrow, and Jordan chimed in with a flat, “What?”
“Just—”
But Jordan didn’t let him get any more out. “Dude, your ex was hot and a cheerleader. So like . . . bendy.”
“How did you know—” Trevor broke off. Gave Jordan a hard look. “You need a different hobby, man.”
“Yeah, don’t get Jordo started on his love of bendy women,” Cam said dryly.
“I told you,” Jordan retorted. “I think it’s more like an aesthetic appreciation, not like . . .”
“Not like you wanna actually rail them?” Trevor wondered.
Jordan rolled his eyes but nodded.
“She was just kind of . . . two-faced, I think. She didn’t really like me. She liked that I was a good college football player and that I was going to end up in the NFL.”
“So she pushed you into getting together,” Cam stated.
“Yeah, kinda. I think. Anyway, I was only thinking about Sophie because of this whole thing going on with Lane.”
“Now we get to the good part, finally,” Jordan said.
“You’re thinking about getting into a relationship with Lane?” Cam asked.
Trevor winced. “What if I think we’re already kinda in a relationship, but both of us are so bad at it we don’t know that’s what’s happening?”
“You’re fucked,” Jordan pronounced.
But Cam just reached over and smacked him across the chest with a palm. “Don’t listen to Jordan, he’s an idiot.”
“I’m not gonna disagree with that,” Trevor said, while Jordan squawked about all the ways he was currently—and probably justifiably—being roasted.
“I’m just saying,” Cam continued, “I’ve got a little experience with this.”
“Yeah?” Trevor couldn’t help how hopeful he sounded.
He’d really hoped he could keep the current problem and its subsequent solving to the rookie group, and not have to branch out to say, Levi or Aidan.
Nate would’ve been a no-brainer choice, but he also happened to be Lane’s best friend, which meant that he was off-limits.
And every time Trevor thought about having a very serious relationship discussion with Aidan Flynn, he blacked out a little.
“Well, yeah. Dawson thought we were just fucking around for at least two months.” Cam’s expression turned sweet and tender. Lovestruck, really. “He’s an idiot.”
“How can you say that and look like that when you talk about him?” Jordan wondered.
“If you ever fall in love with a man, you’ll understand,” Cam said knowingly. “They can be the worst, the most thickheaded morons, and also the best. Often at the exact same time.”
“Don’t tempt me with a good time,” Jordan muttered.
“I want to say something,” Trevor admitted, “but I’m worried he’s going to freak out about it.”
“Why would he do that? He’s got a rep, for sure, for one-night stands and hooking up, but you guys have a good thing going,” Cam said.
He didn’t have to say that Lane didn’t have all the known baggage that Dawson had had—like an ex-wife who’d cheated on him and an ex-father-in-law who’d stolen from him—but it was unspoken, anyway.
Trevor really didn’t want to confess all of Lane’s secrets, but also he needed help. What else was he supposed to do? “Well, what if I found out that he’s liked me for a long time, and I think he’s got himself twisted up in a lot of knots about it?”
“What,” Jordan said flatly as Cam’s mouth dropped open. “Are you joking?”
“No?”
Jordan gave an exaggerated groan. “I have the worst fucking luck in the universe.”
Cam shot him a look. “What did you think? That Trevor and Lane were gonna hook up for a bit and then they’d get tired of each other and he’d move on to you?”
“Well, no, but that the possibility existed that one of them might!”
Trevor could only laugh about it. Jordan was ridiculous, but it was almost impossible not to like him.
“Jesus, we got you the app,” Cam said. “Haven’t you found anyone yet? I didn’t get the impression you were that particular about it.”
“For my first guy? Fuck yes, I am. I don’t want just anybody.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Cam said, echoing what Trevor had just thought, but also echoing Trevor, he sounded endeared instead of annoyed by it.
“Can we please focus on my crisis instead of Jordan’s picky ass?” Trevor begged.
Cam shot Jordan a hard look as he sipped his drink. “We’re gonna deal with you in a minute, but yes, we need to help Trev out first.”
“What help does Trevor need? He’s got the guy. They’re clearly doing fucking great. Lane’s apparently been in love with him for years, so all Tee here has to do is say, yes, me too and happily fucking after, right there.”
Cam leaned in, still eyeing Jordan. “I worry about you, I really do.”
“He’s not in love with me, and I don’t know if I love him,” Trevor said heavily. He didn’t want to admit it, but it would be worse to hide it. To pretend.
“And you, I don’t even know what to do with you,” Cam said, switching his attention to Trevor.
“What! I’m just trying to be honest.”
Cam shook his head. “Who’s going to get me another drink? I need one if I’m going to deal with either of you two.”
“I got it,” Jordan said, sliding out of the booth. He glanced back. “You want another one too, Trev?”
“Sure,” Trevor said. Then braced himself for whatever tough love that Cam was about to dole out to him, no doubt thinking that he knew best. And maybe he did. Trevor wasn’t sure who was right.
That was the whole problem.
“Now,” Cam said, “are you actually fucking serious?”
Trevor sighed. “I—”
“No, for real. He’s liked you for a long time and you think it’s not love? What would that even be? You pine for years after someone, it’s love, Trevor.”
“You don’t know that, you’re just guessing.”
“Okay,” Cam said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Did he want to tell you or . . .”
That was the easiest question to answer. “Not really, no. I practically had to drag it out of him. But that’s the thing, if he did love me, wouldn’t he have wanted to tell me?”
“Let’s look at this from Lane’s point of view,” Cam said.
Trevor really didn’t want to. He’d actually spent several days now not thinking about it from Lane’s point of view. Because he was afraid that if he did, well, it was going to be a lot harder for him to pretend that Cam was wrong.
And it wasn’t even like he wanted Cam to be wrong.
The idea that maybe Lane had been secretly crazy about him for years—it was flattering and it was hot and it was also a tiny little bit freaky, because what if Trevor didn’t feel the same?
What if he couldn’t meet Lane there? What if he broke his heart, and their family situation didn’t just stay at its barely tolerable status quo?
What if it got worse? Because of Trevor?
Delia would be so disappointed. Sad, even.
And his dad? Trevor could already imagine the unhappy look in his eyes. The resignation in his voice.
“Dude, you’re panicking,” Cam said, his tone going from hard-ass to more sympathetic.
“It’s just . . . it’s complicated. What if I fuck it up? What if it fucks up our family? I think that’s why Lane never said anything, and now I’ve forced him to say it—”
“First off,” Cam interrupted him gently, “you didn’t force Lane to say anything he didn’t already want to say.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Actually, I really do,” Cam said wryly. “And so would you, if you thought about it. Do you really think someone could make Lane do anything he wasn’t going to do anyway?”
Trevor had to concede that point. But still, it was a little bit terrifying. He nodded, and Cam continued.
“Okay, so let’s look at this from his point of view. He’s loved you—” Trevor shot Cam a look, and Cam amended it with a heavy sigh. “Okay, fine, this is ridiculous but he’s liked you for a long time. Didn’t think he could do anything about it because you were straight.”
“He should’ve told me, anyway.”
Cam shot him a flat look. “Are you joking?”
“Well, I’m just saying. I wasn’t working with all the info, you know? If I’d known . . .” Trevor shrugged.
“If you’re trying to tell me that if Lane told you that he had a thing for you, you’d have discovered much earlier that you were into guys, I’m going to confiscate the drink Jordo’s bringing you, because I deserve to drink it instead.”
“No, I just . . .” Trevor grimaced. He knew how it sounded. How utterly ridiculous it was. But he wasn’t sure it wasn’t true, either.
“Okay, so he didn’t tell you, because as we all know, you didn’t know you were into guys like that.”
“Right.”