Chapter Eleven – Angel
Anytime a track came back to us, finalized, we huddled together and listened. Things were coming along great—album-wise. Ramona had gotten us a three-night show at the Greenbay Stadium in a month. We would be showing off our first three singles from the Double Feature album, a surprise to the audience, a new one each night.
My mom had cooled it over the whole Priest-kissing-me-while-onstage thing, thankfully. My sister, on the other hand, was just as annoying about what she wanted me to do as ever. She thought our relationship was still a trial, that things weren’t official yet, and she wouldn’t let up until it was a done deal.
Alexa couldn’t believe I hadn’t gotten, in her words, dicked down yet. She asked me multiple times a week what the hell I was waiting for.
And… I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I was waiting for. I was with the guys constantly. Living with them, seeing them at all hours of the day and night, it was impossible not to know them.
I think I had more than crushes on them, but how could I know for certain? How did anyone know, for that matter, whether they were in love or just in really, really deep like? Ugh. Listen to me. Did that even make sense?
One night, I was sitting on the couch with all three of them. The world outside was one of night, all the lights off in the suite, save for the light coming from the TV. We were watching the original Jurassic Park movie; Bishop had apparently never seen it.
I know, I know. Who the hell hadn’t seen Jurassic Park ?
We’d made popcorn, drizzled a shit ton of butter and salt on it, like it was movie theater popcorn and we were in for the most fattening time of our lives. We’d also gotten loads of candy, our selection currently splayed out on the coffee table before us. Priest was to my right, while Bishop was to my left. Deacon was sitting on the floor just before me, his back leaning against the couch in between my knees.
I wouldn’t say this was a normal occurrence for us, but it kind of was. The guys knew I didn’t like to go out, so we stuck to the suite on the nights we had free, AKA the nights we could relax. They wanted to do whatever I wanted.
After one particular scene in the movie, Bishop huffed, “Oh, come on. The thing has eyes. Why would not moving make it suddenly not see you? Doesn’t that make having eyes pointless if you can only see things that are moving in front of you?” He whipped his head in my direction, looking for my input.
I wasn’t the one who said anything, though; it was Priest: “Yeah, they basically say the opposite in later movies and make fun of this part.”
“Spoiler alert,” Bishop muttered.
“What’s so spoiler-y about it? They’re dinosaurs, they wreak havoc, eat some people, tear other people apart. Scientists keep doing it even though they shouldn’t, life finds a way and all that. There, just summarized all of the movies for you,” Priest spoke with a lopsided smile, though the smile was more for me and less for Bishop. He leaned in closer to me and whispered, “He really is insufferable. Are you sure you want to keep dating him?”
“I heard that,” Bishop said, and I could only chuckle.
These guys. They were ridiculous, and yet when I thought about them, when I really thought about them, my heart did something funny in my chest.
Was I in love with these guys? I’d never been in love before. I didn’t know what it felt like. How did you know?
Deacon must’ve had a twisted sense of humor, because every time someone got torn apart on the screen, he laughed, the absolute madman. Priest yawned and lifted an arm, nonchalantly draping it around my shoulders.
“Dude,” Bishop hissed, “that’s my shoulder you’re touching right now.”
As I turned to see Priest’s fingers on Bishop’s shoulder, Priest leaned forward to see around me as he said, “Is it? Oh, yep. It is. Would you look at that. Sorry, bro.” The fingers that had been previously tracing shapes on Bishop’s shoulder moved to mine, where they stayed.
I chuckled quietly. I couldn’t help it. These guys could be so silly. They weren’t just the moody rock stars you’d think they’d be. They were actual people with personalities, and somehow I found myself smack dab in the middle of the three of them, constantly being pulled to each of them.
Time passed. We were at the end of the movie, about half an hour left, if my memory served. I’d stopped paying attention to the movie a while back, too lost in my own thoughts.
What had been weighing on me lately came out of my mouth without a filter: “How do you know when you’re in love?” Once I realized I’d said it, I clapped my hands over my mouth and widened my eyes as heat flushed through me.
All of the guys turned to face me. Deacon even spun around on his knees in front of me so he could look at me. All three of their stares were on me. It was a good thing the room was dark, because if there was any more light, they would’ve seen the furious blush on my cheeks.
How embarrassing. Ugh. I wanted to run and hide in my room, but in order to run away, I’d have to trip over Deacon and Priest’s long legs to get to the hall. It wouldn’t be a fast getaway.
“What makes you ask, Angel?” Priest’s voice took on that seductive, low tone, the same tone he took when we were alone and he wanted to get me all riled up. It was very similar to his voice on stage, when he was talking into the microphone, all gravelly and sexy.
“Uh, no reason,” I quickly said. “No reason at all. Let’s just finish the movie and forget I said anything.” A desperate plea for the guys to overlook my stupid question, but I had the feeling none of them would.
“I’m afraid we can’t do that,” Priest spoke.
“You don’t speak for everyone,” I shot back.
Bishop said, “Yes, he does. In this one case—just this once—he definitely speaks for all of us.” Before us, Deacon was busy nodding in agreement, his eyes never leaving me. “Why are you asking? Do you think…” He trailed off, apparently unable to say it.
“I don’t think anything,” I hurried to say. I stood up, which was hard to do, given where Deacon was, but I couldn’t sit there and be under their scrutinizing gazes for much longer. “Uh, excuse me. I have to pee.”
I stumbled away from the group, hoping against all odds they’d believe my random excuse. I hurried to the hall, and once the guys were no longer in view, I picked up the pace. After shutting myself in my bedroom, I went into my bathroom and sat on the toilet.
The lid was down; a habit from when Cleo was little. She loved playing with her toys in the toilet water. Ew.
I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands. Leave it to me to be so unbelievably awkward about it. I honestly didn’t know what these guys saw in me, because with how often I acted like an idiot in front of them, they shouldn’t want me at all. I should be a laughingstock, someone they made fun of in their songs or something.
But the guys couldn’t leave me be, because soon enough they were creeping into the bathroom, inching inside like it was new, untouched territory to them.
“Hey, I could’ve really been on the toilet,” I pointed out.
“Technically, you are on the toilet, you’re just not using it,” Priest said, smiling that famous lopsided grin at me as he and the others huddled around me. “Besides, we all know girls don’t poop.”
Deacon glared at him. “Really? Did you really have to say that?”
“What?” Priest shrugged, throwing his hands up in the air in his defense. “I’m just saying what we all know. Girls don’t poop or fart.” To me, he deadpanned, “By the way, if I ever find out that’s not true, the magic in this relationship will totally be gone—” He may have wanted to say more, but Deacon elbowed him right in the stomach to stop him.
Bishop rolled his eyes at Priest before saying, “Ignore him. Please. Maybe if we ignore him he’ll lose his power and shrink, and we can stuff him in a closet or something.”
“You wish,” Priest shot back. “You wish you could stuff this gun show in the closet.” He flexed his arms, showing off his muscles, and then he… he actually kissed his own bicep, the fool.
“Anyway,” Bishop dutifully ignored him like he’d instructed all of us to do, “to answer your question from before, I think you know you’re in love when you catch yourself thinking about the other person all the time. When you dream of them. When you literally can’t imagine your life without them.”
Priest scoffed at his answer and said, “Well, I think you’re in love when you can’t imagine yourself being with anybody else. You want to get that person naked constantly .” When he received another dirty look from Bishop, he shrugged again and said, “Deacon, it’s your turn.”
“I think,” Deacon paused, probably to gather his thoughts, “you’re in love when you’re willing to sacrifice for that person, when you’re happy to do things you wouldn’t normally do just for their sake.”
The guys huddled around me on the toilet. Since they were standing, I had to angle my head back and gaze up at them. Being surrounded by three stupidly sexy guys made me forget we were still in my bathroom.
Bishop and his warm, welcoming hazel eyes. Deacon and his green-eyed stare that often got hidden behind his long black hair. Priest and his unusual silvery eyes, more gray than blue. All of them watched me, all of them waiting for me to say something.
Love was about sacrifice and wanting the other person more than anyone else. Love was about thinking of them constantly, dreaming of them, to the point where every moment was taken up by them.
These guys had sacrificed for me, they’d agreed to do something they’d never done before for me, because they wanted me. And I, for one, certainly thought about them all hours of the day and night to the point where I felt like I was obsessing over them.
I tended to overthink things, so even though we all stood in a bathroom, huddled together, maybe I should just say it.
“I love you,” I said the words as my gaze flicked between them, not lingering on any one of them for too long. “I think I’ve… I think I’ve loved you for a while, but I just—I guess I was thinking too much about it. Maybe I was a little scared.” I bit my lower lip, my gaze falling to my lap, where my hands fiddled.
One of the guys knelt before me, gently touching my chin to get me to look at him. I saw Bishop kneeling, a sincere, happy smile on his face and those adorable dimples in his cheeks. “Don’t be scared,” he told me. “I love you too. I’ve wanted to say it for a long time, but… I didn’t want to freak you out by —”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Priest interrupted the heartfelt moment by kneeling beside him and snatching my hands in his. He ran his thumb over my knuckles and gazed into my eyes. “I should’ve been the one to say it first, since I kissed you first.”
Bishop glared. “It’s not a competition—”
“Yeah, sure, buddy, sure.” Priest let out a sigh, those gray eyes of his locked on me. “I do, you know. I love you. I love you so much it’s hard to breathe sometimes.” I never, not in a million years, would’ve guessed the playboy flirt himself would be on his knees for me, in a bathroom, telling me that he loved me.
A few seconds passed, and it was then Deacon huffed, “I don’t have to get on my knees like you two idiots, do I?”
Now Bishop and Priest were on the same team, turning their hard stares to Deacon. It was Priest who said, “No, and you don’t have to tell her you love her if you don’t.”
“Of course I love her. You think I’d be willing to share if I didn’t love her?” When he realized what he’d said, he turned to me, his voice lowering as he said, “Not that I’m saying I loved you the whole time—how clichéd would that be—but…” He coughed, and suddenly I wasn’t the only awkward one. “I do love you. I just wish this whole conversation didn’t happen in a damned bathroom.”
Priest didn’t seem to care we were in a bathroom. He shrugged and said, “That’s when you know we’re all serious. We’re willing to get on our knees in a bathroom for you, Angel. Well, Bishop and me, anyway. Not that asshole over there, who’s still standing.”
“Who you calling an asshole, you asshole?” Deacon harrumphed.
“It helps that my bathroom is a lot cleaner than yours,” I said, speaking to all of them at once. I hadn’t spent much time in any of their bathrooms, but I’d seen enough. Oh, I’d seen plenty. My space was spick and span compared to theirs.
They were guys. What did you expect?
“Maybe,” Bishop spoke, his hands on my knees, “we should, for the sake of it, take the rest of this conversation out into your room?”
I supposed that was a good idea. It’d get us out of the bathroom, at least. Never thought I’d get any declarations of love while sitting on a toilet surrounded by three guys, nor did I think I’d ever tell said three guys that I was in love with them while sitting on a stupid toilet.
Leave it to me to make everything weirder than it had to be.
Bishop and Priest stood—the latter of which never let go of my hand. Priest led me out into my bedroom, Bishop and Deacon behind me. We crawled onto my bed, all three guys turned toward me while my back leaned against the headboard.
Now I was aware we were, the four of us, on my bed, after we’d just exchanged I-love-yous. If I said my mind wasn’t in the gutter, I’d be a lying liar from Liarsburg.
“So… what now?” Bishop was probably asking me that question, but I had no answers. I mean, I didn’t know what now. I didn’t know what came after. Everything was a little different for us, in every way, so I had no clue what came next.
Priest smirked. “I think it’s obvious.” He must’ve thought of himself a comedy genius, because he waited a moment before suggesting with the most serious tone I’d ever heard from him: “It’s time to do the midnight tango. Put a bullet in the chamber, cock it back, and shoot the shot. It’s homerun time, baby.” When no one said a single word, he went one step further by saying, “It’s time to fuck.”
Bishop whacked him on the shoulder, but Priest didn’t even flinch. He was too busy smirking at me, like he knew what I was thinking—and I hated the fact that my dirty thoughts were evident.
It’s not like I was imagining all three of them having me at once… it’d be hard to imagine something like that when I didn’t even know what being with one of them was like.
“What?” Priest apparently didn’t see the big deal. He ran a hand through his blond hair, once again using the movement to show off his muscles. “I’m just saying, I’m down. I’m down for whatever, wherever, whenever, however… all of it except the whoever, because obviously it’s just you.” He winked at me.
Yeah, he winked. A legit wink. I wanted to call it ridiculous, but it came off so effortless it was actually kind of sexy.
“You’d fuck all day and all night if you could,” Deacon muttered, and Priest didn’t deny it. I, myself, couldn’t imagine doing something like that—but then again, maybe that was just because I’d never, as Priest had put it, done the midnight tango before. Maybe once I had, I’d love it and want to do it all the time.
Bishop closed his eyes and shook his head, and when those hazel orbs opened once again, they were on me. He gave me that warm, gentle smile I was so used to. “I feel like I’m saying this a lot, but ignore Priest. He’s dumb. Whatever you want, always.” He scooted up the bed and placed a sweet kiss on my cheek, causing a flurry of butterflies to erupt in my gut. He glanced at the others and said, “Come on, guys. We don’t want to overwhelm her.”
Too late for that. I was already overwhelmed. Although, to be fair, I was in a constant state of being overwhelmed ever since we’d started this four-way relationship.
“Well,” Priest spoke as he slid off my bed, “I, for one, am looking forward to the night when you come crawling into my bed.” A smile that might be sleazy on any other guy simply looked charming on him. “Believe me, love, that night, neither of us will get much sleep.” He was the first to stroll out of my room, though Deacon was on his heel.
Bishop was the last to go, although he stopped and threw a glance at me over his shoulder. The smile he wore right then was more than comforting; it made me feel at home. Like this was where I was meant to be. That smile was the last thing I saw before he disappeared and closed the door behind him.
Bishop was sweet. He was… everything I needed. He knew what to say and the exact right moment to say it.
I think I knew what I wanted to do.