Chapter 42
FORTY-TWO
The Ceilidh Trail stretches out ahead as the road brings us closer to Inverness. We’ve been driving for almost five hours, but now we’re just minutes away. Theo sits quietly beside me in the passenger seat as I grip the wheel a little tighter and try to keep my breathing under control.
But it’s too much. The weight of everything catches up to me, and I pull off onto an old dirt road. As the truck comes to a stop, I just stare blankly ahead.
“Liam?” Theo asks cautiously as I just stare out the windshield, my hands tingling, and my heart pounding in my chest.
I shake my head. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Theo turns to face me, reaching over with his good hand to rest it gently on my arm. “Hey.”
I force myself to meet his gaze, swallowing hard.
He gives me a soft, reassuring smile. “They’re not going to blame you,” he says gently. “You had no control over what happened. And if it wasn’t Nick…” he hesitates, but then continues, “they’d be mourning you. But right now, you know they’re just excited to see you.”
I nod slowly as his words sink in. He’s right. I’ve replayed his words in my mind a thousand times since he first said them. It was always going to be one of us. And if it had been me, I wouldn’t want Nick to be feeling the way I have been.
And Mom was so excited when I texted her yesterday to let her know I was coming… I don’t want to let her down.
“Ok,” I say, exhaling a long, shaky breath. I squeeze Theo’s hand before pulling back onto the road, and try to keep my breaths slow and even as we near my parents’ house.
But when I pull into the driveway, my hands are trembling again. I cut the engine, staring at the front porch as the door swings open. Mom steps outside, hand over her mouth as she tries to hold back tears.
Theo stays quiet, his gaze on me as I unbuckle my seat belt and step out of the truck. Mom rushes down the steps, and my body moves on its own as I walk towards her, and wrap her in a tight hug.
The sound of her cry shatters something in me, and it’s like a dam opens. Everything floods to the surface as I bury my face in her shoulder, releasing everything I haven’t let out yet.
“It’s ok, baby,” she whispers, her breath catching as she holds me.
I hear Dad’s footsteps coming down the stairs, and when I lift my head, he’s standing before us with glassy eyes.
Mom pulls back just enough to look at me, wiping a tear from my cheek. “Oh baby… mo mhac.”
Dad steps forward, wrapping me in a strong, quiet hug. I hold on tight, taking a deep breath as I try to pull myself together.
“Let’s go inside,” he says, gesturing towards the house.
But Mom peers around me, and we all turn to face Theo as he stands back, giving us space.
He steps forward with a small, almost shy wave. “Hi… I’m Theo.”
“Hi, Theo,” Mom replies, her gaze flicking between us with curiosity.
I step towards Theo and hold his gaze for a moment as I reach out for him. Then I turn back to my parents. “This is my boyfriend.”
Both my parents raise their eyebrows in surprise, but then Mom laughs softly, wiping away her tears. “Well, let’s get inside. We have a lot to catch up on.”
My heart is still pounding as I follow my parents into the house, and Theo places a reassuring hand on my back.
As we step through the door, memories immediately come flooding in. The familiar scent of home wraps around me as I sweep my eyes over the space, finding comfort in this place I grew up in. The old wood banister I used to slide down every morning while Mom yelled at me that I was going to break my neck, the creaky hallway from the backdoor that always gave me away when I tried to sneak in late, and the photos lining every inch of wall space.
I stop just before the kitchen, my eyes landing on one of my favourite pictures of Nick and me as kids, sitting on the bridge over the Margaree River as our legs dangle over the edge, wearing big smiles after a day of swimming.
Theo’s hand slips into mine, and he gives it a gentle squeeze. I turn to meet his eyes, which are warm and comforting.
We head into the kitchen as Mom pulls out mugs and sets them on the table. “Coffee?”
I nod, unable to trust my voice, and Theo smiles. “Please.”
We take a seat at the table as Mom starts preparing coffee and I rub my hand on my thigh as I take a deep breath.
Dad watches me with sadness in his eyes, then blinks it away and leans forward with a soft smile. “Did you fly in this morning?”
I glance at Theo, then shake my head. “No, I…” I pause for a moment. “I’ve been living in Nova Scotia since April.”
Mom stops pouring coffee and both her and Dad just stare back at me.
And I hate that I see hurt in their eyes.
This is exactly what I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to hurt them.
I pull in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I just, I couldn’t stay in Alberta any longer.” My eyes drop to the table so I can focus on getting these words out. “I couldn’t live there, or work there anymore. I got a new job, offshore in the Gulf of Mexico.” I hear Mom sit down next to me in her chair. “I just started driving to get out of Alberta… I kept going until I got to Nova Scotia, but… I couldn’t come home.” Tears blur my vision as I hear Mom sniff and Dad shift in his seat. “I kept going until I ended up in Torrin Cove…”
Mom’s hand covers mine, and I look up to meet her tear-filled eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my own tears falling. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s ok, baby,” Mom says softly.
Dad nods from across the table. “Liam… we know you’re hurting. And we understand that you needed time.”
I nod. “Yeah, but… I didn’t tell you everything.”
Theo leans forward, and I glance at him to steal strength from his soft, encouraging eyes.
I inhale deeply. “I felt too guilty to come home.”
Mom squeezes my hand tighter. “Why?”
“Because of the job Nick died in…” I say, the words feeling thick and heavy, like they’re coming out in slow motion.
The room is quiet, and I slowly shift my gaze to Mom and Dad.
“What about it?” Dad asks carefully.
“It was my job,” I say, my voice cracking as emotion rolls over me. “It was supposed to be me in there, but I asked him to do it.”
Mom covers her mouth with her other hand and a small sob escapes her.
“I didn’t check the gas levels, so the cylinders needed to be replaced and…” My breath catches as the tears fall faster. “If I had just?—”
“Liam,” Dad says, his voice firm, but gentle. I look at him and prepare myself for whatever he’s going to say or do. But he just shakes his head and leans forward, resting his forearms on the table. “Nick’s parents received the accident report a few weeks ago.”
My heart skips a beat as I stare at him.
“The cylinders had a faulty valve. It doesn’t matter when they were replaced, or who did it… this would have happened anyway.” He pauses as I just stare back at him, unable to move. “The company who produced them was found responsible. And the cylinders you used the day prior had the same faulty valves.” He shakes his head slowly. “It wasn’t supposed to be you.”
My head goes fuzzy and my heart thumps as those words sink in.
“It’s not your fault, my love,” Mom says, bringing my attention to her. “You’ve both asked each other to do jobs, switch shifts, and so much more over the years. And you both always did it, because you love each other. This was no different.”
A sob escapes me, and I drop my head to her shoulder as she wraps her arms around me. And having her here, feeling her touch and hearing her words… I think it’s the piece I’ve been missing, to finally pull my head up and really start healing.
“I miss him so much,” I say through my tears and Mom kisses the side of my head.
“I know,” she says softly, and just continues to hold me as I let it all out.
When my tears slow, Mom gently pulls back and looks down at my arm, tracing her fingers over the Triquetra tattoo I got for Nick. “Bòidheach, a bhobain,” she says with a smile.
I nod, lifting my eyes to meet hers.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” she says softly.
“Me too.” And I am. I really am.
Mom’s eyes then shift to Theo, and he gives her a soft smile. I slide my hand onto his thigh as I look into his eyes, my love for him overflowing as I appreciate him for being so supportive, steady, understanding, and patient.
“So, when do I get to hear this story?” Mom asks as she smiles between us.
I turn back to her with a nod. “Soon.” Then I take a deep breath and look around the table. “I just need to go do something first.”
I push to my feet and lean down to press a kiss to the top of Theo’s head. “Will you be ok here for a bit?”
He looks up at me with a simple nod. “Yeah.”
Dad meets my eyes, giving me a gentle nod, knowing what I need to do.
I step out the front door and down the steps, feeling strangely calm as I reach the edge of the yard. I step onto the worn path through the tree line, pushing back the overgrown branches which show it hasn’t been used in years. Not since Nick and I grew up and moved away. But as I walk through the familiar path, I can still hear Nick’s laughter as he ran through it from his house next door, and my soft footsteps as I snuck over to meet him at night so we could go to the beach and throw rocks in the water.
Soon, I’m standing on the other side, staring at Nick’s parents’ house. I hesitate for a moment before I walk up the front steps and knock on the door.
I hear footsteps on the other side, then it swings open and Leah, Nick’s mom, is standing before me.
Her eyes widen as her hand flies to her mouth, and she gasps. “Liam,” she whispers, rushing forward to pull me into her arms. “Oh my god, sweetheart, I’ve missed you.”
Tears sting my eyes as I hold her tight. “I’ve missed you too.”
“Liam?” Nick’s dad, Phil, rounds the corner, and his face lights up as he sees me. “Oh my god, Liam!” He pulls me into a tight hug when Leah lets me go. “Oh my god,” he says again. “How have you been?”
I nod as he releases me and wipe my eyes. “Getting better,” I say. “And you?”
He nods, his expression softening. “Getting better.”
“Will you come in?” Leah says gesturing inside the house. “I want to hear all about what you have been getting up to.”
“Actually…” I glance back towards the path leading to my parents’ house. “You want to come over? There’s… someone I want you to meet.”
Leah’s eyes light up and she steps forward. “Oh?”
I chuckle, holding my arm out for her. “Yeah.”
I grew up surrounded by love, in a home that made me feel safe and warm no matter what. And now, I know that same love in a different way, from the man who found me when I was broken. He picked me up, quietly putting me back together again, while showing me that life is worth living. Having my family meet him, with the most important people in my life all gathered at one table, is a feeling I can’t even describe.
And Nick is here with us.
We sit around the kitchen table late into the night, talking, laughing, and sharing stories about Nick so Theo can get to know him, and we can remember him.
Finally, the weight in my chest is lifted, and a feeling of warmth settles deep into my soul.
And as I slip my hand into Theo’s and gaze into his eyes, I’m so happy to have my heart here with me.