Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Jack
The pasta sauce simmered on Mason and Caleb’s stovetop and filled their apartment with the aroma of garlic and herbs.
I leaned against the kitchen counter and swirled the red wine in my glass as Caleb sliced cucumbers with expert precision.
While Mason and I had become friends through my apartment rental above his bookstore, it was his boyfriend, Caleb, who had drawn me into their social circle with regular dinner invitations.
Mason and Caleb were part of a supportive circle of friends—family, really—I’d found since moving to Seacliff Cove, friends I appreciated more than they could know.
“So, Jack.” Caleb scraped the cukes onto the salad and shot me a sly look. “Saved the world from any hackers this week?”
I snorted and took a sip of wine. “A couple.” I kept Cooper’s problems confidential. “No capes involved, though. Just a lot of staring at code until my brain leaks out my ears.”
Mason emerged from the dining area and set down extra napkins with a grin. “He’s not kidding. I caught him mumbling about encryption keys under his breath at The Coffee Cove.”
I tapped my temple. “It’s official. Cybersecurity has moved in and is paying zero rent. I even dreamed about password breaches last night.”
“That’s why you needed this dinner.” Caleb tossed the salad. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Mason snorted. “From the sound of it, Jack’s never been dull a day in his life.” He turned to refill my wineglass. “Though I guess we can thank Cooper for that, considering half your stories from college involve him in some way.”
My hand tightened imperceptibly around the wineglass. “We had some good times at San Jose State.”
“And now you’re having good times in Seacliff Cove,” Caleb observed, a speculative gleam in his eye. “Convenient how that worked out.”
I kept my expression neutral. “Pure coincidence.”
“Right,” Caleb said, drawing out the word. “Just like it’s a coincidence that you chose the apartment beside his coffee shop?”
Heat crawled up my neck. “The rental market in Seacliff Cove was limited.”
Mason and Caleb exchanged a look that made me want to crawl under the sink. Mason shook his head slightly, as if warning his boyfriend to back off, but Caleb was a romantic at heart.
“Jack,” Caleb said, and his voice gentled. “We’re your friends. You don’t have to pretend with us.”
I took a larger gulp of wine than I had intended. “Pretend what?”
Mason sighed and shot Caleb another look. “Can we at least feed him before the interrogation?”
“Fine, fine.” Caleb raised his hands in surrender. “Pasta’s ready, anyway. Jack, would you grab the salad dressings from the fridge?”
Mason and Caleb served dinner at their small dining table overlooking Main Street.
From the second floor, we had a view of the glowing lampposts illuminating a quiet Friday evening in Seacliff Cove.
My gaze strayed to the restaurant on the corner across the street.
Cooper was currently at dinner with his family, and my fingers tightened around the handle of my fork.
“Earth to Jack.” Mason waved a hand in front of my face. “You in there?”
I blinked and realized I’d been staring out the window. “Sorry.”
Caleb raised a knowing eyebrow. “I know Cooper is having dinner with his family tonight.”
My cheeks warmed, and I focused intently on twirling spaghetti around my fork. “This is delicious, by the way.”
“Don’t change the subject,” Caleb said, though he smiled at the compliment. “We were talking about Cooper.”
“We were?” I took another sip of wine, hoping it might fortify me. It failed.
“We should be,” Caleb persisted. “He’s the reason you moved here, isn’t he?”
The directness of the question caught me off guard. I’d expected dancing around the subject, not this frontal assault. I looked at Mason for help, but he studied me with a thoughtful expression.
“I moved here because I was tired of the grind in Silicon Valley,” I said carefully. “Wanted somewhere quieter to work remotely. Cooper suggesting an available apartment was just…convenient timing.” I shoved a forkful of spaghetti into my mouth, cutting off the lies.
“And the fact that you’ve been in love with him since college has nothing to do with it?” Caleb asked.
The pasta lodged in my throat. I coughed and reached for my water glass. Mason smacked Caleb lightly on the arm.
“Jesus, Caleb,” Mason muttered. “I told you to ease into it.”
“What? It’s obvious,” Caleb said, unapologetic. “Everyone can see it. Well, everyone except Cooper, apparently.”
I set down my fork, appetite suddenly gone. The critical hit damage was already done—no point in raising my shield now.
“Is it that obvious?” I asked quietly.
Mason’s expression softened. “Only to people paying attention.”
“But not Cooper?” I asked with hope in my voice.
Caleb snorted. “Cooper is as oblivious as they come when it’s about himself. The man can read a customer’s life story in how they order coffee, but he has no clue that you’ve been giving him heart-eyes behind his back for months.”
Relief swept through me. “That’s good, because I don’t want him to know. I’ve been trying to hide my feelings.” I added in a low mutter, “For years.”
“Why?” Mason asked, his voice gentle. “You guys have history. You’re already close. Why not tell him how you feel?”
I shook my head. “He…he doesn’t think of me that way. I could never risk our friendship by making things…weird.” There was that word. Weird.
“But—” Caleb began.
“No,” I cut him off. “You don’t understand.
During our senior year in college, we were at a party.
I overheard his conversation.” My gut curdled.
“A friend told him he should hook up with me, and Cooper said…” Heat rose in my face.
“That it would be weird. So, no. I’m never going to tell him.
If all I can have with Cooper is friendship, then that’s all I’ll ever have. ”
I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated. “Cooper is…he’s steady. Reliable. He knows exactly who he is and what he wants. And what he wants has never been me. He’s had a long string of boyfriends to prove that.”
The apartment fell silent except for the distant sound of traffic below. Caleb’s expression had shifted from teasing to something more compassionate.
“You can’t know that for sure,” he said finally. “People change. Feelings change.”
“Not Cooper’s.” I smiled ruefully. “He’s like a non-player character, set in his ways. If he’d ever felt something beyond friendship, I would have known. We’ve spent too much time together for me to miss that. He sees me as security. As his best friend. Not…as boyfriend material.”
Mason drew his eyebrows together, puzzled. “I think you’re selling yourself short.” He pointed with his fork. “So, what’s your plan? Pine from afar forever?”
“I don’t have a plan,” I admitted. “I just know I’m not willing to risk what we have. If I confessed my feelings and he didn’t return them, everything between us would change. I know I wouldn’t lose him, but things would become awkward, and I can’t risk that.”
“Even if it means watching him date someone else again?” Caleb asked.
A sharp pain lanced through my chest at the thought. “Even then.”
“That’s…either very noble or very stupid,” Caleb said.
“Probably very stupid,” I agreed with a halfhearted smile.
Mason leaned forward, his expression serious. “Just…be careful, Jack.”
“I will.” I picked up my fork and forced myself to take another bite. “Can we talk about something else now? Literally anything else?”
Mason took pity on me and launched into a story about a customer who’d tried to return a book because it had made her cry. The conversation shifted to safer ground. As they talked, my gaze drifted out the window again, toward the warm lights of the restaurant.
My phone buzzed with a text. I glanced down to see a message from Cooper.
Dad just asked when I’m going to “meet a nice girl.”
“Excuse me a moment,” I said.
Caleb smirked.
My heart tugged as I typed back.
I’m just a text away if you need an emergency extraction. Want me to quickly get in drag and stop by?
His response came fast.
You’re the best.
I tucked my phone away. Warmth spread through my chest despite the ache. This was why I couldn’t risk it: these small moments of connection, the easy comfort we found in each other. Maybe it wasn’t everything I wanted, but it was more than many people ever found.
Mason caught my eye across the table, an understanding look on his face. I shrugged slightly, as if to say, What can you do?
“Dessert?” Caleb pushed back from the table. “I made tiramisu.”
“Coffee-soaked ladyfingers?” I raised an eyebrow. “You two are not subtle.”
Mason laughed. “Caleb can be subtle when he wants to be. It’s why I love him.”
Caleb leaned down to press a kiss to Mason’s temple before heading to the kitchen, the gesture so casually intimate it made my heart twist with longing. They moved around each other with the ease of people who knew exactly where they fit into each other’s lives.
Cooper and I would never have that. The morose thought bubbled up before I could suppress it.
“He cares about you, you know,” Mason said quietly while Caleb was out of earshot. “Cooper, I mean. More than you might think.”
Hope fluttered in my gut like a glitching power-up, unstable and unreliable. “Has he said something?”
“Not specifically.” Mason shrugged. “But people surprise you sometimes.”
Caleb returned with three plates of tiramisu, and the conversation shifted again. But Mason’s words stayed in my mind, unwanted and dangerous. Hope could be a double-edged sword—the very thing that lifted your spirits could also leave you vulnerable when reality crushed your dreams.
No, friendship was the safe zone. It had sustained us through years apart, through my failed attempts at relationships and his workaholism, through late-night phone calls and sporadic visits. It was enough.
It had to be.
As the evening wound down and I helped clear the dishes, Caleb caught me alone in the kitchen. “For what it’s worth.” He lowered his voice. “I think you’re selling yourself short. Talk to him.”
I shook my head. “Don’t. Please.”
Caleb squeezed my shoulder. “Just think about it, okay? Life’s too short for what-ifs. Ask me how I know.”
“I’ll take it under advisement,” I said dryly, though we both knew I wouldn’t.
When I finally left their apartment, I climbed the stairs to my place, my thoughts as tangled as code with missing brackets.
What if Mason and Caleb were right? What if there was a chance Cooper might feel the same? The question teased at the edges of my mind, tempting. But the flip side was worse. What if I confessed my feelings and made things awkward between us? Changed the dynamic of our friendship?
My phone buzzed again. Another text from Cooper.
Mom keeps talking about her church friend’s single daughter. Not subtle. Contemplating hiding in the bathroom. Send coffee. Or whiskey.
I smiled and typed back:
I’ll bring both. And a fire extinguisher for when things get heated.
Three dots appeared, disappeared, then reappeared before his response came through:
Don’t know what I’d do without you, Anderson.
Such a simple text, and yet it warmed me more than all the wine at dinner. This was the problem with loving Cooper McKay: every small kindness, every casual affirmation felt like fuel for a fire that should have burned out years ago.
But as I opened the door to my apartment, I knew the truth I’d been avoiding all evening. I’d rather love him silently than risk the easy nature of what we had.
I closed the door to my apartment, and my phone buzzed one more time.
Dinner finally over. Feel like I need to scrub my brain clean. Meet me at Barnacle Brews in 20? I desperately need a drink that isn’t served with a side of judgment.
I reached for my jacket. There was never a question of whether I’d go—only how quickly I could get there. The protective instinct that flared whenever Cooper was hurting surged through me, a familiar companion that had been with me since college.
I wanted to text back something that conveyed how much I hated that they made him feel this way, how I wished I could shield him from their judgment.
I wanted to tell him he was perfect exactly as he was—successful, kind, incredible Cooper who deserved so much better than their conditional approval.
But I knew what he needed right now wasn’t words. It was my presence. It was a healing spell after a battle. It was someone who saw him completely and valued every part of him without reservation.
So, I kept my response simple.
On my way. First round’s on me.