Chapter 59
Blaze
For a moment there is silence.
Then everybody starts speaking at once.
‘As if,’ scoffs Flint.
‘Are you out of your mind?’ Spinner demands.
‘Seems plausible,’ muses Sheen.
But Fox is looking only at me.
I stare back at him, dumbstruck. My limbs seem to be made of rubber. I lean heavily against a tree to avoid keeling over into the pile of glittering ash.
I was only just beginning to come to terms with the fact that I’m Demari, let alone that the Rain Singers believe me to be some kind of God, or that, in a few short days, I’m going to be crowned Queen of the Aquatori. But this? Me? The Eye?
‘That’s impossible,’ I murmur.
‘Why?’ Fox asks calmly.
‘Because … because …’ I search desperately for an answer, but the liquor clouding my head is making it difficult to think clearly. ‘Because it just is, all right?’
‘I agree with Blaze,’ my brother announces, loyal to the bone.
‘Harglade,’ Sheen says, his voice unexpectedly soft, ‘think about what happened in the Ridge tunnels.’
Both of us turn to stare at him. Then I watch as understanding sparks in Flint’s right eye. His mouth stretches first into a taut line then curls into a grimace.
‘Oh,’ he mumbles.
‘What is it?’ Spinner asks, her gaze flicking quizzically between him and Sheen.
‘I …’ Flint clears his throat. ‘I couldn’t explain it before.’
‘Explain what?’ I splutter.
‘The explosion.’
Fox closes his eyes.
‘I thought I was the one who killed that snake,’ Flint continues. ‘It was the only logical conclusion. Only, deep down …’ His face flushes.
‘What?’ I demand.
‘I knew … I knew it couldn’t have been me.’
‘I don’t understand,’ I say through gritted teeth.
‘I didn’t conjure those flames, Blaze.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I –’ He glances at Sheen, who nods once. Flint then swallows hard, inhales, exhales, and says, ‘Because I can’t.’
For a long moment we just look at each other.
My stomach churns violently. ‘What d’you mean, you can’t?’
‘Ever since the third trial, I … I haven’t …’ He looks as if he might vomit.
And then it hits me. All his excuses and deflections. His reluctance to ignite so much as a candle. Even Aunt Yvainne’s funeral when he couldn’t face lighting the pyre.
I think back to the Ridge and how desperate I was for those flames to erupt, almost as if I’d willed them into existence.
I stand rooted to the spot as realization burns through me. In one last-ditch attempt to smother it with doubt, I drag my gaze from my brother and glare at everyone in turn.
‘Is this some kind of joke? Because it’s not funny.’
‘No one’s laughing,’ Sheen points out quietly.
Spinner twists her fingers together nervously.
‘Well, I don’t believe it,’ I snap. But if that were true, then why is my heart pounding so fiercely I fear it may break a rib?
I glance down at the talisman clutched in my fist. Even in the flickering firelight I can see that the chain is ever so slightly thicker, the clasp a different shape to my own. Fox was telling the truth. This is the Eye of the Past.
I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste blood, the salt-iron tang coating my tongue.
I see Elva’s hands – streaks of red across her porcelain skin. I hear Caius Castellion’s voice in my head, telling me the story of the three sisters, telling me about Syla.
Power belonged to her. It ran through her veins.
‘Remember when I told you that the Eyes are drawn together?’ Fox says in a voice one might use to calm a wounded animal.
‘You could’ve emerged from any of the Ridge tunnels, yet you stumbled right into my arms. In Brava, you felt pulled towards something, only it was me you found in that cliff pool.
Or rather, the talisman round my neck. Do you see?
The Eyes can sense when another is near. That’s why you were drawn to me.’
His words pierce my heart.
I don’t realize I’ve dropped the Eye of the Past until it hits the ground, bouncing twice before rolling to a stop at Fox’s feet.
‘Blaze,’ he says, but I shake my head, backing away.
Flint moves forward but Sheen places a cautionary hand on his chest.
The forest grows darker with each staggering step I take from the bonfire.
Fox’s footsteps make no sound as he follows me through the trees. ‘Blaze.’
I ignore him.
‘Please. Just talk to me.’
His hand brushes my shoulder. I shrug it off roughly and whirl round to face him. ‘I bet you knew this whole time, didn’t you?’
He flinches as if I’ve struck him. Then he composes himself and meets my gaze, holding it carefully as he says, ‘I swear to you, I didn’t.’
But the problem is I don’t know whether to believe him. He’s hidden so much from me in the past. Does his pledge of honesty still stand? Or is he lying to cover his back?
‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I should’ve pieced it together the day we arrived here, when …’ His eyes shutter. ‘Like Flint, I thought it must’ve been me. That I’d done it subconsciously.’
‘Done what?’
But he doesn’t need to respond. I see them in my mind, sprouting through floorboards, blooming brightly all around us.
Foxgloves.
Heat prickles, blurring my vision. The rain is light at first but grows heavier with every painful thud of my heart.
Was it all a lie? This. Us. Everything he said. Everything we felt. Were we really only drawn to one another because of the Eyes?
I always knew we were a bad idea. I was so reluctant to trust him, right up until the moment I surrendered my heart. Perhaps it was not my trust in Fox I should have questioned but the connection we shared. The intimacy, the intensity of it.
I used to struggle with my emotions. I used to bottle them up, bury them deep – until I learned to control them. But my feelings for Fox were never something I could control, no matter how hard I tried. What if this is why?
The thought rips me to shreds.
My throat is tight, my voice abrasive. ‘It wasn’t real, was it?’
Confusion clouds his features. ‘What wasn’t?’
I don’t answer him. I don’t trust myself to speak. The heartbreak from Hal’s betrayal was nothing – nothing – compared to this.
How could I ever be with Fox now, when I have no way of telling whether the way I feel about him, the way he feels about me, is true? I’d be living a lie.
‘Blaze, you’re not thinking clearly. Calm down, and then we’ll –’
‘No.’
I feel myself splitting apart, coming undone. Droplets cling to Fox’s eyelashes and spill down his cheeks like tears. He reaches for me. I don’t shake him off this time but turn very still, rigid, like a statue, and he lets go at once, his hand falling back to his side.
I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t wish to be held or comforted.
‘Blaze.’
My chest aches at the softness in his voice. The rain intensifies, falling heavy and cold from a starless sky.
I never asked for this. It’s not fair. The gravity of it all weighs me down, sinking into my bones. My body is paralysed, yet my mind is spinning.
‘Leave me alone, Fox,’ I say flatly. ‘I need time to think.’
‘Why don’t you come back to the cottage and we’ll –’
‘I said, leave me alone.’
Rain turns to hailstones as the anger returns, cutting through the pain.
I always wanted it – power. I revelled in my water gifts. Only possessing power is one thing. To be possessed, quite another. When I found the Eye, I thought I held the key to power itself. But I was wrong. I don’t hold the key – I am the key.
A prize to be won. A weapon to be wielded.
I don’t belong to myself any more.
Perhaps I never did.