Chapter 30
Castien unlocked the door to the room he and Wren had made their own since the night he got Tidesick. He’d forever associate this space with her. Though that wasn’t much different than everywhere else in the Seven Havens. He was convinced everything would remind him of her for the rest of his days.
“You planned for this,” Wren said, taking in the burning fire in the hearth and the tea service set near it.
“I asked Heathford to prepare the room in case you needed a place to rest,” Castien explained. “The tea might be cold, though it looks like he placed the cart close to the fire to stave off the chill.”
“I’ll prepare it,” Wren said quickly.
She let go of Castien’s hand and rushed to the tea set. Her hands shook as she spooned honey into a cup.
“Wren,” Castien said softly as he approached her. “You’re shaking.”
The teaspoon she was using clattered against the cup as she dropped it. She turned and paced away from Castien similarly to the way Finn had in the hall.
“I-I don’t know how to feel.” Her voice was broken. She faced one of the many bookshelves and crossed her arms.
Castien had taken care to put up his walls.
To give her space to feel only her emotions.
He had no idea how far her Gift extended, so he had to simply hope he’d put enough space between them and the others.
The task was more easily accomplished now that they were alone but was still not a simple thing to do.
Castien had struggled to balance logic with emotion when Wren was crying in his arms over the coward’s careless words.
It left his Gift in tatters. He saw in flickers of gold rather than the usual sharp connecting lines.
“Feel whatever you like. Angry, sad, happy. All three at once. I will not judge you,” he told her.
“I’m tired of feeling so much,” she whispered.
Castien’s heart broke for her. If only his ability to smother his emotions could extend to her as well. He imagined she was exhausted from it all. Slowly, he closed the distance between them again and walked around to face her.
“I wish I could take the pain away. If there’s anything I can do, tell me, and I will.”
Wren’s eyes shone with tears.
“Will it ever end?” She choked on the question. “Will I ever close my eyes and not see blood? I-I couldn’t kill them. Would that have stopped it all? If I would have been brave enough—”
Castien pulled her into his arms as she broke down again. He held her tightly.
“What you did was brave, Wren. Mercy requires much more courage than violence.” He closed his eyes and drew in a steadying breath.
“One day, this will all be a distant memory. I cannot promise it will go away, but it will fade. You’ll be drinking tea in a field of flowers and realize that you haven’t thought of it in weeks, maybe months, because you’ll have filled your life with so much light that the darkness cannot possibly break through. ”
Wren clutched the back of his jacket in her fists.
“I don’t want to forget him,” she cried.
“You won’t, dearest,” Castien reassured her while rubbing her back.
“You’ll remember how he took you outside when you were sick, and all the times you snuck into the tavern together.
Honey and flowers and sunshine. That’s what you’ll remember.
He wouldn’t want you to give the rest space in your mind. ”
“Most of my life has been spent in darkness,” Wren confessed, so softly Castien almost didn’t hear her. “I’m not sure I know how to live in the light.”
Castien pulled back and cradled her face in his hands. He stared into her red-rimmed eyes. Let himself float in the endless blue skies contained in her irises.
Tides, he loved her. He was irrevocably in love with Wren, in the most hopeless manner.
Tears burned in Castien’s eyes, a foreign feeling for him after years of suppression.
He’d have done anything she asked during the interrogation, not out of duty or justice, but because he loved her.
The overwhelming desire to ensure she never cried again was a flower rooted in an entire garden of utter devotion.
His heart thrummed, each beat a declaration of his feelings.
“We will learn side by side,” he promised. “We’ll walk along the shore together, remember?”
Wren stared up at him. Castien wiped away her tears with his thumbs. He desperately wanted to kiss her. Even like this, tear-soaked and afraid, she was mesmerizing. Her strength of character combined with her beauty brought about the urge to bend a knee as if she were the royalty between them.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
He drew her toward his chest again, afraid his self-control would snap and he’d do something that couldn’t be undone.
Now wasn’t the time. There was so much he had to tell her before he’d allow himself to take something as precious as a kiss.
He wouldn’t allow any secrets to poison that moment.
Not to mention that he didn’t know if she felt the same, and even if she did, he didn’t know if she’d be ready for something like a kiss.
“Should we go back soon?” Wren asked after a moment of comfortable silence.
“If you’re ready. There’s time for a cup of tea or a short rest on the couch,” Castien replied.
Wren stepped out of his arms and shook her head.
“I want to get all of this over with as quickly as possible.”
Castien dipped his chin.
“I understand. It will be over soon. And when the sun rises in a few short hours, it will be to a new day. One where you’re freed of this burden.”
A hesitant, fragile smile stretched Wren’s lips.
“I will choose to believe you’re right.”
Castien ventured a smile of his own. “I’m never wrong, dearest.”
This earned him a disbelieving huff, almost a laugh. His heart jumped at the sound. He held out his hand again, relishing in the warm feeling her palm against his brought. Castien squeezed her hand, then they walked to and out the door together.
They made their way back to the hall where Eindar and Finn were in silence. Castien could sense Wren’s anxiety growing in the way she clutched his hand. When they arrived at their destination, Finn and Eindar were close together, talking. Finn’s head turned toward them.
“Are you ready?” Finn asked them.
“We are. Are you?”
Finn nodded. “Eindar agrees that knocking them out is our best course of action to transport them without trouble. He said he can carry them to the gallery entrance one at a time.”
“All right, then take care of it. Wren and I will go to the headmaster’s quarters to alert her. We’ll bring her to the gallery. Once you’ve got the men up there, one of you can let Calypsia out and tell her to go straight to her chambers.”
“You can render them unconscious without—” Wren grimaced.
“Oh yes, a quick rap with the pommel of my dagger and they’ll take a short nap. Should wake up with a bruise and a headache, nothing more,” Finn said with a smile.
“Finn is highly trained,” Castien assured Wren.
She frowned but nodded.
Finn clapped his hands together. “Soren first, to lower my temptation to make him permanently unconscious.”
Castien shot him an unamused look.
“Must you say such things?”
“What?” Finn’s grin widened. “I’m simply showing my loyalty to Wren by expressing my desire to hurt who hurt her. She appreciates it.” He looked at Wren. “Don’t you?”
“I suppose the sentiment is nice?” She shrugged.
Finn gestured to her as if she proved his point. Castien shook his head.
“Go, so this can all be over.”
“As you wish, Your Highness,” Finn taunted with a bow, then turned toward Soren’s door. Eindar opened it for him. Castien caught sight of his dagger flashing in the dark before he entered the room.
“Moments ago I thought he was upset,” Wren said. “Now he seems to be jovial. Is that normal?”
Castien sighed. “For Finn, yes. He doesn’t dwell on difficult emotions for long if he can help it. Tends to bury his feelings beneath witty comments and sparkling smiles.”
Wren hummed thoughtfully.
“Shall we go wake the headmaster?” Castien asked, knowing that their timing was more limited now that Finn was taking care of Soren.
“Yes, let’s finish this.” Wren’s voice shook, but there was a thread of determination in it that made Castien proud. He squeezed her hand again.
She’d fought against the darkness most of her life. Lost her brother to it and was left alone after. But not anymore. Castien would pick up his sword and follow her into war if he had to. She’d never be alone again. So long as she wanted him, he’d be there. Forever.