Chapter 42 Day by Day
As soon as Wren’s lips touched Castien’s, she was pulled into a sea of molten desire.
Every brush of her mouth against his drug her deeper and deeper.
She fisted the fabric of his shirt to remain standing.
True to his word, Castien didn’t move. That only increased her fervor, and his, as she felt deep within her abdomen the winding pressure of his yearning.
Wren couldn’t tell where his feelings began and hers ended. For once, she did not mind. All she felt was immense warmth that enveloped her entire being. And that was without him touching her. Her skin set alight at the thought of him relinquishing some of his carefully wrought control.
“Cas,” she breathed against his lips. Paper crinkled as he gripped the wall again. “I—would you—” Wren couldn’t get the words out. She was grateful for the power he bestowed upon her, but to ask him seemed embarrassing.
If you weren’t broken, you wouldn’t have to ask.
Wren shook her head.
“Look at me, dearest,” Castien commanded softly. Wren lifted her gaze. His eyes were almost black they were so dark, but the love held within them was clear as day. He banished the shadows grasping at the edges of her mind.
“Move away or closer?” Castien asked in a low tone that made Wren’s stomach swoop.
“Closer,” she whispered, but he didn’t move yet.
“May I touch you?”
The gentle question threatened to bring tears to her eyes. Wren nodded, unable to form a response.
One of Castien’s hands slid beneath her jawline, making her shiver.
The other found the curve of her waist. She felt a slight tremble in his hand before it settled.
He tipped her head back. Their gazes caught again.
His thumb brushed her bottom lip, and she became glad for the wall at her back, for she could hardly hold herself up.
“My dearest Wren,” he whispered, and dipped his head down so his mouth was achingly close to hers. “May I?”
“Yes.”
Castien consumed the word with his kiss.
Wren lost herself in his love. The expectations, voices, and grief that plagued her all faded away.
His touch was impossibly careful. Each kiss was a question that she answered in kind.
One of her hands left his chest and sifted through his hair.
A wave of warmth crashed into her as Castien let out a low hum.
The hand at her waist slid around to her low back to press her closer.
Her body became flush with his, and in an instant, she was ripped out of the moment and back in time.
Piano benches and porcelain dolls clawed at her mind.
Wren pushed at Castien’s chest only once.
That was all she needed, because he immediately pulled back and took a few steps away, his chest heaving. He pushed his hands through his hair.
“Are you all right?” he asked her, worry washing over her like cool water.
“It became too much,” she said, curling her arms around herself.
Wren began to feel sick. Why couldn’t she have just kept kissing him? Why did her past have to haunt her every step?
“Don’t.” Castien coaxed her out of the spiral she was headed down. “Don’t be cruel to yourself. You gave me more than I would have asked of you. I am—” A smile melted across his features. “I’m so proud of you and immeasurably happy.”
“I didn’t want to stop,” Wren said, hoping he would believe her.
She hated that she ruined everything.
“I know, dearest. I may not be able to sense your emotions, but I know you, remember?”
He held his palm up. Wren stepped away from the wall and slid her hand into his. He squeezed it.
“You can feel my emotions. I’m not holding anything back,” he promised her. “Do I feel upset?”
Wren closed her eyes so she could focus entirely on the internal.
“No,” she admitted after a moment. “You’re worried, but you’re happy, too.”
A hesitant smile crept onto Wren’s lips. She blinked open her eyes.
“Happier than I’ve ever been.”
The love that radiated off Castien had her wrapping her arms around his waist in a hug.
“Don’t push yourself on my account,” he said as he slowly returned her embrace.
“It is the more … heated moments that seem to draw out the darkness the most,” she confessed against his chest with a blush.
“Okay, let me know if that ever changes. I never want you to be uncomfortable.”
She hugged him tighter. “I know.”
Castien pressed a light kiss to the crown of her hair. They settled into a cozy silence that Wren wanted to enjoy, but her thoughts were spinning. She tipped her head back to look up at him.
“Where do we go from here?” she asked.
The uncertainty of the future made it difficult for her to be at ease.
Though her life had always been wrought with pain and grief, it had been planned, too.
Until her brother’s death, Wren knew what her days would look like.
She’d be a historian, her brother would run the estate, and she’d reside in a small cottage on the very edge of it.
Now, she was faced with so many possibilities.
One of which being that she could be royalty one day. Something that terrified her.
Castien smiled as he tucked a loose curl behind her ear.
“We take things day by day, my love.” His new endearment made her heart sing. She could not keep from blushing. “As I said when we made our agreement, we have time. There is no rush.”
Wren nodded. It would be a challenge to not think too far ahead, but she knew he was correct to suggest staying present in the moment. If Wren allowed herself to jump to the future, she would freeze with panic.
“I do think it would be prudent for you to be instated as a member of the Order, if you are amenable to that. It would look strange if you were not, given my station,” Castien said.
“My curiosity about the organization abounds, so I would not mind being privy to its secrets,” she teased.
Castien chuckled. “I expected as much. Now that Soren and Ambrose have been dealt with, it is high time we return to business as usual. I will have Heathford send invitations for a gathering within the coming days.”
Wren thought of Kierana. Particularly Kierana and Eindar. Was he truly keeping his participation a secret? If so, that was bound to cause a strain on their relationship. And if Wren joined without her as well …
“What has your beautiful mind so occupied?” Castien asked, drawing her out of her thoughts.
“I was merely thinking of Kierana. She would be the only one of our friends not included, correct?” Another face came to mind. “Oh, and Cyprus.”
“Cyprus is a part of the Order,” Castien said. Wren wasn’t all that surprised by the knowledge, given how hard Cyprus worked in their shared classes. It stood to reason that he would seek to position himself with the elite.
“As for Kierana …” Castien looked up slightly as though he were thinking. “It was within my plans to invite her, but now I think the invitation is best received from Eindar. I will inform him that he is welcome to bring her with him to the next gathering.”
Wren smiled. “Thank you. It has been difficult keeping so much from her.”
“While I may be limited in certain situations, my aim will forever be to increase your joy. Always say what you’re thinking, dearest. Ask and you shall receive if it is within my means.”
Wren shook her head, her smile growing.
“You cannot bestow upon me so much power. I am likely to go mad with it.”
Castien granted her a boyish grin.
“I am only reminding you of what you’ve possessed for some time. And please, feel free to abuse the reign you have. For its only result would be your happiness, which pleases me infinitely in return.”
Wren thought she might float away. She was lighter than ever before, buoyed by love.
“You may come to regret that sentiment, Prince Valengard,” Wren playfully warned.
He murmured his reply. “I could never regret anything involving you.”
The desire to kiss him again swept her away. Instead of overthinking the urge, she pressed up on her tiptoes and gently brushed her lips against his. She felt his affection fill her like wind in the sails of a ship.
Wren knew with more certainty than she thought possible that though the exact contents of her future were murky, she did not want to face a day without Castien.
Her dream to spend her days alone grew cold as she basked in the warm light of her betrothed’s love.
He dipped his head down so their foreheads touched.
A feeling she had not grasped in some time settled over her.
Peace.