Chapter 15
The Stranger
Small children and their pets play on the sides of the crunchy shell rock street, running, laughing, and getting into all sorts of trouble in the afternoon sun.
On my sixth turn around the small beachside neighborhood filled with modern pastel-colored bungalows, I get up the nerve to park in front of the pale yellow one-story I’m looking for.
This is like a first date for me, but for her…
She must have expectations. I carry the bouquet and the small gift bag to the door.
Pressing the tiny conch-shaped doorbell sets off a tinny chime.
When the door opens, she’s standing there in a navy-blue velvet dress and meticulously curled hair. Was she wearing any makeup yesterday? I don’t think so—she doesn’t need it. But today she’s wearing light mascara and liner, and her lips are glossed. Stunning.
“Are those for me?” When she reaches for the bouquet, I catch the diamond on her ring finger.
Unconsciously, I look at mine. It’s bare.
My breath hitches when I realize she wore the same ring around her neck yesterday.
“Come in.” She puts her arm around me and leads me through the small entryway to the living room.
Her fresh, citrusy, floral perfume drifts over me, stirring something familiar.
When I step inside, she turns to me. “Natalie’s playing outside. Are you ready to meet her?”
Yes.
I hold my breath.
She opens the glass sliding door and peeks out, curling her fingers inward, calling Natalie to come inside. I feel every hair on my arms stand as I wait. Natalie runs in, a bundle of excitement with white-blonde curls like Crystal’s and light brown eyes like mine.
She holds her mother’s hand and watches me—her face filled with curiosity.
“Hi, Natalie. I got you something.” Opening the bag, I pull out the teddy bear I bought at the general store. I wasn’t sure what she’d like, but the white bear with a dark blue nose seemed right. “Here you go.” Bending down to her level, I offer it to her.
She squeals and eagerly takes the bear, hugging it. “I’ll call him Mr. Blue Nose.” She hugs him to her chest and looks directly into my eyes. “Are you my real daddy?”
My heart bursts, and at first, I can’t speak. “I am. And I’m so happy to meet you.” Slowly, I reach for her, and she throws her arms around me. Squeezing me with all her strength.
“I love you, Natalie.”
“I love you too, Daddy. I made a wish to meet you, and it came true.” She chatters then, asking me all sorts of things. Then she asks. “Why did you leave us?”
I keep my gaze on her despite the burning behind my eyes. My words catch in my throat when I try to answer.
Crystal takes Natalie’s hand and whispers something in her ear. Natalie gives me a cute wave and runs off into the kitchen. A few seconds later, there are sounds of drawers opening and pans clanking. Crystal returns to my side.
Lowering her gaze, she reaches for my hand. I feel the ring. “I haven’t told her much. Until Mark died, she thought he was her father. I wanted to tell her so many times… but.”
“I understand.” There are so many questions I want to ask her about Mark and about our own marriage.
But I’ve picked up on enough to know that her story with Mark isn’t a happy one.
Scott filled me in on some details of what Mark did—to me and to others.
What kind of mess had I gotten my family into?
When I think of what she must have been through living with a man like Mark…
“She knows now,” she continues. “I told her Mark was her pretend daddy and that her real daddy is you. When I told her, she decided she was going to build a time machine one day so she could go back and find you.” She lets out a small laugh with a breath.
Frowning, she looks at the floor. “Mark was a distant father…” She swallows, her voice hoarse. “…but he never…hurt her.”
Her words make my stomach twist. If there is one thing I could have right now, it would be Mark standing in front of me. I’d kill him.
“Whew… maybe we can talk about all the heavy stuff a bit later.” She smiles weakly and asks me to let Natalie give me a tour of the beach while she finishes dinner.
“Come on, Daddy, let’s go.” Natalie takes my hand. Unlike the rest of us adults, she needs no warm-up, no getting to know you period. She’s already accepted me and is eager to share her world with me.
“Your momma told me you’re going to build a time machine one day?”
“Yes, Mr. Finn will help me do it when I get older. He’s almost as smart as Mr. Hawking.”
“That’s super cool. Tell me more about it?”
“Mr. H.G. Wells wrote the book. A time machine can take you where you want to go in the past or future. Going to the future is no good. But if you go in the past, you can fix things.”
“Why is the future no good?”
“It spoils the surprises.”
“Can’t argue with that logic.” Giving her head a ruffle, I laugh when curls land in every direction.
“Daddy, you’re messing up my hair. Here.” She hands me a piece of paper. “I wrote this for you.” The handwriting isn’t bad for a six-year-old. There are doodles of turtles, dolphins, and fish in the margins.
I luv the ocean and my momma and daddy.
My daddy is a sayler and he is brave.
He swims in the ocean.
and saw a hole at the bottom.
I think about him a lot.
I wanna find him one day.
“Daddy, don’t cry.” She raises her little hand to my cheek and brushes it with her fingers.
I concentrate on her touch. This is unconditional love, and I feel it. Some may say you can’t without your memories. But that’s not true. Because I do.
“Something happened to my brain, and I can’t remember anything. There’s so much I want to share with you, I just can’t remember.”
“It’s okay, Daddy. We can learn everything together.”
How did I make a kid so wise at her age? She must get it from her mother.
“I’d like that.”
Holding hands, we walk back inside.
“Ya’ll are just in time. Dinner’s ready.” Crystal has the table set with enormous bowls of pasta, sauce, bread, and salad.
“My favorite! Sketti.”
“It’s Daddy’s favorite too,” Crystal says and smiles playfully.
It is my favorite.
We eat and chat about Natalie’s schoolwork and what she wants for Christmas. After dinner, I help Crystal with the dishes while Natalie wipes the table.
“Do you want Daddy to put you to bed?”
“YES… read me a story… please, Daddy!”
Dozens of books line the shelves in her room. There are too many to choose from.
“Do you want me to tell you a story I made up?”
She nods eagerly.
“It’s called The Sailor and the Siren.” She’s enthralled as I start the story of the beautiful siren who lives on an island far away from the sailor. An island he’d never seen but knew existed.
She scrunches her face. “Daddy, the mistake is sirens aren’t pretty. They’re mean and have big, sharp teeth.”
“Yes. Well, in this story, the siren is a little different. She’s the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world, with golden hair and blue eyes. The sailor was searching and searching all alone on the big sea. He was looking for a secret island. The one he saw in his dreams.”
“I like this story.”
“One night, a big storm comes and breaks up his boat, and he’s in the water, drowning.” Natalie’s eyes widen in fear.
I give her a gentle pat on the knee, and I mouth, “It’s going to be okay.”
Continuing… “He’s about to give up when he hears the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard, singing to him.”
“Sirens do sing to sailors.” She nods in approval.
“So, he swims as hard as he can in the direction of her voice. For hours and hours until his arms get too tired to move anymore.”
Natalie moves the blanket over her eyes.
I’d better wrap up.
“He starts to sink when, through the surface of the water, he sees her face. She dives to him, pulling him out. Then she kisses him. They live happily ever after.”
She claps, bouncing up and down. “That’s a good story. I like nice sirens.”
“Me too, Sugar Muffin.”
I tuck her in and get ready to turn out the light.
“Daddy?” Her face is all scrunched up. “My tummy feels weird.”
I walk back over and sit on the edge of the bed. She’s too young to understand her emotions. How they rise, surge, and fall like the sea. I take her hand and smile.
“What’s that?” she asks, her eyes wide and curious.
“This?” I glance down and lift the shell pendant. “It’s my security blanket.”
“It’s pretty. Was it the siren’s?”
“Yes.” I take the band off and put it around her neck.
“And now it’s yours.”
I tuck her in and watch her fall asleep.
When I rejoin Crystal in the living room, she’s fixed us two teas and lit a soft candle. It smells like a morning sea breeze.
“Sit?” she asks.
When I sit down beside her, I’m comforted by her scent again.
She squints. “So. Where are your glasses? I haven’t seen you wear them since you’ve been back.”
“I wear contact lenses.”
“You used to wear contacts when you dived, but you liked to wear glasses the rest of the time. Your eyes would get tired.” She pulls the drawer in the coffee table open, takes out a case, and hands it to me. “In case your eyes need a break.”
“Thank you.” I shiver when her fingers brush my skin.
“I’m not sure how tired you are, but I’ve made the extra bed.” She takes the fluffy white throw that hangs over the couch and folds it, placing it into my lap. “Get cozy.” Her lips curl into a small smile, and I notice the blush deepening on her chest and neck. “Stay tonight?”
I swallow.
“There’s an extra room. All yours. I want you here with Natalie and me.”
“I don’t want to be a burden…”
She puts her finger over my lips. “Never. Your home is here.” She gently pokes my chest, over my heart.
“With us. You’ll find it soon.” It’s hard to breathe.
I want everything. But I have nothing to give her yet.
She picks up a large photo album and hands it to me.
“Why don’t we go through this together? We’ll take it one photo at a time. ”
“Thank you, Crystal.” Our fingers touch again when I take the album from her. I want to kiss her, really kiss her this time. But it’s too soon.
“Let me show you one more thing.” I follow her to a small closet across from her bedroom. “When you… disappeared… I wasn’t sure where I should put all your things. They made me so sad. So, I put them in here… there are so many memories of you in here.”
She opens the door. Several stacks of journals and boxes line the walls from the floor to the ceiling. Excited to learn more, a part of me wants to go through them now. But I don’t want to cut this time together short.
She looks at me sheepishly. “You’ll probably be up all night combing through this. Try to get a little rest, yeah?”
“Are you okay with it? That I’m diving,” I blurt out. Real smooth, Nathan.
Her downcast eyes look up, and she exhales. “It’s who you are, Nathan. I’d never change you.” She nods toward the couch. “You want to watch some TV?”
We sit down, and she leans against me, resting her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her and breathe in. We talk about what’s happening on the island and Natalie. She doesn’t bring up the past or any expectations for the future.
Hours go by. When she dozes off, her head is nestled against my chest, and her fingers are curled around my waist. I sit with her like that for a while, soaking her in, watching her breathe.
When she shifts, trying to get comfortable, I lift her into my arms and carry her to her room, trying not to wake her as I lay her on the bed.
She wakes anyway.
“Sweet dreams, sailor.” Her lovely face is haloed by her golden hair spread across the bed.
She’s so beautiful, and she’s looking at me like she loves me.
I can’t stop myself from kissing her. At first, it’s a gentle peck, but when she opens her mouth, inviting me, I go deeper.
I want her so badly. She puts her arms around my neck, and I know.
She’ll let me make love to her if I ask.
She has all of her memories.
I pull away. Is she so relieved to have me back that she has blind faith I’m the same man she fell in love with? I need to get my head on straight before I take anything from her.
She gives me a hug before I leave. “Nathan, time’s on our side now.”
Reluctantly, I leave her, closing the door behind me.
Then I head to the closet.