Chapter 16
Jordan
As the evening light gradually dimmed, Jordan finished his work at the clinic. He exchanged smiles and pleasantries with the remaining night shift staff, nurses, and assistants who would continue to care for the animal patients.
"All right, folks, that's it for today," Jordan said. "Thanks for all your hard work. Have a great evening, and I'll see you tomorrow."
Jordan stepped into the dimly lit parking lot, the refreshing night air washing over him. He glanced at his Jeep, parked nearby—but before heading home, he had another destination in mind. The prospect of spending the evening with Alex and Shadow filled him with anticipation, and he smiled at the thought.
As Jordan sat in his car, preparing to drive over to Alex's house for dinner, he reflected on his conversation with Rebecca. Her words had resonated with him, and he mulled over the idea of “waging a war” on his hearing.
For years, he'd considered his hearing impairment a battle he needed to fight alone. He had become so accustomed to living in a world of silence, relying on lip reading and hearing aids only when he had to use them, that he had almost accepted it as his standard. But meeting Alex had shifted something within him, making him question if he'd been isolating himself unnecessarily.
Rebecca's advice to not get in his head struck a chord. Maybe he had been his worst enemy when forming romantic connections. His previous relationships had all ended for similar reasons, and he wondered if his fear of vulnerability and his reluctance to share the intricacies of his hearing impairment had played a part.
Jordan contemplated changing his mind as he drove through the quiet streets toward Alex's house. Could he allow someone like Alex, who had shown such kindness and understanding, to see the real him? Was it possible to let go of the self-imposed barriers he'd built up over the years and truly let someone in?
His life felt like it was at a standstill in some ways. He had focused so much on his career and clinic that he'd inadvertently put his personal life on hold. Meeting Alex had been a wake-up call, a reminder that there was more to life than work.
Jordan quickly stopped at the grocery store on his way to Alex's house for dinner. He wanted to bring a thoughtful gift to show his appreciation for the meal Alex was preparing.
Jordan found himself wandering through the grocery store, trying to decide on the perfect gift to bring to Alex's house for dinner. He started in the floral section, considering a bouquet. But then he thought, Alex doesn’t seem like a tulip kind of guy.
He continued to the wine section, where he spent a few moments perusing the bottles. However, uncertainty crept in as he realized he had never seen Alex drink alcohol. What if it interfered with his PTSD medication? He decided to play it safe and moved on.
He ventured into the bakery section. As he browsed the colorful display of cakes and pastries, he chuckled to himself, thinking, "Alex would probably never touch any of this stuff." But he secretly decided to grab a plastic container of chocolate fudge brownies and hide it in his car to enjoy later once he got home.
With dessert also not an option, Jordan finally made his way to the meat section. He chuckled again, realizing he was about to buy meat as a gift. He spotted a pack of New York strip steaks. Perfect .
As he made his way to the checkout, Jordan smiled at the variety of spring displays and customers in the store. He knew that no matter what he brought, the most important thing was the time they would spend together. And who knew, maybe Alex would appreciate the unexpected gift of meat as much as any other adult gay male. With a chuckle to himself that drew more attention than he wanted, he checked out and continued heading to Alex's house .
As he parked his car in the driveway next to Alex’s truck, Jordan took a deep breath and made a silent promise to himself. Maybe when the time was right, he would start breaking down those walls to allow someone like Alex into his world and to wage a different kind of war—one that involved opening his heart to the possibilities of love and connection. He took out his hearing aids, leaving them in the car's passenger seat. Then, he texted Alex.
Jordan: Here. I don't want to ring the doorbell; I'm not sure how Shadow would react.
He attached a gif featuring a chihuahua standing on its hind legs, smoking a cigarette, and holding an automatic rifle. Alex's reply came quickly.
Alex: HAHA, coming.
Moments later, the door swung open, and Alex greeted Jordan with a grin. "Hey there, welcome! And a good idea about the doorbell. I never thought of that. I don’t want him ripping open his staples."
Jordan held up the pack of New York strip steaks he had bought as a gift. "I brought you something."
Alex's eyes lit up as he saw the meat. "Oh, man! Did you get me meat? That’s the best gift ever!" He laughed loudly, took the steaks, and hugged Jordan tightly.
Jordan chuckled, a warm feeling spreading through him. "I'm glad you like them. The caveat is that you can’t make me eat one.” He paused, then felt the need to clarify his earlier meme. “Also, so that you know, I don't condone smoking or weapons."
Alex laughed heartily and faced Jordan so that he could see his face. "Don't worry, I'm not a smoker. And as for the weapons, let's say you should avoid opening random drawers around my house."
Jordan raised his eyebrows. "Oh, God.”
Their banter continued as they went to the kitchen, where Alex put the steaks in the refrigerator with a pleased smile.
He turned to face Jordan, and they shared another warm hug, followed by a sweet kiss, then a longer kiss. They lingered in each other's arms, exchanging tender words for a moment .
Alex finally broke the embrace and smiled at Jordan. "Are you ready to eat?"
Jordan nodded, a look of anticipation on his face. "Absolutely."
Jordan moved to the dining table, where Alex had already set the table and had glasses full of water and silverware. The warmed plates of salmon were brought out from the oven, cooked with a seared crust that promised a flavorful bite.
As Jordan took his first bite, his eyes widened in delight. "Wow, this is incredible!"
Alex blushed slightly, pleased by Jordan's reaction. "I'm glad you like it.”
“This is embarrassing, but the only thing I can do is make good sandwiches,” Jordan admitted sheepishly. “My grilled cheese is to die for.”
“You’ll have to make one for me sometime. I love grilled cheese and tomato soup—the best comfort meal ever,” Alex said.
As they sat at the table, savoring their meal, Jordan saw Shadow resting comfortably in his kennel nearby. He took a moment to admire the dog and then looked at Alex.
"How's our furry friend doing since you brought him home? He seems pretty relaxed right now."
"Yeah, he's been adjusting well. He had been drifting in and out. Rebecca said he would be like that most of the evening. She said to let him walk around a little to help his muscles in his legs but to keep an eye on his left paw to make sure he isn’t overusing it. He’s been a trooper the last couple of days at the clinic. I’m nervous about how the night and tomorrow morning will go."
“What are you nervous about?” Looking around the room, it seemed like a dog supply store exploded. There were three dog beds in one room, plush toys of all varieties, dog bowls of different height levels, chew toys, three collars, and several leashes of varying colors. Before Alex could answer, Jordan said, “I’m never giving the disruptive duo my credit card.”
“It’s not their fault. They talked to the store manager and explained the situation, and he’s permitting me to return what I don’t need or want as long as I keep the receipt. They bought me options. They have been great helping me. ”
Jordan laughed as he looked at the end table by the couch. “A candy cane leash? It’s not even Christmas.” Both laughed, and Alex shrugged.
“By the way, I have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning. Can I drop Shadow off at the clinic, attend the appointment, and then return?” Alex asked.
“Of course, and don’t feel bad for asking. You’re a volunteer, not a paid employee. If you were a paid employee, we would both be in trouble for what we do in exam room three. Oh, and by the way, we’re not fooling anyone, and the gossip mill always knows our whereabouts. Luckily, no one has proof of that damn hickey you gave me.” Jordan looked at him sternly, then continued. “Rebecca talked with me after you left. The entire staff is rooting for us, and she told me to get my head out of my ass and that I’m a good guy.”
Alex was quiet momentarily and said, “It’s a lot harder than they realize, right?”
Jordan nodded as he took a bite of his salmon.
“I was talking to Shadow before you got here. He’s cheaper than Dr. Martin and was available for a house call.” Jordan smiled as Alex continued. “We have known each other for such a short time, and yet when I’m with you, I’m a different person. A better person. I’m afraid I’ll ruin everything when you see the real me.” He took a drink of water and looked away.
“I hate being deaf. I hate the damn ‘brain drills’ that I’m forced to wear around people. I got into veterinary medicine because when I’m with an animal, I don’t need them. I can just be me, with no one judging me. I feel so awkward with people when they feel ‘awkward’ talking to me.” Jordan admitted.
“I have nightmares, really awful nightmares. I relive the ambush that killed half my squad a lot. I’m afraid to go to sleep,” Alex said.
"Jordan," he continued hesitantly, "how can two messed-up people like us find happiness together? It feels like we're both carrying our heavy baggage and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to be the man I once was."
Jordan looked at Alex, his expression severe but thoughtful. He had doubts and fears but believed in what Rebecca said earlier about their potential to heal together .
"Alex," Jordan replied gently, "we may have our issues to deal with, but that doesn't mean we're destined for failure. I think our shared experiences can make us even stronger."
He paused for a moment, then continued, "We both understand what it's like to face challenges and fight our battles. Instead of letting our past define us, we can support each other, heal, and build something new within each of us. Stop trying to be the man you were—that’s where you’re stuck. You are no longer the man before the ambush. You are a stronger man because you survived the ambush. You will always have scars, visible and invisible, but those scars remind you of battles you’ve won." Jordan reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Alex. "We can take this one step at a time, lean on each other when needed, and most importantly, communicate openly and honestly. It won't always be easy, but we can heal together if you want to try. Whatever happens, happens, no expectations."
Alex looked at Jordan with a mixture of shock and admiration. He shifted in his seat. “I like that you're deaf right now.”
Jordan looked puzzled and smiled, “Why?”
Alex looked innocently at Jordan and said, “You’ll see.”
He had been engrossed in their conversation when the pungent odor suddenly assaulted his senses. His eyes widened in horror, and he recoiled, his face contorted in exaggerated disgust. He waved his hand in front of his nose, attempting to dispel the invisible but lingering smell of Alex’s fart.
"Alex!" he exclaimed, his tone a mix of amusement and exaggerated indignation. "What the hell are you eating? It's like a toxic cloud of doom! I don't believe you!"
Alex laughed. “That was a loud one.”
Immune to his smell or having burned out his olfactory senses, he took a bite of salmon.
Looking horrified, Jordan got out of his seat, opened the window, stuck his face out for fresh air, and breathed.
Jordan's playful scolding was met with Alex's hearty laughter.
“You need a doctor, not a therapist. That’s just wrong.” Jordan turned and saw Alex’s face become lighter and more relaxed as he continued talking with a mouth full of food.
“Hey, look, rad-row-ee-ake,” Alex said .
Jordan looked at Alex. “I can’t understand you with a mouth full of food, caveman.”
Alex smiled broadly, swallowed, and pointed to the kennel, restating clearly, “Hey, look, Shadow’s awake.”
Jordan exclaimed, “Of course he is! You just stink-bombed the room.”
Any lingering tension from their earlier conversation dissipated into the air with laughter, much like the invisible scent of rotten eggs.