Chapter Ten
MOLLIE
L istening to his heartbeat underneath me, I haven’t moved for at least five minutes. Haven’t wanted to. Maybe he’s waiting for me to move? But he would have said, surely?
I’m overthinking, searching the grey area between what’s black and white. Right and wrong. Good and bad.
None of what we just did was bad.
Wrong, though? I don’t know.
Is it wrong to have stepped over the line with Mick’s nephew? Certainly. Do I feel bad for doing it? Absolutely not. Do I hope we get to do that again… I bite my lip, feeling the sparks still sizzling around us.
Travis’ hand tenderly strokes up and down my spine, the sensation making me push into him. Neither of us have spoken a word, but we haven’t stopped touching. Exploring.
When his lips gently press to my head, I tilt my head back to look at him. Again, there are no words. Just silence. Silence but understanding. And I know. He wanted me as much as I wanted him.
Eyes bounce left and right, his mind probably whirling the same way as mine. Did we make a mistake? Did we give in to something we both wanted but shouldn’t have taken? Perhaps he fucked me to get it out the way? I know he has a reputation. I saw it firsthand at the clubhouse. But what we did wasn’t fucking. He didn’t just fuck me. We shared an intimacy I haven’t experienced before. I get the feeling he hasn’t either.
Looking down at me, he slides his hand into the back of my hair, holding me still, and I just know he can hear every thought running through my head .
My chest is bouncing up and down with my thoughts, the pressure building in my chest as everything becomes heightened under his watch. I lift my hand, holding onto his strong arm, my nails digging in to steady myself. The need is growing. Want is rife. Desire knocks between my legs, and my heart pulls in anticipation of what we’re about to do. Again.
He’s staring at me, the intensity of how he’s looking at me, so unreal. Jesus . Then he smiles to himself as his eyes drop to my lips.
It’s never like this. There’s never this deep connection. Never more than just sleeping with someone once. What’s happening? In recent years, I’ve only seen Henry. He cares for me, I know that. But this is different.
Travis lowers, pressing his mouth to mine. Then he sucks me in, absorbing my moans as he deepens our kiss, pulling me closer to him. His body is warm like a furnace, a stark contrast to the room we’re in. I’m grateful for the way our chests push together, his strong hands caressing my bare skin.
Intertwined with him, he hooks my leg over his hip, his erection solid against my stomach. Oh God, I can’t get enough.
Ignoring my phone pinging on the bedside table, Travis rolls, pulling me on top of him, my legs naturally parting. I rest my elbows on his large chest, holding his face, my hair draping over to one side, smothering us. I smile down at him between his kisses, feeling him hardening underneath me.
His phone rings, and again, we both ignore it, our kiss deepening. I’m rolled to my back, a slight laugh escaping me as he manages it so effortlessly. He’s smiling. It’s beautiful. I gasp when he devours me, his hands all over me, hot lips finding mine once again.
I loop my arms over his shoulders, my urgency renewed when he slips two fingers inside me, his knee nudging my leg wider. My core burns, the pressure building as he delicately works my body. When he strokes my clit, I whimper into his mouth, and he catches every noise I make like he’s feasting on me.
Seconds later, I feel the telling tightening between my thighs, and my body tenses. I’m blanketed in hot heat, my blood boiling, my head spinning with euphoria.
Moving his mouth to my neck, Travis bites down, and I shatter, my release unexpectedly hitting me like an explosion. It’s fast, the shockwaves reverberating through my entire body with each flick of his fingers. “ Travis,” I whimper, my body trembling, my mind wondering if he’s ever had this with anyone else.
“I know,” he says, his fingers still moving, still caressing the soft spot inside.
I whimper again, trying to catch my breath as he steadily slows. Dotting kisses on my neck, his hand slides over my hip toward my breast. He cups it, kneading and rolling, pinching my nipple. “Someone wants you.”
I assume he means him. Then I hear my phone vibrate. Right . I can’t help the sigh that deflates my chest.
Travis doesn’t miss it. “Uh oh.”
I look up, hating that he immediately senses my discomfort. “What?”
He looks at me quizzically. “I don’t know, you tell me.” His hand remains on my boob but slows to a stop.
“It’s nothing.” I wriggle underneath him, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
Travis’ hand slides up my chest, his fingers wrapping underneath my chin around my throat. It isn’t heavy, but he certainly wants to know I’m listening. “You can tell me.” He frowns at himself. This is new to him too.
“I don’t want to bore you.” He doesn’t need to know my sad story anyway.
“Maybe I want you to.”
The smile I give him is small. I appreciate his words, but I come from a completely different world to his. I didn’t ask to find… whatever this is. I wanted to come here and find who I am. I need him to go. As much as I don’t want him to, I have one year before I’ll have to return. This can never come to anything more than a hook up. A good thing we both share. He comes from a loving family—albeit his actual parents aren’t around. My parents love me, but it’s more important that I do what they need me to. Not what makes me happy. My happiness comes second. I grow attached to him or God forbid fall in love with him, and it will be me that gets hurt.
“You need to go.”
He smirks, confused, then sees I’m serious. Oddly, he doesn’t challenge. Doesn’t fight. Again, I’ve hurt him. Fuck . I can’t backtrack quick enough. His face drops, and I know I’ve lost him.
“I just don’t want Mick to see us,” I try to tell him.
Travis moves off me, and I hate the detachment. Hate the instant cold I now feel. It’s empty. Hard. Lonely .
“Wait.”
He doesn’t listen. He dresses, pulling on his boxers and jeans with his back to me. I see his muscles tense, his back rigid. He hates me. He doesn’t know anything about me, yet I’ve pushed him away more than once. When he grabs for his shirt, he turns, and I see the flash of resentment on his face.
“You can’t be mad with me.”
He laughs under his breath, and the glass wall in front of me cracks.
I mock the noise he makes like a child, my pettiness fuelled by his attitude. He doesn’t know why this year means so much to me. What right does he have to be cross with me? This is my life. My time.
“Why don’t you call posh boy? I’m sure he’d be happy to take you back,” he fires at me.
I can’t help myself. Henry rejected me once he worked out I might have feelings for Travis. Unwanted feelings I fear may have been misplaced. I spring from the bed, getting in his face. He doesn’t scare me. Not even with deadly eyes locked on mine and him snarling. “Fuck you!” I spit.
He has me by the throat, pushing me against the wall in a heartbeat.
My back slaps the surface and I shudder, both hating the cold and hating that he has me pinned.
“No, fuck you, Mollie.”
I grab his wrist, my back squirming trying to get away from him.
“You’re a selfish brat, just as I assumed from the beginning.”
My palms hits his chest. “That’s just it! You assume you know me. You don’t know anything about me!”
“Then tell me!” he shouts, his face moving dangerously close to mine.
I hate the way my thighs tighten seeing his lips part with his rage. “No,” I scoff, my own face scrunching, desperately trying to deny the way he’s making me feel.
“Fine.” He lets me go, and I slump, my legs bending with the loss of his touch.
He buttons up his shirt, his fingers moving fast with his anger. He grabs his leather cut, swinging it around him to put it on, then starts toward the door. “I’ll see you around—”
I’m behind him, pushing him with as much force as I can muster. He can’t just walk away like that.
His step falters, and the slow way he turns around to look at me has me regretting my decision instantly. His face is red with rage, anger radiating from him.
I take a small step back. Then another. Fuck . That might have been one step too far. What the fuck am I doing? I want him, but I keep pushing him away. He’s right. I am selfish. “I’m sorry,” I choke when he advances. I come to a stop, my back hitting the wall once again, only this time, I’ve put myself there.
He doesn’t touch me or say a word, and that feels worse than when his hand was around my throat. His eyes simply drop down my naked body, trailing over every curve before he looks back up at me.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, still breathy.
“For what?”
Good question . I’m sorry for a lot of things that have happened since I arrived here. I’m sorry for not being able to help Mick when Blackjack went into labour. I’m sorry for thinking I could make something of a life for myself here. But more than anything, “For falling for you.”
Travis balks. The harsh lines tarring his forehead dispel somewhat before he lets out a sigh, hearing my phone ping again. Stupid timing. “Who’s texting you, Mollie?”
I look up.
“Is it him?” he asks, almost possessively.
No. It won’t be Henry. He made it clear no more contact unless I was choosing him. “It’ll be my dad.”
One of his eyes twitches. “How do you know?”
I sigh, knowing I need to tell him. “Because other than posh boy ,” I say nonchalant earning me a frown, “there’s only one other person who would text me.”
“What about your friends?”
I frown this time. “My friends aren’t interested in me. They care about money and power. That’s it.” He frowns, and I quip him a look. “I mean it, I don’t care about any of it.”
“I know.”
My body sags with relief. “You know?”
Travis rubs his head before explaining. “You wouldn’t have chosen to work here if money interested you.”
I hold his strong gaze .
“That, or you’re hiding from someone.”
My whole body stiffens.
“Your dad?”
He reads me so well, it’s scary. I deflate a little, knowing he has me sussed.
“So your dad wants you to go home?”
Jesus. I nod, happy to let him work this out, but tightening my hands. I know I’ll see him this weekend. Quite frankly, the thought saddens me.
“What do you want?”
To find myself. To be happy. I honestly don’t know why those words don’t come out of my mouth.
Travis sighs at my silence, and my eyes mist with my tears. God damn it. I didn’t want to cry again in front of him. I was weak earlier when Blackjack passed. But I need to pull myself together. I need to be my strongest now more than ever.
Travis was so in control when I picked him up and brought him back to the farm. The way he made sure we were all okay was nothing short of confirmation of my feelings. I get the sense he’s doing the same thing again now, taking control, making sure I’m okay. But I’m not sure I deserve it.
“It’s okay not to know what you want, Mollie.”
I swipe under my eye as I listen.
“Neither of us asked for this.” He steps closer, resting his forehead against mine, coming back to me.
Leaning into his touch, I let out the air I was holding.
“But I won’t make any promises to be your knight in shining armour.”
I swipe again under my eye, my heart racing. Rejected.
“Something tells me that’s not what you need, anyway.” He gently kisses my forehead, then drops his face to in line with mine, his hands moving to hold my nape. “But I see you .”
He sees me? Slowly, I lift my gaze, my chest heaving.
“I can carry you when you need me to, baby, but only you can find out who you are. Question is, do you want me by your side? Because I wish I didn’t have to take single fucking step without you.”
I lift my hands, covering my face. No one has ever validated my needs as much as he is now. I can’t control the overwhelming feeling of confidence. And it’s because of him.
Unfortunately, I don’t get the chance to tell him that .
Hearing his phone ring, he sighs. “I have to go.” He immediately steps back, and I instantly feel lost without him close to me. I cross my hands over my chest, covering myself.
Unexpectedly, Travis looks me up and down before he removes his cut and his shirt in front of me.
I give him a curious look, watching as he puts his leathers back on over his t-shirt.
“Arms,” he instructs.
I take a step forward, holding out one arm, and he slips the sleeve over my skin, turning me as I put in the other arm. “It’s a little big,” I tell him.
Facing him, I untuck my hair from under the collar as he starts doing up the buttons, starting from the bottom. It’s intimate. “If you’re going to wear a man’s clothes, I want them to be mine.”
Breathing in the smell hitting my nose, I like the way it swamps me.
“Get some sleep.”
“Okay.”
Travis leaves a kiss on my head then leaves the room, closing the door behind him.
I’m left wondering what the hell is happening? Dropping my shoulders, I turn and pick up my phone, reading the screen.
Dad: I spoke with Henry’s father. Mollie, you can't just push everyone away. I know you want your own space, but this is why you don’t have friends. You come home with me after this weekend, and we can forget all of this
I see the tear hitting the screen before I feel it leaving my eye. My thumb hovers over the screen, unsure what to reply or whether I should reply at all. I hate the self-doubt that he instils.
I’m one decision away from a totally different life.
After this weekend, I just hope I don’t come to regret it.