Chapter 30
CHAPTER 30
Tyler
I inhale more smoke and turn the small ring over in my fingers. She’ll never see it or wear it. But I feel a strange sense of comfort knowing it exists. It took me weeks to make, melting down the coins from my jar and fabricating a band of thin, intertwining branches. The tiny carved copper bird’s nest, filled with three miniature blue gem eggs, took the longest. A tiny piece of forest that would have sat on her finger. A weirdly good engagement ring that will stay in my drawer for the rest of my life.
What am I doing?
She’s home packing right now, getting ready to move to a big city and start an actual new life. She has so many possibilities: She could be a model, write a book, go to college, make new friends. The sky she loves so much is truly the limit. I promised her everything would be okay, that nothing will change. Every word a sword through my heart and an utter lie.
I don’t want her to go. She’s my heart, my love, my best friend, my sensual angel with broken wings. We’ve only just started our journey, and I know we could go so far, all the way to forever…
But if I love her, I’m supposed to set her free. Isn’t that what we’re told? She’s choosing to go, and I can’t stand in her way. What can I possibly offer her? A life of hiding in my bubble?
This, I tell myself, is the way it’s supposed to be. Because I’m a mess and she’s a mess, and together we’ll probably be an even bigger fucking mess because my life has been, and probably always will be, one disaster after another and I refuse to do that to her, or to us.
She’s leaving.
I know my role in this story: I’m supposed to let her go. She’s supposed to be the one that got away, the one I’ll dream about, fantasize about, and wonder about for the rest of my life. I’ve known that all along. I may be the hero, but I’m not the happily-ever-after.
I can’t let her be like the fox, afraid to go out and live, trapped with me in a little place of nothingness in the woods where time barely moves. She deserves so much more. She deserves to see the world that was taken from her and experience all the wonderful and beautiful things that life has to offer her. Being with me will only hold her back.
I’m going to let her go and watch her fly. I’ll watch her from afar. I’ll catch her if she falls. Every time. Any time. But I’ll step back into the shadows and let her be free to have endless choices without me and my issues holding her back.
And me? I’ll be happy knowing she’s happy. I’ll hang on to every moment, every memory, every touch, every kiss. I’ll remember how it felt to be so unconditionally wanted, loved, and accepted.