Chapter 18 #3
“Will you please stop screaming into my cerebellum?” Ignatius snapped at Estelle.
With an exasperated sigh, he turned back to Leonie.
“For the record, I’m only asking this because if I didn’t, I’d need to immediately go into witness protection.
Were you disappointed that Shan, and I quote, ‘chickened out like a giant pussy’ just now? Please don’t answer.”
Shan had expected Leonie to simply laugh off the question, shaking her head. Instead, a blush swept up her neck. Without a word, she took the bowl of soot, marking a line down her cheek.
“Thank you.” Lip curling in distaste, Ig dabbed the tip of his little finger in the soot. “Also, and I address this to no one in particular, you idiots owe me one.”
Tiff leaned over to Spencer. “You ever get the feeling everyone else knows something you don’t?”
Spencer eyed his fellow campers. “I don’t think I want to know.”
“I like you,” Ignatius informed him, fervently. “Let’s be best friends.”
“See?” Ragvald clapped his huge hands together, beaming. “Already, we are bonding! Truly, there is nothing like a good game to reveal inner character. Let us continue.”
“It’s your turn, Shan,” Beth prompted.
At least he was safe from another challenge. He spun the bottle.
This time, there was no uncertainty about where it stopped.
Ignatius made a sound of physical pain. “How are you idiots doing this?”
Spencer picked up the bottle, peering into it. “There must be a hidden magnet or something.”
“Fate falls on us as it will, and none may escape it.” Ragvald spread his hands. “Though some say the bottle seeks out those most in need of aid.”
“I’m going to need to seek out a bottle after this,” Leonie muttered. She sighed, looking at him in resignation. “Seems it’s our unlucky day, Shan. I’ll take a dare. Go easy on me, okay?”
“That’s no fun,” Tiff said. “Make it a good one, Shan.”
“Remember, you can dare her to do anything,” Beth added. “Anything you want.”
There were many things he wanted, and he wasn’t about to dare Leonie to do any of them. He opened his mouth, intending to issue some harmless, enjoyable challenge—racing one of the campers in her shift form, perhaps—but something made him pause.
So far, Ragvald had been enjoying the game, grinning and groaning along with the kids. Now, however, the wyrm was watching him intently.
We set challenges in good faith, Ragvald had said, when he’d been explaining the rules. To help our shield-siblings overcome their fears.
“I dare you,” he said to Leonie, “to do something just for yourself.”
“Huh?” Archie said as a general mutter of confusion ran around the circle. “How is that a dare?”
From the way Leonie blinked at him, she was just as taken aback as the kids. “What do you mean, do something for myself? Like what?”
“I don’t know.” Rufus was staring at him now, too, though with a somewhat different expression to his friends. “That’s for you to decide. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just something you would enjoy. Not because it needs to be done, or would help someone else. Something just for you.”
Leonie frowned, as though it were some sort of trick. “But I enjoy helping other people.”
“I know.” He glanced at Ragvald. “But you cannot only live to serve others. Your own desires are important, too.”
Ragvald’s eyes glittered in the firelight. It might have been nothing more than the flickering shadows, but he thought the wyrm gave him the tiniest nod of approval.
“But that’s not a challenge,” Estelle complained. “A dare is supposed to be something you don’t want to do, not something you do.”
“Yeah, like stuffing eight marshmallows into your mouth,” Tiff said. “Or putting your pants on your head, or letting someone smear shaving cream over your whole face.”
“I’d want to do those,” Archie said under his breath.
“I’m with the kids on this one, Shan,” Leonie said. “I really don’t see how this is meant to be difficult.”
He shrugged. “Then do it.”
She glared at him as if he’d dared her to strip naked and streak through the camp. “You can’t make me set my own dare. You’re not playing the game properly!”
“It is a valid challenge, shield-sister,” Ragvald said mildly. “And not one that seems difficult to meet. Why do you balk at it?”
“Come on, Leonie, you’re holding up the game,” Beth urged. She was fidgeting, impatient for her turn to spin. “Just pick something.”
Estelle’s expression turned crafty. “Yeah, there must be something you want to do.”
“I can’t think of anything,” Leonie said firmly, and he tasted the acrid bite of a straight up lie. Reaching for the bowl, she marked a second stripe of soot on her cheek. “So I can’t do it. Pass.”
“But that means Shan gets a black mark as well,” Finley said. “And he’s already got two.”
“He should have thought of that before setting such a silly challenge.” Leonie sat back with a smug smile. “Looks like you’re out, Shan. What a pity.”
He hadn’t intended for her to refuse his challenge. He really should have anticipated it, though. It was very like her. Had she ever done anything just for herself?
He marked a third and final line across his face, then stood. “If my presence is no longer required, I should get back to my other duties. I will leave the rest of you to the game.”
“Hold,” Ragvald barked. He stood as well, and Shan was abruptly reminded of just how large the wyrm was. “Did you think the marks upon your face came at no cost? There is a penalty for those who flee rather than face their fears.”
Of course he wasn’t going to escape that easily. “There is?”
“Yes.” Ragvald leaned in close, voice dropping to a deep rumble. “You must live with yourself.”
Not giving him a chance to react, the wyrm straightened, addressing the whole pack once more. “One who hides from the truth has no place at our fire. As we agreed, he must be cast out into the cold!”
“It’s summer,” Spencer pointed out.
Ragvald beamed at the basilisk shifter as if he’d just answered a tricky trigonometry problem.
“Exactly, our clear-eyed companion! Self-reflection is easier when alone in the icy wild. In my homeland, we would simply strip him of his furs and toss him into the nearest snowdrift. Alas, your sweltering climate makes this difficult.”
“We could push him into the lake,” Archie said hopefully.
“A suggestion not without merit.” Ragvald clapped a hand onto Shan’s shoulder. “But I have a better one. Come, striped one. I know a place where you may properly meditate upon your failings.”
Shan was not at all sure he liked the sound of this. However, there seemed no way to get out of it. At least, not without breaking his colleague’s arm.
He let Ragvald steer him away from the fire, Leonie and the kids following like a string of confused ducklings.
He’d somewhat expected Ragvald to head for the woods—possibly to strip him naked and abandon him there—but instead the wyrm pushed him back into the dining hall, where other packs were still playing card or board games.
He could only hope they were enjoying games night more than he was.
Ignoring the bemused stares from counselors and campers, Ragvald paraded him straight across the hall and into the kitchen.
The big, utilitarian space was deserted, all the cooks and cleaning staff having long since finished for the evening.
Shan had never set foot in here before, but Ragvald seemed to know where he was going.
“Here,” the wyrm declared, halting in front of an industrial steel door. “Not as good as the quiet solitude of a frozen lake, I admit. But it will have to do.”
“Ragvald!” Leonie exclaimed. “You can’t make Shan stand in the freezer!”
“Indeed, I cannot,” Ragvald replied gravely. “But he is a man of honor, if not wisdom. I am certain he will do the right thing. Will you not, friend Shan?”
He didn’t exactly relish the idea of sitting amidst the frozen chicken tenders for Ragvald-knew-how-long, but it was easier than trying to argue with the wyrm. And at least it got him out of the game.
“It’s all right,” he said to Leonie. He opened the door to the walk-in freezer, releasing a cloud of icy air. “How long am I supposed to spend meditating on my failures, Ragvald?”
“Ten minutes,” Leonie said promptly, before the wyrm could so much as open his mouth. “And not one word out of you, Ragvald. I’m not letting Shan turn himself into a jumbo popsicle out of respect for your customs.”
Ragvald made a small bow in her direction. “As you wish, shield-sister. It is only appropriate that you decree his fate. Inside with you, then, cowardly one. You may rejoin us at the fire when you are ready.”
Shan was quite happy for that to be ‘never.’ He stepped inside the walk-in freezer, pushing through the thick, transparent plastic curtains that hung across the entrance. As the door closed, he caught a last glimpse of Rufus; still watching him with that oddly thoughtful expression.
After the muggy evening outside, the inside of the freezer felt arctic. A single dim strip light illuminated the cramped space. Stainless steel shelves lined the walls, packed with large storage tubs labeled things like SHRIMP (JUMBO) or VEG MIX 3 - PEA/GREEN BEAN/SWEETCORN.
His breath steamed in the frigid air. Shan tucked his hands under his arms, glad of his gloves. Still, there were worse places to be. At least here, there was no risk of temptation.
Rancid sourness still lingered in his mouth. I can’t think of anything, she’d claimed.
He’d tasted the lie. He’d seen the blush sweep over her face when the children asked her if she’d been disappointed that he’d refused their first dare. Much as he tried to convince himself there had to be some other explanation, he knew why she hadn’t answered.
No. No. Anything but that.
He could swallow his own yearning. He could cage the monstrous need and never let it escape. He would gladly live with this aching hunger for the rest of his life if it meant she could be free.
But if she wanted him…
She was his mate. He could not deny her anything.
Perhaps it was just as well she’d refused his dare.
It surely couldn’t have been ten minutes, yet the freezer door opened. He straightened, startled. “What are you doing here?”
“I dared Estelle to give Ignatius a compliment.” Leonie slipped through the plastic curtain, a fresh stripe of soot across her forehead. “I knew she wouldn’t do it. Budge up.”
“Ragvald!” It was one thing to insist he pay this ridiculous penalty, but his mate? “Let her out at once!”
“He’s not there. I left him to supervise the kids.” Leonie shut the door behind her, twisting the handle. “Stop fussing. We’re supposed to model good sportsmanship for the kids, and it’s not fair if the rules don’t apply to everyone. Besides, I couldn’t leave you to freeze in here alone.”
He would much rather she had. But there was no escape. The limited space meant he would have to literally climb over her to get to the door.
He settled for flattening himself against the shelves, keeping as far away as he could. “How much time is left?”
“I don’t know.” She wrapped her arms around herself for warmth. “I had to give Ragvald my watch. He didn’t have one of his own. Don’t worry, he’ll let us out at the right time. He promised on his honor as a wyrm.”
Shan found it difficult to believe that Ragvald—a man able to carry an apparently infinite quantity of random items in his magical hoardspace—had somehow neglected to store any form of timepiece.
He was also beginning to harbor distinct suspicions that a wyrm’s honor was rather more flexible than most people assumed.
He was comfortable enough in his gloves and jeans, but Leonie was a lot more lightly dressed. She was already shivering, gooseflesh prickling along her bare arms and legs.
“You can’t stay in here,” he said, though he already knew it was futile. “It’s too cold for you.”
She rubbed her arms for warmth. “I-I’m fine. Really, I am.”
“Leonie. You can’t lie to me.”
She glared at him, teeth chattering. “C-can’t you p-politely pretend not t-to notice?”
“No.” He would have given her his gloves, but that would have raised too many questions. “Come here.”
“But,” she started, and then yelped as he folded his arms around her. “Shan! What are you doing?”
He pulled her close, enveloping her in his body heat. “Keeping you warm.”
Her hands flattened against his chest, but she didn’t try to push him away. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes. I do.”
Leonie sighed, leaning into him. “I guess I’d insist on doing the same, if I was trapped in a freezer with someone half my size. Thanks.”
He rubbed her back, trying to keep the movement brisk and impersonal. Leonie nestled against him, shudders easing. After a moment, he felt her let out a soft breath of laugher.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she said, with the tart sweetness of lemonade. “Just remembering your dare. How are you so warm?”
“Qiongqi are similar to Siberian tigers.” Talking, he had to keep talking to distract himself. “I’m adapted for snow. Large paws. Thick fur. I don’t get cold easily.”
Her fingers spread over his heart. “But you’re shaking.”
Not from cold.
He closed his eyes. It didn’t help. Her soft curves pressed against him. He was sick with hunger; dizzy with need.
Leonie had stopped shivering. Even with his eyes tight shut, he knew she was looking up at him, searching his face.
“Shan.” He could feel her heart beating through his chest, as hard as his own. “Why did you refuse to take the kids’ dare?”
Because you deserve better.
Because I am so afraid of hurting you.
Because when I am with you, I forget I am a monster.
“Because.” He had to stop, swallowing. “Because you would have had to say yes. So that the children would continue to believe we are mates.”
Her hand touched his cheek, warm and gentle. He couldn’t help himself. He opened his eyes, looking down at her. This close, he could see all the shades of amber in her tawny irises. She had a thin starburst of gold right around each pupil. He’d never noticed that before.
“Shan.” Leonie’s hand curved around the back of his neck. “That’s not why I would have said yes.”
The freezer door abruptly opened, letting in a sudden rush of brightness and warmth. They sprang apart, colliding with the shelves. An avalanche of frozen food cascaded over them both. Out of sheer instinct, Shan lunged for a sliding packet, catching it before it could hit Leonie’s head.
“Time’s up!” Tiff announced cheerfully, silhouetted in the open door. “You can—”
The girl stopped, blinking at them. Shan realized he was hugging a bag of chicken thighs like a teddy bear. Leonie juggled an armful of ice cream tubs. In the frozen silence, a box of hot dogs hit the floor with an echoing thud.
“Uh…” Tiff looked from Shan to Leonie, and back again. “Sorry, did I interrupt something?”