Chapter 7 #2
“You’re trying to distract me, and it won’t work. Just tell me your name and get it over with.”
“Bah!” The likho wrinkled his nose and pursed his mouth as if he’d just bit into something sour. “It’s Pasha. Pasha Odnoglazy Pogodin.”
Nik stared at him dumbly. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Don’t you get it?” the man asked incredulously. “She cursed me. Pasha means small. My mother is the reason I’m the size I am. If it weren’t for that name, I might have been a strapping large man. But look at me! And Odnoglazy? Do you know what that one means?”
Nik scratched his cheek. “I think it means bright or full of courage.”
“Yeah. But it also means one-eyed,” he shouted, using both index fingers to point at his eye.
Shaking his head, Nik said, “No, I don’t think so. I think it means single-eyed, as in focused and purposeful.”
Pasha, the short, one-eyed likho, dropped his arms and just stared at the boy, then mumbled under his breath, “You’re an idiot, kid. There’s no point arguing with you. Is there?”
They kept walking and fortunately came upon a berry bush with some just-ripening blackberries.
Pasha let Nik eat most of them, which revived him well enough that he could soldier on for another hour.
When they found a good place to camp, Pasha used a bit of his magic spark to create a fire, and they slept soundly until midday the following day.
* * *
Nik knew when he woke and studied his surroundings that he was well and truly lost. He had no idea where he might find Veru or Iriko or Zakhar or Stacia.
His only hope was to find the nearest settlement and hope there was word of them there.
In the meantime, he decided to find out if Pasha would teach him a bit of his magic.
Unfortunately, the little man proved stubborn about sharing his gifts.
That didn’t stop Nik from asking. He’d worked with stubborn magicians in the past and managed to pry their secrets from them, and he was sure he could do so again.
“How far is it to the next town?” he asked when they resumed their journey.
“Another day’s walk. Why?”
“We’d get there faster if we used my magic,” Nik offered.
“We could. But you wouldn’t last. Not enough energy,” Pasha said.
“You see, that’s what I don’t understand. How do you know? You knew about my magic before I even showed it to you.”
“Not all of it,” Pasha admitted. “The cloak surprised me.”
“Yes, well, they told me to keep it hidden for a reason, I suppose.”
“They were wise to do so. That’s some powerful magic they gave you, son. A kikimora’s death shroud given with her blessing to the intended victim is a rare thing indeed.”
“She’s dead now. I don’t know about the leshi. They were like grandparents to me, in a way.”
“That explains it, then. If they loved you, they bestowed a blessing instead of a curse. It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.”
“I suppose you think that makes me lucky, then. Is that right?”
“You tell me.”
“Don’t you dabble in luck?”
“Bad luck. And curses. I specialize in curses. Told you that, didn’t I?”
“You did.”
“Speaking of which, it might be a good time to tell you that you’ve got a sorrow riding on your back, kid.”
“I’ve got a what now?”
“A sorrow.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s a curse of sorts. Sometimes you bring it upon yourself. Sometimes it just finds you when you’re vulnerable. But once they latch on, they’re difficult to shake.”
Nik spun in a circle, trying to see his back. “I don’t see anything.”
“Course you don’t. You wouldn’t. They’re invisible to all ’cept ta those who do things like cursing others.”
“Well, what’s it doing to me?” Nik asked with a panicked expression, constantly wriggling his shoulders and flicking his hands at the back of his neck like he was trying to rid himself of a spider.
“Oh, you probably wouldn’t feel much of the effects at this point.
It’s a bit like having a mosquito drawing on you or maybe one of those river leeches.
They feed on sadness, you see. That and negative thoughts.
It’s like I said—once you have one, and they start getting plump off you, they tend to stay.
This one looks nice and ripe. Not huge, mind you, but he’s definitely not starving. ”
Nik darted up to Pasha and put his hands on the shorter man’s shoulders, shaking him desperately. “What do I do? How do I get rid of it?” he demanded.
“Calm down, boy,” he said. “The ‘what’ is easy. The ‘how’ is the problem. What you do is to turn around your thoughts. Think positive about yourself, your future, and your life. Simple, right? How you do that is complicated, especially as the sorrow gets bigger. You see, the more he feeds, the heavier he feels.”
Nik stomped away, pulling at his hair and spinning in circles, trying to see the invisible creature clinging to his back. Eventually, he gave up and started walking again. Pasha, taking pity on the lad, tried to explain.
“Look . . . have you ever felt like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? Well, that’s him.
Life dragging you down? Making your head feel heavy, your body slouch, your feet drag?
That’s him too. Feel like you have no energy?
That’s him sucking the life out of you. He wants you to feel that way, because that sadness—that going-nowhere feeling—is like a giant-roast-pig-with-an-apple-in-its-mouth buffet dinner to him.
“Turning all that around to joy—to effervescent, bubbly, happy-go-lucky, fun-in-the-sun, nothing-weighs-me-down, free-as-a-bird bliss—is the only way to get rid of a sorrow for good. And that’s as rare as golden Caspian osetra. Most people just find a way to live with it.”
“And what happens if you can’t?”
Pasha winced and reluctantly added, “Well, there are some. Not many, mind you, but some, who feed their sorrow so much that they can barely function, and the only way they can think to escape is by death. Of course, what they don’t know is that even when they kill themselves, it doesn’t kill a sorrow.
If they drown, he just swims around, looking for another person to latch on to.
If they hang themselves, it’s not long before someone else comes along to see what happened, and he just hitches a ride.
” He patted Nik on the elbow. “Try to cheer up, kid. Most everyone has at least a little sorrow. The longer it lives with you, the better it gets at poking your little hurts, triggering its favorite brand of candy. It’s the rare person who can shake him off for good. The key is in not overfeeding him.”
“How . . . how common are these things? Does everyone have one?”
Pasha scratched his chin. “Depends, I suppose. They’re more widespread after wars and during winter. They’re a bit like the plague or influenza or maybe lice. They pop up when folks are at their weakest, downtrodden, and in pain.”
“I see.” Nik was silent for a moment and then asked, “Do you have a curse to cause happiness?”
He wasn’t prepared for the knee-slamming, belly-ripping laughter that followed. When Pasha finally quieted, he answered Nik’s query, but first he glanced at Nik’s back. “It wouldn’t be much of a curse to make someone happy now, would it, lad?”
“I suppose not,” Nik replied with a dark expression, slumped shoulders, and tightened fists.
“Can I make a suggestion?”
“Might as well.”
“It would do you some good to learn to laugh at yourself. You felt stupid just now, didn’t you?”
“It was your fault. You laughed at me.”
“The question was funny. I laughed. If you think about it for a minute, you’d see why it’s funny too.”
“You want to humiliate me.”
“No, I don’t. People do humiliating, stupid things all the time.
All of us have things to learn. All of us screw up.
Why do you think I have a job cursing people?
I’m about the wealthiest person here. Why?
People want revenge. All. The. Time. I say, learn to laugh at the stupid stuff.
Let it go. Who cares? You think you’re the only sensitive soul in the universe?
Think again. You believe you’re the only one who’s ever been maligned, abused, targeted, unloved, or taken advantage of?
Well, I have a client list that goes on for days that says otherwise.
You assumed I wanted to humiliate you. You don’t know why I laughed, just that I did.
You want to blame me, assign fault for your feelings.
The truth is, the only one responsible for how you feel is you. ”
“But you don’t understand. My life hasn’t been—”
“Hasn’t been what? Fair? A bed of roses?
Sunshine and buttercups? Well, cry me a river, son.
That’s true of everyone. Here’s another piece of free advice: Life isn’t about the cards you’re dealt, and it isn’t even about winning.
It’s about keeping your cool while seated at the table, behaving like a gentleman, leaving the game with your dignity intact.
When you have done that, you’ve won. In the end, it doesn’t matter how much you collect, how much you lose, or anything else.
Leave the game with a handshake and a smile for everyone at the table, even those who disrespect you, and guess what, the game is yours. You’ve won.”
“I don’t think we’re still talking about the same thing.”
“Look, kid. I like you. You saved my life. I’m going to help you out.
Here.” Pasha reached into his coat. “Now, this is only on loan. I’m going to want it back, but seeing as how you believe the world is against you, I’m going to prove to you that having everything go your way isn’t necessarily the key to happiness. ”
“What do you mean?” Nik said, eyeing the little man suspiciously.
Pasha pressed a deck of cards into Nik’s hand. “This is my lucky deck. Use this and you’ll never lose. It doesn’t matter what game you play or how you play it. You can’t lose. No matter what.”
“Yeah?” Nik said, taking the cards. “And what’s the catch?”
“No catch. It’s just a lesson. You think the world is out to get you, and that’s what’s making you unhappy.
Well, here you go. Now you’ll beat the world at its own game every time.
It can’t get you. Will that make you happy?
I don’t think so. In fact, I think that sorrow on your back is going to get bigger.
Tell you what—I’ll make you a deal. If you can shrink that sorrow in a week’s time, I’ll figure out a way to reunite you with your friends.
If not, well, maybe you do something for me instead. What do you say?”
“I’d say my part of the obligation sounds pretty vague.”
Pasha laughed. “Not a trusting soul, are you?”
“Not really. Besides, what if I use these boots of mine and scarper off, taking your trick deck of cards with me?”
“First off, don’t forget who I am. I can find you anywhere, boy.
Second, those boots of yours won’t do you any good for a bit more than a week anyway.
Took near all their power to save our bacons back there.
They’ll need just a bit to recharge. And third, there’s no other town within days of walking on any side.
Trust me on this. Try to leave before I find you, and you’ll be wanderin’ this place for a long, long while. ”
Nik grunted. “Might’ve told me all that before I decided to save you.”
The one-eyed man clapped Nik on the arm and said, “I might’ve. But I didn’t. Good luck, son. Keep on down this trail for a few more hours, and you’ll come across a little road. Follow it, and you’ll find a small village. I’ll meet up with you at the end of the week.”
“But wait. What am I supposed to do about . . . ?”
Pasha ignored Nik’s question, side winked with his one large eye, said, “See ya around, kid,” then stepped behind a large tree and disappeared.