Chapter 22
DON’T OFFER ADVICE TO THOSE WITH MORE EXPERIENCE
Pasha opened a passageway through the nearest large tree, grabbed Nik’s arm, and yanked him through the portal.
Nik found himself caught in a strange twilight dimension, where passageways and doorways of every kind surrounded them.
If it weren’t for Pasha, he would have no idea where to go or how to move.
He relied completely on his strange guide.
After checking a few doors, Pasha selected one, twisted the handle backward and forward a few times and then opened it outward, peeking first to make certain it was the place he wanted to go.
When he was satisfied, he tugged Nik along with him, and the two of them popped out of the in-between place and back into a forest, albeit a very different woodland than the one they had just been in before.
“Coach’ll be here momentarily,” Pasha said.
“Gotta get you cleaned up before it arrives with the ladies. Hold still a minute.” The man gathered some water from a nearby leaf, rubbed it between his hands, and began painting the air.
Nik could feel his hair moving as if invisible brushes were working at it.
Then his arms lifted on their own, and he suddenly had the sensation of his entire body being scrubbed by something that felt unmistakably leaflike.
“Hey!” Nik complained as the invisible force exfoliated his body, shuffling even his underneath clothes while his body still occupied them. “Cut that out!”
Then it abruptly ceased, and he was just about to relax, when a sharp, stinging sensation pulled at his cheeks.
He realized his beard had been shaved away brusquely.
“Ow!” he screamed, rubbing at his jawline in a futile attempt to protect it.
“Stop it. I wanted to keep that! It was just starting to come in nice.”
“Ha!” Pasha laughed. “Better nothing than that abandoned bird’s nest you’re tryin’ ta pass off as a beard.
Trust me. Keep shaving for a bit longer, and it’ll start coming in thicker.
” The shaving finally stopped, but Pasha still wasn’t done.
Before Nik could guess what was next, his clothing was whisked entirely off his body, shaken in the air above his head, twisted, turned inside out, penetrated with water particles, steamed, and then shoved back on and laced or tied back up.
Nik was panting, red-faced and very angry, when his ablutions were complete. He pointed a finger at Pasha’s nose as the man began working in a similar fashion to clean himself. “Never, ever do that again,” Nikolai warned.
“What can I say, kid? You needed a bath. You smelled like death.”
Blinking, Nik realized the man was probably right, but said, “Nevertheless. I never want to experience that . . . that personal torture again. Understand?”
“Sorry if I offended your sensibilities, Princess,” the man said, his back turned to Nik.
“I didn’t have time for your usual rose petals.
” He snickered, then his clothes whipped off just as Nik’s had a moment before.
Completely unembarrassed, Pasha turned around and stood there as naked and proud as the day he was born, with his fists on his scrawny hips as if daring Nik to say something.
“Uh, can you hurry this up?” Nik asked.
“What?” Pasha said. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” He twirled a finger, directing his clothes to be cleaned above him in the air.
“Why do you think I gave you your bath with your clothing on? Delicate. That’s what I call you.
Now me, on the other hand, I’m all man. That’s right.
Behold my glory. I expect others to stare.
I know. I’m impressive. Even my mother said I’m huge for a man my size. ”
“Your mother sees you naked?”
“Doesn’t yours?”
“No! She’s dead. And even if she weren’t—no!”
“What’s wrong with you, boy? Someone’s gotta check you over for leeches and the like. If you don’t got a gal, then who?”
“I don’t get leeches. Even if I did, I suppose I could check myself.”
Pasha squished his face in pity. “Ah, I see. Got a wee one, do ya?”
“No, I don’t got a . . .” Nik grunted. “Just mind your own business!”
They heard a snap in the trees nearby, and all Pasha’s nearly finished clothes suddenly fell to the forest floor. “It’s the carriage coming. They’re almost here! Quick, take these flowers.”
Two bouquets of strange-looking flowers appeared on top of a stump, and the still-naked man thrust them into Nik’s arms.
“Look, I don’t want to go on a date with you and one of those swamp creatures that tried to eat us,” Nik said. “Forget it.”
“Swamp creature?” Pasha said, wriggling into his pants. “That wasn’t my gal. That was who my gal was feeding me to. Very different thing.”
“Ah, that’s right. Well, in that case . . . no!”
“Need I remind you, boy: You owe me.”
“I don’t care.”
“You will! I can make that wee package of yours smaller, ya know!”
Nik’s mouth fell open. After gasping, fish-mouthed for a few seconds, he yelled, “Still. Not. Doing. It.”
“Stubborn. Muleheaded. Stump-kicker!” Pasha hissed. “Woulda thought I had you with that one.”
Just then a huge carriage pulled by six of the largest plumed birds Nik had ever seen pulled up next to them.
Their talons and bills were sharp, and he had no doubt they could sever his arm if they wanted to.
And yet they were well controlled by the driver, who handled the reins expertly.
One of them cried out, and Nik had to cover his ears.
“What are those?” he asked Pasha. “Why use those instead of horses?”
“Because the Games are on top of a mountain, boy. We have to fly there,” the likho said.
The carriage door opened, and a lady stepped out.
She was graceful in her own way and looked a bit like Pasha.
She was the same height, but instead of one eye, she had two.
He caught her hand and helped her down, then kissed it a sickening number of times, saying, “My lovely darling, my honey muffin, my kukolka.”
“Nikolai,” he said, turning around. “I want to introduce my malyshka, Polina.”
“Kak dela, Polina,” Nik said, bowing.
“Khorosho, a u vas?” she replied.
“I’m well too, all things considered,” Nik said.
“Wonderful. I’m so happy you agreed to take us, my luchik, my sweetums,” she said to Pasha. “I’ve so been looking forward to the Games, as you well know.”
“I do know, rodnoy. I was just telling the boy here all about it.”
“Oh good. How fortunate you found a traveling companion for my dear sister. I just know you’ll love her as I do. Pushka! You can come out now.”
“I’ll come out when his lips are off you. Is he finished yet?”
“Never,” Pasha said loudly.
Polina giggled, and Nik rolled his eyes and said under his breath, “At least we have something in common.”
“There, you see, boy? You’re bound to have a great time.
Hop in. Let’s be off. Come, my dear,” he said to Polina, helping her back into the carriage.
After his girlfriend was settled, he turned to Nik, who stood there stubbornly with his arms folded across his chest and said, “Look, if you come with me, I’ll teach you a bit of magic.
Deal?” Pasha could see the spark in Nik’s eyes and knew he had him.
“Fine,” Nik said, finally agreeing. “Just don’t leave me alone with the sister. I don’t want her getting any ideas.”
“Okay, whatever. Just don’t blow this for me.”
“Get into the carriage, lover boy.”
Pasha climbed in, and Nikolai hopped in behind him and settled on the only open seat, wincing when he saw he had an up-close-and-personal view of Pasha and his girl, Polina, giggling and necking on the opposite bench.
Trying to steel himself for a very long and uncomfortable weekend, he turned away from the lovebirds, hoping to start up a conversation with his date, only to find her veil lowered over her face.
It was probably a way for her to shield her sister and her lover from view.
Pasha came up for breath long enough to introduce Polina’s sister. “Nikolai, this is Pushka. Pushka”—he nodded—“meet Nik.”
“Charmed,” she said drolly from behind her veil.
“Likewise,” mumbled Nik. He laid his head back against the cushion and wished he had such a device. It would come in handy at the moment.
Rolling his eyes, Pasha went back to kissing the very long arm of his much taller girlfriend, leaving Nik to muse on the physical mechanics of such relationships. Then he remembered the strange pairing of the kikimora and the leshi and thought that might have been an even more difficult pairing.
As for himself, his sights were set on merely the impossible—a tsarevna who may or may not be at that very moment a tiger.
Where are you, Veru? he thought. Are you safe?
Since the day he’d met her, they’d never spent time apart.
At least not until he’d rode out to meet Grigor, the powerful man in the woods who’d destroyed everything.
It was his fault. He’d done this. Nik suddenly realized that it wasn’t forgiveness he needed—it was power.
Power to destroy the man who’d come to destroy his dreams. If he could somehow go back and undo the things that had been done, maybe then he could stop the tigers from coming into their lives in the first place. But that was impossible. Wasn’t it?
The ride was bumpy and uncomfortable not only due to the lack of conversation and the couple making out in the carriage but because there wasn’t an actual road for them to travel upon.
That would seem an obvious necessity to Nik but apparently not to Pasha.
Not only that, but the bird creatures pulling the carriage didn’t have the smoothest gait.
In fact, they didn’t seem coordinated in any way at all.
Soon it didn’t matter, though, because the driver shouted back, “Clearing ahead. Prepare for takeoff.”