29. June
TWENTY-NINE
June
His future wife. He seriously called me his future wife. Last night I basically told him this wasn’t going to happen, and he’s going to call me that in front of his entire team. Oh, and anyone who was watching the live stream.
And yeah, Gunner Rose does have the largest following, coming in with a modest 1.2 million. Thousands if not hundreds of thousands saw Ryan’s proclamation.
Including my sister.
She’s officially obsessed with him, and there’s no way she missed that.
I’m officially afraid to check my phone.
Not only is she going to be blowing me up, but I’m going to have so many messages across multiple platforms. I can’t tell you how many unanswered messages I have from men and women who don’t know either of us on a personal level but feel the need to give me their opinion on our relationship . Some people are supportive and some are overwhelmingly not. I actually think I prefer the messages asking me for details on Ryan’s dick over those. At least those people are straightforward, and while the question is invasive, it’s not insulting.
Fuck my life. Seriously.
Is it possible for this to be the best day and the worst day at the same time?
Since Ryan started posting on his own socials and making appearances in mine, the studio has been on an upward trajectory. I’m no longer worried about paying rent next month, and after this session with the football team, I imagine my classes are going to fill exponentially.
He’s potentially given me my dream job.
But he’s also pissed me off so much, I can’t see straight.
Especially when my family finds out what’s going on. My mom is going to flip her shit. Not only has she not had the pleasure of meeting Ryan, but starting them off on even rockier ground isn’t going to be good for anyone. She was overly nice and supportive last week, and I have a feeling that it’s about to run out.
My dad’s no help. He thinks Ryan invented football with the way he talks about him. I bet he’s already planning the wedding. Not that I’m going to tell Ryan that. He doesn’t need to know anyone is on his side. Whatever side that is.
He’s probably plotting his next moves right now. He’s across the room, whispering to Gunner and Theo, and has been since class ended about five minutes ago. The rest of the team left, but not these three.
Kinsley is over the moon. No surprise there. She’s turned the music up and has been flitting around the room, picking up mats, wiping things down, and doing her best to shake her hips. It’s impressive, and if the looks Theo keeps sneaking her way are any indication, it’s working .
I’m happy for her, but I’m also annoyed at ... well, everything.
“Thanks for the class, June.” Gunner gives me a wave, and I can only hope he’s taking Ryan with him.
“Anytime. Seriously, I appreciate everything you guys are doing for me.” I grab my water bottle from the floor and toss my towel over my shoulder.
He smirks at me, his gaze moving between Ryan and me. “We’re all family here. It’s the least we could do for the future Mrs. Devlin. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you at the poker game later.”
He’s poking the bear. I know he’s poking the bear, but it still irritates me. Kinsley and Poppy may be enamored with these guys, but I can’t see the appeal. Okay, I don’t want to see the appeal. “I can’t say I’ve played poker, but it sounds fun. Thanks again. Ryan, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you later.”
“Let me walk you guys out.” Kinsley tosses me a look, one that’s distinctly telling me to lighten up. She’s about to be disappointed.
It’s not that Ryan’s not a good guy—he is. Obviously he cares about me and about making sure this studio is a success, but is it actually for me? Or is it because I’m Oliver’s mom? In all those articles he’s surrounded by women—hell, they all are. So why me? I’m nothing special. I’m convenient.
I spent years being with Paul because he was convenient and vice versa. Years wasted with someone who liked the thought of me, who asked me to marry him because it was the next logical step. We were about to walk down the damn altar when I found out he was really gay and was in love with his best friend. I was humiliated. Hurt. And so blinded to what was really going on around me, I didn’t realize what was right in front of my face .
It took me a few weeks to realize I was never in love with him. I settled.
And I refuse to put myself in that position again, refuse to enter a relationship with someone who wants me only because we’re living under the same roof.
Funny enough, we might have spent only one night together, but during that time he taught me to want more. He showed me what it could be like if I didn’t settle. I want all that with the right person.
But what if you found him?
I push those thoughts from my head and close my eyes, swaying to Teddy Swims’s “Lose Control.” There’s one man who makes me lose control, who makes me want to throw caution to the wind, to take risks, to live outside the box I’ve put myself in. He could also make me lose myself.
That scares me more than anything.
And when things go south, he’ll realize I was someone to pass the time with, nothing more. I’ll be discarded, cast aside, but I won’t have the chance to hide, lick my wounds, and become a stronger person. No. I’ll have to see him day in and day out because we have a kid together. I’ll have to see him move on, forget about me ... leave me behind.
There’s a current in the air, an awareness buzzing across my skin. I don’t know what it is. It doesn’t make any sense, but I know I’m not alone.
He’s here.
“Damn, Princess, that was brutal.” His voice is deep, rough like each word physically pained him to get out, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
I jump, whirling around, my fingers tightening around the plastic bottle too hard, and I’m surprised I haven’t popped off the cap .
Ryan stalks toward me, wiping the sweat from his brow, his gaze burning into me. My heart jumps in my throat, and I swallow it down like a bitter pill. I can’t do this. I can’t get sucked into his orbit.
He stops just a few feet from me, draping the towel around his neck, and tugs on the ends. It would be so simple to swat his hands away and grab the dang thing myself. To pull him toward me for another soul-shattering kiss, but I won’t. I can’t.
He crossed the line in front of his teammates—and most of Nashville. He completely ignored everything I said to him last night and doubled down when he should have been throwing in the towel. Sure, there’s a part of me, a very small part, that loves him getting all possessive over me, but the rest of me knows how dangerous that is. How much he could hurt me.
Which is why I should be crossing my arms and walking in the other direction, not thinking about pressing my lips to his and losing myself in his spiced scent.
I need to get out of his place and back in my apartment. Being so close to him scrambles the rational part of my brain.
That’s the only explanation.
“It’s not supposed to be fun.” I take a step back, trying to maintain some distance, some semblance of sanity. “Hot yoga is great for reducing stress, increasing your flexibility, burning calories, and really increasing your overall health. It’s hard work.”
He takes another step toward me, and I take a matching one in the opposite direction. “So I should be thanking you?”
“No thanks necessary. It’s my job to help your mind and body. ”
His brow raises, and I take one more large step back. He obviously needs no help with his body, and I really shouldn’t have mentioned it, because now I can’t stop looking at it.
His T-shirt is damp, clinging to him for dear life, and I want nothing more than to peel it off. I want to run my hands along his slick muscles, and don’t ask me why, but I want to lick the sweat off him. That should be gross, right? So why is it the only thing I can think about?
“Where’s Oliver?”
“Huh?” I blink up at him. Wait. Up? When did he get closer? How did I not notice?
“Oliver.” His smirk grows, those dimples practically popping out of his face. “Our son. About this tall, loves dinosaurs, can’t be quiet during a movie, dark-brown hair, blue?—”
“I know what our son looks like.” I push past him, heading out of the main yoga room, swallowing down the embarrassment swirling around my gut. “He’s in my office.”
“It’s not too hot for him?”
“It’s air-conditioned.”
The second those words are out of my mouth, Ryan takes the lead, beelining for my office. As soon as he rips open the door, he throws himself onto the floor with a dramatic sigh.
Oliver and Colin, Kinsley’s younger brother, glance from him to me before returning to whatever game they’re playing on their iPads. Whatever it is, it must be more important than the overgrown man-child groaning on my carpet.
“You stink.” Oliver scrunches his nose, keeping his concentration on the tablet. “Mom, you need to make Dad take a shower.”
“Not sure I can make him ...” I close the door behind me and lean against it. Ryan is still on the floor, an arm tossed over his face. His shirt is sitting high on his abdomen, giving me an unobstructed view of his lower abs and the V that makes women—me in particular—stupid.
I can think of several ways to get him to take a shower, and none of them are appropriate. Nor are they going to happen.
Ryan clears his throat, and I force my gaze away from his body to his face, which of course is now arm free and trained right on me. “Who’s your friend, Oliver?”
He doesn’t answer right away, likely finishing up his game, and then after several seconds turns off the iPad and rests it in his lap. “Fis is Colin. He’s deaf, but he can read lips pretty good.”
“Colin is Kinsley’s younger brother,” I add, shoving a few things in my workout bag, and after Colin looks up, I ask if he’s ready. I don’t know a lot of sign language, but he and Kinsley have taught me the basics.
Oliver, however, knows a lot, and the two of them get into a conversation about his new dad and the football game we went to.
Ryan sits up, crossing his legs, and leans forward, his elbows resting on his bent knees. “Is he signing or am I so hot I’m hallucinating?”
I laugh, hiking my bag over my shoulder. “Colin and Kinsley taught him ASL. I know some, but Oli soaked it up like a sponge.”
“My son is a genius.”
“Just like his daddy.” Kinsley’s at the doorway, and I do my best to ignore her, especially when she fake coughs into her hand, murmuring “football daddy.” “I know we just met, but you are one of the best things to happen to me. ”
Ryan laughs, and the husky sound and those dang dimples temporarily mesmerize me. “Thanks? Although I’m not sure what I did.”
“Having such hottie friends. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t say that, especially in front of the young impressionable minds but holy—” She doesn’t say it but mouths the word fuck .
Colin catches it, shaking his head with silent laughter. I saw that. And gross.
Kinsley purses her lips and points at him before signing back. Mind your business.
You could be more discreet.
Whatever. You love me.
Sometimes.
Ryan pushes himself to his feet, fanning out his shirt in Oliver’s direction. “If you’re free tonight, you could come over for the poker game. Some of the guys will be there. Hockey players, too, if you’re into the whole skating thing.”
Kinsley’s entire face lights up while mine scrunches. “Wait. You have a poker game tonight?”
I was hoping for a nice quiet evening, one where I could lock myself in my room and avoid Ryan and the inevitable conversation I need to have with him. Mostly because I have absolutely no clue how to actually have it. Hence why I jumped Ryan in the SUV and nearly dry humped the man to death after he went all caveman and chased off my date.
I have zero experience in ... well, most everything.
As sad as it sounds, Paul was the only man I’d dated. That’s it. He’s the extent of all my dating and sexual history, with the exception of the night Ryan and I spent together years ago.
I need some time to myself, time to figure this out. Basically, spend hours on the phone with Poppy and Kinsley freaking out. There’s no way I can do that with a house full of athletes.
Ryan lifts his arms over his head and stretches, first leaning to the left, his shirt once again lifting up on his abs and then to the right. He’s doing this on purpose, I know he is, but I can’t look away. “Sorry, I must have forgotten to mention it. The guys want to meet you and Oli.”
Kinsley squeals, and I’m still momentarily distracted by the abs. But then his arms drop, and just like that I can think again. “Didn’t I just meet the guys?”
“Yeah, but it’s hard to talk when you’re sweating out your life force. Plus, there are more. My half brother is coming too. Oh, and some of the WAGs will be there.”
“The what?”
“Wives and girlfriends. Figured you guys should meet since you’re one of them.” Ryan smirks at me and has the audacity to wink. Kinsley sighs and there’s nothing I can say here. Nothing. “Everyone ready to leave? Oliver? I thought we could check out the science center after lunch.”
“I hab only been waiting foreber.” He hops down from the couch, handing me his iPad. “I hope you’re going to shower.”
“Don’t you have a whole-ass party to set up for?” I lower my voice, whisper yelling in his direction.
“Language, June bug.” Ryan smiles, sauntering my way and tossing an arm around my shoulders. “Don’t worry my future wife, I have an assistant taking care of everything. As for this shower.” He lowers his voice, his lips ghosting across the shell of my ear, and my core clenches. “We can take one together to conserve water.”
“Don’t push your luck, Devlin. ”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetcheeks.”
Kinsley laughs behind us, following us out of my office. “Wait till I call Poppy. Football daddy for the win.”
They’re going to be the death of me. They really are.