Chapter 18 #3
My eyes dropped to my left hand once she was in the house, my bare ring finger on full display.
My mom’s words got to Xylina, that was clear.
I thought about Mama Chelle’s words. Our marriage was spent with Xylina pushing for my attention.
Normally she would push, whine, and pout when things didn’t go her way, but tonight it was like a different person was in control of her.
Flexing my left hand, I thought of my ring, a simple silver band, upstairs in my room, on my dresser and still in the box.
Not much thought was put into it. It felt more like an anchor than anything.
Still, I thought it was something that had been put to rest and irrelevant, but it was clear Xylina hadn’t let it go.
Before I wouldn’t have cared. I’d brush it off as her upset for not getting her way, but I wasn’t a heartless monster.
After our trip and seeing the effort she put in to make me happy, it would be cruel to just disregard her feelings.
I thought about the storm forming in her eyes right before she got out of the car. It was clear that she was upset but refused to voice anything. It made me curious just what else she wasn’t saying.
Adeep sigh escaped my mouth as I loosened my tie and opened my front door. It had been a long week already and we were only three days in. A few snags happened with some of the equipment we were due to release and it’d been a pain in the ass to get everything fixed.
My brows furrowed and my mouth turned upside down hearing the smoke detector going off mixed with Princess’s barks.
“What the hell!” I muttered, shutting the door and hurrying to the kitchen.
“Damn it! Just shut up!” Xylina shrieked, waving a towel in front of the detector. A hint of smoke caused my eyes to sting and water.
“What’s going on?” I questioned, causing her to jump and turn around. She looked like a deer in headlights. If I wasn’t already annoyed from work, I might have laughed.
“Yosiah!” her voice squeaked.
The alarm caused my growing headache to worsen. Stalking over to her, I lifted my hand, pressing the button to silence the device.
“That’s all I had to do?” She mugged the device as if it had physically harmed her.
“You don’t know how to use a smoke detector?”
She avoided my stare. “I know the basics, or I thought I did. I thought that thing was only supposed to go off when there was a fire.”
Squinting, I gave the kitchen a quick scan. Thankfully it didn’t seem like a fire had actually occurred.
“It’s okay, Princess baby. Daddy turned off the bad noise,” she cooed, making her way to the dog and kneeling to stroke the top of her head.
“If there’s intense smoke, it goes off too. Care to tell me what the hell happened?” The kitchen air was stifling and my eyes continued to sting. I walked over to the patio doors to open them before starting on the windows.
“I was trying to cook dinner but something went wrong.”
Scrunching my face, I looked in the direction of the stove. “You didn’t turn the eye off,” I mentioned going to the stove.
“That’s because I was trying to turn that damn alarm off!”
An exasperated sigh left my mouth. Normally I had more patience, but after the day I had, it was nearly nonexistent.
“I was trying to make lamb chops and mashed potatoes, but then the pan started sizzling and popping. The meat started to burn and suddenly there was a lot of smoke coming from the pan. I panicked, thinking it was on fire, and hurried and took it to the sink to run water on it but that only made it worse!”
I took a few steps to the sink to eye the damage. There was a now ruined pan laying in it with six charred lamb chops.
“You don’t cook, Xylina. Why were you trying to make lamb chops of all things?” Turning, I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms, waiting for her to answer.
Huffing, she stood from where she was still petting Princess and swiped the hair from her face.
“Because I was trying to make you a homecooked meal. I finished my work with Simone earlier than expected and thought it would be nice to try and cook for you. I sent the chef home, thinking it would be easy. The video I was watching made it look easy! They were taking too long to cook so I turned up the eye and then they started cooking too fast!” She huffed again, rubbing her eyes.
“I didn’t even get to start the potatoes. ”
“You were trying to make a homecooked meal?” My words came out slow and confused before my brows shot up when it hit me. “Xylina…” I started.
“Don’t say my name like that! I can do it. I just gotta follow the video better next time.” She went to her tablet and picked it up.
This was because of what my mom said. The night we came home, Xylina went straight to her room and didn’t come out for the rest of the evening.
I thought the conversation about cooking was forgotten because the next day she seemed to be back to her bubbly self.
She didn’t bring up anything from the night before either.
It was then that I realized that was a pattern for her and I wondered if it stemmed from her childhood.
She always pushed her feelings to the side and put on a smile.
She’d even come home with multiple shopping bags.
She said her dad would just throw money at her to get her out of his face and it seemed that caused her to find comfort in shopping.
She was studying the video now playing on her tablet intently. Her face pinched, bottom lip tucked between her teeth. It was cute.
Pushing off the counter, I walked over to the other side of the island. I grabbed the tablet and muted it.
“Hey!” she whined.
Setting the tablet down, I turned back to her, grabbed her waist, and lifted her. A surprised yelp came from her mouth. Her hands shot to my shoulders.
“Yosiah!”
I sat her on the island top before nudging myself between her legs. I wanted us face to face so she understood me.
“I don’t need you to make home-cooked meals, Xylina.”
“I know but—”
“I don’t need you to make a homecooked meal, Xylina,” I repeated, this time emphasizing my words.
A cute pout formed on her face. “I appreciate the gesture, but it’s not needed.
We have a chef for a reason.” While I can cook, I wouldn’t call myself a pro.
It wasn’t something that interested me. As long as I could make enough to survive, I was good.
“Yosiah, you want the white picket fence with a wife and kids. Meaning I’m sure you want a wife who wouldn’t burn water.”
I moved closer, placing my hands down on either side of her and tilting my head slightly. “When did that ever come out of my mouth, Xylina?”
She blinked at me and opened her mouth before snapping it shut. “I mean who doesn’t want a domesticated wife?”
“Plenty of people. Every marriage is different.”
She rolled her eyes and huffed. “I know that, but I just wanted to prove I could.” Her voice was low with defeat.
“Hey.” I grabbed the bottom of her face, forcing it up so she could look at me.
“I’m not saying this to be a dick, but you’re not the domesticated type, not in that aspect at least, and you don’t have to be.
I’m the most unorganized person I know, but you always come behind me, putting things in order without me asking.
The filing system you created for me caused my assistant to damn near cry when she came back because it made things easier to navigate.
I don’t care that you don’t cook. If you want to learn, that’s cool, but I don’t want you doing it because you think you have something to prove. ”
“I—” She blinked quickly a couple times and wet her lips.
“I’m just tired of everyone being able to tell that our marriage is a joke.
I’ve tried to make it real, but it's clear no one believes it. People online criticize it, your family and friends. No one thinks I can be a good wife and our marriage can make it. I wanted to prove them wrong.”
“Why?” My eyes bored into her.
My question startled her. “Why?” Again, she blinked rapidly and pulled on her bottom lip. “Because…I know that in the beginning I wanted this marriage because of some fascination I had with you, but now it’s more than that. I grew to really have feelings for you.”
“I’ve been a dick to you for the past four and a half years. How did that even happen?”
“Maybe I’m a sadist.” She giggled before giving me a bashful grin.
“I don’t know how it happened, honestly, but it did.
You’re so strong and smart. When you walk in a room, your presence demands respect.
The way you’ve built your company and reputation in only a short few years is such a turn on.
” Her eyes drifted off to the side. “I was used to dealing with guys who acted a lot like me oddly. Self-absorbed and surface level, but you’re the complete opposite of that.
” She turned her gaze back to me. “He’s an asshole, but my dad wasn’t wrong when he said I needed to grow up and I feel being with you helped me do that.
Wanting to look good in your eyes, worthy in a sense, helped me to change. ”
Something in my chest pulled. Yes, it was true Xylina wasn’t the same person she had been when I first met her. Even in six months it seemed like she had grown up. She was learning to stand on her own and finding her purpose in life, yet still…
“I don’t want you to change the person you are just because you think that’s what I want. I want whatever change you make to be for yourself. Not me, not your dad, not anyone but yourself.”
“But you didn’t like the old me. Hated her even. I didn’t want that anymore.” Unshed tears pooled in her eyes. “When I’m with you, I finally feel seen, and that’s something I never felt before. If I lose you, I’ll be alone again and I don’t want that.”