Chapter 22 #3
His lips pressed together and he folded his hands in front of himself. “Let me ask you this. How do you feel about Xylina?”
“I don’t get what that has to do with anything.”
“You know, you’re a smart man, Yosiah. Highly advanced too, but when it comes to emotions, I sometimes feel you’re a bit behind.”
Confusion rested on my face. “In the beginning I know you didn’t care for her, but that’s not what I saw last month.
At your birthday dinner, you looked like a man falling for his wife.
You rarely left her side. Your hand constantly found a way to touch her.
You found ways to bring her into the conversation.
You even defended her against your mother.
” He paused and chuckled lowly. “My point is, you created a bond with your wife and it was clear that you’ve developed feelings for her, even after everything you two had been through.
From your explanation, it sounds like you’re more hurt than anything.
You started trusting Xylina and let your guard down with her, but Yosiah, I’m here to tell you that sometimes your spouse lets you down. No one is perfect.”
“I know that. Are you telling me I should be okay that she trapped me?”
He shook his head. “Not at all. In fact, if I was in your shoes, I’d be highly pissed.
That’s your right considering you didn’t see yourself having kids with Xylina.
But that’s not my point. You tend to put your partners on high pedestals, do you know that?
” He didn’t wait for me to answer. “I saw it with your last relationship. I don’t know where you got this high standard of marriage from, but you need to let it go.
No marriage is alike, and just like you want a certain life with the woman you marry, you have to loosen up and accommodate them as well.
You take a lot after your mother. Emotionally she’s disconnected most of the time.
It wasn’t until we were engaged that she slowly started to let her walls down with me, and then once we had you, I saw a completely different side of my wife.
“What Xylina did was wrong, we can acknowledge that. But I believe because you were finally able to see her as your wife, you allowed her to sit on that high pedestal you created. The moment you saw the flaws again, you knocked her back down and shot that wall back up. I’ve hardly engaged in any conversation with your wife one on one, so I can’t say I know her, but her feelings for you seem genuine from what I’ve seen.
She’s head over heels for you, maybe a little too passionate from what I can tell at times.
I believe fear drove her to make a dumb ass decision.
Let me ask this, did she seem spiteful when you confronted her? ”
I shook my head. “No. The complete opposite actually.” I thought about it.
The day I played the recording of the voicemail for Xylina was the first time I ever saw genuine remorse on her face.
She was good at keeping up a mask until it was just the two of us, then her heart rested on her sleeve and her feelings were clear as day.
Whatever ill intentions she had when she first worked on getting pregnant didn’t seem to be present anymore.
“Is she going to keep the baby?” Dad asked when I didn’t answer his original question.
I honestly wasn’t sure. She had the prenatal appointment, so I assumed so. “I think so.”
“You think?” He lifted a brow. “How far along is she?”
Shame blanketed me and I gripped the back of my neck, giving it a squeeze. I wasn’t sure about that either. At her appointment I’d left just as quickly as I arrived. I didn’t bother asking any questions.
“By the look on your face I assume you don’t know that either. Is she handling the pregnancy okay? Your mother had a hard time in the beginning with you.”
I didn’t have an answer for him.
“Yosiah.” Disappointment planted itself on Dad’s face and in his voice.
“Do you still not see her as good enough to be the mother of your child?”
“That’s not it,” I rushed out. “Not anymore. While I still don’t know the kind of mother Xylina might be, I’ve seen things the past few months that have made me see things differently.
” I thought about the times Xylina cried and showed her vulnerable side.
The way she went above and beyond when she put her mind to something.
Hell, even how she treated her dog. Princess was treated better than some kids.
She threw a fit to make sure the room connected to hers was converted specifically for Princess to have and enjoy.
“Then what is it?”
When I didn’t respond, he continued. “You have the right to be upset, but at the same time you’re about to be a father.
Making sure your wife doesn’t have a stressful pregnancy is your top priority.
I know you’ve always wanted to have a family of your own.
While this might not be the way you saw it happening, it is happening.
Your wife is pregnant with your child at the end of the day.
You need to talk to her and have a clear understanding.
Me and your mother didn’t raise you to be a deadbeat.
Whether you decide to stay with her or divorce and co-parent doesn’t matter.
You two are bonded together for life now and you need to step up and be there for her and your kid.
Stop tucking your feelings inside and shutting down.
Voice how you feel and handle shit head on. That’s how we raised you.”
“And if my initial worries were right and she turns out to be a bad mom, then what?”
“Then you pick up her slack and make sure your kid is good. Unfortunately, planned or not, there’s never a guarantee both parents will be good ones.
There’s always a chance one will fall short and the other will have to step up.
But counting on her to fail before she even gets the chance isn’t fair either. ”
I knew he was right. Dad often talked with reason. He was the perfect mediator in most situations. I regretted not coming to talk to him sooner.
“I think I messed up last night, in a big way,” I said, dropping my eyes to the floor. I couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling that last night was another turning point for me and Xylina but not in a good way.
“Then find a way to make it right. Nothing is solved without communication, Yosiah.”
Again, he wasn’t wrong. I knew that, but part of me feared what I would remember from the previous night.
“Just allow yourself to open up and hear your wife out. Making choices based on emotions won’t help anyone. Go in with a clear head when talking to her and come out with a real resolution together.”
I tapped my finger on my knee. “Mom’s gonna have a heart attack when she hears the news.”
For the first time, me and Dad shared a laugh. While I knew my mom would love my kid and take the role of a grandmother seriously, knowing Xylina as the mother might take some time to settle. The tension between them was something I would worry about later.
I finished up at Dad’s house not too much later and headed home. It was time to stop sulking and make things right in my household.
It was quiet when I stepped inside my house.
The staff was gone for the day, so it was to be expected.
Xylina’s G Wagon was parked out front, so I knew she was home.
It was time for us to sit down and have a real conversation.
I’m ashamed to say after talking to my dad and driving home to reflect on it, I realized that me and Xylina have never sat down like two adults and had a real conversation about the two of us.
Our whole marriage I remained too deep into my resentment to care about anything but the day the contract ended and I could divorce her peacefully.
It never dawned on me to be an adult about the situation and actually talk to my wife.
First going to the kitchen to grab a water, I took the elevator to the second floor, going over exactly what I wanted to say to Xylina.
Although I wasn’t happy with how it happened, I am excited to finally be a father.
It took me some time but what had been done was done now, so the only thing we could do was move on and figure out what to do next.
When I got to Xylina’s door, it was slightly cracked and I could hear her moving around inside.
Inhaling a deep breath and pushing it out, I reminded myself not to go into the room being confrontational and to have an open mind. Giving the door a couple taps, I pushed it open and called out to her.
Xylina jumped, spinning around looking like a deer caught in headlights.
“Yosiah!” she squeaked.
Lifting a brow and pinching my lips together, I gave her a once over before dropping my eyes to the small box that fell on the floor. When I looked back at Xylina, all the color had drained from her face and panic exploded in her eyes.
She launched forward as if someone lit a fire under her, snatching the box up.
Something about this situation wasn’t sitting right with me. A knot twisted in my gut. Tightness filled my chest.
I took a step forward, giving the room a once over then focusing back on my wife who stood still as a statue, watching me like a frightened bird.
She swallowed thickly, shifting her eyes to the floor.
Xylina was a confident woman. She normally stood tall and took things head on.
Seeing her right now only confirmed my suspicions, she was up to something and I wasn’t leaving this room until I found out what it was.