Chapter 6
6
IVY
Your eyes shine no matter where we are.
The curve of your waist fits the palm of my hand like it was crafted that way.
I could kiss your lips every minute of every day and never grow bored.
You taste like a gift from the universe.
Every one of Niko’s statements, spoken like prayers in the shower, embed themselves in my heart, refusing to release their talons from the soft flesh. Even now, hours later, as I sit curled into his side on the couch, a roaring fire before us, I pay a bit too much attention to the effect he’s had on me.
With Junie, it’s always easier to distract myself from uncomfortable situations. God, it’s not even that this is uncomfortable as much as it is . . . unsettling. I’ve spent five months resenting my body, and the way I was so sure that it had turned him off from me, only to realize that I was a giant fool the entire time.
I let unfounded insecurities create a chasm between me and the man who has never once in the last year given me any reason to doubt him.
I could easily blame it on his son. All my self-doubt and worries that one day, another man I love is going to turn out to be a total piece of shit who has hidden his disgust with me just so he doesn’t have to be alone. I’d like to think that I’ve grown as a person since having Junie, though.
Niko isn’t Travis. If he were, I wouldn’t be here. The beautiful life I’ve created with our small but incredible family wouldn’t exist.
“We should check in on Travis,” I blurt out.
The thick arm around my shoulders twitches. “Right now?”
“Maybe? It’s not that late yet, is it?”
I haven’t been paying much attention to the time since we got here. Jill did call before Junie went to bed, but that was an hour or so ago, maybe.
“No. He just might still be at work,” Niko mumbles.
“That’s okay. We can at least leave a message.”
“Why are you wantin’ to talk with him? Is somethin’ wrong?”
I roll my lip between my teeth, trying to wrangle my thoughts together. They’re bouncing off the walls of my mind, every strand getting tangled around another.
“Do you think he wants forgiveness for what he did to me? Does he regret it? Feel guilty? Or is he just so full of hate for what we did to him that he doesn’t care about what came before? Should it matter what he did? Maybe we were worse to him than he ever was to me.”
“Angel,” he murmurs, shifting me sideways so I’m forced to face him. I pull my legs up between us and lean my cheek against his bicep. “Where is this comin’ from?”
“Just answer me, Niko. Please.”
He holds my knee and clears his throat, face tight. “Travis is stubborn and lacks the ability to think about his actions before he carries them out. I don’t know if that’s changed in the past year. Regardless, there is a conscience in that thick skull of his. I know he feels guilt. Shame, too. I imagine it’s damn near impossible for him not to feel like shit about what he did to you. Seein’ you with me and knowin’ you’re my woman now is a constant reminder of how bad he fucked up. Whether he finds his actions worse than ours, I’m also not sure. I think we both got our own idea of who was worse. All we can do is keep apologizin’ and hope that one day, he gets over it the way he has wants you to.”
“I’m tired of the constant tiptoeing and guilt, Niko. I just want us to move on. All of us. Sure, maybe it’s not supposed to be that easy, but Junie deserves to be raised in a big family with everyone who loves her without worrying about someone saying the wrong thing around the wrong person and things imploding. What happens when she gets old enough to be able to tell that things aren’t the way they should be and asks why? What are we going to tell her?” I ramble, my stomach filling with acid. “Is she going to feel ashamed of our actions?”
“We’ll tell her that sometimes love isn’t easy. It’s complicated as fuck, but that’s what makes it worth it. I don’t want to tiptoe around our daughter, Ivy. If she asks, we tell her the truth. And if she chooses to feel shame, then we’ll just have to prove to her that this was the way it was supposed to be. Hopefully by then, she’ll already know that.”
“You don’t think she’ll look at us differently for how we met? For how we got together?”
I turn my face into Niko’s arm and release a breath that raises the dark hairs tickling my face. The fireplace is hot, and he’s shirtless, his thick, strong muscles providing a constant sense of protection as I dive into my fears.
“No. We’re not perfect people, and I never want her to think that we are. She’s the closest thing to perfect I’ve ever fuckin’ seen, but that’s not what she should ever expect of those around her. We’re human. That means we can be as cruel and selfish as we can be kind and carin’. One thing I won’t give her is an unrealistic expectation of the world. We love her to death and will always put her up on a pedestal, but we’re bound to fuck up along the way. I did that one too many times with Travis.”
“I don’t . . . I don’t want her to ever face any repercussions from the world because of our relationship. You know how people are. You’ve just said it. People can be assholes, and Travis wasn’t completely off base. You’re way older than me. We’ve already dealt with judgment to an extent.”
The dirty looks and smirks from men who think they know who I am off a blind look at a restaurant or a store on a quiet Saturday morning. I can’t blame them too much. It’s taboo. Our entire relationship is far beyond our ages.
If I didn’t love Niko as much as I did, maybe I’d take their judgment a bit more to heart. If it were just us, I wouldn’t give a shit at all. It’s my worry for our daughter and the judge first, ask later mentality of the world around us that forces my mind in that direction.
“Anyone hurts our girl, they deal with me, angel,” he swears.
“You mean they deal with your fist.”
“I’m not partial to my fist. I’ve got a million weapons I could use instead. I’ve always wanted to kick someone in the ass with a steel-toed boot.”
My giggle is unstoppable. “You do know that you’re threatening to kick a kid in the ass, most likely, right?”
“A pretend kid.”
“For now.”
“You ever gonna stop bustin’ my balls, gorgeous?”
I run my lips over the swell of his bicep, humming. “As if you’d ever want me to.”
“I’m a glutton for punishment when it comes to you,” he relents.
“That’s one way to describe it.”
His touch against my cheek and jaw has my eyes fluttering shut. “We’ll call Travis. And if you need answers from me, I’ll get them from him. It’s long overdue.”
“You don’t think it will ruin all the progress we’ve made?”
“Even if it did, I couldn’t say that I’d regret it. Holdin’ this inside is hurtin’ you, and I refuse to make that worse. Travis has long since decided that I’m not worth a spot in his life, but you and Junie deserve better.”
“I don’t want to carry the weight of what he did to me anymore,” I admit in a low voice.
He pinches my chin, and I snap my eyes open to meet his biting gaze. “I’m not Travis. You won’t find me sayin’ a fuckin’ word against you, Ivy. You’re my reason to get up every mornin’. My goddamn dream come true. Now, tomorrow, ten years from now. I’m goin’ to tell you the same thing.”
“I’m trying to make sure I always remember that.”
“And I’ll spend as much time as you need convincin’ you of it regardless of what my son says. You got that, angel?”
My pulse flutters in my throat. “Yes. I got it, Niko.”
He leans in and steals a kiss that lingers, neither of us willing to cut it short. His lips are warm and firm as he coaxes mine apart and slowly curls his arm around my body to keep me close. I melt in the embrace, forgetting about everything but him and me and the love that continues to grow between us, taking on a life of its own.
“I love you, Ivy. Will love you for the rest of my life,” he declares, continuing to command my lips.
“I love you, too. More than I knew I could love anyone.”
And it would be too easy to show him that right here, right now. I’m still sore between my legs from earlier, but that’s never stopped us before. It’s impossible not to want Niko, and he always takes such, such good care of me. I’d happily wake every morning with the feel of him still inside of me when I know the bliss that comes before.
“If you don’t keep me on track, Ivy . . .” He trails off as his mouth glides across my cheek and to the sensitive spot beneath my jaw that makes my toes curl. One suck on it and I’m whimpering. “I’m going to lay you out on this couch and turn your ankles into earmuffs.”
Shivers rack all the way down my spine to where I’m growing damp between my legs. “You promised me we’d call Travis.”
“We can call him in the mornin’.”
“You’re such a horny old man,” I muse, fully aware of the impact of my words and what I’m prepared to receive as punishment for them.
He doesn’t say a word.
His teeth graze my throat and the shell of my ear before working downward. The space between my neck and shoulder becomes a portrait of hickeys and bite marks as I squeeze my legs together and let my eyes roll back. I’m hot beneath Niko’s thin shirt and the blistering heat from his body, but what I feel above the waist is nothing compared to the inferno below it.
Without panties on, it’s impossible not to recognize the slickness coating my inner thighs with every clench of my pussy. Sore or not, it doesn’t change that I’m one more lash of his tongue away from bending myself over the coffee table and offering my body to him.
“Missed out on fuckin’ your throat earlier. Judgin’ by your vicious tongue, maybe that was what you needed to begin with.” His words are a vicious slash across my clit.
I bat my lashes and ease my thighs apart in invitation. Niko’s fingers dive between them and swirl in the arousal he finds.
“Are you saying you want me on my knees?”
He strokes my throat with his other hand at the same time he works his wet fingers through my slit and then carries his exploration to my asshole, lubing it with my arousal.
“While I love you on your knees, angel, I think you need somethin’ more.”
His words don’t scare me. Especially not when he pushes his thumb inside my ass. The pleasure is sharp and familiar . . . and so fucking good.
Words vanish from my mind, but Niko doesn’t need them.
“I want you on the couch with your head hangin’ off the armrest. I’m gonna fuck your throat so deep you’ll feel and see me in your belly, Ivy. Then I’m fuckin’ this tight ass with no plans of stoppin’ until I have you tellin’ me just how beautiful you are and meanin’ it. You got that, angel?”
My head empties as I say, “Please.”