Chapter 25
Present Day
It has taken everything in me to stay away from Nova. A burning desire lives inside my chest, to grab her and not let her out of my sight ever again.
It is driving me to insanity because, for both reasons, I don’t know why I feel that way and I also won’t allow myself to give into the need.
Instead of acting on it, I’ve been sitting by Rhea’s bedside while she sleeps, envisioning different horrific deaths for her. I’m not going to claim it’s better than fantasizing about Nova, but it is what it is.
Two days ago, when Nova saw me for the first time after Chris attacked her, I registered the look on her face—it’s the same one I had when I saw her clearly for the first time. She wants me too, and that makes this even worse. Because if I believed in this sort of thing, I’d say that we’re soulmates or twin flames, or whatever trendy pop star term for it we want to use.
But it isn’t just me she wants—it’s them too. That much is clear.
That’s the part that stops me in tracks. Jimmy, Koda…and Theodore all have some sort of attraction to her, and it appears she has one for them too if she and Jimmy fucking like rabbits mean anything. I watched them have their discussion the morning after Chris moved on, with Theodore demanding that we only go around Nova if she’s actively trying to help that particular person move on.
The four of us couldn’t be more different from one another. All four of us being tied together by some sort of otherworldly connection to her seems overzealous, yet Nova doesn’t seem to be the type to be greedy. She seems as helpless to this as we are to the fate we’ve been dealt.
All of us are at the right place at the right time.
Or maybe we’re not, considering the four of us are dead. Maybe it is more like the right place, right time, wrong sister. We all fell for Rhea’s tricks, beyond reason and sense, yet it has put us in place to find Nova.
Too bad we couldn’t have found her when we weren’t already dead.
I consider that longer and cringe. Based on her English Lit book, she probably would have been my student when I met her, and I would have had to keep my distance then too. Despite the sexy nature of the idea of a student professor relationship, my ethics would not have allowed me to act on it.
Much like now.
Raised voices reach me, drawing me out of the quiet. Jimmy is arguing with Theodore again, their words becoming heated. I have no idea what the nature of their fight is, but know it’s about Nova, regardless. She’s become the sun which we all orbit around in such a short amount of time.
“I know what she said,” Jimmy seethes. “She’s just scared because she found out about the ghost part.”
“Because that isn’t a big deal at all,” Theodore answers sarcastically.
“You don’t understand,” he growls. “This isn’t normal. This is something else—something I need.”
Surprisingly, Theodore hesitates, conflicted, probably because he feels he needs Nova too.
“The question isn’t if it’s something you need,” I say solemnly, drawing their attention. “The question is if it’s something she needs.”
Jimmy shoots a glare my way. “Maybe she does.”
“Maybe,” I agree. “But what if involving ourselves with her would destroy her? Would you still insist on having her?”
The silence is deafening as they mull over my words. They know I’m right. I can see it on their faces, but they don’t want to hear it either.
“Why can’t we have our fun while we wait our turn to have her help us move on?” Koda asks, materializing next to me. He shrugs. “Or, better yet, why don’t you just give her a say instead of deciding? She’s not a fucking child. Quit treating her like one.”
Even I’m speechless after that observation, my surprised stare locked on him as I turn over the decisions I’ve made for Nova in my mind. A quick glance at Jimmy and Theodore shows me they are equally surprised, and I’m not sure if it’s because of the depth Koda just showed or the subject matter.
“I was trying to do the right thing,” Theodore murmurs.
“That’s the funny thing about the ‘right thing’,” Koda replies, even doing air quotes around the repeated phrase. “It normally is the thing that makes you feel better about yourself, and not what is actually right.”
Jimmy is staring at him in such a comical way, it almost makes me chuckle. “Aren’t you just some punk kid?” he asks, blinking.
Koda curls his lip, gesturing to the skin fully covered by tattoos. “I may look like a ‘punk kid’, asshole, but I was double majoring in philosophy and music theory and composition before I died.”
Of everything, I think that might be the most surprising thing I’ve heard all night so far. Judging by the others’ expressions, they’d agree with me.
“So then we talk to her,” Jimmy says, hope entering his tone.
“Fucking finally, someone is listening to me,” Koda grumbles.
“It’s a bad idea,” I warn, refusing to let that same hope Jimmy has to wiggle its way into me.
“It can’t hurt to have a conversation,” Theodore reasons, and the goddamn hope in his voice too makes me bristle. “If she says no, that she doesn’t want to explore whatever these connections might be, then she says no.”
“I won’t do it,” I grumble. “She deserves better than a bunch of horny dead guys.”
Koda snorts a laugh. “Horny dead guys.”
“Are you sure you were majoring in philosophy?” I toss back at him. “What are you? Twelve?”
“Twenty two, dickhead. What are you? A virgin? Afraid of Nova’s pussy?”
I surge to my feet. “Don’t talk about her like that,” I snarl.
He just smirks. “We all know there’s some weird thing going on between you and her, Rohan. I wonder if you knew each other in a past life or some shit,” he muses.
It’s Theodore’s turn to scoff. “Past life. Sure. And I was George Washington once upon a time.”
A weird look crosses Koda’s face. “No,” he says with a frown. “You were a brother.” He shakes his head, his fists coming up to grind into his eyes. “That was weird,” he mutters.
I would voice my agreement that it was definitely a weird comment if I wasn’t so preoccupied with a vertigo sensation as I try to look at Theodore. My gaze bounces between him and Koda, and the warmest sensation fills my chest like it never has before when I’ve looked at either.
Theodore’s expression seems as troubled. “Brother,” he mumbles under his breath.
Jimmy, the only one who doesn’t seem affected, watches all of us, his arms crossed, a pensive look on his face. “Maybe Koda is right,” he says slowly. “Maybe we knew each other in a past life. What if that’s why Nova feels so familiar?”
“I’m sure it’s not that,” Theodore says, but he doesn’t look sure. But then he starts to hum, the melody almost haunting as he lets it die out in his throat. His face screws up with genuine alarm. “Oh, fuck.”
“And Rohan…”
I glance at Jimmy as he trails off, his eyes scrutinizing me. In an instant, I’m remembering the way I’d had to fight off attraction to him when I confronted him about sleeping with Nova—something I had never had to do in my life for a man. The desire I feel for Nova trumps everything and everyone.
But I feel an inkling of desire for Jimmy too, and it is confusing.
“This is ridiculous,” I grunt, standing and glaring down at Rhea sleeping. “Do whatever you’re going to do, but I won’t be a part of it. Have you put any thought into what will happen when you move on and leave her here alone?”
Silence is the response to my question, and I nod. “Thought so.”
“But why not give her a choice, Rohan?” Jimmy asks softly, his voice like a caress.
“Because I can’t keep hurting her over and over again, and she’d be better off without me,” I blurt out, clamping my lips together after the words spew from them. But that doesn’t stop my next words from spilling over. “I love her too much.”
“Fuuuuccckkkk,” Koda drawls. “Whatever this is, is going to fuck us all up, isn’t it?”
I have zero doubts on that front. It will fuck us up—all of us. And I have the distinct feeling that it always has.
“I don’t think we have a choice,” Theodore murmurs. “Maybe the reason we’re here is her. What if she is our unfinished business?”
“Then I’ll never move on,” I reply firmly, tearing my eyes away from Rhea. “I won’t hurt her anymore. She can’t be ours.”
I surrender myself to the darkness before anyone can argue with me, letting the nothingness comfort me. Might as well get used to it—I’ll be here for eternity.