Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
TIMBER
As the day unfolds, Kane and I lie in bed, sated and spent from our lovemaking. He dozes off, his body warm beside mine, his breaths quiet and even. I think about what transpired. It wasn’t just sex. It was something more that goes beyond physical pleasure. It’s two hearts finding each other.
In that moment, lying beside Kane, I realize I could fall in love. Deep down, I know he feels the same. You can’t fake what happened between us. I slip away, careful not to disturb his peace. Standing beside the bed, I watch him sleep. A rare smile curves his lips, one I’ve seldom seen in everyday life.
I quietly exit, closing the door behind me as I head toward the smaller shower near my room. Stepping into the cascade of warm water, the space seems unexpectedly cavernous, a big difference to the closeness we just shared. As the water washes over me, thoughts of him swirl in my mind, mingling with considerations of what to wear when I get out.
Lost in these reflections, I rifle through my wardrobe, realizing I have nothing fancy or particularly feminine. Yet, a grin tugs at my lips as I imagine his reaction—how he wouldn’t care about my outfit choice, how his eyes will light up just seeing me.
With a newfound sense of confidence, I exit the shower, dry off, and choose comfortable jeans and a simple cotton shirt. I know he’ll appreciate the person in the clothes far more than the outfit itself, and that thought alone is enough to quicken my heartbeat.
In the kitchen, I discover a package of thawed ground meat in the refrigerator and a can of pasta sauce on the counter. I realize I’m going to have to broaden his culinary experiences from spaghetti with meat sauce or pancakes for supper. I cook the pasta, brown the meat, and add the sauce. As it simmers, I set the table.
I hear footsteps and turn to see Kane entering, just a towel around his waist. His gaze holds a hunger that I’m not sure pasta will satisfy.
“I missed you.” He closes the gap and gently cups my face. His eyes search mine. Is he looking for something in particular? Something like regret? Well, he won’t find it here. Whether that was one moment in time, or we get to repeat it with abandon, I will never regret it. He brought me back from being broken and unloved to cherished and desired.
“I missed you too,” I reply. “I figured with all the exertion … you might be hungry.”
“I’m starving.” He leans in and presses a tender kiss to my lips. “But not for spaghetti.”
That’s how the next round starts. It begins in the kitchen and ends on the bearskin rug in front of the fire.
The next couple of days pass in a blur of passion. Kane delivers coffee in bed each morning after we make love, and I introduce him to other culinary delights like meatloaf, which I make from a mix of deer and beaver. It isn’t my favorite, but it seems to be Kane’s. At night, we eat dinner by the lake, laying out a blanket on the grass to keep us warm and comfortable. We make love under the stars, the warmth of our bodies and the blanket shielding us from the cool evening air. On day three, it’s time to get Hailey.
We take the ATV down the mountain. The farther we get from the house, the thicker the tension seems to grow. Our three days alone have been filled with discovering each other, our new love blossoming in the isolation. Daily calls with Hailey have been comforting, but we both really miss her. Had she missed us as much as we did her? Every mile away from our sanctuary makes the questions between Kane and me louder. What will Hailey’s return mean for our intimacy? We haven’t discussed how to handle things moving forward, and that uncertainty gnaws at me. Is he as uncomfortable as I am about it ?
Finally, I blurt what neither of us is saying. “I’ll miss sleeping with you.”
It’s true. My relationship with Kane goes beyond physical intimacy. It gives me a sense of belonging, which is exactly what I came here for. He also makes me seem delicate and vulnerable. I have never been described as slim—even May refers to me as sturdy. But standing next to Kane, I am small in comparison.
He reaches out and takes my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll figure it out.”
I want to believe him, but deep down, I know it won’t be the same.
We arrive at Eliza’s and Kane parks the ATV by the door. It doesn’t take long before it flies open, and Hailey rushes out. I expect her to run straight to her dad, but she doesn’t. She squeals, “Timber,” and throws herself into my arms. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” I say, picking her up and turning her around before setting her in front of her father.
Kane is smiling. “I rate higher than Olaf, but you rank higher than me.”
I probably should feel bad, but I don’t. I like that Hailey misses me.
Kane squats down. “Come here, Noodle.” He lifts her with ease and sets her on his hip. “Where’s your Aunt Eliza?”
“Feeding Cody. She said to come in.”
“Where’s Uncle Matt?” Kane asks.
“He’s in the shower. ”
We enter the house just as Eliza exits the bedroom. “Hey, you two. How are things?”
“We had a wonderful time, Eliza. Thank you for everything.” I turn away, my cheeks burning. Eliza knows exactly what we were up to, and part of me is thankful for her intervention, even if it makes facing her a bit awkward.
Eliza throws a victorious fist in the air. “Mission accomplished.”
Moments later, Matt comes from the room, hair wet but fully dressed.
“Thanks for taking her,” Kane says.
Matt nods. “It was our pleasure. She’s a good little helper.” He looks at me and Kane and says, “She’d make an excellent big sister.”
Matt’s words leave me speechless. Hailey beams up at us, her eyes shining with excitement. “I want a little brother or sister.”
My smile falters for a fraction of a second, the weight of Hailey’s innocent wish pressing heavily on my heart. That’s something I can never give her.
Kane, noticing my discomfort, quickly changes the subject. “By the way, my boat's ready. They called yesterday. I’ll pick it up on Monday.”
“Need any help getting it?” Matt asks.
Kane shakes his head. “No, this is where you're needed,” he says, glancing at Eliza. “Besides, I need to make sure I can handle her on my own.” He tousles Hailey’s hair. “Are you ready, Noodle? ”
As soon as we’re on the ATV, Kane says, “I’m sorry. They didn’t know.”
Most of me is okay with it, but a part of me is sad that I’ll never experience carrying a child of my own. I close my eyes and imagine that baby, and what I see is Kane’s brown hair and those stormy blue eyes.
“You know what sounds great right now?” I don’t wait for anyone to answer. “May’s fresh pie.”
Kane looks at me and nods. “Pie it is.”
Shortly after, we arrive at May’s Café.
“Look what the cat brought in,” May says as we enter.
“We’re here for pie.” Hailey is so excited she literally bounces to a nearby booth.
“Today is apple blueberry,” May says. “Three slices with ice cream?”
“Yes,” Hailey says. “And whipped cream too.”
I give Hailey a high five. “I like how you roll.”
A few minutes later, May arrives with three plates of pie. She sets them down and takes a seat next to Hailey.
I’ve learned that’s the way with May. She doesn’t ask. She just does.
“I’ve been thinking about your mom since the potluck. It is possible that we knew her by something different, as her name doesn’t ring a bell. You know, a nickname. Karen Burrows goes by Sunflower now that it’s unpopular to be a Karen. Do you have a photo of your mom?”
I don’t know why I didn’t bring one to the potluck. Maybe it’s because the only printed photo I have is a recent one, taken just this year. I imagined no one would recognize the girl she was from a picture of the woman she became. Instead, I pull up an old photo on my phone, one from when I was a baby, where Mom looks happy, holding me in her arms.
I turn the phone to May, and she grabs it, her eyes widening. “Sarah,” she whispers, the name barely escaping her lips. The tears come first, followed by deep, wrenching sobs.
I stare at her. The room falls into a heavy silence that seems to stretch on for a lifetime. May clutches the phone to her chest as if it’s a lifeline, her body shaking with each sob.
“Oh, my God. You know my mom.” My eyes well up with the weight of the moment pressing down on me. May reaches for the napkin dispenser and pulls out a few to wipe her eyes.
May nods. She swallows several times before speaking. “Your mom was my Sarah.”
I remember when May ran out to the dock that first day, thinking I was someone else. Despite our differences, she saw something in me that reminded her of my mother. The pieces of the puzzle that have been my life suddenly appear different, and a single thought crystallizes with shocking clarity: “That means ... you’re my grandmother.”
I stare at her, my mind racing to make sense of this bombshell. A mix of emotions floods through me—shock, confusion, and an intense need to understand how it all came to pass .
“Why didn’t I know about you?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. The question hangs heavy between us, filled with years of lost time and unshared memories.
May looks pained, her hands trembling as she reaches for another napkin. “It’s a long story, one that’s difficult to tell.”
“I need to know,” I say. “I’ve been in the dark for far too long.”
“When your mother left here, there were problems. I told her everyone would forgive her and to let it pass, but she refused. The last time I heard from her was after I sent a postcard asking her to come back.” She wipes a tear from her eye. “She called me and told me she loved me but that she had to let me go.”
Kane, sitting across from me, leans forward, his voice filled with awe. “Wow, you came here because of that postcard, looking for your father, or a tie to your mother, and you ended up with a grandmother.”
Hailey, sitting beside me, reaches out to touch my arm. “You’re so lucky. My grandma is in heaven, and I can’t see her anymore.”
I turn to Hailey, her words tugging at my heart. “I am lucky.” I turn back to May. “Why did she let you go?”
My heart aches for May, for the mother I thought I knew, and for myself—caught in the aftermath of choices made long before I could even speak. The realization that my mother lived carrying such a heavy burden makes my throat tighten. Why hadn’t she come back? What had been so terrible to sever ties so completely ?
A tear slips down my cheek, unbidden but not unwelcome, as it carves a warm path on my skin. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for both of you.” My voice trembles with the effort to stay composed.
May nods, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. “It was devastating. I always hoped she would come back, that she would see how much we all missed her and that ... that whatever mistakes were made could be forgiven.”
The table is like an ocean between us, and impulsively, I reach over and take her hand in mine. “I’m here now,” I say, needing her to know that despite everything, I’m present, and I’m real, and maybe, just maybe, I can be a part of healing this break in our family’s story.
Kane hands Hailey the pen from his pocket and pulls several napkins from the dispenser. “How about you draw some pictures for Daddy?”
Hailey nods and gives her full attention to the task.
“You guys don’t have to stay,” I say.
He takes my hand. “I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I hold on tight like I’m readying myself for a ride on a coaster. I turn back to May. “Okay, tell me everything.”
I settle in, listening as May starts the tragic tale of a college girl who fell in love with the wrong man—my father.
“He was charismatic,” May begins, her voice trembling slightly. “Your mother met him during her first year away at college. He swept her off her feet, promising her the world. When she brought him back here, he had all these grand ideas for the town. Said he could bring power and running water, modernize everything. People believed him. He was so convincing.”
I lean forward, hanging on her every word, the pieces of my past slowly coming together. There's a flutter of joy in my chest at learning about my father, something I’ve always wondered about.
“But it was all a lie,” May continues, her face hardening. “He took everyone’s money and vanished. Left the town in ruins, and your mother ... she was devastated. The shame of it all was too much for her. She couldn’t bear to stay.”
My breath catches. Joy is replaced by a sinking sensation in my stomach. “And no one ever saw him again?”
May shakes her head. “No. Once he found out Sarah was pregnant, he disappeared without a trace. Your mother tried to find him, but it was as if he never existed. She was left to pick up the pieces on her own.”
Tears well up in my eyes. “Why didn’t she come back to you?”
May hangs her head. “She didn’t come back because she knew everyone would see her differently, see her as the person who brought the man who stole everything from them. She didn’t want you to have to live with that legacy either. She thought it was the only way to protect you.”
Kane’s hand on my shoulder grounds me, a reassurance that I'm not alone in this. He squeezes gently, and then his voice breaks the silence. “I’ve heard the stories,” he says. “I never knew if they were true or not.”
May nods. “Oh, they were true. It’s funny how one man’s actions altered so many lives. I lost my daughter. Many of the townsfolk lost their life savings. It changed everything.”
“Who is my father?” My voice shakes as I ask.
“His name is Erik Anders.”
“So, my father was a crook?” As if seeing my mind whirl around, she takes my hand and squeezes it.
“I see you thinking about how that might influence who you are. You are your mother’s child. You have her heart.”
“That’s about all I have. She was slim and dark-haired, and I’m sturdy and blonde. Her eyes were like yours, nearly black, and her hair was long and soft as silk.” As I see the pain in her expression, I realize I’m not the only one affected. May now knows the daughter she loved is gone. “I’m sorry she never came back. I don’t understand that.”
May's eyes glisten with unshed tears. “She did what she thought was best.” She rises. “Let me get a pot of coffee and you can tell me everything I missed.” She looks down at Hailey, who’s stopped drawing and has fallen asleep on the napkins. “This one is plain tuckered out.”
Kane nods. “I don’t know how she crashed. I’ve found the entire conversation riveting.”
While I love that he’s been here to support me, it’s time he takes Hailey home. “I’ll be all right. You should get her home.”
He looks as if he may argue, but as he sees May coming back with a pot of coffee and two cups, he nods, as if he understands we need time alone.
Kane picks up a sleeping Hailey and says, “Call me, and I’ll come and get you.” He kisses me before he leaves. It isn’t a passionate kiss, but one that says, I’m here if and when you need me.
Over a cup of coffee, I catch May up on the years she didn’t spend with my mother, and she reveals more about the past.
“I wish my mom would have come back.”
“People here have long memories. It appears so did your mom.”
Her words resonate with me. I’ve heard of grudges held for generations. “Kane once told me about an outsider who caused a lot of pain in the community. It was a long time ago, but the resentment still lingers.”
“That’s the story. It’s become a legend told from generation to generation.”
“What if I’m just a reminder of those bad times? Eventually, people will know who I am and maybe resent me.”
“Timber, you are not responsible for the past. You are here to create your own story, not relive Sarah’s.”
The comfort in her words gives me a break from my worries. Curiosity tugs at me, drawing me back to the lighter details. “Why do you think she chose the name Aspen Moore?”
May smiles. “It makes sense,” she says. “Aspens were her favorite tree. She always said they stood together, strong and resilient. And she always wanted more than what Alaska could offer her.”
That image of aspen trees, standing tall and interconnected, resonates with me, and I experience a connection to the mother I never really knew. Then another thought strikes me. “What about my name—Timber?”
May chuckles, the sound rich with affection. “I think she was holding on to a little of her roots after all. Timber—strong, essential, and part of the forest that surrounds us.”
As I hear this, calmness overcomes me. Despite her fears and the drastic steps she took, there was a part of my mother that remained tethered to her beginnings. It gives me a newfound sense of connection, not just to my mother, but to May, and to the land that shaped them both. I found out my father was Scandinavian, and my mother was part Tlingit, a Native Alaskan tribe. Mom always said she was a native, but I assumed she meant Cherokee or Navajo. I sit here filled with pride for a heritage I never knew.
I think about her herbal remedies and ask, “Did my mother learn to heal from you?”
May nods. “I’m glad she passed that on to you. Now it makes sense. You knew about Devil’s Claw, and then there’s the potato salad.”
“Capers and bacon. It’s the only way,” I say. “You know, I have her book. It’s a journal with handwritten remedies and such.”
May’s mouth opens. “My sweet granddaughter. That’s my book. I always wondered about you and where you went. Your mother, when she changed her name, didn’t leave a trace, but I have never stopped looking and hoping.” She squeezes my hands. “It warms me to know I’ve been a part of your life, anyway.” After several hours of talking, it’s time to wrap it up. I stand and hug my grandmother.
“You should let me take you home,” she says.
I shake my head. “I need the walk and the time to process.”
“At least call Kane.”
“I’ll be okay. It’s still light, and I don’t want him to have to get Hailey out of bed.”
“He won’t mind. I see how he looks at you. I think that boy might be in love.”
“A girl can dream.”
I step outside, and the cool evening air brushes against my face as the door shuts behind me. I came here searching for my father, clutching a postcard and a handful of fragmented memories. But in this place, among these people, I found so much more.
I think about Kane, his warm, earnest gaze that seems to pierce right through me, understanding parts of me I haven’t yet figured out myself. And Hailey, with her bright, curious eyes—how she leans into my side when we watch TV, as if I always belonged there.
As I walk the familiar path, my thoughts drift back to May. The revelation of her being my grandmother has left a tender ache in my heart, a mixture of sorrow for all the lost years and a budding hope for what’s to come. I never imagined that my journey would intertwine my past and future so deeply.
I arrived here seeking answers about where I came from, but I wonder if this is where I belong.