CHAPTER 03
maverick
Harley Lowell was something else. Sure, he was my type with that windswept dusty blond hair of his and light blue eyes, but he was so far out of my league that we weren’t even in the same orbit.
I had worn biker boots; he had fancy Dockers or some shit.
I wore a leather jacket; he wore a tailored blazer.
I had a few bucks at most to my name, and his watch cost more than everything I owned.
So why the hell had he spent the whole day following me around like a little lost puppy?
Admittedly, watching him fall apart from a panic attack should’ve pleased me.
The Royal Prince of Wilde Bay was nothing more than an anxious mess.
It knocked him down a few pegs closer to us normal people.
But I also knew what that felt like, and it fucking sucked.
I didn’t have them much anymore, but when I was a kid, circumstances got the better of me.
I’d been a disastrously emotional child.
And kissing him as a grounding technique? Well, that was just me letting my twisted desires do the talking for me. It was cute the way he crumbled and melted for me.
I had no delusions that Harley and I weren’t remotely similar, but I’d be damn lying if I didn’t say there was a wild kind of satisfaction in knowing that he was interested in me.
How interested was the question, and one I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to.
It was better to leave that one unasked.
There was no room for disappointment that way.
Watching him ditch school was entertaining. I hadn’t expected it from him. He was too good for that shit, but the longer he was away from the school, the more comfortable he got. Maybe he regretted it, but I liked to think he had fun.
Long after he headed home, I dragged my ass back to the trailer park.
I never used the main entrance. Too many idiots hung around near the entrance, and I didn’t want to deal with any of them.
That included my own brother. Aidan was a douchebag, and just because I was used to being his punching bag didn’t mean I was dumb enough to put myself in his path.
Nah, I snuck around the side woods and wandered in through the back.
I had to be careful to avoid Mr. McCreedy’s angry German Shepherd, but it was worth it not to get into a fight.
A second car was parked outside of our house—if you could call it parking. The beat-up thing had practically crashed into a tree. Crap. Mom was home. That was never a good thing.
Sandra Fox wasn’t a bad woman. Not really.
My dad had a thing for drugs, and my mom had a thing for making my dad happy.
When he wanted her to get high with him, she did and never looked back.
She managed to get her shit together twice when she had my brother and me, but kids were a lot of stress.
Especially when your dick of an ex decided kids just weren’t his thing and left. Getting high made it easier.
As a result, it was always just me and Aidan.
Mom was in and out of our lives. At first, she was around a lot while high.
It left Aidan and me to take care of her.
However, as we got more self-sufficient, she began to disappear.
We got used to it. We didn’t have a choice.
Nowadays, she only showed up when she needed money.
And Aidan hated giving her money.
Well, there went my fucking night. I steeled myself for the violence as I went in, walking in just in time for a plate to smash against the wall, complete with cheap pasta. I cringed at red sauce spilling down the stained wall.
“Now, why’d you have to go and do that?” Mom yelled, her hands shaking as she gestured to the wall. Great. She was jonesing for something.
“Why the fuck did you have to show up at all?” Aidan hollered right back. His dark eyes flashed with rage as he towered over her. “You think you can show up and what? I’m supposed to give you my hard-earned money—”
“I’m your mother!”
“The hell you are, you bitch!”
“Okay!” I shouted to be heard over both of them.
I planted a hand on my brother’s chest as he made a move in Mom’s direction.
Putting my hands on him was a risk because I knew he had no problem going through me.
I was tough, but Aidan was a beast. He had inches on me, was nearly double my weight, and was a solid wall of muscle.
The fact that we were related yet so different sometimes surprised me. “Hey! I’ll deal with her!”
“You better,” he growled.
“I will!” I insisted.
“I want her out of this fucking house, you hear me?” Aidan snapped. “Gone, Maverick.”
The tone of his voice held more weight than his words.
He’d take his anger out on my ass if she wasn’t.
I wasn’t afraid of a lot, but there were moments I was afraid of him.
He had no problem reminding me who was in charge around here, and it wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go.
I was stuck taking whatever he gave me because I needed him.
“I know,” I said. “I will. Promise.”
“And don’t give that bitch any money, got it?”
“Yeah, I won’t,” I replied. The meticulous way he studied me was stressful, like he could see right through me. I tried to brush it off and act tough. Showing him weakness wasn’t an option. “Just get out of here.”
“And clean this mess up,” he ordered while he stomped to the door. “Or make her do it. Fucking useless bitch—”
The rest of his sentiment was lost when he slammed the door shut.
The screen banged hard in the frame, making me flinch.
I drew in a deep breath before turning to look at my mom.
She was skinnier than I remembered her being, her face hollow and sad.
Her hair was thinning, and her eyes were bloodshot.
She was a mess, but still, I smiled with a mixture of sadness and ridiculous joy at seeing the woman who didn’t love me and never had. Not the way a mother was supposed to.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, trying to put some feeling into it.
“Look at you, baby boy,” she gasped. She ruffled my hair and touched my cheeks. “You got so handsome. You look just like your father.”
That wasn’t the compliment she thought it was. I didn’t want to be like him. I didn’t want to be like either of them.
“What happened with Aidan?” I asked, changing the subject.
“I don’t know what got into your brother,” she told me. “He just started yelling and throwing good food—”
“How much did you ask for, Mom?” I cut her off. With them, it was always about the money.
“Why do you have to be like that, baby boy?”
“Because it’s always about the money.”
“You know, sometimes I like to come see my boys! I can do that, you know!”
“How much, Mom?”
“It wasn’t that much,” she caved, “and I really did want to see my boys.”
No, she didn’t. That much I knew. She cared more about what she could get out of us. It’d been that way forever.
But I didn’t say those thoughts outloud.
They’d make her cry, and I hated making her cry.
Aidan was horrible to her. The least I could do was be the nice one.
Taking out my wallet, I pulled out a few bills.
I didn’t have much to offer, and I had to try to keep something for myself, but I could give her most of it.
“Here.” I held it out to her. It was just easier to give it to her and get her out of Aidan’s hair than push the matter. Mom was exactly who she was. There was no changing her.
“Aw, baby boy, that’s too much money,” she said, even as she took the money.
She ran her fingers over the bills with more fondness than she’d ever shown toward me.
A twinge of pain pulsated in my chest uncomfortably.
Why did that bother me so damn much? It wasn’t like it was a new thing. “I can’t take this.”
Yeah, she could, and she would.
“It’s fine,” I assured her. While she counted the bills twice, I kept busy by cleaning up the food on the floor. Aidan didn’t do shit to take care of the house. That was my job—not one I wanted, but one I was stuck with anyway. I asked quietly, “Are you staying for dinner?”
She wouldn’t. She never did. Somehow, despite having done this song and dance with her more times than I could count, a little part of me wanted her to stay. I wanted to spend time with her.
“Oh, you know,” she began slowly, drawing the words out, “Marcus wants to head west for a few months. He has some friends out there—”
“It’s okay, Mom,” I interrupted. I didn’t want to hear about her disappearing with some guy I didn’t know. Not when we were right here. “Just be safe, okay.”
“I will,” she said. She took hold of my cheeks, and the smile she gave me made my heart hurt.
“And it’ll be good, baby boy. Marcus has a lead on a real good job out there.
Who knows? In a few months, we could come back and get you.
It’s supposed to be nice out there. You could get a job, and we could get a nice house together.
We could be a family. Don’t you think that’d be nice? ”
“Yeah, that’d be nice,” I replied, knowing full well she didn’t mean it. The next time I’d see her, it’d be about more money. She wouldn’t come back for me.
“I’ll come back for you, Mav,” she continued, like she’d keep her promise. Was I stupid for wishing she would? Just to know she thought about me the minute she left? “And you’ll see. It’ll be really nice. I’ll be able to give you the nice life I always wanted.”
“Okay,” I whispered. Empty promises. It was always empty promises with her. “I love you.”
I said the words because I meant them. For all of her screwed-up behaviors, she was still my mom, and I loved her.
Just sometimes love wasn’t enough. It couldn’t change a person.
It couldn’t help them or fix them. And loving someone wasn’t enough to make them love you back.
Sometimes, you just had to be willing to rip your heart out and let someone stomp on it because that was all your love was worth.
As soon as she was gone, I scrounged through the cabinets and found what food I could squirrel away without Aidan noticing. When my brother figured out that I’d given her money, he’d make my life hell, and it always started with locking up all the food.