CHAPTER 117
maverick
Iwas fairly certain Aria had fallen asleep with her ear pressed over my heart.
There was something endearing about it. Like she found comfort in the sound.
Granted, she could’ve just been that tired, but I was pretending it had nothing to do with that and everything to do with her feeling safe with me.
And maybe that was just because I needed to feel useful after it all.
I kept one arm slung around her while I quietly flipped between texting Roxy and my work schedule.
She was quick to take all my appointments off the schedule, delegating what she could and rescheduling what she couldn’t.
I thanked her half a dozen times, she sent me pictures of Duke hanging out at the office, and I couldn’t be more grateful for her.
I also found out that apparently, I was the last one in the office to know that Nyla was a lesbian and that Nyla was taking Holly on a date. I blamed that on being her boss, but it didn’t make me any less salty about it.
We were mid-gossiping when Harley strode out of the kitchen without a word. I frowned as I stared at him. There was something… severe and unraveling in his expression. Like he was doing his best not to fall apart. Whatever that phone call was, it hadn’t gone well.
“Harley?” I called after him softly, doing my best not to disturb Aria. He didn’t reply. Instead, he grabbed his jacket off the back of the couch and walked right out of the house. What the hell?
I tried texting him, but he didn’t reply. I wasn’t even sure if he had his phone on him.
My body buzzed anxiously while I stared at the closed door. Harley wasn’t the kind of person to just storm out of a house—not without a word, not without checking on Aria. Those were red flags that worried me.
I waited ten minutes. Ten agonizing minutes.
It was all I could do before I was very gently transferring Aria onto a pile of blankets.
I made sure her creepy stuffed animals were tucked in around her and waited an extra minute to make sure she didn’t wake.
When I was positive I was in the clear, I grabbed my coat and went outside, leaving the door cracked so we could hear her.
Harley sat on the porch with his head down, fingers threaded through his hair. I settled down next to him with enough distance to not be overbearing.
“Who was on the phone?” I asked quietly.
“My mother died,” Harley whispered, his voice hollow.
The statement gave me pause. I wasn’t sure how to respond.
Did I apologize? I knew his relationship with his mother was complicated—it always had been.
It was something we didn’t talk about, and I respected that. I knew he had things to work through.
“What do you need from me, Harley?” I replied because, for the life of me, I didn’t know how to help him. I had no idea what he needed.
“I…” His voice caught in his throat. A borderline hysterical giggle fell out of him. “I think I’m broken.”
“I don’t think you’re broken—”
“I think I’m broken,” he repeated louder.
“I feel… I feel sad for a woman who didn’t even love me.
And I feel guilty because I haven’t seen her.
I haven’t seen her in years. I couldn’t bring myself to see her.
To talk to her or anything. And I keep thinking that I should’ve gone and seen her.
I should’ve sucked it up and gotten over it.
I should’ve… and yet… I think I’m broken because I feel… I feel…”
“Relieved?” I guessed. His head turned slightly so he could look at me. He was crying, but every conflicting emotion was written all over his pretty face. He nodded slightly. “It’s okay to feel relieved, Harley, and it doesn’t make you broken.”
“It feels like I am…”
I sighed and leaned back on my elbows as I stared out across the front lawn.
A slight breeze rolled through the overgrown grass in a visible wave.
All I could think of was how he’d need a riding mower…
something to help tame the grass before they ended up with unwanted animals moving in on their property.
It was a distracting thought—a silly thing to pull away from stuff I’d let go of a while ago. Things I’d made peace with. Unfortunately, they were things that could help him. That alone was worth dragging back the past.
“My mom died three years ago,” I said. “To no one’s surprise, she overdosed. The only reason anyone told me was that her boyfriend needed money to have her cremated, and it wasn’t like Aidan had anything to give anyone.”
“What’d you do?” Harley asked.
“I sent the money.” I shrugged.
“Why? After everything she put you through, why?”
“Because at the end of the day, my mom was just broken, and I have learned to accept that,” I told him honestly.
“Someone once told me that broken’s not a bad thing.
It’s just the universe’s way of telling us that we need to change.
What that change is… well, that’s up to us to figure out.
And change is fucking hard. Not everyone can recognize the need for it, and not everyone can do it.
And no one can make you change if you don’t want to. ”
“How?” he demanded. “How do you… get okay with it without closure? My therapist and I have talked about me getting closure… and now… ”
“I gave up on closure a long time ago. It’s not something everyone gets.
Sometimes people don’t change. Sometimes they don’t apologize.
Sometimes they don’t even understand what they did.
You can spend your whole life waiting for something that’s never going to happen…
or you can decide to move forward without it. ”
He stared at me for a long time, and I watched the little shifts in his expression as he worked through it.
“I don’t know how to do that,” Harley whispered. “I want to, but I don’t know how.”
“You start by choosing yourself. Even when it feels wrong. Even when it feels selfish. You decide that your peace matters more than the answers you’re never going to get. And then, you just build from there.”
He made a small sound, nodding. I could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced.
“You’ve already started,” I reminded him gently. “You built a life for Aria. You got yourself in therapy. You’re trying, Harley. That’s… that’s huge. That’s you choosing yourself.”
Those blue eyes widened slightly as they filled with more tears. Reaching out, I ran my fingers through his disheveled hair, and my fingers curled around the back of his head. I leaned in to kiss his forehead, letting it linger briefly.
“You’re doing a damn good job,” I said. “I promise you that.”
I kissed him once more as I silently hoped he knew just how much I meant that because he deserved to believe it, even if it took time.