Chapter 6
Quinn
The bright lights buzzed under the soft sound… I wrenched my hand away from my head and stared at the door I knew Alex was moments away from walking through.
Nothing in the room responded to me unless I woke up with it already touching my skin. No footsteps. No help. Only Ezra’s voice in my head… and Alex, if either of them were even real.
Right on cue, Alex shuffled in, each step the awkward scrape of a man pretending to look harmless. I hated how my pulse jumped, like I’d been waiting for him.
‘You’re in control,’ Ezra said.
I forced myself to breathe. If that were true, I could leave this stupid loop.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Alex asked.
I didn’t remember how I had answered his plea to keep him company. Although our conversations had a distinct beginning, their endings faded into nothing. I just woke up once more.
Instead of sitting in his chair, he sat behind me on the bed and wrapped his arms around my shoulders as if he could pull me close.
But our bodies weren’t in the same location, and his arms hovered like a ghost. Even knowing he couldn’t touch me, my muscles locked—like he’d draped a sheet of ice across my shoulders.
He smiled as if he hadn’t noticed.
“My keepers brought me a new puzzle today.” He rested his chin on my head. “I don’t like this one as much. I’ve already solved it, but they want me to do it again. It reminded me of you.”
I blinked. This was the closest we’d come to acknowledging my situation. “It reminded you of me, how?”
Alex released me and returned to his chair. “Sorry, I asked you a question and then just started talking.” He ran a hand through his hair before pretending to hold out a penny for me.
I looked at his pinched fingers. If I didn’t take it, would the loop snap back again? Or was this my only crack in the pattern?
His hard blue eyes flickered—just for a second—with something almost like hurt.
His pitch-black hair wasn’t as neat or black as the first time I woke up.
Wild strands of inky blue surrounded his face.
Although he was clean-shaven, the ghost of a shaggy beard was superimposed on his chin.
He leaned forward, hopeful. I reached out and took his pretend penny.
His smile twitched, like he’d won something.
“I was thinking about your last puzzle.” I pretended to toss the coin into the air. “The one with the six locks.”
Alex’s posture sagged. “You weren’t thinking about my puzzle. You were thinking about Ezra. You were questioning your reality again.”
I pulled into myself. “If you can read my mind, then why ask at all?”
Alex pursed his lips as if unsure himself. “I don’t want to just read your mind… I want to know you.”
“Isn’t reading my mind knowing me better than I know myself?” I asked.
Alex narrowed his eyes. “It is.”
I didn’t know where to go from here. What even was this conversation? “You must have profound friendships then.”
Alex giggled—not an adult’s laugh, but the eerie titter of a child who knows something they shouldn’t. The sound skittered up my spine like cold fingers.
I fought the urge to shake it off.
“Burt and Ernie don’t have minds. They’re just extensions of me. Like you.” Alex grabbed something I couldn’t see and pulled it into his stomach. Half his face fell into shadows that shouldn’t exist in my bright hospital room. “The puzzle master is bottomless.”
I couldn’t help it. The image of an assless man filled my thoughts, and I knew the minute he saw the same image.
Alex brightened; whatever darkness had filled him disappeared, and he stood excitedly and paced. “Yes. This. This is why I want to talk to you. Bottomless.” He laughed, the more normal humor of an adult not losing their mind, which honestly made him even creepier.
I laced my fingers together. “I have friends. Cayden and Xan. We could all talk together.”
Alex stopped pacing and swooped to my side, resting a hand on my shoulder. “Oh, Xan. Xan. Xan. I like that name for him… but no!” He blanched. “I mean, Quinn, girly. You don’t have any friends. You cut them out, remember?”
My blood iced. A drill whined inside my skull, the phantom vibration burrowing deep even though no blade touched me.
I looked right at Alex. “Stop. You’re putting that in my mind.”
Alex’s entire posture drooped. “You weren’t supposed to figure that out. I was going to take the place of your dad, and we were going to be best friends.”
I swallowed. “My dad loved me, and I loved him, but what we had wasn’t healthy. You don’t want that for yourself or me.” I folded my hands together to keep them from shaking. Flashes of Xan’s careful pauses reeled through my mind—every restraint he’d shown snapping into brutal focus.
Alex wasn’t Xan. He had no rules.
“It’s why I’m not putting thoughts in your head, Q-tip,” Alex said, using Rowan’s nickname for me.
I took a heavy breath. He’d put this entire room in my head. Was he lying, or did he honestly believe his own words?
“You brought us together,” he continued. “You broke my collar. You connected us. You want me.”
I shook my head. I hadn’t meant to do any of that. I didn’t want him.
“Tethers are natural.” Alex ran his hand down his side. “They are magic’s way to help strengthen the human race.”
He flexed his biceps. “I help the magic. I steal pieces of the natural tether and weave them into my collars… and when you touched my work, your magic found me. Me!”
He jumped with excitement. “You tethered me.”
My eyes widened in disbelief. I didn’t feel a second heartbeat beside mine or any foreign emotions. I didn’t even know where the hell I was, let alone the man beside me… and women couldn’t make tethers, right?
“Alexander Silver’s our ticket.” Alex continued, too excited to read my thoughts.
“Such a smart boy. Such a fast learner. He should have stayed with me. We could have been a family.” He hugged himself.
“Maybe we still can be.” He clapped three times.
“Yes. A real family. Not a replacement. Something new.” He traced my cheek, though I couldn’t feel it.
“I’m too old for you, but Alexander isn’t.
I could still be your dad… Alexander your partner…
and your child, who would be my grandbaby…
who wouldn’t fear me. Because we’re family.
” Alex jumped up and turned in circles, waving his hands in the air.
I blinked, trying to reconcile the life he described with the one I was actually living.
The comparison to a child struck again, unsettling in how calmly he made it.
Despite everything, I couldn’t shake the sense he didn’t want to hurt me—he simply didn’t understand people.
His dream was pure fantasy… and what frightened me most was how utterly certain he was it would become real.
The smell of sickly-sweet roses drifted in the air, and static buzzed in the room. I knew that smell intimately. Professor Holiday. My mind might be here, in whatever world Alex trapped me in, but my body was inside the Architect’s castle. Hope slammed into me so hard my lungs forgot how to work.
Alex stiffened and pulled back. His chest rose and fell as his gaze flew wide.
“No. No. No. No.” Each word sharper, more frantic, as if he could scream the intruder out of existence.
The bright lights buzzed… instead of pulling my hand away from my bandaged head, this time I gripped the cloth and tugged.
The strips gave way, falling into my lap in a crumpled heap.
My fingers sank into thick, unshorn hair, warm, real, and mine.
No stitches. No hole. Just me. Relief barely had time to bloom before rage roared in.
There was no hole in my head. Not even the bald square I’d already grieved harder than most breakups. I’d bawled over a loss that didn’t even exist. My guys were real. Heat slammed into my veins, and I started vibrating like a cheap magic wand.
The static in the air made every hair on my body stand on end. A wet sphere dropped from the ceiling, glistening mid-fall, then blinked out of existence an inch above the bed. The air where it vanished felt colder, emptier, like it had stolen something with it.
If I needed any more confirmation of what reality was, I’d just gotten it.
Elsa crooned about fears that couldn’t touch her. God, if I never heard that song again, it would be too soon. I clenched my fists.
I remembered the warm gold of the pub lights, the clink of glass, the buzz of voices rising when I bought the room a round. I’d stood on the table, drunk on laughter and freedom. That was the Quinn I wanted back.
Instead of waiting for Alex to join me on the bed, I stood as if the mattress were my table at the bar.
Ezra told me I was in control. This room came from my memories.
Alex even traded me a ‘penny for my thoughts’ when pennies didn’t exist in his time.
He’d built all of this for me. We had to be in my mind still.
I didn’t have a good track record with controlling my brain, but I was different now.
My ‘friend’ walked into the room. Gone was the man attempting to look like Xan. Alex was the palest man I’d ever seen, skin so white it looked powdered. His heavy tunic hung loose on a frame swallowed by a beard and a fall of cerulean-blue dreadlocks threaded with gray.
It was hard to read his facial expression under the hair covering his face.
“You’re so desperate for company you’d lock me inside your head and wear my fear like a blanket?” I asked.
“It wasn’t going to stay a nightmare.” Alex hugged himself, as if needing comfort from his own decisions. “You live with them long enough, they stop being monsters. They just become… yours.”
I swallowed hard. When I woke up, still on my surgeon's table, I believed everything had been a dream. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I could still be in the future. The nightmare of my old life was what Alex said—comforting in its familiarity.
But that’s not what I wanted.