41. Chapter 41
Chapter 41
“ O ld model! Yup, if you mean a few centuries!” Mama laughed and took another bite of her donut. The scene on the TV jumped to a few men in a factory.
The floor creaked as Emily leaned on the archway to the living room, and Mama whipped her head back. “Emily, honey! Didn’t know you were back. How was volleyball?”
“Uh, good. As usual.” Emily didn’t remember how this exact session of volleyball, two years ago, went, but she’d always been decent at it, and it was as safe an answer as any. She gestured at the TV. “You’re not watching Star Trek reruns again, are you?”
“You know the rules.” Mama put the donut on a plate, and the plate carefully on the coffee table, next to a myriad of Nicky’s nail polishes. “If they show it, I gotta watch it. Especially if it’s The Voyage Home.”
Emily came to sit next to her. Mama’s face, sporting a smile of childlike happiness, glowed blue in the light from the TV. Mama hadn’t always been happy—and she had no problems being the tough parent—but when she watched one of her old movies, it was like she’d been transported into a different world.
Kind of like Emily was right now. A world, a time, in which Mama still lived.
“‘Hello computer.’ And then he tries to talk to the mouse!” Mama tapped her knees, laughing. “Never gets old, does it?”
“Mama…” Emily’s voice started off weak. “Do you… do you ever miss Dad?”
Mama continued to stare at the TV for a few seconds more, but her expression had changed to a pensive one. Finally, she faced Emily. “Why are you asking me that now?”
Because I know things I never knew before. And I don’t know how to deal with them. “No reason. Just… we were talking with some friends and…” Emily shrugged, hoping the half-assed explanation would do. She could hardly tell Mama the truth here, now: that she had a chance, but only one chance, to change something. To bring her back—oh, how would she explain that? And she had to use that chance well. Dad still loved Mama, always did. She could use her chance to bring them together, save Mama and the entire family situation, all in one go—
“I do,” Mama said. She quickly checked the doorway, and whispered conspiratorially, “though you didn’t hear this from me.”
“But if you do, then why—”
“Did we leave? Honey, I explained that. It was better for all of us.”
“But what if Dad isn’t as bad as we think? If he didn’t do bad stuff?”
Mama deliberated, turned off the TV, and let them sit in silence for a few moments as she stared at the black screen. “I never thought he was bad,” she said quietly. “I couldn’t. He’s your dad. I loved him. I still do. But he’d gotten involved in something strange, unexplainable… and the best way was for us to get out. He agreed on that.”
“Did you ever find out what it was?”
“No. And now it makes little sense to wonder.” Mama sought out her hand and looked her in the eyes. “Sometimes, regardless of how much you care for someone, leaving is the best option. No matter how much is sacrificed on each side.” She nodded toward the TV. “Just like Kirk had to leave Spock, and Spock told him to do so.”
“But they found each other again.”
“Well, of course. True love always does.”
“Mama! Have you been reading fanfiction again?”
Mama took a bite of her donut, eyes glinting mischievously. “Let a girl have her fun, honey.” She turned the TV back on. “Oh, foot! I missed Kirk’s confession that he’s a time traveler.”
Emily patted her shoulder and stood. “I’ll be upstairs. Homework.”
Mama nodded absentmindedly, already glued to the screen. Emily observed her for a few seconds more, taking it all in, then went upstairs and prepared to will herself back. Punch —and her room changed to that of the present. Emily was on the bed, clutching the watch.
Mama said she didn’t want to change the past, but Emily didn’t believe she wouldn’t want to change anything at all. She still loved Dad. Past tense. The familiar feeling of her lungs drowning rose, and Emily took deep breaths, holding on to the watch as if for balance. It mattered little now, when Mama was… No, no, don’t get dragged in there again. She pressed the side button on the watch hard and gritted her teeth. One thing, one simple thing she needed to do, and she could fix everything. Just stop time. Then she could go back, save Mama, reunite her family—even if it had taken years.
Just stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Pain started in her temples and spread to her forehead. Something warm rushed to her nose. She opened her eyes. A drop of blood had fallen onto the floral engraving on the watch. Her blood .
The world around her swirled.
“Emily? You’re still not ready?” Nicky’s steps pounded up the stairs, matching the pounding in Emily’s head. “We have to get going, you know you can’t be late for SATs…”
The last thing Emily saw was Nicky standing in the doorway, as the room slowly faded to black.
It took two days before Nicky allowed Emily to get out of bed, even though she’d been proclaimed healthy, and the doctor said the blackout was simply a sign of stress. That afternoon, Will finally showed up. Emily had been sitting on the bench by the garden shed, and he appeared at the fence a few steps away.
“Hello,” he greeted cautiously.
“Hey,” she returned in a flat voice.
He sat next to her, prim and proper as always. “I don’t know if I came too early or too late. How are you doing?”
She sniffed.
“I’m very sorry, Emily.”
How did that help? Dad had been sorry for the divorce, too. It didn’t make something broken whole again. And it could never be fixed. Never, because she was useless.
“I can’t do it.” She sniffled again, then lifted her chin.
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t help you. I’ve tried, and I can’t freeze time. If I do, I’ll just mess something else up. Does it matter, anyway? You said that the past can’t be changed. Well, in my time, Fabienne had lived a good life in France and had you. S-s-so what does it matter if I don’t do it?”
“True, she had survived. But someone still had to help.”
“Can’t you find somebody else? You have all the time—literally, every time period—at your disposal. There has to be someone more capable.” She paused, wringing her hands. “Or, if you don’t want to put trust in anyone else, why don’t you do it? You can stop time.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, you’ve shown me—”
“No, Emily, I can’t help. I’m unable to go there.”
She formed a silent ‘O’ with her mouth.
“Don’t you think I would’ve saved her a hundred times over, if I could?” He stood and paced back and forth. “I’m not here because I’m too lazy to do it myself or because I’m trying to find some fool to do it for me. I can’t do it. It’s the one thing, the one place where she needs me, and I can’t be there.”
The irony. She could see Mama at any time, and each time, it would break her heart because it was all just replay—a rerun, over and over and over again, with Emily unable to press that pause. Will could do that, but apparently couldn’t go back.
As she looked up, she just caught him disappearing.
“Wh—Will!” That was rude, even if she had agitated him.
He came back with the almonite bag. He pulled out a yellowed piece of paper and wordlessly handed it to her. It had soft, small wrinkles all over from the use, but the pencil drawing was still clear enough. Emily looked into the face of a young woman and frowned. Something about it was strangely familiar. Straight, dark hair, a slightly square jaw, a scooped nose…
“That’s me.” The resemblance wasn’t perfect—as if someone got the details, but hadn’t put them together well—but still clear enough.
Will gave a short nod, embarrassment lightly coloring his cheeks.
“How did you get this?”
“I drew it from my mother’s description.”
“Are you sure it’s not Debbie?” Granted, Debbie had more of Mama’s features, including her brown eyes, but in all other aspects, she’d have been a more suitable candidate, if only she could time travel. “She’s a nerd, like you. And she always succeeds in whatever she sets her mind to. She could p-probably stop time on her second try.”
“I don’t care.” Will met her eyes. “I’d always pick you. You can do it.”
She clutched the paper tighter.
“Mother says a girl saved her. She had brown hair, green eyes, and fair skin—though not quite as fair as the ladies who take care to stay away from the sun. And she was wearing men’s clothes. You may think you can’t do it, that it’s too much, but you can. In my world, you already did.”
Her fingers trembled. The portrait fell into her lap.
“I may appear insensitive, asking you like this. Forcing you—well, I can’t force you, but my words are as good an attempt as any. There isn’t anyone else to help.” He looked at the sky, blinking rapidly. “She’s my mother.”
Emily fought to keep back her own tears at the desperation in his voice.
They sat in tortured silence until Will cleared his throat. “I don’t wish to trouble you further. You need time to think this through on your own.” He stood. “In three weeks’ time, I’ll wait at the bakery by the salon. After you’re done with work.”
Like that, he was gone.
Emily remained on the bench. A bird, jumping on a nearby tree, annoyed her with its chirps as she fought her rising regret. She put a hand to her chest, searching for her heartbeat. Say you won’t give up on me. Not like Mama’s heart had on her. Not like I have.
Where could she find the strength not to give up? The steady beat finally came through if she focused hard enough. Thump. Thump. Thump.
An eerie silence filled the world around her. All the voices, even the background noise she wasn’t aware of, had been sucked into a vacuum. She opened her eyes, terrified she’d see nothing.
Near the tree, that annoying little bird was frozen mid-flight.