Chapter 19 #2
“No,” she rasped. “It felt real. It was real.” Her voice splintered under the weight of each word that crossed her lips.
“No one will ever hurt you again, I promise.”
“You can’t say that. You don’t know—” The pain in her voice was debilitating.
“Cameron removed what you put on the internet.”
Lily gasped, recoiling from my embrace as if my words had physically slapped her, and climbed out of the bed in a flash.
“You think that I—You think I started an OpenVeil account?” There was no masking the hurt in her voice as I realized the error of my words.
The adult website OpenVeil? What in the actual fuck!
“Lily—” I was stunned. My throat went dry as I shoved myself off the bed and stood opposite her.
“No.” She waved her hands frantically for me to stop. “No, you don’t get to stand there and accuse me of putting myself on the internet for God knows whose viewing pleasure.”
“I’m not judging you, I—”
“Sure feels that way.” She scoffed with fury. “Because you’re standing there thinking you know the truth, at least some warped version of it, one I didn’t give you and yet, somehow, here we are.” Her arms shot out to her sides in disbelief.
I parted my lips to say that wasn’t true, but held back. At that moment, I wanted her to lash out, get everything off her chest, and if that meant taking her anger out on me, then so be it. I’d be her punching bag if that’s what she needed.
“I can’t believe for a single second you thought I’d start an OpenVeil account.
” She dropped her chin for a second, rubbing her temples in disbelief, before the fire was back in her veins, lighting its fuse.
“You have no fucking clue what I’ve lived through, what I’ve survived, or how it fucking feels knowing every guy you pass on the street, in a store, or at work might have seen you naked on the internet.
You can’t imagine what it feels like to realize guys were getting off to you while you sleep, change, shower, and .
. . other private moments.” Her voice cracked as she listed them off on her fingers.
“You can’t fathom what it feels like to realize the person you let into your life and trusted, secretly recorded you in your home.
My home!” she screamed. “It’s the worst kind of betrayal.
I allowed him into my life at a time when I was vulnerable, so shame on me, yes, I’m aware. ”
“No. Don’t do that. Don’t for one second put any of the blame on yourself.”
“How can I not? He manipulated me, used me, and the whole time I had no fucking idea. What does that say about me?”
“Lily—” A level of rage I didn’t know I was capable of tore through me as I wanted to wipe the earth free of the scum that did this to her.
“You need to leave. I can’t do this right now.” She clutched her chest as her breathing turned erratic.
“Not a fucking chance in hell am I going anywhere,” I said, rounding the bed to bridge the gap, knowing full well her words were meant to sting, to push me away, and prevent me from seeing her breakdown.
“Then I will,” she said, trying to sidestep me.
But I caught her shoulders and, with a few steps, gently pinned her with her back against the wall. “Not so fast.”
She pushed her palms into my chest with force and tried to push me away.
“No, don’t touch me. Let me go,” she protested.
“Lily.” I dropped my hands to my sides, but didn’t step away. “Would you just stop for a second and hear me out?” I did my best to remain calm and kept my voice even-keeled.
“What? So you can change your assumption?” Her jaw was tight while her fists were balled with fury pulsating against my chest.
“No, so you can hear me when I say, I didn’t know you had an account on that adult website.”
Her breath hitched. “But you said—”
“What I said was, Cameron got rid of it. The rest that followed, and regretfully fumbled out of my mouth, was wrong. I shouldn’t have implied it was you who put yourself out there; that was my bad, and I’m so very sorry.”
Her sullen eyes searched mine for validity.
I placed my hands over hers, which were still on my chest. “Truthfully speaking, I didn’t know what the fuck was going on until you just said it now. Cameron was vague with me earlier, saying it wasn’t his story to share. Just to tell you it’s been taken care of. It’s gone.”
“Gone?” Desperation flooded her eyes, pleading, yet equal parts disbelieving.
“Yes, it’s gone,” I affirmed and saw the exact second a crack appeared in the darkness that she’d harbored, and allowed relief to take its place. “Cameron rhymed off a bunch of technical jargon but basically said he wiped it from the internet, dark web—”
Lily let out an unfiltered, heartbreaking sob that gutted me to the core.
Her knees gave out beneath her as she crumbled.
We collapsed together in a tangled heap against the wall.
Her body hunched over mine, trembling as the emotions spilled out of her with a relentless force that had me questioning how long she’d been holding her breath.
How long had she spent looking over her shoulder, afraid someone might recognize her?
Did Arizona know?
Sadly, I had a sinking feeling that Lily had been carrying this all alone, in silence, for far too long. The weight of that realization hit me hard as I rubbed her back with slow, reassuring circles. Hoping to ground her to the present, wanting her to know I was here, and I wasn’t going anywhere.
Not now. Not ever.
While her body fought exhaustion, mine was wired with so much adrenaline pumping hard through me, it was a small wonder she couldn’t feel the tremor beneath her.
I’d always known there was more to Lily’s past. From the locks on her front door to the apprehensive way she looked around her condo after the construction on her bathroom was completed.
Now it all made sense, looking back. The idea that she didn’t feel safe in her own home was a weighted pit in my stomach.
A person’s home should always be their safe place.
Arizona and my mom urged me to be patient, to let Lily come to me, but things had changed. I needed the whole picture. I needed to know everything she hadn’t said because without it, I couldn’t protect her, and I wouldn’t risk losing her to something I didn’t see coming.
I’d rather she be mad at me than disappear again.
With my back pressed against the hard wall and legs stretched out in front of me, the view of the early dawn sky brightened as the sun started to peek over the mountains in the distance through the window.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d spent watching her while she lay curled on her side in the fetal position, with her head resting on my thigh like it was the most comfortable pillow.
While it wasn’t ideal, I didn’t dare move a muscle, other than when I unbuttoned my dress shirt and draped it over her bare shoulders.
I didn’t want to disturb her. She cried until she had nothing left in the tank.
Gut-wrenching sobs turned into hiccups and sharp whimpers until they began to slow, and her breathing eventually evened out.
Knowing she trusted me enough to fall asleep on me said everything I needed to know, but that didn’t negate how sick I felt when I thought back to our misunderstanding.
I’d never been one to judge anyone on their actions. I’d seen and heard enough on the job to know that people do what they have to do to survive some situations.
“Jaxon,” Lily called out my name in a rush and scrambled to sit up.
“I’m here,” I said quickly, leaning forward, reaching for her.
She sighed. “Please tell me last night didn’t happen?”
“I wish I could, but pretending it didn’t won’t help.”
“I know.” She eased herself up off the floor.
My body felt stiff as I followed suit.
“I need to use the restroom,” she whispered.
I sat on the bed and reached for my phone on the nightstand, feeling like I’d mentally gone ten rounds in a boxing ring. I was exhausted and barely holding it together. When the screen came to life, there were messages from everyone checking in on Lily.
Arizona: How’s my girl?
Boden: We’re here for you both.
Jameson: Whatever is going on, I can feel it, bro. It’s heavy as fuck! Say the word, and I’ll help bury the body. Give your girl a hug from me.
Jenna: Thinking of Lily. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.
Ford: Jameson filled me in. You okay? Lily?
Arizona: I’m trying to be patient, but I know your phone is still on because the message says delivered. I’m really worried. Is Lily okay?
Lakelyn: Checking in, how’s Lily? Please let me know how I can help.
Cameron: The suite is yours for another two days, should you want it. Everything is already paid for; you take care of your girl. Let me know if I can be of further help.
Arizona: JAXON!!! DON’T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!!!