Chapter 28 #3
“Sigma, I fear I’ve toed the line and fallen over it,” I whisper as my fingers dig into the dirt.
The horse presses his head against mine before I hear something coming. I stagger and fall into the horse’s leg, hugging it while I turn my head and look at the life coming toward me. A god and his followers. So much life. So much to take.
“Sigma, I need to leave. Sigma, now!” I scream as I scramble up so the horse can take me away, but once I’m seated in that saddle, the magic inside of me collides, ripping through me, twisting inside me.
I know I need to flee. I’ve taken enough from this world.
I’ve stolen the life from their land. In time, the god can repair it.
If I steal life from each land that I know can be repaired, I can—
I gasp when the darkness swirls around me, my eyes fixated on the life in front of me… I would suffer so much less if I just took the life being handed to me.
No, no. I cannot kill them. I cannot—
“Sigma, get me away,” I beg, but it’s as though the darkness that’s rooted inside me is wrapping around my horse. I’m unsure where it’s coming from, but it’s prepared to consume every part of me.
I pull the medallion out, knowing that this might be my last opportunity to comprehend how to use it.
I wrap my hand tightly around it while I push the magic I’d acquired from draining life from this land down into it.
It’s not enough. It’ll only stall him. I needed so much more, but it’s consuming me.
“Sigma, get me away,” I beg, but the horse is connected to my mind. The darkness consumes him as much as me, and when he moves toward the army of men, part of me feels excitement.
“No,” I plead while my mind seems to blur. “That cursed god did something to me, didn’t he? He gets to have the last laugh. I stepped far too close to the edge, my dear friend.”
And then I urge the horse forward, away from the Door. Away from the war I was trying to fight, and toward destruction.
I jerk back from the horse and hit the ground on my ass, not wanting to see more. Not wanting to live through what I’d done. I’m breathing heavily while I try to process what I saw.
“I destroyed it all,” I whisper as I crawl over to the horse. “I destroyed all of it.”
“What are you doing out here?” Torin asks, walking up. “As soon as I saw you wandering off, I knew you’d be up to no good.”
I set my forehead against the horse’s leg, feeling mentally exhausted.
“You’ve sure bonded quickly with him. An hour ago, you were confident he was going to squash you,” Torin teases.
“He can squash me. I deserve it.”
Torin kneels down next to me. “I somehow don’t think you do.”
“I had… a vision or a memory or something… the horse made it happen.”
“What was it about?”
I squeeze the horse’s leg like it’ll save me, and Torin gently pulls me up to my feet. I really don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to hate me. I’m so afraid he’ll realize that I’m a monster, but honestly, I deserve whatever he hands me.
With a sigh, I tell him what happened, and he listens closely before saying, “So if we combine that with what Conquest said, we know that you were trying to stop Aemon by gathering the magic from multiple realms. But the spell you were using or perhaps something else caused you to lose control.”
“Why would I do it at the risk of so many lives?” I ask.
“Because risking lives in one world is better than letting the god destroy many. You know that, and I know that.”
I feel so discouraged by all of this, but there is a small part of me that feels relief that I hadn’t done it on purpose. That I hadn’t intended to kill those innocent people. That I really was trying to stop Aemon. “How do you not hate me?”
“A thousand years is a long time to learn things—to discover that there are, at times, sacrifices that will be made to reach a greater good. Do you think I haven’t slaughtered many that I regret killing?
The god who once ruled this land controlled his people through fear.
Gaining this land wasn’t simply walking in and killing the god.
I had to fight for this position, and with it came death.
I knew people would die, many of whom were innocent.
They were just following the words of a god they feared.
But I knew I had to do it for the greater good of the people.
You were trying to save many worlds from falling, even if it cost this one.
It doesn’t sound like you planned to take this world, but you were consumed by the darkness. ”
“And what happens if I do regain my power? What if I lose control again and destroy another world, or even this one? Maybe it’s best for me to never repair the connection I had with the horse.”
Torin is quiet for a moment before taking a deep breath. “It’s different. This time, I’m beside you instead of against you. I won’t let it happen again. We know what is coming and we’re going to stop it.”
“Then I guess I need to learn how to ride this horse,” I grumble.
He gives me an encouraging smile. “I guess so.”