Chapter 4
TINLEY
Iwanted to talk to him, reassure him. He had a visceral reaction to every sentence I wrote. Josh was a strong, if not dominant, man, but every time he read what I wrote, he rubbed at his chest. My words hurt him. Like my pain broke his heart.
He called me brave. I didn’t feel brave. I mostly felt angry and mad at myself, at Damon, at the club, and at those jerks who took everything from me. They were still taking things from me.
Josh collected a tray from the attendant and shut the door behind him. My stomach lurched but growled. I sat up on my knees, keeping the blanket fully tucked. He set the tray down on the glass coffee table.
“Take it slow.” Josh handed me a spoon.
I nodded. I didn’t want it to come back up again either. It probably grossed him out. I frowned and stirred the liquid. Big chunks of chicken and thick noodles floated to the top. I tried the broth first.
I lifted the spoon to my lips.
“Wait.” Josh’s hand reached toward me. I dropped the spoon and scooted back.
Tears pooled in my eyes, but I willed them not to fall.
“Oh, hey.” He stepped back. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to burn yourself. The soup’s still hot.”
I blinked a few times and nodded once. I grabbed the spoon. Steam rose from the bowl.
“There’s nothing worse than a burned tongue.” Josh smiled. He grabbed the glass of ice. “My grandmother made the best soup. I couldn’t wait for it to cool down. So, she’d always put an ice cube in it.”
He dropped two cubes in the soup. I stirred them and they melted instantly. I spooned up some broth and blew on it before bringing it to my lips. I groaned and savored the salty-flavored broth as it soothed my sore throat. I dipped the spoon in and brought it to my mouth but stopped.
Josh’s gaze jumped from the spoon to my mouth and back again.
He coughed. “You need anything else?” He stood up and walked back over to his desk. He picked up his phone but dropped it. He leaned down to pick it up and dropped it again.
I narrowed my eyes and watched him but continued to eat my soup. I tried some of the chicken and noodles and groaned again.
“I’m going to grab a shower and get ready for bed.” He moved toward the bathroom but then came back out and grabbed something from the dresser. He stopped in the middle of the room.
“You are going to be here when I get back, right?” His face scrunched up, but he didn’t quite look me in the eye. Did he think I would leave, or did he want me to leave?
“Please don’t leave.” His tone hit me in the gut. He held his hand out. “Just… I’ll be right back.”
He didn’t give me a chance to answer. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
I finished up my soup and sat back in my corner.
Maybe I should leave. The men who held me were being taken care of and no one knew about me.
I could grab some clothes and maybe borrow some money from my new friend.
From the looks of him, he wouldn’t miss it.
I would pay him back. I could get settled and then send the money back to him.
But where would I go? I had no identification. They stopped looking for me a long time ago, if they looked for me at all. I could start over, be whoever I wanted to be, and forget about what happened to me. Pretend like it happened to another girl in another universe. Not me.
I mindlessly sipped the water. The soup settled fine in my stomach. My little corner was cozy and just the right size for me. A pillow and maybe a heavier blanket would make the perfect nest.
I sat up on my knees and looked over at the large bed.
It seemed bigger than a king. It would swallow me whole.
Damon would put pillows on either side of me when I napped in his bed.
He didn’t want me to fall out. I shook the memory out of my head.
The pillows against the headboard seemed extra fluffy.
I gripped the side of the couch and pulled myself up.
I stepped with one foot toward the bed. My hand remained gripping the arm of the couch.
I’d grown attached to it. I shook my head, let go, and stood up.
I held my stomach. It felt full for the first time in so long.
I covered my mouth and burped. A giggle escaped.
Hadn’t heard that sound in forever either.
I hitched the blanket over my shoulder and walked toward the bed.
Josh stepped out of the bathroom. A towel covered his head.
I looked back at my spot, but I was too far away to hide. Plus, I’d look like a crazy person diving for an imaginary hiding space. I looked toward the bed and those inviting pillows. My head swirled back to Josh. I froze.
So did he.
He had changed into a white T-shirt. His gray sweatpants hung low on his hips. He gathered the towel and folded it. He looked toward the door and back at me, and his eyes grew wide.
I shook my head and pointed to the bed.
“Oh, you want to sleep on the bed.” He grabbed his suit jacket resting on the bed and pulled back the covers. “Of course. In fact, I insist.”
Well, shoot. I didn’t want to sleep on the bed. I wanted the pillow.
“It’s all yours.”
I looked back at my spot.
“Hey, don’t worry about me. The couch will be fine.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Or I may end up on the floor.” He chuckled. He cleaned up my mess again and set it outside the door. I’d yet to make a move in either direction.
Josh turned back and we were caught in a little standoff. He nibbled on the left side of his cheek. It made his face appear younger. How old was he?
I had disrupted his life enough. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I gathered my blanket and sat down on the bed. I took one of the pillows and held it out toward him.
“Thank you.” He grabbed it.
I stared down at the blanket wrapped around me. I ran my hand down the soft fabric, then attempted to untangle myself from it.
“Hey, there’s extra in the closet. You can keep that one.” Josh walked to the other side of the room.
He came back with two blankets and arranged them on the couch. I scooted against the headboard and slid in between the covers. I sank into the bed and my head rested on the cloud-like pillow. The sheets smelled like what I imagined Josh smelled like, kind of sweet and spicy.
I watched him finish setting up his bed. He plugged in his phone on the desk and typed a few things on his laptop and closed it. I followed his gaze to the nightstand on the side table.
I nodded.
He flopped down on the couch, and I clicked the switch.
The room went completely black. I gasped and clicked the light back on.
Josh blinked.
“How about we leave the bathroom light on?” He stood and flipped it on. I waited again until he got settled on the couch and hit the switch.
The light from the bathroom gave the room a soft, dim glow. I exhaled and sank deeper into the bed and closed my eyes.
The darkness made my heart race. My eyes popped back open.
I rolled over on my side, facing away from Josh.
I missed him instantly. I rubbed at the dull ache in my chest. When I couldn’t stand it any longer, I rolled back over to face him.
His eyes were closed. He dwarfed the couch with his feet propped up over the edge.
The blanket lay across his lap. He was handsome and sweet.
He gave off major Daddy vibe, but more like fantasy ones because the jokers who played at Daddy and made me their little over the last two years were not like him.
Or Damon.
I tried not to think about him much. I sometimes heard the knife plunging into his chest, the blood spewing, the panic on his face when he realized he wouldn’t be able to do the one thing he always promised.
To protect me and keep me safe.
I didn’t mean to blame him, but sometimes when I had no one else to blame, I did. Not because he didn’t save me, but because we would have never been in that place if it wasn’t for him being my Daddy and me being his little girl.
I closed my eyes once more and willed them to stay closed. I was exhausted. Rescuing myself was hard work.
I smiled and drifted to sleep.
I woke with a gasp. I felt hot and clammy. I unwrapped myself from the blanket and sucked in a breath.
It took me a minute to figure out where I was. I searched the room, and it all came back to me. Hotel, Josh’s room. My escape, whether successful or not, remained to be seen.
Josh had given up on the couch and lay face down on the floor. He hugged the pillow in his arms like a stuffie. I held in a giggle. Why did I even think that? It was a very little thing to say, and I couldn’t be a little anymore.
I eyed the corner and ran my hand down the soft comforter.
Stay in bed, Tinley.
It was what normal people did. They would much prefer a big, soft, fluffy bed over a corner on the floor like a dog.
I blinked away tears and lay back down. I forced myself to close my eyes. Random faces popped into my brain. My eyes opened. Not random. I knew those faces. And they knew me.
I let a few tears fall. Another activity I wouldn’t allow while with them. No laughing, no crying, pity, or frustration.
Anger. That I let them see. They didn’t like anger, except that one guy. I rubbed the permanent knot on the left side of my head. I ran my hands through my hair. The glued-in extensions were matted and tangled. I yanked on a couple to separate them. I gave up and sat up.
Maybe I’d just go sit in the corner for a minute. Until I got tired. I gathered my blanket and two pillows and padded across the floor.
I laid one pillow on the ground and the other pillow crossways near the wall. I kneeled on the pillow and curled up on my side, hugging the pillow below me. I yawned and my eyes closed.
I’ll just keep them closed for a minute.
I yawned and inhaled. I confirmed the smell when Josh’s clean scent hit me. I settled further into my nest and drifted off to sleep.