Chapter 2
Tino
A week ago.
The letters fell to the floor, my mom sobbing as she begged me for forgiveness.
One hundred fucking letters.
“Why?” I rasped, daring her to meet my gaze.
She sobbed harder but met my eyes. “We were told to.” I shook my head in disgust.
“You were told to keep Altair’s letters from me?” I asked in disbelief. Seriously, who would give a damn about a child’s letters?
She nodded. “After your father was offered the position, they told us we had to start over for your safety. They said Altair would be shunned.”
I laughed bitterly. “They told you to keep Altair away from me? When I’m the one being shunned tomorrow?” Was my entire life a joke? It sure felt like it was.
“You have to understand. The leaders gave us an order. If they found out we’d let you contact him, then your father and I would’ve been killed.”
I knew that to be the truth at least. I sighed.
“Then why give me the letters now?” I asked, desperate to open each and every one of them.
To see how his life had turned out. If he was happy.
Unlike me. My happiness stayed with Tair, always with him.
He was the only reason I ever felt happiness, so it made sense I lost the ability when I lost him.
“Because,” she sniffed. “He was shunned a week ago.”
I froze. Tair had been shunned? Was he okay? Was he even alive? Then hope started to bloom inside of me. I would find him. I was getting shunned to Sutiner tomorrow, too. I would spend the rest of my life searching for him. For my heart. My happiness.
“And…” she continued, but choked on a sob. “You won’t be shunned to Sutiner like him and the others.”
What?!
I stood, not able to sit any longer. How? Why? I paced the floor in front of my bed, too many thoughts running through my mind at once.
“Why?” I asked after a few tense seconds.
“Because the other shunned mages have started stealing magic from other mages, apparently, and they said you aren’t safe there,” she replied, wiping her eyes with a tissue. “Read the letters and come find us when you’re ready. I want to say a proper goodbye before you leave tonight.”
I nodded, knowing getting angry at Mom wouldn’t help. I loved her and Dad. Whatever had happened wasn’t their fault. I knew too well the leaders could be cruel to those who disobeyed them. But that didn’t mean my already broken heart wasn’t breaking further.
Altair was shunned. He’d likely lived his youth like me, as an outsider. Had his light been enough to keep the bullying at bay? Had it changed him? Damn, I choked on a sob. Was my Altair still filled with light and happiness? Or had that been ruined? Like I had been ruined?
I sat down and opened the first letter. The oldest one.
I should’ve known my heart could still break.
Seeing his handwriting, all childish and messy, had tears gathering in my eyes.
I went through all of them, reading every word he’d ever wanted me to see.
Seeing him lose hope that I would ever reply as the months, then years, went on.
Just as I reached the final one, a week old it seemed from the date, my mom entered, reminding me I only had one hour left with both of them before the car came and picked Dad and me up.
I pushed the last letter into my bag with the rest of them. Like hell would I leave any of them behind. They were coming with me. I could survive without another pair of shoes. Or clothes. I couldn’t survive without Tair.
Mom gave me a broken smile. The kind of smile that showed she felt my hurt, and that she hated she couldn’t do anything else than offer me a smile.
She was a good mom, an understanding one.
And I would never see her again. Damn. How many eighteen-year-olds were told to say goodbye forever to their parents and home world?
If our leaders had been less cruel, then maybe they’d offer us money enough for therapy sessions on Sutiner.
I suppressed a snort at the idea. Like they believed in something like therapy. They probably thought feelings were beneath people. Only power was the way to go. No need to be human too.
I didn’t bother giving my room a last glance. It held nothing important for me to remember. All the lonely nights spent in bed wondering why I’d never heard from Tair. It all made sense now, though.
My mom offered me a bigger bag as soon as I opened my door.
“Here,” she said. “You’re gonna need it.
” I gave her a puzzled look, but took the bag back into my room and opened it.
It couldn’t hurt with more storage room, and this one was still a comfortable bag to wear.
I hadn’t expected its content. Letters. Every single letter I’d ever written to Tair.
I looked up with wide eyes at my mom, as she stood in my doorframe, her eyes still red with tears in them.
“I kept all of them,” she admitted. “I wasn’t allowed to send them, but I wasn’t going to throw them away either.”
I swallowed, looking at the many letters that held so much of my childhood. How I’d felt, what I’d experienced. My hurt over his lack of response. I dumped the other bag on my bed and began filling the big one with everything. I had some room left for more clothes, so I dumped another set in there.
Once I was satisfied, I followed my mom downstairs to say goodbye.
Forever.