CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Summer
Light shines brightly through the crack in the curtains, making me groan. Even without looking at the clock, I know it’s early. Too early.
I haven’t had enough sleep to handle today.
First, I have to quit my job. Officially.
Second, I have to deal with the best mistake I ever made.
Slowly, oh so slowly, I roll onto my back, prepared to see a mass of tattoos on a muscular back. However, the bed is empty, the sheets cold to the touch. Dread hits me so hard, I clutch my stomach.
I'm so fucking stupid.
Sitting up, I brush the frizzy mess of hair out of my face.
I shouldn’t be surprised he left. I expected as much when I tried to fight my desire last night.
I thought— I thought he felt it too. This.
.. whatever it is called that burns between us.
I thought last night meant more, that I was worth more than walking out on. I let myself hope for more.
I didn’t need forever. But at least give me the fucking decency of saying goodbye in the morning. At least fucking pretend to give a shit.
I throw the blanket off me. “The fucking disrespect,” I hiss, heading for the bathroom to shower.
To wash him and the best sex I’ve ever had away.
I still feel him, still smell him, and between my thighs still throbs from how deliciously rough he was with me.
No one has ever fucked me so raw before.
I’ve never allowed myself to be that free with a guy either.
I’ve always held myself back, not being able to fully trust. Whether it was the alcohol I consumed, or the events of the day, or a lapse in judgement, I let myself trust Reid.
In return, I was given multiple mind-blowing orgasms.
Shaking my head, I change my wayward thoughts. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t even memorable.
It was...
It was the best night of my fucking life.
My shoulders slump as I switch on the shower.
I hate him for making me feel this way. Insecurities flare like they never went away.
Growing up, boys saw me as a pretty face, the girl with the bigger boobs than her friends.
They didn’t see past the surface, and whilst it may sound fun for some, it wasn’t.
I never knew who wanted me for me or who wanted me so they could brag they got me. I wanted to feel seen.
Reid made me feel seen.
Now, I just feel like the girl who lost her virginity, and then hearing her boyfriend brag that he fucked me, and taking money off people.
And I know Reid’s not intentionally making me feel this way, but fuck, it burns. I thought he respected me. He had me so goddamn fooled.
My mood only worsens as I finish my shower and get ready for the day.
Today, I’ve decided to throw on a casual, mint green, high-waist summer dress which twists at the front.
It reminds me of a skater dress with its flared bottom, but unlike most skater dresses, this one has buttons on the top half, giving it character.
I pair it with a bunch of bangles on my wrist and my white flip flops.
I leave my hair in a low ponytail, since anything I do to it will be ruined by the humid air outside.
I reach for my raffia, sand-coloured bag from the end of the bed, staring at the messy heap of blankets.
Tears glisten in my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. I feel so pathetic. I can’t even make my bed, scared that if I do, it will erase the memory of last night.
“Grrr,” I growl, stomping my foot on the carpet.
He doesn’t get to control my emotions.
Or me.
I stomp out of the room and down the stairs, uncaring that I’m being dramatic.
I pass the living room, walking behind the sofa that has Milly sprawled out on it with the fan pointed on her.
Bones plays on the television, so I don’t greet her good morning.
That, and I think my greeting would sound like I’m snapping at her.
“Well, look who it is,” Malia sings, nudging Mercedes with her elbow.
“Tell me, was it as good as it sounded?” Mercedes teases.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I snap.
Malia straightens. “What did he do?”
“What did he do?” I bite out, glaring at her.
“Um, she asked first,” Mercedes points out, sharing a look with her sister.
My shoulders slump. I’m being so fucking erratic. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. Because he’s outside right now, and I will gladly go kick him in the nuts if he’s done something to hurt you,” Malia warns.
I straighten, moving away from the coffee maker to turn to her. “He’s still here?”
He didn’t leave?
Well, I mean, he kind of did. But he didn’t leave, leave. Or he may have.
I need to know.
“He’s fixing the fence. He’s been out since six a.m. Nearly gave me a fright when I came down to find him fixing himself a plate of food. Not sure if he’s coming back or if he’s leaving.”
“Did he take his—” Mercedes starts but I interrupt her.
“Um, I have to go,” I tell them, and forgo my morning coffee.
“Wait, tell us what’s going on.”
“I don’t know yet,” I tell them, rushing out.
I have to speak to him. I race outside, and I barely get to my car when I realise I have no idea which fence he’s fixing.
Fucking Reid Hayes.
I’m never going to let him in my knickers again.
Or give me multiple orgasms.
Or...
I growl in my head, stomping my foot.
“Looking for round three, Sunshine?” he drawls, and I squeal, spinning around. “Or is it four?”
Holy crap.
He’s wearing the same shorts he had on last night, this time with a T-shirt hanging from the elastic. His chest and ripped muscles are glistening with sweat, and he has smudges of dirt or oil on his chest and face.
And I’m angry all over again.
I’m angry about wanting him.
Angry at finding him so fucking hot.
Angry that he walked out on me. Again.
“You left,” I grit out, shoving at his chest. I need to stop. I know I do, but the words keep coming out. So much for playing it cool when we woke up. So much for me making him see he doesn’t get to me. Instead, I’m showing him everything. “Again. Were you even planning to come back?”
He grabs my wrist, keeping it pressed to his chest. “Woah, sweetheart, I had to fix the fence.”
“You could have woke me up and told me. Instead, I had to wake up thinking you walked out because you regretted it.” He steps back, rubbing the back of his neck. Holy fucking shit, he does regret it. “Well, I hope you enjoyed your one night of fun, Reid, because that is all you’re getting from me.”
I take a step to leave, but he pulls me back by the wrist. “Wait a goddamn minute.”
“No.” He picks me up at the waist, throwing me over his shoulder. “Put me fucking down, Reid.”
God, he even smells good sweating.
I fucking hate him.
I hate myself.
I smack his back with the palm of my hands as he continues walking to the back of the house.
Where the hell is he taking me?
I feel the coolness of the shade, the protection of the sun, before I see it. He lowers me until my core hits his dick and my back hits a rough surface.
I glance up, noticing he’s hidden us behind the shed, out of view of the main house. The chicken coop sits to the right, not far from us, still in a shambles, so I’m not sure what Malia has been doing.
“For starters, let me fucking answer before you run off. Do I regret fucking you? No. I do admit that for a moment, I wanted to run because it fucking scared me how much I wanted you.”
I snort. “I bet that’s what you tell all the women.”
All I can see is him leaving the bar, his hand on some other chick’s tit.
He presses his erection against my core, making me shudder. “No. I don’t do the fake, it’s not you, it’s me crap. I was genuinely fucking scared of how much I wanted you. I’ve had good sex, dirty sex, even kinky sex.”
“Reid!” I warn sharply.
“What I’m saying is, I’ve never had phenomenal sex. Just looking at you now, my dick is hard.” To punctuate his words, he presses his erection against my core once more, causing an involuntary moan. “That has never happened to me before. Ever. It’s low-key pissing me off.”
A lump forms in the back of my throat. I want to believe him so badly. But I can’t. I feel like I’m being fed lines. And I hate myself for keep opening my mouth. “Stop giving me drivel, Reid. I—"
“No, Sunshine, I’m not. I’m being truthful. I’m not saying I want a relationship with you because I—”
“Did I ask?” I interrupt.
His lips twitch. “No, I guess you didn’t. So what are you asking for? Why are you so upset with me?”
My cheeks heat at being put on the spot. I sigh, leaning back against the wooden shed, keeping my gaze on him. “I’m not upset,” I whisper, embarrassed about being called out. “Not really. I’m angry. I don’t need you to marry me.”
“Good, because I didn’t ask,” he remarks, using my earlier words.
I smack his shoulder. “Stop being a prick and let me finish. I’ve never felt as cheap as I did that night you left with another girl.”
“I’ve already—”
I place my fingers over his mouth, cutting him off.
“Let me fucking finish.” He grunts, and his fingers dig into my arse.
“I’m not asking for anything. I don’t want anything.
But you could have given me the respect you would want a man to give your mum and sister, and have the decency to say goodbye. ”
He shudders with revulsion. “Please don’t bring them up when you’re wrapped around me and I’m hard.”
I roll my eyes. “Let go. Last night was a one-time thing. It won’t be happening again. Trust me.”
“Sunshine, it’s definitely going to happen again.”
My eyes widen. “No, it’s not, Reid.”
“Yeah, babe, it is,” he warns, and I feel his fingers gripping the edge of my briefs, pushing the lace aside. “You are fucking soaked.”
“Reid, stop,” I moan, closing my eyes when his fingers run through my wetness.
Traitorous body.
“You don’t mean that,” he rasps, running his nose along my jaw.
“Last night was a one-time thing,” I snap. “It cannot happen again.”
“It already is,” he tells me, and pulls back, bringing a condom packet to his mouth, ripping it open with his teeth.
“You took my condoms?”