Chapter 15
E mma
I feel bad that I’m getting a free ride, but not bad enough to let it spoil my enjoyment of the experience.
Everything about it—from the way the sun glimmers on the surface of the water to the salty breeze on my face and the dangerously handsome man standing at the helm of our motorboat—is my idea of paradise.
I lied before—I don’t get seasick—and I’m secretly overjoyed that Marcus roped me into this by renting the boat for himself.
Adjusting my hat, I sneak a glance at him.
Clad in a white polo shirt and khaki shorts, with sleek designer shades covering his intense blue eyes, he’s the very picture of cool, casual elegance—and so gorgeous it makes my insides flutter.
His olive-toned skin is glowing in the sun, his thick brown hair waving in the breeze as he skillfully steers the boat around a buoy.
Catching my gaze, he smiles widely, and my chest expands with a burst of happiness at the warmth radiating from his hard features.
“Do you want to drive?” he asks. “I’ll show you how if you’ve never done it before.”
Smiling, I shake my head. “No, thank you. I’m good here.” I’m enjoying the view too much to move, and besides, I don’t want to risk damaging the boat in any way. It’s bad enough I didn’t pitch in for the rental; if I also crashed the thing, I’d feel terrible.
Would he accept my money if I offered to pay for a portion of the boat rental now? Technically, it’s his boat rental—after all, he was going to do this on his own, whether I joined or not—but I am benefitting from it. In all fairness, I should pitch in, if not pay the full half.
Then again, I have to move shortly, which means I need every penny of my meager savings.
Otherwise, I’ll have to load up my credit cards, and then I’ll be in real trouble.
From my mother’s experience, I know how quickly credit card debt can snowball, with interest charges and late fees easily doubling and tripling your balance.
She, of course, dealt with it the same way she dealt with everything: by hoodwinking some hapless boyfriend into paying off most of her debt.
Unfortunately for her—and me, since I was living with her at the time—the boyfriend saw her for the remorseless gold digger she was and kicked her to the curb without paying down the remnant of the debt.
And that remnant hung over our heads for months, with collection agencies hounding us daily, until my mother found another victim to unload her financial burden onto—another unfortunate “boyfriend.”
“You okay?” Marcus asks, and I realize I zoned out, staring blankly at the water.
“Yes, of course.” I smile at him, possibly too brightly. “All good, just enjoying the sun.”
“You sure?” His gaze is enigmatic behind his shades. “No seasickness?”
“No,” I say and refocus on the pleasure of this perfect day. But the sheer joy I felt earlier is gone, tainted by the old memories—and the knowledge that if I’m not careful, I could follow in my mother’s footsteps.
I could end up using Marcus the way she used her men.
* * *
We return to my grandparents’ house late in the afternoon, and Marcus excuses himself to catch up on some work before dinner. Which works perfectly for me, as I have to finish editing the shifter novella and call Mrs. Metz to check on my cats.
To my relief, all is status quo with my fur babies—Queen Elizabeth and Cottonball are behaving themselves, while Mr. Puffs has shifted his destructive focus from my pillow to my blanket.
However, speaking with my landlady reminds me that I have to get serious about finding a new place to live, so instead of working on the novella, I’m scrolling through Craigslist when my grandmother comes out to join me on the lanai.
“What’s this?” she asks, coming up behind me, and I jump, startled, before slamming my laptop shut.
“Nothing, Grandma.” My voice is an octave too high as I face her, so I try again, this time with a big smile.
“Just looking for a new bedside lamp. Mine broke a while back.” Which is true.
Mr. Puffs knocked it over months ago, and I’ve been meaning to look for a replacement for ages.
That’s not what I was doing at that particular moment, but as far as lies go, it’s only a partial one.
“A lamp?” Grandma looks confused, but then she shakes her head. “Never mind, then. My vision must be going, because I thought I saw you looking at apartment listings.”
“Oh, um… no. No, that’s not it. I… Marcus and I are moving in together, remember?”
Grandma’s face brightens, and I mentally kick myself. Why did I just say that? It’s bad enough Marcus is saying all that stuff in an effort to manipulate me, but now I’m joining in, playing along like a puppet.
His obedient, sex-crazed puppet.
“Of course I remember, sweetheart.” Grandma pulls up a chair to sit next to me. “So tell me… Are you excited? This is such a big step for you both.”
Ugh. Why did I go there? Seriously, why? All I had to do was say that I was looking for a lamp and stop there. But no. I just had to blab, and here we are.
Dropping my gaze to my hands, I mumble, “Yeah, sure.” My cuticles aren’t in the best shape, I notice, and there’s a hangnail on my thumb. How ugly. I bet Emmeline never gets that; her perfect nails wouldn’t dare to hang in any way.
“What does that mean?” Grandma asks, and I look up from my ragged cuticles to see her regarding me with gentle curiosity and more than a hint of concern. “Are you uncertain about this?” she continues. “Uncomfortable in any way?”
“It’s just… happening very fast.” There.
That’s not a lie. Everything is happening way too fast. Even if Marcus were the type of guy I normally date—a little geeky and sweet—I’d be freaked out at the idea of moving in with him at any point in the near future.
But Marcus is about as far from the guys I’ve dated as a Category 5 hurricane from a gentle breeze, and I’m absolutely petrified at the possibility that he might railroad me into this.
Which he won’t. I won’t let him.
No matter what Kendall or anyone else thinks.
“Yes, that young man of yours knows exactly what he wants and goes after it, doesn’t he?” Grandma says, smiling sympathetically, and I nod, relieved to be able to share at least part of my turmoil with her.
“He does. And it’s overwhelming at times.” Like pretty much all times. “Marcus is… a lot to handle.” Especially when a part of me is still wondering if it’s all a game to him, if he’ll get bored with me and move on to someone who fits his requirements better.
Grandma’s expression turns serious. “You know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, right, sweetheart?
I’m sorry if your grandfather and I came off as pushing you earlier.
Obviously, we want you settled and happy with a good man—and Marcus seems like a very good man—but if you’re not ready, you’re not ready.
Living together is a serious step, and you should take as long as you need to make your decision. His apartment won’t run away.”
“I know, but it’s not just that.” I take a breath.
“You’ve read the article; you know how wealthy he is.
Everything in his life is expensive. Just the sunglasses he was wearing today probably cost more than my monthly rent.
And he has a private jet and a butler who cooks and a housekeeping service and a company that takes care of his plants.
How do I keep up with that? How do I—” My voice cracks.
“How do I date him without turning into her ?”
Grandma tilts her head. “Ah. So that’s what this is about.
” She sighs. “I suppose I should’ve known.
Sweetheart”—she covers my hand with her warm palm—“you couldn’t be like Brianne if you tried.
Your mother… she had something broken inside her.
Something missing. It wasn’t anything we did; she was just born that way.
It took me a long time to come to terms with it, and there are nights when I still wake up in a cold sweat, thinking about it, wondering if it was my fault after all.
But she was like that always . Even as a baby, she’d steal other children’s toys with zero remorse.
” Old pain glimmers in my grandmother’s eyes.
“We didn’t know what to do. No matter how hard we tried to instill empathy in her, she only cared about what she wanted, only did what made her feel good. ”
My chest squeezes painfully. “I’m sorry, Grandma. That must’ve been so awful for you and Gramps.” I can only imagine the torment my kind, generous grandparents had gone through, watching their one and only daughter carelessly hurting people all her life.
A bittersweet smile curves Grandma’s lips.
“Awful for us? Oh, Emma, sweetheart… you’re the one who was raised by her.
And you’re sorry for us? Darling, if you needed any more proof that you’re nothing like your mother, here it is, in spades.
You have more empathy in a single nose hair than Brianne had in her entire soul. ”
I stifle a startled giggle. “A nose hair?”
“A nose hair,” Grandma says firmly. “And if you take your entire nose—well, there’s really no contest. As to the financial disparity between you and Marcus, let me ask you this… Do you care about him?”
I blink, all desire to laugh disappearing. “Yes, I do.” I am, in fact, in love with him, but I’m not ready for my grandmother to know that.
She smiles, squeezing my hand. “I thought so. The two of you remind me of your grandfather and me in our youth. The way you look at him and the way he looks at you…” For a second, she seems lost in fond memories, but then she refocuses on me, her gray gaze sharpening as the smile fades from her lips.
“Sweetheart, listen to me,” she says quietly.
“You’re nothing like Brianne. Never have been and never will be.
The issue with your mother was not that she took money from the men she dated—it was that she didn’t care about them as people.
To her, they were nothing but wallets with legs.
As long as you don’t see Marcus that way—as long as what you two have is genuine—there’s no shame in letting him spoil and indulge you…
take care of you in whichever way he wants.
Money is an obstacle only if you let it be one—so don’t let it.
Don’t let Brianne poison your life from her grave. ”