Chapter 9 Whose Fault Is It Really? #2
“I thought ye were dead,” he managed, his voice cracking altogether. “And I felt… I cannot describe how I felt. As though I’d been hollowed out. Cored like an apple.”
Senga gave a tentative smile. “But I’m not dead.”
“It was so close, Senga. If he takes ye with him, ye will be as good as dead.”
She swallowed, biting her lip. “Do ye think I don’t know that? The point is that we are here, and he didn’t take me. Ye saved me, Noah. Ye saved me.”
“Laird Murray knew about us,” Noah rasped out, head bowed.
“He said that ye had given me up out of fear. I didn’t believe him, but he locked me away that night I was supposed to meet ye.
I didn’t believe him, but when I learned that ye were gone, he said that ye had used me as a distraction so that ye could escape. ”
Senga sucked in a breath. “What?”
“I’ve thought about it over and over again since I met ye again,” he continued, voice quavering.
“I thought they would kill me. I almost wished they had, the pain was so bad. Part of the blood in the stables was mine, to be sure, but not all. I had no one to care for me, to speak for me. Sometimes I cannot quite work out how I escaped at all.”
Senga felt a rush of nausea curling in her gut. She recalled seeing a bloody handprint on one of the stall doors and wondered if it had been Noah. It must have been.
“I never betrayed ye,” she whispered, determined to say something at last.
He nodded, still not looking up. “I know now. I believed for so long that ye did, but I was a fool, wasn’t I? A fool and a coward. Our separation is my fault.”
“Who cares whose fault it is? Besides, ye are no coward, Noah.”
“No? I abandoned ye, remember? And I let ye walk into danger just now.”
Senga reached out, cupping his face in her palms, and turned it up towards herself. His gaze dragged along with it, finally landing on her face.
“I am safe,” she said, as quietly and firmly as she could. “I do not blame ye for anything. I wondered for a long time why ye never came for me, because I wouldn’t allow myself to believe that ye were dead. I… I suppose I knew, deep down, that my father had finally come between us.”
He reached up, gripping her wrists.
“I was a fool to let him,” Noah murmured fervently. “I swear, Senga, if he’d taken ye away, I’d have burned the world down to find ye.”
She laughed aloud at that, tears prickling at her eyes.
“No need. I am right here. I never betrayed ye, Noah.”
“But I did abandon ye,” he whispered. “I knew ye were alive out there, but I never tried to find ye. I believed that ye did not want to be found.”
“It doesn’t matter. I am here now. Ye are here now.”
“If he had laid a hand on ye, I would not have rested till I had cut it off.”
Senga bit back a smile. “No need. I cut his hand myself when he tried to grab me.”
“Aye, lassie, ye always could take care of yerself,” Noah laughed, shaking his head.
Senga leaned forward, resting her forehead against his. She closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath.
For a moment, they stayed like that, just being near each other.
“Ye truly thought I was dead?” she whispered.
“Aye. Dead or gone. Either way, I would not have been able to exist in a world without ye. It seems foolish that I ever believed that I could.” He gave a bitter laugh. “That’s all my life has been since ye left. An empty existence. I am nobody.”
“That’s not true. Ye are not nobody, no more than I am. Ye are not nobody to me.”
Senga opened her eyes tentatively when Noah drew back and found him watching her, his deep brown eyes heavy with meaning. Heat blossomed in her chest. She lifted her hand, stroking her fingertips across his forehead, smoothing one eyebrow with the pad of her thumb.
“I would rather not be parted again, Noah,” she whispered. “I know that ye want to forget, I know that. But I do not want to be without ye. It’s been hard enough going through life without ye at my side. I knew, even from the beginning, that I would not be able to forget, and I haven’t.”
Noah swallowed hard, shifting so that he was kneeling in front of her. He lifted his own hands to cup her cheeks, his palms rough and warm and reassuring.
“Ye will never have to forget me again,” he told her, “because I never intend to leave ye again. I will never believe lies about ye. I will spend the rest of my life making up for the years we spent apart. If… If that’s what ye want, that is.”
She gave a tearful laugh. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Noah.”
Without giving him a chance to respond, she lunged forward, fitting her lips to his.
She wrapped her arms tight around his broad shoulders and felt his hands go around her waist. She kissed him like she was drowning, and he lifted her off the chest and onto his lap, pressing her against him as if no closeness would ever be enough.
His tongue traced the seam of her lips, and Senga gave a ragged gasp, half swallowed up in their kiss.
They were obliged to pull apart to breathe, and she squeezed her eyes closed, their foreheads resting together again.
“Ye will stay with me tonight, won’t ye?” she whispered, voice cracking.
“Aye, lass, this and every other night,” Noah responded, his voice deep and heavy with desire. “Aye, I will. Nothing would tear me away. Not after all this time wasted.”
“We have no need to waste more time, eh?” she remarked, smiling. “Not anymore.”