11
Dorian woke slowly the next morning. Feeling groggy and more than a little irritated at the bright sun filtering through the dusty, cheap glass of the window near the bed.
He shifted, then stretched and sighed at the lack of pain.
Not just from his wounds, but anywhere. Gods, it had been months since he hadn’t been sore somewhere. It felt good.
His happiness faded when he realized he was alone in bed.
He lay still and listened for a moment, unsure whether he was more scared to hear or not hear Hadrian in the house.
He would understand if he left. That would probably be easier for both of them.
They both knew it was coming. Why prolong the inevitable?
But it would still hurt. More than any wound he had ever taken.
Eventually he heard Hadrian, in the well room. Then he saw him, carrying a pan of water into the kitchen. Dorian watched him quietly from the bed as he dipped the bowls they had used for every meal into the pan and used his fingers to scrub them.
“What are you doing?”
Hadrian jumped at his voice, but didn’t turn around.
“I’m washing what we used. Don’t want to just leave the stuff dirty.
That feels rude.” Dorian shook his head, but smiled.
“There’s some broth on the table. The last of what we have.
I was going to get more vegetables, but it didn’t feel necessary. ”
Dorian frowned at the cup sitting next to the bed. He didn’t have much of an appetite but he picked it up and drank. When he was done, he went to the well and gathered enough water to wash.
Hadrian was waiting for him by the bed when he got back. He looked nervous.
“What is it? Is something wrong?”
“No,” Hadrian said quickly. “I mean, yes. Sort of.” He sighed. “You are leaving—”
“So are you, I assume.”
“Yes. That’s not…I just. Sorry.”
Dorian walked closer and ducked his head so Hadrian had to look at him. “What is it?”
“I want,” he took a deep breath. “You are leaving. I am leaving. I want to be with you before…”
“Be with me?”
“I want you to fuck me, Dorian.”
Dorian opened his mouth in surprise, but nothing came out. He felt lightheaded. Probably because most of the blood was rushing places that were not his brain.
“If you don’t want to,” Hadrian stuttered. “I just thought…”
Dorian reached out and pulled him in, kissing him deeply as he inhaled everything this man was.
He smelled of simple soldier soap and apples and promises of something that was far out of his reach.
Maybe he was selfish to accept this. Maybe he was a fool knowing how tightly this would tie him, but he wanted a glimpse of that something, even just for a second.
He needed it if he was going to survive what was to come.
He pushed Hadrian back gently until he was laying on the bed and spent a long time just kissing him.
His clever mouth, his long, elegant neck, his soft curls, his smooth chest, his soft stomach.
He only stopped reluctantly to undress when Hadrian tugged at his clothes before going back to worship him with his mouth and tongue.
The sighs and moans and his name whispered in pleasure from this perfect man were all he needed to rise his blood.
“Dorian,” Hadrian moaned when he reached his inner thigh.
Dorian licked a line down his leg to his abdomen.
He was about to take him in his mouth when he moved.
“Wait,” he panted. Dorian sat back, and Hadrian reached over the side of the bed and handed him a small bottle of oil.
Dorian took it and turned it over in his hands.
“It’s just a simple oil for the skin,” Hadrian said quickly. “I keep it for healing and…whatever I might need it for. Not that I have needed it for that. This. Not recently, I mean. I have needed it before. I’m not—”
Dorian kissed him. He would never get tired of listening to this man talk, but right now, he wanted to hear other sounds from him.
Their tongues met as Hadrian opened for him and sighed into his mouth.
Dorian managed to get the top off the oil with one hand as the other found Hadrian's cock and stroked him slowly.
He coated his fingers with the oil and then sat back.
He just watched Hadrian for a moment while his big, clumsy hand pumped him. It was a mesmerizing sight.
He sat the oil back on the floor beside them and ran one finger over the sensitive spot below Hadrian's balls. He sighed and shifted, trying to get Dorian where he wanted.
“Be patient,” Dorian said.
“I was very clear about my desires,” Hadrian huffed.
“Yes, you were.”
Hadrian gasped as Dorian circled his entrance, then slowly pushed one finger inside him. He tensed around him then let out a long breath and relaxed.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes,” Hadrian said quickly. “Yes. Please don’t stop.”
Dorian worked him with one finger, then added another. Soon, Hadrian was writhing under the combination of Dorian’s fingers working him open and the slow, gentle pumping. By the time he added a third finger, Hadrian was thrusting down against his hand desperately.
“I’m ready. Please Dorian,” he moaned.
“What?” Dorian asked softly. “Tell me what you want, Hadrian.”
“Fuck me. I need you. I want you inside me. Gods, please, Dorian.”
That was all Dorian could take. He removed his fingers and took the oil again, this time coating his own cock.
Hadrian rolled over onto his hands and knees and although his bare, perfect ass waiting to be taken was a ridiculously beautiful sight, Dorian almost wished he had stayed where he was so he could take him while he looked into his eyes.
He gripped Hadrian’s hip and pushed his wet cock into him slowly.
He had to hold Hadrian in a tight grip to keep him from thrusting back and taking him too quickly.
Dorian didn’t want to hurt him, but he also didn’t think he could take things any faster without losing his mind. Hadrian felt so fucking good.
When he finally entered him fully, he leaned over and kissed Hadrian’s back.
“Alright?”
“Yes,” Hadrian sighed. “You feel so good.” He dropped his head. His arms were already trembling. “Oh, gods, Dorian. Fuck me.”
Dorian sat back up and gripped both his hips and pulled out before thrusting in again.
Hadrian raised his head and gasped as he thrust into him again and again.
Like everything when it came to Hadrian, Dorian lost the original plan quickly.
He’d wanted to be slow and romantic, draw out their one time together and make it special.
But Hadrian felt too good. The sight of him taking all of Dorian, the sounds he was making, the perfect tightness of him—it was all too much.
He thrust harder, gritting his teeth and making feral noises as he fucked Hadrian hard and fast.
Hadrian’s arms finally gave out and he collapsed onto his chest. His hands fisted in the thin sheet under them as Dorian pounded into him.
“Yes,” Hadrian cried. “Don’t stop.”
Hadrian tightened around him and it took everything Dorian had not to come at the feeling. Hadrian buried his face in the bed as his orgasm overtook him, crying out wordlessly. Finally he turned his head enough to look back at Dorian. His face was flush and sweaty and his eyes wild.
“Come in me,” he said. “I want you to come in me.”
“Fuck, Hadrian.” Dorian slammed into him, calling out his name as he released inside him. Hadrian watched him, lips parted and eyes blown wide, before he finally collapsed onto the bed. Dorian followed him down.
They lay together panting, slick and sticky. Dorian softened and slipped out of Hadrian and still they didn’t move. Dorian wanted to kiss his shoulder. He wanted to bury his face in his messy curls and breathe in one last time. He wanted to start from the beginning and worship him all over again.
But that way just led to heartbreak. This was their ending.
There could be no other way for him if Hadrian was going to have a chance at a real life.
Dorian just hoped it was a good one, wherever he ended up.
And that maybe he would think about him.
Dorian was sure there was going to be little else he thought about for the rest of his short existence.
But the longer they delayed, the more likely it was Hadrian would never get his chance. He had already risked everything for him. The best Dorian could do now was let him go without causing a fuss.
He got up slowly and went to the well and cleaned himself, then redressed in his old, bloodstained clothes. Hadrian had tried to brush them, but the rough feel of the fabric against his skin still made him cringe, and the stains only reminded him of a life that wasn’t his anymore.
Hadrian was dressed and standing by the bed when he came back out. They watched each other for a long time without saying anything.
“I—” Dorian started, then had to stop and swallow around the lump in his throat. “I should go.”
“What if you didn’t?” Hadrian asked.
“I can’t stay here, Hadrian.”
“No. I know. I mean, what if we did? What if you did, but I went too? What if you didn’t go…without me?”
“No,” Dorian said roughly. “You can’t come with me.”
“Why—”
“You know why. I don’t have anywhere to go. I’ll be hunted. It isn’t safe.”
“That is my fault.”
“It doesn’t matter. You saved my life. You did the right thing. You can still go home and have a life.”
“I don’t want that. I don’t want… I don’t know what I want. Just not—”
“Well I know what I want,” Dorian said, making for the door. “I want you to live. I want you to have a life that isn’t hiding in abandoned houses and freezing to death or worse. I want you to see gardens again.”
“Fuck the gardens. I don’t want to go home if it means leaving you behind—” Hadrian stopped, eyes going wide.
Dorian froze with his hand on the door as he heard what Hadrian already had. Voices outside the house. Close. Close enough there was no way they hadn’t heard them.
“Go out the window,” Dorian said quietly. There wasn’t much point in that now, but at least he could get Hadrian to safety.
“What?”
“Go out the window. I’ll go outside and draw their attention.”
“Are you insane? If they are magic users, they’ll kill you.”
“And if they are rebels they will kill us both,” he hissed.
“You go out the window,” Hadrian said. “I’ll draw them. At least I have a 50/50 chance of surviving.”
“There is no way in hell I am letting you do that.”
“And there is no way in hell I’m letting you die for me,” Hadrian growled.
Dorian felt close to tears. He knew, without a doubt, Hadrian would never take the smart way out of this, no matter how idiotic it was. There was no way he could keep him safe. He was too stubborn and too brave.
Dorian hated and loved him for that.
If he had to die, at least he was going to die knowing what it meant to be loved.