Chapter 18
Payton
W hat have I done?
I refuse to meet Rhyland’s gaze to see the regret he must be feeling to have let things get out of hand.
His brain must have caught up to his body and realized he was making out with me.
His body acted on instinct. I shouldn’t take it personally.
I never should have crossed that line with him.
God, please let us get past this and not make things awkward.
I would hate to have to move out because I couldn’t keep my hormones under control.
I can feel the heat from my cheeks, but I’m not sure if it’s from being turned on or from embarrassment.
Pressing my palms against his chest, I try to push off his lap to put space between us, but his hands grip my hips firmly.
“No,” he states. “Whatever you are thinking, that’s not what’s going on.”
Am I that transparent that he can read my thoughts?
“Payton, I want this. I want you.” He presses his covered erection up against my pussy, and I let out another whimper. His lips turn upward in a devilish smirk. “Never doubt that.”
“I don’t understand, then. What’s the problem?” My hands glide up his chest and link behind his neck, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck that are still damp from his shower.
Rhyland reaches back and takes my hands in his, pulling them first to his mouth and pressing a kiss to them—holy fucking swoon—before settling them between us.
I expect him to let them go, but he doesn’t.
That has to mean something, right? Unless he really just wants to hold my hand to let me down gently.
“It has been torture with you being so close and not being able to touch you.” There’s a sincerity and strain in his voice that has me questioning everything.
“You can touch me now.” I kiss him quickly.
“Tease,” he mutters against my lips. “But we need to talk. There’s a lot that has unfolded in the last twenty-four hours, and I think we need to talk about and put it out there so there is nothing hanging between us.”
I nod because he’s right, even if I would rather keep kissing him. “Should I?” I motion with my hands to move over to another cushion.
“No, but here.” Rhyland adjusts me so I’m on his lap but no longer straddling him.
Silence fills the air. Is he going to start, or should I? Hell, where do I even begin? I watch Rhy as he tries to process those same thoughts.
He is the first to break the silence. “The first thing I need to know is if that dickhead hurt you.”
“Joel?”
He shakes his head. “No, that guy you went out with last night. I need to know that he didn’t hurt you at all.
I have to be honest and tell you it took a shit ton of restraint to not call Sara Beth and find out where that fucker was and demand he tell me what the fuck he did that made you act like that when you got home.
If it wasn’t for my concern for you and Gabby, I would have. ”
My mouth falls open slightly in shock. I guess my memories of Rhyland that I recalled were after I got home.
“Of course not. He—” I look away, ashamed of how I let what happened get to me.
Rhyland tips my chin so I’m forced to look at him again. “Talk to me, okay? I’m not here to judge, just to listen.”
“Nixon was nice, but when Sara Beth and Jer were out on the dance floor, we got to talking. Sara Beth failed to mention that I was a single mom, well, obviously that I was single, but not the fact that I was a mom. And his reaction was…” I let out a curt laugh, now that I think about it.
“Well, let’s just say his reaction was to get away from me as soon as possible.
Sara Beth convinced me to stay awhile and to forget about him.
Last time I saw him, he was kissing some redhead in the dark corner.
I guess that whole situation just sent me down a dark rabbit hole of thoughts that I had no chance of climbing out of. ”
I rub my palm along Rhyland’s jaw, trying to ease the tension I can see from there. If his jaw were any tighter, I’d be worried that he might crack a tooth. Thankfully, he leans into my touch as if it calms him.
“That explains the rambling. It killed me, Pay. You weren’t coherent enough to tell me what happened. And it’s probably a good thing because I definitely would have sought him out, and then maybe I’d have worse hands.” He holds up his bruised fists, and I press a soft kiss to the broken skin.
“Do I even want to know what I was rambling on about?” I joke, trying to ease the tension, but my stomach drops as I wait for him to go on.
“You brought up Joel.” Oh no. I bury my head in the crook of his neck.
“It’s okay. You mentioned how he broke your trust, and your marriage felt crowded, and that he ruined all your chances of being happy.
I hated that guy already, but as I watched you upset over him, the hatred only grew.
And then it was as if the worlds had all aligned because, for some fucking crazy reason, he showed up at Tilley’s.
When your brother mentioned he was there, something in me snapped.
As I threw the first punch, I saw you and Gabby in my head. ”
Tears fill my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. They’re not tears of sadness, but I’m overwhelmed by the situation.
I stare blankly at him, unsure even how to respond.
He continues. “But none of what you said is true. I mean, it makes a lot more sense now, knowing what led to those thoughts, but fuck those guys, you’re perfect.
And God, I hope that one day you can trust someone with your heart again.
You deserve to have a man worship the ground you walk on.
You deserve to have a man who sees your worth.
Someone who puts you first, protects you, sends you your favorite food without you asking him just because he wants to take care of you.
A real man will do anything to put a smile on your face.
He won’t be able to keep from touching you.
It will literally kill him to keep his hands to himself.
” Rhyland’s fingers dance along my spine, causing me to shiver.
“The only time he should make you cry is when you cry out in pleasure.”
My breath hitches.
“I meant what I said. I want you, and I want this. That guy I mentioned just now, I want to be that guy for you. I want to be there for you and for Gabby.”
His smile drops at my silence. But I don’t know what to say. I mean, how does someone even follow that?
“Unless I literally thought all this wrong and you don’t feel the same.”
I finally snap out of the haze this man has put me in.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” My voice rises more than I intended, and he chuckles.
“I’ve had feelings for you for longer than I will ever admit.
” His brow arches, and I press my lips together as if to say, Nope, I’ll never tell.
“Even in my wildest dreams did I ever think you could or would ever reciprocate them? But I’ll be honest.” I take a few deep breaths.
“I’m terrified to act on those feelings because of who you are and who you’ve become to me.
You’re so important. You know, you’re more than just my brother’s best friend, always have been.
Recently, you’ve become my rock and are so amazing with Gabby.
I have to think about her, too. If we don’t work out, I’m not the only one who gets hurt.
It’ll also be my daughter, and she’s the most important thing in my life, and she’s already been through so much in her brief life. ”
“I’d never do anything intentionally to hurt her—either of you, for that matter.
And even if we didn’t work out, you know I will always be here.
Nothing will change between us. I will still be here in her life.
I will still be here for both of you. No matter what.
That I can promise you. What do you say, Pay?
Take a chance on me? Take a chance on us? ”
“Yes,” I whisper, and he grabs the back of my neck, hauling my mouth to his. Our kiss ends too quickly, and I settle in against his chest. I love the feeling of safety his arms offer.
“Can I ask one thing, though?”
“Have you not realized that there’s not much I won’t give you, Payton?”
My smile widens, and I hope that’s true.
“Can we keep this—us—between us, though?” Rhyland’s body tenses.
“I’m not trying to hide it, but if you haven’t noticed, my life is a bit of a hot mess right now, and I don’t want anyone’s judgment.
Not that I think folks would judge us, but I just want to have this moment—me and you—while we explore where this goes. ”
“Do I want to shout from the rooftops that you’re my girl? Maybe buy some ad space over on Bridge Street to announce it to the world?” We both laugh at his dramatics. “But I will respect your wishes, and we can go at any speed you need. Okay?”
Instead of answering, I snuggle further into his chest. I can’t believe this is real. We continue to kiss more throughout the evening and only go as far as fondling over my bra. When I struggle to fight back a yawn mid-kiss, Rhyland can’t hold back his laughter.
“Why don’t we get you into bed?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t want to be away from you.”
His lips twitch. “Who said you were going to bed alone? I want to hold you tonight, all because I can.”
With one last deep kiss, I rise from his lap and hold my hand out.
The smile on his face has me rather weak in the knees as he takes my hand in his.
I lead him up to my bed, where I fall asleep in Rhyland’s arms. The last thing I recall before drifting off is Rhy pressing a kiss to the back of my head and whispering, “Sweet dreams.”
There’s no need to dream because no dream could be any better than this reality.