Chapter 22 Letters #2
In the way of guilt, I doubt this will be of any comfort, but it does get easier.
I’m certain you were hoping for a more concrete answer, but the truth is, I cannot give you that.
What I can give is the assurance that you don’t have to fight this alone.
But with that said, if you are having second thoughts, I need to know immediately.
Please don’t shield me from your feelings.
-BH
18 August 1779
Dear Apollo,
Apologies for the delayed letter. I’ve been absolutely distraught by the disarray in town, and needed time to process.
Earlier this week, I happened upon a crowd gathered on Chatham Row.
A man was being flogged. His crime, I learned, was for being out past curfew the night prior, and several officers were making an example of his disobedience.
I left soon after, seeing how I couldn’t bear the sight of those deep, grotesque stripes upon his back.
As if that were not enough, I later heard about a merchant being murdered right in his shop, simply for asking a royal officer to pay what he was owed.
It is intolerable, Captain! Have things always been so cruel, or had I purposely put on blinders to avoid seeing the king’s cause as anything but exemplary?
Mind you, patriots are no saints. There is plenty of violence from their end, as well, but seeing how I am in a loyalist area, the hatred against rebels is far more rampant.
Thank you for the much-needed distraction of discussing books. I assure you, I’ll be happy to compile a list for your perusal. Give me some time. I want to ensure you receive the very best!
Affectionately Yours,
Clara
[Hidden correspondence]
I’ve realized this evil is normal now, and the only way to combat it, to stop it, is to aid in your fight. So yes, as much as it pains me, I will continue helping you. Ending this bloodshed is far more important than my discomfort.
In regards to events worthy of note, the British are searching every man, woman, and child leaving Manhattan.
I’ve heard talk amongst the officers that there is suspicion of espionage on the route your courier(s?) take, though it’s unclear how this information has been obtained.
It seems some redcoats found critical evidence during a raid, but to what extent, I cannot be sure.
Because of this, I implore your couriers to use caution.
If they are apprehended in the city, they’d assuredly hang.
Just so you know, I have still been burning your letters and creating decoys, just in case Father needs to see them.
Please take care of yourself, Ben. Stay safe.
P.S. Against my better judgment, I must reciprocate your sentiments. Please be sure to pass on my affections to your father. I miss him terribly.
-CB
29 August 1779
Dear Clara,
I’ll never gloat, nor rub your face into what I have already known.
If nothing else, this war has despaired me to the human condition, of what evils we are capable…
myself included. I’ve harmed, maimed, stolen, and killed in this battle for our nation’s independence, and I pray I will be forgiven my trespasses.
I once told you I am doing this for God’s glory, but now I’m not sure.
What if I am doing it for my own? For vengeance?
With that said, I am aggrieved you’ve discovered this truth so harshly. It seems that man, no matter how bolstered by the will of God, can still be prone to evil. I pray this is not the case for myself.
In the way of books, I love to read. I always have, and I always will. Though when it comes to your selection, I trust you can understand my reluctance. At least try and throw in something scholarly, if you wouldn’t mind?
Most Affectionately Yours,
Apollo
[Hidden correspondence]
Just to be wise, I implore you to wait at least one month to write. Hopefully by then, the British checkpoints will be far less aggressive. On the positive side of matters, that should give you ample time to create a list of books.
I also intend to stay safe. I need to prove once and for all that I am not a prude, and in order to do that, I need to be alive.
Although it may not be of any real comfort, the British won’t come for me here in Freyview.
Even if they discovered I am your source, and not “Apollo” from the Continental encampment, they would need me to stay in the field, seeing how I’m more likely to give away valuable intelligence unawares, rather than by force.
The true man in danger would be your father since it’d appear he is shielding me.
For his sake (and my couriers’), I will exercise more caution.
This is our final correspondence, at least for now. Despite my better judgment, I am going to miss you.
-BH
16 December 1779
Dear Apollo,
I wanted to write you in time for the holiday.
Seeing how you are a preacher’s boy, I imagine your home must be teeming with visitors.
How is your father? He never got to show me his garden, and from time to time, I find myself daydreaming about how it must look.
Before Mother became a drunken stain on society, she tended to a garden of her very own.
I believe it granted her a sense of purpose, because once Father demanded our servants take over—he deemed it improper for a lady—she withered away and became a shell of the woman she once was.
I used to help her with the planting, if you could believe it.
I didn’t tell your father, for fear of overstepping, but should he ever need a hand, I can lend my aid quite well.
I’ve heard you are rather gifted with gardening, yourself, and with roses, specifically.
Although I don’t wish to dwell upon sad things this holiday season, something you wrote stood out to me: vengeance. Vengeance for what? Who has wronged you? Donnelly and Major Yates are dead, so surely you are not still thinking of them?
Forgive the aforementioned. I know I can be meddlesome, but hopefully that won’t sour you to my recommended books list. Yes, I finally compiled it!
And I included a book in this very parcel.
Do you like it? Charlotte refused her copy of Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure, so I am sending it to you.
Here’s your chance to prove once and for all that you are not a prude. Merry Christmas!
Recommended Books for a Prude:
- The School of Venus by Michel Millot
- Thérèse the Philosopher by Jean-Baptiste de Boyer d’Argens
- Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe
- The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
- The Libertine Parnassus, an anthology by multiple authors
I hope you will enjoy these erotic glimpses into the human condition. You requested something scholarly, but truly, what is more educational than sex, the very act that fuels us into existence? Fear not, Apollo! It’s not all debauchery…depending upon whom you ask.
Affectionately Yours,
Clara
[Hidden correspondence]
Although I still don’t feel safe writing to you, I couldn’t hold off any longer. Not only because I miss your bumbling letters (and I mean that with the sincerest of affection), but because within these past few weeks, I’ve befriended a young captain who’s divulged some unsettling news.
Apparently, the British believe you rebels cannot withstand another campaign; not just because of your small troop numbers, but because American currency will soon be entirely depreciated.
He bragged how the British have procured the same paper used by the Continental Congress.
As of now, they are counterfeiting our money and spreading it en masse with the hopes of economic collapse.
I must confess, I am not well-versed in monetary issues, but I know enough to realize this is a dangerous and ingenious plot.
I pray you’ll alert your superiors in time.
In spite of all this bleakness, I hope you and your father have a merry Christmas. Hug Josiah for me, won’t you?
-CB
2 January 1780
Dear Clara,
Thank you for the book…even if the book, itself, is far from appropriate.
I actually took so long because I wished to finish the novel and give a sound report.
Although it wouldn’t normally take me a sennight (and then some) to read this, I had to keep hiding it to spare Father, and myself, the embarrassment.
Despite my shock, I found myself sympathizing, and even empathizing with Fanny Hill.
She valued her virtue and didn’t wish to give it to just anyone.
I imagine you’re laughing at me as you read this, but I very much believe the same.
I know we’ve had our lapses in the past, and that I allowed you to introduce me to bodily pleasure, but in spite of my prior claim, I do not regret a single moment.
I trust you. I admire and respect and hold the highest of affections for you, and therefore, couldn’t think of anyone more worthy of my desires.
Forgive me for speaking out of turn. Evidently, it seems my innermost thoughts have become loosened, much like poor Fanny Hill’s morals.
In the way of Christmas, I am afraid there isn’t much to report. With funds tight and provisions tighter still, we did very little other than worship. Regardless, I thank you for thinking of us. Feel free to regale me with your own holiday.
Devotedly Yours,
Apollo
[Hidden correspondence]
Thank you for the report. I’ve since forwarded this information along through Amos, who has informed me that Washington is aware and has written Congress.
Whether or not they act is in God’s hands.
I know you’ll be scornful, but you are assuredly a patriot at heart.
I thank you with my entire soul for thinking of the colonies.
P.S. Father was delighted to receive your hug. He hopes you will accept this written phrase as one of his own.
-BH
11 January 1780
Dear Apollo,