Chapter 7 Zaria #2
“Has him in what sense?” Fletcher’s confusion was palpable. “Like, as a hostage?”
“Yes. Well, not exactly. I’m not sure.” Zaria proceeded to describe the ultimatum Ward had given George, and when Fletcher indicated his knowledge of it, she went on to describe what had happened at Mirko’s last night.
Her heart clenched merely relaying it aloud.
How many hours had Jules already been gone?
She was failing him. She had failed him, and it made her sick.
“It’s all my fault, Fletcher. Kane wouldn’t give a damn about some threat Ward made to Jules’s father if he wasn’t so angry with me for double-crossing him.
He knows how much I care about Jules. He knows this is the easiest way to make me suffer.
The thing is, Jules doesn’t deserve to suffer alongside me. None of this is his fault.”
Fletcher uncrossed his legs. The light from the dying fireplace played in the strands of his hair, casting it in gilded patches that shifted when he moved his head. “So Kane has Jules working for him now.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Well, he didn’t kill him. That’s something. Still, it’s not a great time to join a kingpin’s crew. A change of leadership always results in some rockiness.”
“Thanks,” Zaria snapped. “That makes me feel a whole lot better.”
Fletcher shrugged, reminding her that despite his milder disposition, he was as much a criminal as Kane.
In his world, people died all the time. “It’s just the truth.
Quite a few people aren’t happy about Kane taking over.
There was even a plan to dispose of him, though I understand he dealt with that fairly effectively. ”
Right. That was the bloody scene Maisie must have been referring to last night. “How do you know all this?”
He shot her a disbelieving glance. “I was part of the crew, Zaria. Did you think Kane was the only other member I knew?”
“Sort of,” she admitted. “Neither of you ever mentioned anyone else.”
“I wasn’t exactly popular, being the only Irish Catholic.
” The curve of his mouth was bitter amusement as he traced a finger over his scar.
“And as you know, Kane was Ward’s favorite, so the others were either terrified of him or hated him.
He was friendly with a handful of members—which meant so was I, by association—but that’s about it. ”
“I take it you’re no longer involved.”
Fletcher shrugged again. This time, however, the action wasn’t quite as blasé. “Everything Kane did was to try and ensure I wouldn’t have to be part of the crew any longer. Well, he’s got his wish; I’m done with it.”
“But you miss him.”
“What difference does it make? I trusted him. Believed I was the one person he would never lie to, no matter the circumstances, and he let me think it. He was bargaining with my life, Zaria, and I’m sure it wasn’t the first time.
I was just too stupid to ever suspect a thing.
” Fletcher’s voice was lower now, rueful.
“I’m supposed to be a con man, yet I can’t tell when I’m being played.
So it doesn’t matter how much I miss him, because I’m only missing the person I thought he was. ”
“I’m not saying you should feel otherwise.” Zaria knew when to backpedal, but inwardly she deflated. She needed Fletcher. Had he truly washed his hands of the boy who had been his brother in all but blood?
“I told you this would happen,” he said. “I knew Kane would come untethered after killing Ward. You should have been more careful.”
“I was careful. What else was I supposed to do? Go into hiding?”
“You could have tried not angering him in the first place.”
Despite herself, Zaria’s temper stirred. “Thank you so much for the genius advice.”
“How about you just tell me exactly what it is you came here for?” Fletcher said, his nostrils flaring in barely concealed frustration. “Then we can be done with each other.”
Zaria couldn’t help it—she gave a short laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“I actually came here hoping you would take me to Kane.”
There was a moment during which Fletcher only blinked, gauging whether or not she was serious. Eventually he blew out a breath, scrubbing at his clean-shaven jaw. “Mallacht Dé ort. God curse you, Zaria. Why would you want that?”
“You know why,” she said. “He has Jules, Fletcher. I don’t know where to find him, but you do. You’re the only person who can help me.”
Fletcher’s laugh was incredulous. “And why would I want to do that? You almost got me killed.”
“Do you think that was an easy choice to make? It was your life, or mine and Jules’s. What the hell was I supposed to do?”
“Gee, I don’t know. Maybe not decide to get me killed?”
“I didn’t think that was an option!” Zaria’s voice rose, frustration making it sharp.
She couldn’t bear being misunderstood, and lately, every conversation felt like trying to explain herself in a foreign language.
“If the situation were reversed—if you had to choose between saving me or Kane—would you have spared me a single thought? At least I felt terrible about it, which I suspect is more than you or Kane could say about your plan to double-cross me. We all made difficult choices, and none of our options were good.”
Fletcher’s jaw twitched as he mulled that over, seemingly biting the inside of his cheek.
The thing about Fletcher Collins, Zaria knew, was that he was reasonable.
He had learned to be, in this city where people hated him for no reason other than the place of his birth and the lilt of his accent.
In a world where he by all rights should have become as harsh and angry as Kane, Fletcher was thoughtful. Measured.
“Here’s the crux of it,” he said finally. “I know what you’re saying makes sense. But my feelings aside, I don’t think going after Kane would be a good idea for either of us.”
Zaria forced her tapping foot to freeze. Hopelessness dug a pit in her stomach. “Please, Fletcher. At the very least, just tell me where to find him. I’ll figure the rest out on my own.”
“No, you won’t.” He rested his chin in one palm, sighing as if she’d just placed the weight of the world on his shoulders. “If Kane’s where I suspect he is, you won’t make it anywhere near that place by yourself.”
“Do you really think he’d kill me?”
Fletcher hesitated for a beat, which wasn’t overly comforting. “I doubt it. But someone else might.”
“And they won’t kill you?”
“It’s far less likely.” His voice held a note of grim amusement.
“I’ll come with you. Not because you’re forgiven, mind you, but because I respect how much you care about your friend.
Well, that, and I don’t want your blood on my hands when you inevitably make your way there regardless.
” Another heavy sigh. “Kane overstepped when he went after Jules. So if you want safe passage into the jaws of the beast, I’ll provide it. ”
Zaria exhaled, the incessant rattle of her heart seeming to ebb for the first time all day. “Thank you. I know you have no reason to help either of us, and I appreciate it. No matter what your motivations are.”
“Don’t mention it,” Fletcher grunted, then stood without making eye contact, ambling over to the nearby table and pouring himself a drink from the decanter there. “Need to loosen up a bit,” he muttered over his shoulder. “Want one?”
She shook her head. Now that she’d gotten a better look at him, standing in the pale sunlight of the tall window by the door, she realized his complexion had a grayish undertone. His blank gaze was fixed on the wall as he raised the glass to his lips.
“Fletcher?” she said, unable to help herself.
“Yeah?”
“You haven’t truly been busy, have you?”
He let his drink swish to the rim and then back again, that facade of indifference fracturing.
“No,” he admitted. “I haven’t done a damned thing.
I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been alone since I first arrived in London.
I told you how I’d just given up searching for my sister when Kane and I crossed paths.
” A wry grin pulled at the corners of his mouth.
“You know, I hated Ward. Hated what we did in his name. At the same time, though… I had a purpose. I’m sure it sounds absurd to you, but that’s part of the reason I was so angry Kane bargained for my freedom without consulting me.
I don’t know what to do with freedom. It sounds great in theory, but nobody stops to think about what it actually looks like.
Do I get a factory job? Apply at the docks?
Make my way back to Ireland? Get married to someone I don’t love? ”
“You could,” Zaria said staunchly. She was taken aback by his admissions—this boy with whom she’d had only a single one-on-one conversation before now. “You could do any of those things, or none of them. Freedom means having options.”
“Sometimes I think it’s too late for me to live a regular life. Too late for me to want it.”
Now that, Zaria understood. The idea of freedom may have been different to her, but similarly, it didn’t involve any of the usual affairs.
She’d never thought much of having a husband to provide for her, a household to manage, or children to wrangle.
Weren’t those the things she was meant to want?
Was that not the ideal trajectory of a woman’s life? “I don’t think I want it, either.”
Fletcher hunched his shoulders, setting down his glass with clinking finality. “I’m a fool if I forgive Kane. And yet every part of me wants to, if only so I don’t have to be alone like this.”
His voice cracked on the last word, and Zaria’s heart cracked along with it. She didn’t know how to respond, what to do. She wasn’t the right person to hear this, and yet it was painfully obvious that Fletcher needed to say it to anyone who might listen.
“You don’t have to forgive him today,” she pointed out. “Maybe it can go on your someday list.”
He shot her a curious look, and she was quick to clarify.
“When I was growing up, Cecile—yes, the woman Kane got killed—used to weather my impatience by telling me to make a list of somedays. A list of things I wanted but that I couldn’t do or have quite yet.
Rather than dismiss them as impossibilities, she told me to add them to the list. To turn my can’ts into not yets.
I suppose it sounds silly, but it made me feel like I was putting my hopes somewhere significant until the time was right.
” Heat touched Zaria’s cheeks. “You don’t have to choose between forgiving Kane now or never.
You can simply set it aside. Add it to the list until you’re ready to look at it more closely. ”
Fletcher tipped his chin, appearing to think on that. Then he nodded. “Why am I not surprised to learn you were an impatient child?”
She scoffed. “Never mind.”
“I’m only kidding.” A pause. “I like it—that way of thinking about things. Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
He picked up his glass once more, raising it to her in a mock toast, then downed what remained of the amber liquid. “Let’s go tempt fate, shall we?”
Zaria feigned lifting an invisible drink in return. “I can hardly wait.”